Title: That's Life
Disclaimer: I don' t own Make it or Break it or the characters in this story. I would like to say I own Ava, but since she's semi-canon I can't exactly take full credit.
Once upon a time, Ava Tucker had it all. Well, close enough.
She was one of the most promising gymnasts and was even starting to become known as the "New Payson Keeler", although they were the same age. She was gorgeous, talented, and the younger sister to gymnastics' favorite bad boy Austin Tucker – giving her the unwanted nickname "Little Tuck."
Everything was looking up for her, except for one dark secret. She was anorexic.
It hadn't spawned from anyone calling her fat or anything like that. That would require people to pay a significant amount of attention to her. Her body was just the one thing she had control over. If she was physically better than Austin then maybe the comparisons would stop. Not that she resented her older brother, because she didn't in the slightest. He was the first one at her side when she told her parents she wanted to start gymnastics after watching Austin the gym so many times; he always came to her meets, no matter if he was hungover from partying the night before. Even though she would never admit to it, making him proud was another point in her upping her game.
"Go Little Tuck!" Austin called from the audience, causing a couple people nearby – including Max – to look over at him.
Ava looked up at her brother just as Max pulled him back down to his seat and beamed. Her nerves temporarily subsided as she scooped up some chalk and rubbed it in between her palms. She rolled her neck a little and stepped up to the bars.
Today was the big day. There was an important scout from Denver Elite in the audience who was there to recruit new gymnasts. The scout had seen her work previously and was impressed. Everyone was impressed to see if Little Tuck could hold her own against her brother though. It was a little intimidating but Ava had asked for it when she decided to be a part of the sport. That didn't stop the pressure. If she got close to a perfect score on all her marks then she would have a shot.
This morning she ran her daily six mile run along the creek, choosing to push herself another half mile despite her legs almost giving out on her. She needed to make sure that she was in perfect shape to further impress the judges. She wouldn't let her body be the one thing to mess her up.
So she took one final shaky breath and then hopped up, her legs giving her more support to swing up. Soon enough, she was performing the bar routine she had practiced non-stop with perfect precision. Her swings were effortless, due to their not being much weight on her body to hold her down. To the audience she looked graceful, which was the intention.
As she went around for the last time, she started to feel lightheaded. She closed her eyes tight as she let go of the bars and proceeded to flip and land on the mat with her feet. She raised her hands above her head and closed her eyes, trying to regain focus. She felt like she was going to faint if she made any sudden movements.
The audience clapped furiously at her and she could hear Austin faintly above the rest. She finally opened her eyes and slowly made her way back to the bench. She sat down hesitantly and looked up at the scoreboard.
17.50
She instantly felt relief. She had done it. She sat frozen in her as she watched the scoreboard, not even noticing that Austin had raced down from the stands toward her. Once he got close, he picked her from off the bench and enveloped her into a bear hug.
"That's what I'm talking about!" He yelled.
She slowly grinned and wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he spinned her around a little. When he set her back down, she ignored her temporary dizziness – that was only intensified from being lightheaded - and gave him a huge smile. He ran back up to the stands where Max was. If she didn't know any better, she could've sworn Max winked at her. She shyly smiled back and looked down, picking up her towel and wiping off the sweat from her forehead.
Big things were ahead for her.
…
"Austin, please. Just one night and I'll never ask you again." She pleaded, pouting in order to somehow further his decision.
Austin looked over at Max, who was smirking in the drivers seat, and then back at her before shaking his head. "No, I'm sorry. The only girls allowed in our apartment are girls we're planning on hooking up with okay. No little sisters." She cast a quick look over at Max, trying not to smile. "Now step aside Little Tuck. We have to be on the road by at least 4 to beat the traffic."
"What traffic? We live in a suburban neighborhood." She retorted, although she moved her body from against the car.
Suddenly the door opened and Mrs. Tucker appeared in the doorway. "Austin! Wait, I wrapped some food up for you to take back to the apartment!" She called out, holding up a Tupperware.
Austin sighed as Max turned the car off. "Mom, it's fine! We have food at the house!" He yelled back, sticking his head out of the car a little. Ava's eyes centered in on the Tupperware container and she felt her stomach churn slightly. She turned back to Austin.
"You should take some." She said, a little too quickly. "Dad and I can't eat all that. Plus, it'll save you money from pizza or Chinese food or whatever you bachelors eat." She said, rolling her eyes playfully. Austin let out a laugh before, opening the car door and getting out.
