Thursday – December 20

I looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall. Only one hour left before I'm finished for today. Working as a practical nurse in a hospital sure makes everyday different from the other. Even though it's been a calm day I was really worn out. Probably because it's so near to Christmas. Even so, I was thinking about working then too. Might be a good idea, it's not like I have someone I want to spend the holiday with. I prefer working instead of being constantly outshined by my twin brother.

"Oh my… What's wrong with you Roxas? Why can't you be more like Sora? After all, aren't twins supposed to be alike?"

Sigh… I always get frustrated when I think about it. It doesn't matter if you tell mom that you're not Sora, but Roxas and the fact that we are fraternal twins. We don't look so much alike each other at all. Most of the people think that we're brothers.

I put a few more soap on the cart and then I pushed out the cart from the storage room and walked it to the end of the corridor. I opened the door and walked in to the patient's room and checked if something was missing. I saw that one of the soaps was almost finished so I put a new one on the small shelf above the sink and continued to look. Okay, first room done, 14 left. I sighed as I exited and closed room 15. As I was about to push the cart forward I heard a familiar voice. "Yo! Roxas!"

I turned around and saw Demyx coming from the direction from the cafeteria. He was holding a mug of coffee, a very common sight.

"What is it Demyx?" I asked. "Have you been slacking off again?"

Demyx scratched his neck and smiled, "Yeah, and the boss' pet caught us. Axel's checking on one of his patients."

Axel. Every time someone mentioned his name I feel a shiver as the butterflies goes crazy inside me. I looked away from Demyx as I also felt my cheeks turn red, just as an effort to keep him from mocking me about Axel. That's probably just a reflex or so, because most of the time it's totally useless because pretty much everyone knows that I like him. Demyx grabbed me with his arm and ruffled my hair.

"Well looks who's shy as usual when it comes to his special someone" Demyx said as I tried to get out of his grip. "You're very lucky that Axel's a retard that he doesn't know that you still love him!"

I groaned as I elbowed Demyx. "Sh-shut up!" Demyx wasn't letting go, but instead continued to mock me. "You've been in love with him forever, why don't you tell him that you like him?"

And if it wasn't really enough hell that Demyx was mocking me God just had to make my day a living hell by inviting one of the people I hate the most in the world you mock me too. I fear the sound of high-heels in the hospital, especially if you hear that it's coming to me.

"Oh? What's happening here?" a woman's voice said. I sensed incredible sadism in her voice. "Are we mocking Roxas?"

Demyx smiled a bit insecure, "A little… but when you're in it's more like bullying…"

"Then let go of me jackass!" I yelled at Demyx as I started to fight even more to get lose from his grip. He quickly let go of me, but Larxene really seemed to be in mocking-Roxas-mood. I tried to ignore her. I quickly turned around to the cart and started to walk to the next room.

"Little Roxas… You know what, I actually agree with Demyx about telling Axel how you feel. But maybe this time you can do it yourself."

I froze. Offence taken just like Larxene wanted. She slowly walked up to where I stood and continued. "You know what, maybe if you do it in person it may have a bigger impact on him and he won't grow so quickly tired of you this time. But, wait… Whose fault is it that he grew tired of you?" She put her hand on her palm and started to act in despair just to mock me even more. "Isn't it because of Mr. Oh-it's-so-fun-playing-so-hard-to-get?" She put her hand on my shoulder and lowered he head to my ear, "I understand that it's can be fun to play hard-to-get just to mock someone, but when you have waited over a year to try to get that special person to notice you 'that' way and when he finally gets there where you are and asks you out…" She smiled sadistically at me, "You should have accepted because you if you would have answered 'yes'…" She stood up straight and started to walk away slowly. Then she turned around to finish her last sentence. "You could have gotten everything you wanted since you got to know him…"

I just wanted to scream 'bitch' to her and drive over her with the cart. But that's Larxene, she knows exactly which spots to hit and how hard to leave you both angry and broken.

The rest of the rooms Demyx helped, but none of us said anything. Even though it still was 20 minutes left after clearing up the room I went straight to the changing room. Taking out some of my frustration on my locker, I slammed the door opened, pulled out my bag and got out my clothes and started to change. When that was done I accidentally threw the clothes in the trash can. I pressed the switch to open the lid, grabbed my clothes and kicked the trashcan. Then I threw my clothes in the basket opposite to the trashcan and walked back to the locker grabbed everything that was left there and slammed the locker without bothering to lock it and stormed out from the hospital. It was a usual December day. It was cold and snowing. I walked with a fast pace, not bothering looking at anybody or anything but the ground. For a long time everything I could hear was my footsteps and cars swishing by. As I walked by the Duck Pond I stopped and decided to go to the usual café to buy some coffee. The place wasn't jam-packed, probably because it wasn't Friday yet. I walked to the counter and the girl at the cashier turned around. I don't know why I didn't realize it earlier. But of course it was Kairi, who would ever mistake that red hair for someone else. "Oh, Hi Roxas!" she happily greeted, "Are you having the usual?"

