Disclaimer: All Ranma ½ cast belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Sigh… If only that was me…
Chapter One: NEW Magic Mirror Special Edition™
"TOMMBOOOYYYYYYYYYYY!!!…"
It was a normal morning in the Tendoke. Kasumi hummed a little ditty as she prepared breakfast in the kitchen. Nabiki lay sprawled out in front of the TV, clicking away on her abacus. Soun and Genma, the two responsible fathers, sat next to the open rice paper screen doors, playing Go. Akane stomped past the Koi pond and into the house, dusting off her hands and huffing.
And Ranma was a fast shrinking speck on the yonder Nerima horizons.
Yes, a pretty normal morning, and all veteran Neriman citizens cheerfully went about their business. A handsome young man took in the sight of the fresh Nerima morning with interest. His sea green eyes sparkled as they flitted from dancing trees to twittering birds, from buzzing bees to smiling flowers, as he walked elegantly down the street. The early morning breeze lifted his flowing locks and two girls, out walking their dog, swooned at the sight of him. Oh yes! Dressed immaculately in elegant navy blue suit and pants and carrying a little navy blue briefcase, he was a Dreamboat indeed…
He turned and, with a wave of his hand and a flash of his thirty-two pearly whites, dismissed the two girls to Lala-land. Their dog shook its leash free of their hands and ran off chasing some butterflies. The Dreamboat turned his head to watch the scampering dog.
And walked smack-dab into an incoming Saotome Ranma.
"OW!!" He screamed elegantly.
Ranma sprang up, stood on his back, and shook his fist-o'-vengeance at the heavens. "You uncute tomboy! You macho chick! You—"
The Dreamboat glared at him, elegantly of course. The two girls glared at him. The dog stared at him.
"No politeness to step down at all!" Said girl number one.
"And not even so much as an apology." Said girl number two.
"WOOF!" Barked the dog.
The butterflies flew away.
Ranma continued, unbothered. "Why does she hit me always? ALWAYS! What have I ever done to her? Why doesn't she ever listen? WHYYY?!!"
The Dreamboat gasped. His eyes gleamed with a predatory gleam, all his instincts aroused. He braced himself, leaped up from under the pigtailed boy, and seized him by the collar of his red silk Chinese shirt. His grip was like iron, his eyes like burning coal. Girl number one clasped her hands together and sighed. Girl number two fanned herself as the heat rose. The dog found a grasshopper.
And the Dreamboat pulled out a microphone, brought it to his oh-so-kissable lips, and spoke, "AHA! Having girl troubles? Got too many questions but no answers? WORRY NO MORE!!! All your problems are going to be solved NOW! With the NEW super intelligent Magic Mirror Special Edition™ from China, ask ALL you want and get FREE answers, guaranteed 100% TRUE!! It's a deal of a lifetime!! And only for 20,000 yen!" he flashed his dazzling teeth in front of Ranma's nose.
The two girls stared at him. CRRRACKK!! "He's a salesman? Ugh." Leaving the broken pieces of their fantasies to scatter upon the early morning Nerima breeze, they stalked away. The dog and grasshopper followed.
"Uh—" Ranma stared at the salesman. "Where did you come from?"
THUD.
Yanking his face out of where he'd face-faulted, the salesman screeched, "You were STANDING on me, you moron!!" He sprang up again, took a deep breath, plastered his dazzling smile on his face and seized Ranma by the collar of his red silk Chinese shirt, again. His grip was like iron, his eyes like burning coal… "Now then, what about the DEAL? No questions nagging your head, freedom from all your doubts, read your girlfriend's mind and future prediction, ALL-IN-ONE package, the NEW MAGIC MIRROR SPECIAL EDITION™, super intelligent, only for 20,000 yen!"
"What happened to the old edition?"
"It was very intelligent. It learned to lie. So now, the super intelligent edition knows that it should not learn to lie!!"
Ranma raised an eyebrow. "No thanks." He freed his collar and turned away.
The salesman's jaw tightened. This was not good. This won't do. Won't do at all. He squared his shoulders and let out a guffaw. "AHAHAHAHA! I see. So you're afraid of finding out the truth."
Ranma stopped. "What did you say?"
"Coward! Scaredy cat!"
"Scaredy c-c-c- feline?"
"Yup!"
"Take that back!"
"Scare-dy caa-aatt." He sang.
"Stop!" Ranma huffed, his fist clenched.
"No!" the salesman huffed back, his hands planted on his waist. A small crowd had begun to gather, hoping for some action.
"If you don't I'll –"
"You'll what?"
"I'll –"
"Yes?"
"I'll –"
"Go on."
"I'LL BUY THAT GODDAMN MIRROR!"
SLAMMM!! Massive face-fault ensued all around.
The salesman leaped and landed next to Ranma, and seized him by the collar of his red silk Chinese shirt. "Done! You take the mirror and I call you brave!"
Ranma glared at him. Grudgingly he said, "Fine, fine. Jus' gimme the new magic mirror special edition, and go away."
"I don't have it."
THUD.
Ranma pulled his face from the ground. "THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?!!"
"NEW Magic Mirror Special Edition™ is only available by mail order. I just have sample mirrors, good for only one-time use. Ask any one question, and it gives you the correct answer. Aaand if you are pleased with the results, you can call and order for the NEW Magic Mirror Special Edition™ from China!"
Ranma gritted his teeth. "All right. So gimme the sample. How much?"
"Sample for FREE. It's for promoting the actual product."
Ranma gaped at him. Then he grabbed his hair and shrieked, "AAAARRRRRGGHHH… SO jus' gimme the DAMN FREE SAMPLE and get it OVER WITH!!"
"Here. The last one I have." With that, the salesman with the Prince Charming looks plonked a brown-paper package into Ranma's hands, and, with a devastating smile and a wave of his hand, the salesman walked away.
Hi there everybody!! So what new chaos is awaiting Ranma this time? Find out in the next chapter!! And my sincere thanks to all my readers!! Read and Review!!