"Be back in a sec." He said to Max, before sprinting towards the house.
"Yeah, yeah." Max said, as Ava made her way to the driver's side. Once Austin was inside the house and the door was closed, she practically attacked Max with her mouth.
Fooling around with Max was never in the plan. He was always Austin's awkward best friend to her and she was always Austin's annoying little sister. Somewhere down the line it had developed into more. She had been feeling pretty invincible lately and it was new and exciting.
"Woah, okay…" Max said, pulling away from her. "We don't have to pounce on each other every chance we get."
She let out a laugh. "You hear yourself, right?" She leaned in and tried to kiss him again, but he put a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm serious." He said, clearing his throat a little. "Why don't we go somewhere? With people?"
"I told you I don't party, It's against the rules." She reminded him.
"Yeah well so is dating." He pointed out.
"We're not dating." She corrected him, giving him a look. "We're just having fun, okay? You're Austin's best friend and I'm his sister. That's it."
He tilted his head at her, a smirk growing. "That's so not it."
She smiled and shoved him playfully. "Shut up." He laughed.
The front door opened and Austin and Mrs. Tucker reappeared, this time carrying multiple Tupperware bowls in their hands.
"I should go help them." He said, unbuckling his seatbelt. He turned to her hesitantly. "We'll – "
"Max, relax." She said, laughing a little. Oh how rare that would become. "My parents don't suspect a thing. Austin is as clueless as ever. We're fine. I have complete and utter control over this situation." She gave him one small smile before backing up towards the house. "See you tomorrow night." She whispered, turning around and sprinting up to the front door, past Austin.
Everything was in the palm of her hand. Or so she thought.
…
She remembers the day as vividly as any other. Perhaps even more so as time went on.
It had started off like any other day. She woken up at five in the morning and ran her usual course, making sure she was back just as Austin was about to ride off to the gymnasium.
As she approached him, she could feel a slight shift in the air.
"Hey, give me a ride?" She said, just as he picked up the helmet from atop of Lolita's handlebars. She was having a little trouble catching her breath, but he didn't seem to notice.
He nodded once he acknowledged her presence. "Sure. Mom made pancakes though. I think she was saving you some." He made a point to hold eye contact, which always made her antsy. Looking back, it was obvious that he was testing her. She looked down and let out a shaky sigh before looking back up at him.
"Actually, I should probably take a shower before I go. I'll see you there." She said, before making her way up the driveway. Her excuses had become more transparent, but she took the fact that Austin hadn't confronted her as him understanding in some twisted way. Every day she got more and more tired and weak and she just wasn't as creative as she used to be. Most days Austin would just drop their conversations even if he obviously didn't believe , however, he was a little more persistent.
She heard his footsteps behind her as she reached the front door. "I can wait." He called out. She slowed to a stop and closed her eyes, hoping he didn't just say that. "For you." He clarified. "I don't have to be there that early anyways."
She mentally cursed before turning around and plastering on the ghost of a smile. The same smile she displayed every time she finished a perfect routine at the gym and her coach clapped in awe. If anyone were to look a little longer or closer they could see that it was just a shell and inside wasn't nearly as secure. "Don't worry about it. I can find a ride. Or walk. It's fine." She pressed. As she turned back towards the door and opened it, she felt him walk in behind her.
"Are you serious? I'm not letting you walk when I can just as easily give you a ride. I can just watch highlights of the game last night while you shower and eat. No biggie." He walked past her unzipped his leather jacket.
"What?" She said, trying not to freak out. Her voice was uncontrollably shaky all of a sudden. "A-Austin, we don't have time. I always get to the gym early and I'm not sacrificing that just so you can see your stupid highlights." She said, regaining her composure.
Austin turned around and made a face. "What are you talking about? I'm offering to give you a ride. Most sisters would thank their brothers for that."
"Yeah well most gymnasts wouldn't be forced to waste time taking a shower and eating breakfast when they could be practicing for the big meet."
"Okay, calm down. You're the one who wanted to take a shower. If you want to go so badly, let's go then." He headed back towards the door and she sighed, feeling in control once again.
"Thank you." She said, picking up her duffel bag from by the door.
He opened the door. "No prob. Do you want me to stop and pick you up something on the way though?"
She looked up at him and glared, her anger rising quickly. "Just drop it, okay? I'm not hungry." She snapped.
