A/N: This story was inspired by a song called 'Where Ya Gonna Run To Now?', written and performed by the Australian band, Redgum. The italicized lyrics are both the first and last lines of the song, and they are only part of what makes it so intensely powerful. When I listen to it, I can't help but think of Lily and Harry, and it very nearly brings a tear to my eye. I reccomend that you find a copy of the song (be it via iTunes or YouTube) and listen to it with an open mind, to understand the full impact of the words.
No Copyright Infringement Intended. I Own Nothing.
Enjoy.
Where Ya Gonna Run To Now?
'Mother and child, playing on the lawn. It's a middle class home, on a Sunday morning. And the mother says "Son, where you gonna run? Where you gonna run to now?"'
Life was anything but simple anymore.
But how she wanted it to be.
In a perfect world, there would be no fear. There would be no hate. No pain. No pure-blood ideology and supremacy. And No Voldemort.
Even the name stung.
But the thought alone kept her going.
That one day, it would all be worth it. All the death, all the fighting, it was all for the greater good. Though as the days went by, there was no end in sight. The losses grew, while the rewards became fewer and far between. She didn't know how much longer they could keep this up. How much longer any of them could.
Especially now that she had been marked for death. Especially now that her family had been marked for death.
At night she would lie awake, toss and turn, and ask herself why? Of all the Wizarding World, why did he have to choose them?
Why her?
Why James?
Why little Harry?
The breath caught in her throat. He was barely a year old. Still just a baby. Surely he hadn't done anything to deserve a punishment as severe as death itself.
She honestly didn't know anymore.
In the midst of War, the lines had begun to fade.
As she watched him dart around the garden, a foot off the ground on the toy broomstick Sirius had given him for his first birthday, she was lost for words. His laughter echoed around her, and his green eyes, her green eyes, were alight with a joy she hadn't seen in a very long while.
A joy that didn't belong.
Not anymore.
But perhaps, she thought to herself, that was the wonder of being a child. The innocence.
What she would've given to have his innocence. To be able to smile, and know that nothing was wrong. That death wasn't waiting for them and that each day mightn't be their last.
But she could only dream. For dreams seldom come true. No matter how much you want them to.
A sudden crash pulled her from her thoughts, and the cries of a toddler dragged her back into reality.
As she wrapped her arms around her son, her Harry, she kissed his forehead and told him that everything was going to be okay.
He believed her.
He was a fool for doing so.
How could he when she didn't believe herself?
At her words, his worries melted away, and he was struggling to get out her grip. She relaxed her hold, and he stumbled away from her, back onto the grass. She knew that a there would come a day when she would have to let him go, she just didn't want that day to ever come.
It was the moments like these that she savoured. The simple pleasure of a stolen minute with her son, amidst the tumult and the strife. She knew that their days were numbered; she just didn't want to have to admit it. Not now, not ever, not to anyone. But how could they not be?
Despite the efforts of Dumbledore, and the Order of the Phoenix, there was no stopping him once he had his shrivelled and black heart set on a goal. They were that goal. He knew it. She knew it.
Life was so very, very unfair.
She couldn't help but sigh.
Harry was laughing again, like nothing had been wrong. He very nearly always was. It was impossible for a one year old to know just how dark and difficult times really were. He was lucky. He wasn't plagued by a reality that so closely resembled a nightmare. He could smile, he could play, and he could dream. Dream about a future he might never live to see.
The thought alone broke her heart.
Not her baby. Please not her baby. She would die to protect him. Any mother would.
How could she not?
He was a part of her, a part of James. They had made him, together.
'James,' she whispered with a weary sigh.
He wasn't home. He rarely was anymore. Despite the danger, he was determined to do everything he could to bring down Voldemort with what little time he might have left.
She was determined to spend that time with her family.
Sometimes she thought it was selfish of him, but that was who he was. She had known it when she had said "I Do" on that fateful day, and she knew it now. Part of her still hated him for it though.
But it was the fact that he wasn't here that she hated the most.
She missed him. She missed them all being together. A family.
It killed her inside to know what he was missing out on. These carefree moments with Harry. Part of her knew that they were nothing special, watching a toddler run around under the warm morning sun. Part of her knew that they were the most precious of all.
They were living on borrowed time, all of them were. She tried to tell herself that, if James was here everything would be alright, but she honestly didn't know anymore. It hurt to think about it. She didn't want to. Not now.
As she looked to her son, she tried to smile. Tried to force herself to believe the impossible, if only for his sake, but she couldn't.
Harry gurgled with delight from his place on the ground, handfuls of grass clenched in his round fists. As he threw them into the air, he squealed with glee as the green blades rained down on him.
If only it were that easy. If only they could wash away their troubles, their mistakes, and they could start again. Do things differently. Choose a different path.
But no matter how much she wanted to, they couldn't go back.
Never.
What was done was done. Their fate was sealed. Their death warrants signed.
She shuddered at the thought.
Her hand found its way to her cheek as she wiped a single tear from her eye. There would be a time to cry, but that time wasn't now. Not when she still had so much to live for. If she gave up hope, he would've won. She was not going to give him that satisfaction.
As long as there was breath in her body, she was going to keep fighting. Fighting for a better world, fighting for her husband, fighting for her son. And even after that last breath was long gone, she wouldn't leave him. She couldn't leave him.
As she stretched out her arms to him, she thought to the future. She couldn't say what was going to happen, or if they were going to live or die, but at that moment, it didn't matter. Not really. Not when her son needed his mother. Not when she needed her son.
Still laughing, Harry stumbled into her, his head thrown back, staring at her pale face. He squirmed as she held him tightly and made a vaguely repulsed noise as she pressed a wet kiss to his chubby cheek. She couldn't help but smile. He turned to face her, and as she met his bright green eyes, a single question formed on her tongue.
'Where ya gonna run to now?'
He grinned at her as he pulled away. He didn't answer.
He never would.
Don't be shy, tell me what you think. Loved it? Hated it? Comments and reviews are always welcome and much appreciated.