Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. I am simply using (and
debatably abusing) them for a little while. :)
Additional Disclaimer: This plot belongs as much to me as it does to my sister, Pie, so I dedicate this to her, for, without her, it would not exist.
A/N: I love Legolas just as much as the next girl, except maybe for Mandé, but it is quite amusing to portray him as a dumb blonde. You know it is.
Dumb Blonde
(Otherwise Known As: Middle Earth Meets Scream)
Early one Friday morning in late June, the telephone began to ring in The Shire, in the living room of a small house known as Bag's End.
"Hello?" asked Legolas, an elf with long, blonde hair.
"Hello, Legolas," said the voice on the other end.
"Hi!" said Legolas enthusiastically.
"Are you alone in the house?" asked the voice.
"Umm, like, no," said Legolas.
"Do you want to die tonight, Legolas?"
"Ummm, no?" he responded. "Like, who is this?"
"The person who is coming to kill you. Don't forget to set your alarm," hissed the voice.
"But I don't know HOW to set the alarm! That's like, not my job," squealed Legolas.
"You're going to die tonight, Legolas." A clicking noise followed.
"Wow, you sounded JUST LIKE a phone hanging up! Hello? Oh, you DID hang up!" said Legolas.
"Who was that?" asked Merry, a hobbit who lived in The Shire with his best friend, Pippin, both of whom were also in the living room with Legolas, and a man named Boromir. They all lived together in the house of another hobbit named Frodo. Nobody knew why. They just did.
"Oh, some guy who said he wanted to kill me tonight," said Legolas.
"WHAT?" asked Merry.
"What?" asked Legolas.
"Didn't you watch Scream on DVD with us last night?" he asked.
"Ya, but I wasn't like, paying ATTENTION or anything!" exclaimed Legolas.
"Some guy wants to kill you, Legolas," explained Merry.
"Who wants to kill Legolas?" asked Frodo, coming in to the room, his unnaturally blue eyes glancing piercingly from side to side.
"Some guy just called me. He said he wanted to kill me," reported Legolas.
"Like in Scream?" asked Frodo.
"Ya. But I won't worry because he only killed people when they were alone," said Legolas.
"Omigosh, I'm late for my date – I mean, my social engagement with Sam," exclaimed Frodo as he raced out the door.
"Whoa, I have to go to gymnastics practice," said Boromir, leaving too.
"My play rehearsal!" Merry left too.
"I have a singing lesson!" said Pippin.
"Wait! Take me with you!" cried Legolas. "Don't leave me alone in this house!"
"But Leggy, they won't let you in," said Pippin.
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeee!" pleaded Legolas.
"Well, I guess …" Pippin trailed off.
"Thanks SO SO SO much!" exclaimed Legolas as he ran off to get his Gucci tunic.
Sighing, Pippin left for his singing lesson.
"La la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," sang Legolas.
"You have talent," said the teacher, who was none other than the famous Bilbo Baggins himself. "You have considered the singing lesson, no?"
"Really!?" exclaimed Legolas. "I'd like, LOVE to take singing."
The two boys walked home. On the way, they ran into Merry and Boromir.
"Hey, what up guys?" asked Pippin.
"Nothing much. Hey, look! Over there! Isn't that Frodo and Sam?" asked Boromir. It was, but everyone was soon regretting having looked. In fact, they were all pretty sure they had just witnessed something illegal. The violation of Police Code 311, to be exact. But anyway.
"Let's go over and say hi!" exclaimed Legolas. He ran over to the couple, who had made themselves … presentable again. "HI HI HI HI HI!"
They all came over and were soon chatting amiably, when Legolas began raising his hand. "Ummm, guys? Umm, like, GUYS?"
"What?" asked Frodo, a little annoyed.
"Umm, who's that guy coming up to us with that big knife and a mask?" Legolas asked confusedly.
"Ahh!" Everyone else began screaming.
"What?" asked Legolas.
"That's the KILLER!" screamed Merry.
"Omigosh! Wait, you're joking, right?" queried Legolas.
"No!" exclaimed Merry as he began running down the block. Everybody but Legolas and Sam followed. He was staring, terrified, at the looming black figure.