"Okay, jeez. Pull the brakes already." He said, putting up what she saw was an innocent act. What she would learn was that she had become gradually more aggressive towards everyone lately. Her parents and teammates had started walking on eggshells around her. Austin was the only one who wasn't afraid of what she would do if he threw some aggression back at her. She was ready for whatever he had though.
"No! You pull the brakes. Stop obsessing over everything and just let me do this." She tried to push past him out the door, but his arm was conveniently blocking her way.
"Obsessing? And do what? You're not even making any sense right now."
"Just leave. Me. Alone. Does that make perfect sense for you?" She yelled, being the most passionate about something she had said in a long time.
"What is going on in here?"
The Austin siblings instantly turned to see their parents racing down the stairs. Both of them had a look of fear in their eyes and coincidentally they were staring only at Ava. She stammered to come up with a good excuse that would get her out of this house as soon as possible.
"Nothing mom, we're just talking." She said before staring at Austin. Her eyes pleaded him to go along with it and after some resistance, he sighed and nodded in agreement.
Mr. Tucker snorted. "To hell you were. It sounded like World War III down here!"
"It's nothing." Austin interjected. "We were just heading to the gym." He avoided Ava's eyes and looked directly at their father.
Mrs. Tucker smiled tensely, obviously not buying it. "Sweetie, I made you breakfast while you were out running. Did you see it?"
Damn it.
"…Austin and I are going to get breakfast on the way. Don't worry about it." More lies. By now she was swimming in them with no way out. The only way to go was down.
Her mom's expression softened sadly. "Oh, but a nice home cooked breakfast would be bet-"
"I'm not hungry, okay? Just let it go. What is with everyone's obsession with me eating for Christ's sake?" She snapped, startling her mom. She instantly regretted it. Not once had anyone raised their voice at their mother. She was the sweetest person ever and was always trying to help everyone. Ava started to backtrack, feeling claustrophobic suddenly. "I-I mean…"
"Eat the damn food, Ava." Her dad yelled. "Eat it or we're pulling you off the team. I'm sick of you lying to our faces every day." Her eyes shot to her dad with a feeling of fear finally seeping through her body.
"Dad –" Austin spoke up, always ready to defend his little sister no matter how wrong she was. It would become her favorite and least favorite thing about him.
"No Austin, don't 'dad' me. She thinks that we're stupid." He turned back to his only daughter and stared at her as if she was a complete stranger. "I can't even recognize her anymore."
"I'm fine." She whispered, feeling her voice crack. Her duffle bag strap slid down her shoulder and to the ground.
"I said stop it. Go in there and eat the food." He grabbed onto her silm hand and started leading her to the kitchen. She tried to resist, but he was too strong for her.
"Joe, stop it!" Her mom yelled, tears forming in her own eyes. Austin sprinted forward and tried to stop his dad, but had met his match with their burly father. Ava put up a notable yet useless fight until she was placed in a chair in the dining table. She proceeded to break down as her father left and returned with her breakfast plate, which was cold by now.
"Just eat it." He said tiredly, before sitting in the chair across from her. "Please."
She couldn't even acknowledge him with how hard she was crying. She covered her eyes with her hands and just let everything go. All the fighting she had done with herself and resentment for being known as nothing more than "Little Tuck", Austin's younger, smarter, and more level headed sister. She had tried so hard to be more than that, but she was done. So she lowered her hands and tried to subside her sobs long enough to croak out her last words of freedom before her life would no longer become her decision.
"I can't."
…
Rehab was tough, to put it kindly. It took most of her to fully admit that she had a problem. She had somehow convinced herself that she was just exhausted from training, but everyone knew the reality of her situation. And so did she.
The Tucker family struggled to keep itself together. Austin came the most, her father the least, and her mother was somewhere in between. Her father apologized countless times for grabbing her that day, but she knew that if he hadn't she would have probably died as dramatic as it sounds. Everything was dramatic right now and she couldn't help it.
Being told that her gymnastics career was now over was harder for her to comprehend than having an actual eating disorder. She locked herself in her room and cried most nights, hoping that one day she would wake up and she would be back on top. Back in control.
Seven months later, she was released and sent home. Physically and mentally, she was much better. She understood the severity of what she had done to herself and the people around her and accepted that she needed to change. Emotionally, she was broken. She had made a mistake that had cost her her dream and now she had nothing.