I nodded and tried to smile a little to seem polite, "Yeah, large mug to take away."

But Kairi is an expert to see how people are feeling so she quickly saw through it. "What's wrong?"

I sighed and scratched my head to gain some time making up a lie. "I almost died of exhaustion from work today. Old people are so stupid. Why walk over an ice patch is you think it's slippery?"

Kairi smiled. She must have bought that. She might have the gift knowing how people feels, but she's quite gullible. She turned around to the coffee machine, grabbed a large mug, placed it under the coffee machine and pressed a couple of buttons. "Are there lots of those cases this time of the year?"

"Jupp… unfortunately…"

Kairi laughed a little as she handed the mug and a large chocolate chip cookie. A little surprised about the cookie I said, "But I didn't order one…"

"This one's on me okay? I just hope that you'll feel better soon. Just be sure to tip me a little more you're next coming visits okay?" she said and winked.

I laughed a little, "Tell Sora and Naminé I said hi from me."

"I'll do so." Kairi said and waved me good bye as I left the café. I felt a little more cheerful after meeting Kairi. Sora and I met her high school. It turned out that she also had a twin sister, Naminé, but she was in art-class that was in a whole other building. But we meet her later to. She didn't look at Kairi at all. She later explained that they were fraternal twins, just like me and Sora. Later when Sora and Kairi started to go out, they tried to fix me and Naminé up. After a couple months of no improvement from my side Sora asked me what I thought of Naminé. I answered that she was very artistic, friendly and honest and so on, but Sora interrupted me and asked if I thought of her at all in 'that' way. I answered that I have never thought of that. I clearly remember what he said next.

"What do you mean you never thought of her 'that' way? Are you sick bro'?" Sora put his hand on my forehead.

"What? Maybe she's just not my type?" I answered as I took away Sora's hand from my forehead.

He looked a bit confused, "What exactly is your type of girl? So far I can remember you have never talked with me about whom you liked, is that because you don't trust me?"

A bit surprised, I starred at him, "What do you mean with that?"

"You heard me." Sora answered. "You have probably never told me about who you liked because you're afraid that I will steal her right? What kind of brother do you think I am?"

"Sora, what the hell are you talking about?! Just because I don't tell you everything doesn't mean-!"

"Why can't you trust me?!" Sora interrupted me. "I'm your brother for fuck's sake!"

"Sora, would you just listen?!" I yelled back at him. "The reason why I haven't talked with you about girls is because I haven't liked one okay?!"

Sora sneered contemptuous at me, "I don't believe a shit of what you're saying. Everyone likes someone!"

"It's true!" I said.

"Stop lying okay!?" Sora said and got up from his bed and walked to the door.

"Sora, wait!" I said and got up from the bed walked past him and stood in the way for him to the door. "You have to listen to me!"

Sora crossed his arms, "Listen to more of your lies? No thank you, now move."

"No! Sora, I'm telling you the truth!"

Sora looked even more annoyed, "No you're not."

"Sora would you just…! Shut up and listen?!" I yelled at him.

Sora groaned and sat down on his bed.

"It's true that I have never liked a girl in my whole life, if I did, of course I would have told you! You're my brother!

Sora looked at the roof, "Oh that's strange. Why isn't the fire alarm going? After all, I see that's someone's pants are on fire!" He got up again and walked toward me and the door. He pushed me aside and grabbed the doorknob, I guess that's when he pushed me over the limit.

"Just because I have never liked a girl doesn't mean I never liked anyone! That's the reason why I haven't talked to you about which girls I liked! Because I don't like girls, okay!? And the reason why I didn't tell you about who I liked was because I thought I was just kidding myself, but then I realized that I'm not and I couldn't stop thinking that there's something wrong with me! THERE! THERE'S YOUR FUCKING ANSWER!" I yelled at him. I walked to the door, pushed Sora to the side. He slammed in to the bookshelf, but I was so frustrated that I didn't bother apologize. I slammed the door open and stormed out from our room, our from our school building.

I clearly remember that it snowed that day too. I sighed as I looked up to the sky. Snowflakes were falling slowly on me and everything around. As I was about to cross the street the lights turned red. I groaned as I looked around and saw no cars so I decided to jaywalk. I kinda am a jaywalker, but mostly when there are no cars around. I started to walk a little faster when I saw the bus station. As I arrived there I looked at the clock. Damn it, 45 minutes. Both me and my brother still lives at our parents, but Sora's planning to move out with Kairi. I don't hate my brother, it's just that I hate being compared with him all the time by everyone, especially by my parents. I can't wait to move out… If only I had a place to go… If I could, I would move out, tell them the truth that they are shitheads, that I'm gay and then say up contact with them. But for that I need enough money to take care of myself and somewhere to live. I sat down on the bench and drank a little from my chocolatte. Then I saw someone a few meters away that made the winter weather feel like a desert. I recognized that person immediately. He had red flaming hair, a black jacket with red flames on it, emerald green eyes and strange birthmarks on his cheeks. Axel. The butterflies inside me started to fly around like it was summer. I tried to act cool.

