Disclaimer- I do not own Veronica Mars. I really wish I did because then I could write scripts and keep it on air for another couple years, Not to mention I could cast myself as the only one whom Cassidy loves but that's.. Not. Going. To happen. –Bursts into tears-
A/N- Here is a look into in the mind of a teen psychopath who hates everyone. His family, Woody Goodman, and Veronica Mars. himself. The chapters are short. For now their diary entries but may turn into real time chapters which will be longer in length. Enjoy :D
Spring 2004
I feel alone. Like there is no one on earth that feels the same way I do and there's no one on earth that I can relate to. All that love in the air that people claim to feel for each other just isn't there, no matter how much I try to feel it. It started a couple years ago in little league. Before that, everything was cheerful. Everything was so bright to me back then. I had crushes on girls. I was a normal kid. The coach was cool at first, but he took an unsavory interest in me and two other players on the team that I know of. It damaged me. It scarred me. He's never been caught for it. For now, that's good. I don't want to know what my brother will say or do if he finds out. My father will never look at me the same way again. Not to mention my brother and my dad go out of their way to make me upset anyway.
Lilly Kane was found dead yesterday. No one has a clue who did it… yet. Lilly was cool. She used to come over with Logan and Duncan all the time. She and I were friends to an extent. She knew I was hurting. She stuck up for me when she thought that Dick had gone too far. Whoever smashed her head in was sick. I'm not sad that she died. I probably would be if I could feel something.
I'm numb right now. Unfeeling. I just want to feel. Feel anything. Like love or something other than numbness. I hate it. I have to pretend that I care about girls. I have to pretend to be a sex driven teenage boy that wants nothing more than girls' ass. It kills me inside because pretending is tiring. Every time I say something sexist, its like I'm ten times closer to gaining respect from my brother. Like it proves to him I'm a man or something. It's unnatural sure, but if it leads to less verbal abuse from him and dad than its worth it.
My freshman year ends on Friday. Maybe this how all Freshmen feel.
Shelley's party is this Saturday. Sean Frederich came over and told us that he has GHB. Dick is planning to give it to Madyson. Gross. He's also planning to get me laid that night. Great. I mean I really can't wait. This could make or break my ways of gaining respect from my family.