Suddenly, Sam was running too. So Legolas followed. But then the killer caught Sam! After briefly disposing of him, by first giving him a paper cut then scaring him to death by showing him a picture of George W. naked, he disappeared behind some bushes.
The others heard Legolas scream, and ran over to where he stood.
"No!" screamed Frodo when he came back and discovered Sam's body. He fell to his knees, and began sobbing.
"Oh, Frodo, I am so sorry," said Boromir, coming over to hug the boy.
"If somebody is after my ring of power, why not come after me? Why come after Sam?" he wailed.
"You have a ring of power?" asked Pippin.
"THE ring of power," responded Frodo.
"Why didn't you tell us? We probably could have pawned it off and made some serious dough off of it," said Pippin.
"You moron, you don't pawn off the ring of power, dude, we have to keep Sauron from getting it," said Frodo.
"Is it a flying Sauron that we don't want to give the ring too?" asked Legolas.
"You mean saucer," said Boromir. "Hey, can I have the ring?"
"Dude, no," responded Frodo. The two then proceeded to get into a rather rowdy fight.
"So anyway, Sam's body is lying here," said Merry.
"This is awful! Terrible! The worst thing that's ever happened!" moaned Legolas.
"Yes, I know. We will all suffer from Sam's demise," said Merry poetically.
"I like, wasn't talking about THAT," said Legolas.
"What then?" asked Merry.
"The blood from Sam's paper cut totally stained by $900 Gucci tunic!" Legolas began to cry.
"You're ticked because of the TUNIC?" asked Merry incredulously.
"YES!" wept Legolas.
"No time for tears," said Boromir, who had by now completed the fistfight, having roughed Frodo up a bit, but he had emerged without the ring.
"Like, why NOT?" asked Legolas.
"Because the killer is right behind you!" cried Boromir.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Sorry to leave it off at such and odd, and most likely frustrating conclusion, but my sister and I story-boarded the whole thing out already, so the plot is finished, but I'm too lazy to type it all up right now. Plus, the story did not have a really good breaking point in it, it contains a unity of time (go Aristotle!), which makes it difficult to divide, and again I apologize. In conclusion, this story is done as far as plot goes, so if you want to find out what happens, who lives, and who the killer is, review! Please? :)
Additional Disclaimer: This plot belongs as much to me as it does to my sister, Pie, so I dedicate this to her, for, without her, it would not exist.
A/N: I love Legolas just as much as the next girl, except maybe for Mandé, but it is quite amusing to portray him as a dumb blonde. You know it is.
Dumb Blonde
(Otherwise Known As: Middle Earth Meets Scream)
Early one Friday morning in late June, the telephone began to ring in The Shire, in the living room of a small house known as Bag's End.
"Hello?" asked Legolas, an elf with long, blonde hair.
"Hello, Legolas," said the voice on the other end.
"Hi!" said Legolas enthusiastically.
"Are you alone in the house?" asked the voice.
"Umm, like, no," said Legolas.
"Do you want to die tonight, Legolas?"
"Ummm, no?" he responded. "Like, who is this?"
"The person who is coming to kill you. Don't forget to set your alarm," hissed the voice.
"But I don't know HOW to set the alarm! That's like, not my job," squealed Legolas.
"You're going to die tonight, Legolas." A clicking noise followed.
"Wow, you sounded JUST LIKE a phone hanging up! Hello? Oh, you DID hang up!" said Legolas.
"Who was that?" asked Merry, a hobbit who lived in The Shire with his best friend, Pippin, both of whom were also in the living room with Legolas, and a man named Boromir. They all lived together in the house of another hobbit named Frodo. Nobody knew why. They just did.
"Oh, some guy who said he wanted to kill me tonight," said Legolas.
"WHAT?" asked Merry.
"What?" asked Legolas.
"Didn't you watch Scream on DVD with us last night?" he asked.
"Ya, but I wasn't like, paying ATTENTION or anything!" exclaimed Legolas.
"Some guy wants to kill you, Legolas," explained Merry.
"Who wants to kill Legolas?" asked Frodo, coming in to the room, his unnaturally blue eyes glancing piercingly from side to side.
"Some guy just called me. He said he wanted to kill me," reported Legolas.
"Like in Scream?" asked Frodo.
"Ya. But I won't worry because he only killed people when they were alone," said Legolas.
