This book was interesting earlier, but rather mind numbing now. I turned the page. How could I read by the moonlight? What time was it? I looked over at my alarm clock. 1 A.M. blinked at me in bright green numbers. Is Clary asleep? What's she dreaming about? If I could just fall asleep… I'd be dreaming about her.
There was a knock at the door and I jumped to get it.
"Clary—" I whispered. She pushed me back in the room. She looked like she'd been crying… Her hair was messy, falling out of its braids. The shirt she'd stolen from me was hanging off of her shoulder, and either, she wasn't wearing shorts or they were too short for me to see. My shirt was pretty big on her…
"I couldn't sleep." She said quietly, looking around my room. "I've never seen your room this… messy." She laughed. It sounded rather forced. I looked around. There were some papers scattered on the desk and a small pile of clothes in the corner of the room.
"This is clean compared to your room, Clary." I laughed, pulling her to my arms. She rested her head on my chest, against my heart as she wrapped her arms around my waist. "What's wrong? Couldn't sleep?"
"I had a nightmare." Clary whispered. "We were back with Sebastian. And you were gone. So I was alone with him, and… he… he… it was like that night when you were gone, doing that ceremony before he summoned Lilith and before I stabbed you." I squeezed her tighter. I remember when she told me about that night, what he'd done to her. "Except it was worse." Her voice broke. I pulled her closer to me and she wrapped her arms tighter around my waist.
"Wanna sleep with me tonight?" I asked. She nodded and I pulled her over to the bed. She curled up in a tight ball in my arms.
"I love you, Jace." She kissed me. And suddenly, it wasn't just a kiss. It was so much more than that. It was more than wildfire, it was as if someone had taken a match and set the whole world on fire. Everything was so hungry, desperate, hot, and I couldn't get enough of her. And the way she was clinging on to me, she couldn't get enough of me, either. Clary climbed on top of me and pulled away, panting. I grinned.
"What was that?" I said breathlessly.
"I just wanted to kiss you." She bit her lip.
"No, Clary, that wasn't just a kiss." I pulled her closer to me. "That was more like…" I pulled out her braids. She shook her hair out and smiled at me. I slowly started unbuttoning the buttons on her shirt that was really mine and felt her inhale sharply. "That was like… wildfire. Like you seriously made fire run through my veins. Name of the Angel, Clary, that was amazing…"
"Oh yeah?" Clary slid her shirt off and threw it to the ground. I pulled her closer to me. Her skin was hot, very hot. She kissed my collarbone. She kissed her way up my neck. My hands were digging into her hips, scratching over the small of her back. She bit my lip. I moaned. My nails dug into her hips.
"Clary…"
"Mmmm?" Her lips never left my skin as she ran her fingers through my hair and I turned around, I was now on top of her. Her breathing was uneven, and her chest was rising and falling with each breath. Her eyes widened and her lips parted. I bent down and kissed her. Clary's legs wrapped around my waist and her nails dug into my back. I slid her shorts off and she kicked them off to the side. I faintly heard them hit the wall.
"Are you sure?" I whispered. She moaned when I bit her neck.
"Yes." She pulled me to her lips. "Kiss me."
I granted her wish and she bit my lip. "Clary."
"I love you." Clary whispered.
"I love you, too." I murmured. "Please don't stop."
Her skin was hot, her hair was tangled in my fingers, and her lips glued to mine. Her legs were wrapped around my waist and her nails scratching down my back. She broke skin, I'm sure of it, but being wrapped up in her like this… I couldn't feel the pain that I'm sure I would later. I felt her eyelashes against my cheeks and felt her smile against my lips. My hands moved from her hair down her curves to her hips… Clary kissed my neck. My nails dug into the soft skin and she moaned. The wildfire kisses turned into something else, something more beautiful, more passionate, more hungry and desperate. Clothes went flying across the room. There was nothing between us now.
"Jace…" Clary's voice was raw as she pulled me closer, closer, closer. She was all I could feel. I moved to get up for a moment and she reached for me. "Don't leave me." Her voice was desperate, just like it was that night.
I tensed up at the words and her eyes got wide. It triggered a memory. A horrible memory… It was my only moment of clarity, when I could breathe and see, but… it was then when I was scared I could turn back into him at any moment…
"I'm sorry…" Clary whispered. She pulled the blanket over herself as I got up, pulling my boxers back on. She curled up in a ball under the thick duvet. After a couple moments of tense silence, she stood up and started putting her clothes on.
My voice was way too harsh when I spoke and she cringed. "Don't."
"Don't what?" Clary got defensive as she began to button up her shirt.
"Don't leave. Please. You had a nightmare. Stay with me. I'll keep them away." I whispered, reaching out my hand to her. "You'll keep mine away." Clary hesitated.
"I thought I was the one causing you nightmares, after what just happened."
"I'm sorry, Clary." I took a step closer to her. "It just brought back the memory of that night, of everything that happened when I was with him… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you like that."
"Jace…" She let me pull her close to me.
"I know the moment is pretty much ruined now," I whispered. "but do you still want to sleep with me tonight? We can keep the nightmares away from each other." I kissed her forehead. Clary nodded and pulled me to the bed. She curled up into a ball in my arms. She clung to me as I wrapped around her protectively and pulled the blankets over us.
"Jace, I love you."
"I love you, too, Clary." I whispered. "And just for the record, you're the only reason I don't have nightmares. You're certainly not the cause of them."
"Promise?"
