Chapter One
What?
Rimmer glared at Lister as he sat with his ugly boots on the coffee table. "Excuse me, Lister, but your vulgar boots appear to be on MY magazines." Rimmer pointed out. Lister shrugged. "So?" He said, eyes still on the TV screen. "Oh I get it! It's because I'm dead isn't it. Because I'm dead I don't need magazines. It doesn't matter, is that it?" Rimmer demanded. Lister rolled his eyes. "No, Rimmer. It's because you're a total smeg head!" He told the hard light hologram. Rimmer hit Lister's boots off the table and picked up his army magazines. "I don't see why you read those things. They are full of absolute smeg!" Lister sighed. Rimmer stuck two fingers up at him and turned away. Suddenly a man's head appeared on the TV screen. "Hey, I was watching that!" Lister protested. "Sorry Dave, but you and Rimmer are needed." Holly told them apologetically. Rimmer did his stupid salute and then he and Lister headed off towards the controls.
The Doctor flew around the controls at lightening speed. Rose sat in a chair watching him. His dark eyes flicking from console to console, his brown hair flopping into them. She smiled and walked over to join him. "Where are we going?" She asked. The Doctor shook his head. "I dunno. The TARDIS is playing up." He told her. Rose frowned. "Come on old girl." The Doctor muttered. Rose moved as he pushed passed her to get to another console. "Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked. The Doctor sighed. "Unless you are a Time lord and have excellent knowledge on alien machinery, no." He told her flicking another switch. Rose crossed her arms across her chest and sat back down in her seat. She sat watching him for a moment and then closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Lister and Rimmer arrived at the control room to find Kryten and Cat flicking switches and tapping at the controls. "Yo, what's happening?" Lister asked. "Holly told us there were some black holes up ahead, but we've searched the radars and everything, but no sign." Kryten informed them. "You can't be looking hard enough!" Rimmer snapped. "Hey Goalpost head, my nose hairs are never wrong and they aren't picking anything up!" Cat shouted at Rimmer. "Holly is there a slight chance you got something wrong?" Lister asked the computer. Holly's head appeared again. "Yeah a slight chance, but I'm sure." He told the small crew. "Wait. I'm picking something up, in the Cargo bay!" Cat informed them. "Let's go then!" Lister shouted heading towards the Cargo Bay. Rimmer and the rest following him towards where Cat had told them to look.
The Doctor pulled a lever and the TARDIS jerked alarmingly. Rose fell off her chair. "Didn't like that did you?" The Doctor whispered. Rose grunted and stood up. "What happened?" She asked. "I think, according to the read outs, we've landed." The doctor announced. "Where?" Rose asked again rubbing her aching back. "I don't know, the TARDIS just landed herself." The Doctor told his blonde companion. He grinned. "Time to find out where."
Lister led the small gang down the stairs and along the murky corridor. A loud rasping sound reached their ears. "What the smeg?" Lister yelled above the noise. "Sounds like a metallic rasp. From some kind of ship no doubt." Kryten told them. Rimmer's face lit up. "Aliens!" He exclaimed. Lister rolled his eyes. "Lets find out." He murmured. As they neared the source, the small group raised their guns. A small blue box came into view. "What the?" Rimmer began. The door opened and a tall man with a pinstriped suit stepped out. "…where." He was saying. He froze when he saw them. "WHAT?" He gasped.