…
One month later and Ava was essentially going through the motions. Her parents refused to let her out of their sight and made sure she ate all three meals in the dining room with at least one of them. The few friends she had made from gymnastics were too busy at the gym to hang out with her and she was homeschooled so there was no reason to get out of the house most days. So she didn't.
The first couple of days, she got by by watching gymnastics on the television but soon her dad got it in his head that it wasn't good for her psychologically so she wasn't allowed to watch it anymore.
One day after breakfast, she sat out on the front steps and just let everything sink in. She had no idea what she was doing anymore. All her plans were gone and it was all her fault.
Suddenly, the familiar sound of a motorcycle drove past the Tucker front gate and pulled up in front of the house. Ava let out a small smile. Smiles were ever only reserved for Austin, no matter how annoying he had become with his eating disorder trivia.
"Hey." He said once he got off Lolita and undid his helmet, holding it under his arm.
"Hey." She looked up at him, still not moving from her spot on the steps. She slipped her hands out of her hoodie pockets and onto her lap.
"What's up?" He said, slowing to a stop in front of her.
She shrugged, a tired laugh escaping her lips. "Not much. Like every other day. I'll probably finish another book. Or draw an entire jungle. The possibilities are endless."
He raised his eyebrows. "Okay, Grumpy…"
"Why are you here? Don't you have practice or something?" She asked, getting straight to the point.
He smirked. "I do, but I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. I already got the go-ahead from Mom and Dad." He pulled his helmet out and slipped it onto his head. "But if you're busy drawing jungles then I can come back some other time."
She just stared at him, still processing what he was saying. This would be her first time at a gym since before rehab. She wasn't sure if she was emotionally prepared for it, but right now anything sounded better than sitting at home bored and restless. So she stood up and walked with him to Lolita, grabbing the spare helmet and placing it onto her head. She climbed on after him and wrapped her arms around his waist as he sped off. For a couple seconds, she felt freer than she had been in almost nine months.
…
"So this is your new home, huh?" Ava said, once they entered The Rock. Everyone was already exercising on every each of equipment and it felt really humid from all of the body heat.
Austin smirked as he removed his leather jacket. "Just sit over there with the parents please. Don't mess with anyone." He instructed before heading into the locker room. She rolled her eyes and headed over to the closed off area where the parents were.
On her way they she could have sworn she had seen Max talking to some blonde. She did a double take and sure enough, there he was. She slowed her pace and tensed up a little.
It was stupid to think that their little fling could last something as serious as rehab so she wasn't surprised when he didn't come to visit her, occasionally passing along a "hi" to Austin during his visits. It was understandable, but seeing him was just surprising.
After letting out a laugh at whatever the blonde said, Max casually looked over in her direction and spotted her staring. She stopped walking and just stared back at him, forcing out an awkward wave. The blonde looked over at her and then back at him and after a couple seconds Max was heading over. She felt her breath catch in her throat.
"Ava. Wow…I wasn't expecting to see you here." He said, visibly surprised.
She tried to ignore how cute his haircut looked and just how overall attractive he had gotten since the last time she had seen him. "Yeah well, you know me, always keeping people on their toes." She said, with a shrug. She wasn't expecting to sound so deadpan, but her voice could only seem to vary between deadpan and somber sarcasm lately.
"How are you?" He asked, as he subtly checked her out. She started to feel uncontrollably uncomfortable. She hadn't stepped on a weight scale or exercised in what felt like ages so she knew she had to be the opposite of attractive at the moment.
"Alive. Eating. Recovering." She said simply, sighing in between each word. She knew that's what he was what he had been implying. She let out another sigh, this time more natural. "She's cute." She said, nodding towards the blonde who kept staring at them.
Max looked over and sighed himself, nodding awkwardly. "She is." He looked back at her. "Look, I didn't mean to be so MIA while you were gone. I tried to call you a couple times, but –"
"We weren't allowed to have our phones." She said, sparing him some extra guilt while giving him an excuse. She took a step closer to him. "It's fine. Promise. I probably would have done the same thing to be honest."
That got him halfway smiling. It faded again after a couple moments. "Just so you know, Payson and I aren't dating." He said, nodding back towards the blonde.
She smiled softly. Payson. Cute. "Neither were we."
His eyebrows kinked slightly in confusion. "Right. Well, I better get going."