"Yo!" He said and raised his hand. "I knew you'd be here."

"Eh?!" Was he looking for me? What for? "Why's that?"

He put his hand in his pocket and dug after something, "Here" he said and handed over a very familiar cell phone. "I found it in the changing room and saw that it was yours."

I grabbed and smiled a little, "Thanks…"

Axel sat down next to me, "No problem." He said and leaned back and put his hands behind his head for comfort.

I looked at him, "Why are you still here?" I asked, and suddenly realized that it sounded rude, "I'm not being rude or so, but you live here in the city."

Axel looked back at me, "Yeah I know, but I enjoy your company and I don't have so much going on for the rest of the day so I might as well hang out with you."

I was really happy hearing that, I could throw myself at him and cuddle him to death, but instead I tried to remain cool. "Thanks."

Axel smiled at me. "So what are you doing for Christmas?"

I sighed, "I'll probably work then… I don't like celebrating it with my parents who are assholes… And you? Let me guess, you'll go to some party with Larxene and Demyx?"

Axel sighed, "Probably… I dunno… Maybe I'll work a little too…"

"Can you feel the holiday spirit within us?" I said with sarcasm. Axel laughed a little.

"Well, I don't have any family to celebrate with, so what choice do I have than to celebrate with my friends?"

I looked down to the ground. Feeling a bit ashamed judging Axel to fast. "Sorry, didn't think of that…"

"No problem." Axel answered, "Just give me the rest of your Chocolatte and I'll forget what you said."

I handed him the mug. "Not everything."

"But almost." He replied and drank a lot. "Here" he said and gave me the last of the drink.

As I was about to drink it he interrupted me. "You know…" Axel said, "The last of the drink is almost mostly saliva. So if you drink that, it will be like drinking my saliva…" He moved closer to me, "Which will be almost like kissing me." I looked at him in surprise. What the hell did he mean with that?!?!?!

He moved back again, "So are you sure you want that?" I sighed, "You asshat…" I answered. He looked at me a bit surprised but then he started to laugh. Sometimes Axel also enjoys mocking me. I groaned and returned to drink the rest of the Chocolatte.

"So you don't have any thing against kissing me?" he said. In shock, I spit out the Chocolatte I had in my mouth. Axel laughed and I looked away since I felt my cheeks getting warmer. There was a brief moment of silence before Axel got up and stood in front of me. "Want to grab a new one?" he asked and pointed with his thumb to the café. I got up from the bench as a yes and we walked to the café. When we were going to cross the street, the light turned red and there were too many cars to jaywalk. I blew my hands to get them warmer and cursed myself for not getting any gloves.

"You know…" Axel said and lowered his head to whisper in my ear, "A kiss will raise the body temperature. You wanna?"

"WHAT?!? AXEL?!?!" I yelled out and starred at him. He laughed at my reaction.

"Hahahaha! Damn, you're so funny to tease!" he continued to laugh. I punched him on his arm, "You asshole!" I said

He patted me on the head. "Okay, okay, enough with the jokes today then."

I sighed annoyed and then the lights finally turned green and we crossed the street. "So…" I started to say. "Are you going to drink on that party you'll be going to on Christmas?"

Axel looked at me, and then he looked away again and sighed, "Probably… yeah…"

I sighed once more and looked at the fog I exhaled. "You know, you can have fun without being drunk… And you'll remember what was so fun too…" I said as I started to walk a little faster.

"Well, some things are never meant for some too know." Axel said. "And there is a good-tasting drink that can erase memories!"

I groaned and looked at him with doubt, "You can't forget everything…"

Axel grinned a bit unsure and put his hands behind his head, "That's true, but it's easier to forget stuff faster that the brain filters away in time. Like, what color of the shirt you were wearing yesterday, what day it is and so on."

"Drinking is stupid, okay?" I said, "You should stop with it."

Axel patted me on my head, "Someday you'll learn to co-operate with the taste."

I sighed, "I swear… on your wedding day you'll become so drunk that on your hang-over next day you probably don't even remember that you got married or who the hell your wife is…"

"Then I'll get a divorce, but then it won't be so painful for me right since I don't remember her." Axel said.

"You're a jerk Axel…"

Axel smiled a little as he pushed the door open to the café, "Tell me who doesn't think that."