"I swear by the Angel, my beautiful Clary." I kissed her forehead and I felt her finally relax in my arms. "Do I keep the nightmares away, Clary?" I asked, brushing out her hair.
"You make everything better, Jace." Clary whispered, looking up at me. "You make all the nightmares go away, take away all the bad memories… You make everything, everything, everything better."
"Everything better?" I smiled faintly, twirling her hair around my finger. She nodded.
"So much better." She blushed. "Can I say something horribly cheesy?"
I laughed. "Of course."
"By the Angel, I can't believe I'm about to say this." Clary giggled. "Jace Lightwood, you… you… complete me."
"Can I say something horribly cheesy in return?" I smiled. Clary nodded eagerly. "From the first moment I saw you, I knew I… I belonged to you."
"Belonged to me?"
"Mmhm."
"What's that supposed to mean?" She smiled.
"Well, obviously, it means that it was love at first sight." I stuck my tongue out at her. "No, really, it's just that… you just… filled in the voids from what I was missing before." I kissed the palm of her hand. "And I knew that whenever I wasn't around you, I would feel empty again, because I wouldn't have you to fill the voids, so, obviously, I belonged to you the moment I saw you."
"You're right, that is horribly cheesy." Clary giggled. "I never would've guessed that—and I'm not being sarcastic, I'm serious. You were just always so fucking sarcastic with me all the goddamn time. I could never guess how you really felt, which made it so much harder for me, because I didn't know if it was really okay for me to be feeling the way I did, but I did, and you were sending rather mixed messages." She took a deep breath. "Asshole."
"I'm still the Jace you first met, Clary." I smirked. She shook her head.
"No. You're sweeter. In a weird way, you're sweeter, and your sarcasm has become more endearing than annoying. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I've discovered that you're quite the hopeless romantic. I really do love that about you."
"Hopeless romantic?" I rolled my eyes. "I suppose you're right…"
"Yeah, because I'm always right." Clary yawned.
"Mmhm, and you're also tired, sleepy head." I stroked her hair. She relaxed more and put her head down on my chest, right above my heart.
"Possibly…" She yawned again. "I just… I don't wanna have that dream again."
"You won't, Clary, I promise you won't."
"How do you know?"
"Because I'm here, and I make everything, everything, everything better." I laughed. Clary giggled and yawned again. "Alright, sleeping beauty, go to sleep."
"Sing to me?" she whispered. "You have a lovely voice…"
"What d'you want me to sing, love?" I asked, brushing the hair out of her face. She smiled.
"Surprise me."
Slow down, we've got time left to be lazy
All the kids have bloomed from babies into flowers in our eyes.
We've got fifty good years left to spend out in the garden,
I don't care to beg your pardon,
We should live, until we die
"Like it?" I whispered. Clary nodded.
"One of my favorites." She said sleepily. I smiled and rubbed her back.
We were barely sixteen when we'd crossed collective hearts,
It was cold, but it got warm, when you barely crossed my eye.
And when you turned, put out your hand,
And you asked me to dance,
I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight.
"Hey," Clary murmured. "You changed it! It's supposed to be eighteen!" She yawned. I laughed.
"We were 16 when we met, I thought it'd be fitting to change it. Now, shhh, go to sleep."
"Finish singing to me…"
I swear when I grow up, I won't just buy you a rose,
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely.
Even if the sun stops waking up over the fields,
I will not leave, I will not leave 'till it's our time.
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side…
"I'll never leave your siiiiiideeee." Clary sung sleepily. I laughed softly.
It was the winter of '86 and the fields had frozen over,
So we moved to Arizona, to save our only son.
And now he's turning into a man, although he thinks just like his mother,
He believes we're just lovers, he sees hope in everyone.
"Jace?" Clary whispered.
"Hmmm?"
"You see hope in everyone."
"Not exactly, Clary." I laughed.
"I think you do."
And even though she moved away,
We always get calls from our daughter.
She has eyes just like her father,
They are blue when skies are grey,
And just like him, she never stops,
Never takes the day for granted,
Works for everything that's handed to her,
Never once complains
"Jace?" Clary yawned.
"Hmmm?"
"If we have kids one day, what do you think they'll be like?"
"Beautiful, like you. Strong, smart…" I whispered, imagining a life with Clary, with tiny little kids running around. I'm sure Izzy would have fun with them, especially if we had a little girl… And a little girl in a white dress with Clary's red hair and my gold eyes reaches up for me to pick her up… I can't wait."The list goes on. We'd have wonderful children."
"You think so?"
"I know so, baby."
"Mmmm…" She smiled.
You think that I nearly lost you
When the doctors tried to take you away,
But like the night you took my hand beside the fire,
30 years ago, to this day.
You swore you'd be here till we decide that it's our time,
But it's not time, it's not time, you've never quit in all your life
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side,
You're the love of my life, you know that I will never leave your side
"Jace?" Clary whispered.
"Hmmm?"
"I will never leave your side."
"I'll never leave your side, either, Clary."
You come home from work and you kiss me on the eye,
You curse the dog, you say that I should never feed them what is ours
So we move out to the garden and look at everything we've grown
And now the kids are coming home,
I'll set the table,
You can make the fire.
"Clary?" I whispered.
Silence.
Clary's breathing was slow and even, nice and quiet. She was smiling peacefully—she looked like the most beautiful angel heaven could've ever made.
"I love you, Clary." I whispered, kissing her forehead. She smiled a little more as she cuddled more into my side.
"Jace…" She muttered.
She was dreaming about me.