"Bye." She said, before turning and heading into the viewing area. She sat down and stared through the glass at everyone in the gym, happy to see that Max wasn't still staring at her when she went to look at her. She was fine with this. And even if she wasn't, she would be fine with it eventually.
Her eyes scanned the gym for Austin and she spotted him talking to a brunette. She saw both of them look in her direction and them Austin trying to pull the brunette back, but failed. Suddenly she was approaching the viewing area. Ava started to feel self-conscious. What was this about?
"Ava?" The brunette called out quietly, slowly sitting down in the seat next to her. "Hi, I'm Kaylie."
Ava looked at her for a couple of seconds, not quite getting the point. "Hi?"
Kaylie looked taken back for a moment before speaking. "A-Austin hasn't mentioned me?"
"No, why? Are you his girlfriend or something?"
Kaylie paused, casting a brief look at Austin who was standing closer to them looking helpless. She turned back to Ava. "Okay well, I just want you to say thank you. You may not know who I am, but Austin's told me a lot about you and what you've been through and it's really helped me in my recovery."
"Wait, what did you say?" Ava said, instantly becoming invested in the conversation.
Kaylie blinked. "Um, thank you for –"
"No, did you say 'recovery'?" She didn't even wait for a confirmation before she sprang from her seat and left the room. She walked up to Austin, who looked ready with a billion excuses. She only needed one answer from him at the moment however. "You told her about me?" She yelled, attracting a couple stares from nearby gymnasts.
Austin made a face, not expecting that to come out of her mouth. "What?"
"I actually hate you right now." She said, before storming off out of the gym. She didn't know how to get home from here, but she was walking if she had to. As she opened the front door and walked into the parking lot, she heard Austin behind her.
"V, wait up! Where are you going?" He yelled as he ran up to her.
She turned around, tears burning down her cheeks. "Why did you bring me here Austin? Why?"
He stopped walking and just looked at her. "I don't know, I thought it'd be better than sitting in the house like you've been doing."
"Bullshit." She said, before turning around and attempting to walk away. He caught her arm.
"Stop, okay?"
She pulled her arm from under his and glared up at him. "You seriously thought me sitting in there watching everyone do the one thing I can't ever do again would be better than being at home? Well fuck you then."
"Okay, I just wanted to hang out with you. Is that bad too?"
"We could've hung out on Sunday or something. It's not like my schedule is filling up any time soon."
"What are you getting at?"
"Did you bring me here to scare 'Kaylie' or something? Show her what will happen to her if she doesn't get better or some kind of crap like that because I swear –"
"No! I can't believe you would even ask me that."
"Then how does she know? And don't lie."
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. She fought every bone not to walk away in that moment. Tuckers were known for being slightly hot-headed and closed-off when they wanted to be. Her thoughts got cut off once he spoke up. "You just always seem so depressed lately and I wanted you to get away from Mom and Dad. I can only bet that they're making home a living hell being up your ass every second and I just wanted to take you away for a couple hours. Honest. I…did tell Kaylie to show her what could happen, but I promise you it wasn't like that. She didn't listen to me anyway, okay? And today, she saw you and she wouldn't let me get to work unless I told her it was you and I'm sorry. I screwed up. But look at you for a second. You're crying. Do you remember the last time you cried? The last time you felt anything?"
She looked down and wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve. "I don't remember." She mumbled, looking down.
He nodded. "It's okay to be upset or angry, okay? You don't always have to think everyone's pitying you all the time."
"But they are." She said, looking back up at him. "And they're right. I'm a has-been. I'm going to end up in a boring nine to five job in some office somewhere someday."
"Well, once the Olympics are done I won't have a future either. I might end up right next to you in that office or something. You never know. That's life."
She sighed and walked closer, wrapping her arms around his waist. She buried her face in his chest and just let everything go like she had done once before. She felt Austin wrap his arms around her and rest his head on top of hers. After awhile, she calmed down and just looked at up at him.
"I love you, you know that?" She said simply. "We should say it more often." She added.
He looked down at her and nodded. "I love you too Little Tuck."
And for once that nickname didn't make her want to cringe.
A/N: And there you have it. I finally decided to buckle down and get this done so I could devote full attention to the last month of school. Some parts of this felt really cheesy and overly dramatic and Ava needs some fine tuning, but I hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless. Also, B, you have my permission to invite Little Tuck into your crack filled one-shots or whatever you please. That is if you still want to after reading this ;)
Enjoy!