"Omigosh, I'm late for my date – I mean, my social engagement with Sam," exclaimed Frodo as he raced out the door.
"Whoa, I have to go to gymnastics practice," said Boromir, leaving too.
"My play rehearsal!" Merry left too.
"I have a singing lesson!" said Pippin.
"Wait! Take me with you!" cried Legolas. "Don't leave me alone in this house!"
"But Leggy, they won't let you in," said Pippin.
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeee!" pleaded Legolas.
"Well, I guess …" Pippin trailed off.
"Thanks SO SO SO much!" exclaimed Legolas as he ran off to get his Gucci tunic.
Sighing, Pippin left for his singing lesson.
"La la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," sang Legolas.
"You have talent," said the teacher, who was none other than the famous Bilbo Baggins himself. "You have considered the singing lesson, no?"
"Really!?" exclaimed Legolas. "I'd like, LOVE to take singing."
The two boys walked home. On the way, they ran into Merry and Boromir.
"Hey, what up guys?" asked Pippin.
"Nothing much. Hey, look! Over there! Isn't that Frodo and Sam?" asked Boromir. It was, but everyone was soon regretting having looked. In fact, they were all pretty sure they had just witnessed something illegal. The violation of Police Code 311, to be exact. But anyway.
"Let's go over and say hi!" exclaimed Legolas. He ran over to the couple, who had made themselves … presentable again. "HI HI HI HI HI!"
They all came over and were soon chatting amiably, when Legolas began raising his hand. "Ummm, guys? Umm, like, GUYS?"
"What?" asked Frodo, a little annoyed.
"Umm, who's that guy coming up to us with that big knife and a mask?" Legolas asked confusedly.
"Ahh!" Everyone else began screaming.
"What?" asked Legolas.
"That's the KILLER!" screamed Merry.
"Omigosh! Wait, you're joking, right?" queried Legolas.
"No!" exclaimed Merry as he began running down the block. Everybody but Legolas and Sam followed. He was staring, terrified, at the looming black figure.
Suddenly, Sam was running too. So Legolas followed. But then the killer caught Sam! After briefly disposing of him, by first giving him a paper cut then scaring him to death by showing him a picture of George W. naked, he disappeared behind some bushes.
The others heard Legolas scream, and ran over to where he stood.
"No!" screamed Frodo when he came back and discovered Sam's body. He fell to his knees, and began sobbing.
"Oh, Frodo, I am so sorry," said Boromir, coming over to hug the boy.
"If somebody is after my ring of power, why not come after me? Why come after Sam?" he wailed.
"You have a ring of power?" asked Pippin.
"THE ring of power," responded Frodo.
"Why didn't you tell us? We probably could have pawned it off and made some serious dough off of it," said Pippin.
"You moron, you don't pawn off the ring of power, dude, we have to keep Sauron from getting it," said Frodo.
"Is it a flying Sauron that we don't want to give the ring too?" asked Legolas.
"You mean saucer," said Boromir. "Hey, can I have the ring?"
"Dude, no," responded Frodo. The two then proceeded to get into a rather rowdy fight.
"So anyway, Sam's body is lying here," said Merry.
"This is awful! Terrible! The worst thing that's ever happened!" moaned Legolas.
"Yes, I know. We will all suffer from Sam's demise," said Merry poetically.
"I like, wasn't talking about THAT," said Legolas.
"What then?" asked Merry.
"The blood from Sam's paper cut totally stained by $900 Gucci tunic!" Legolas began to cry.
"You're ticked because of the TUNIC?" asked Merry incredulously.
"YES!" wept Legolas.
"No time for tears," said Boromir, who had by now completed the fistfight, having roughed Frodo up a bit, but he had emerged without the ring.
"Like, why NOT?" asked Legolas.
"Because the killer is right behind you!" cried Boromir.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Sorry to leave it off at such and odd, and most likely frustrating conclusion, but my sister and I story-boarded the whole thing out already, so the plot is finished, but I'm too lazy to type it all up right now. Plus, the story did not have a really good breaking point in it, it contains a unity of time (go Aristotle!), which makes it difficult to divide, and again I apologize. In conclusion, this story is done as far as plot goes, so if you want to find out what happens, who lives, and who the killer is, review! Please? :)