A.n.-Though I'm a Ryou-chan and Malik-chan fan to the core I was listening to this song and I've seen a few song fics by it but they've always starred Ryou-chan, not that I mind of course ^_^hehe. Neways...I wondered...what if Yuugi's guiltless smile hide something just like Ryou-chan. What if the Pharaoh everyone adores, is really just as dark and twisted as the other Yamis' review onegai^_~
Dedication-To everyone who knows just what a smile can hide.
Disclaimer-I do not own Yugioh or this song "Crawling" by Linkin Park.
~Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall...confusing what is real~
~There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming...confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling...I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in~
The sky was an ominous gray, threatening in its silent anger to us mere mortals beneath its eternal gaze. Lightening flashed, followed by thunder and I trembled slightly. I was free tonight...or was I? He hadn't said much today...but then he never does. Always silent and broadening, his power and silent commands simmering through my very veins.
I can?t deny him anything. I know that. He knows that. I tried once, way back when we were in Duelist Kingdom when he tried to kill Kaiba-san over a simple duel. I failed then. And I'd fail in trying again. And I have a feeling I'd been in for a far more harsher punishment then that I endured then.
He overcame my will with pathetic ease. Though I suppose that shouldn't surprise me. Strength has never been one of my finer points in life. Books? Yes. School? Hah, of course. Duel Monsters? Though I wish I'd never picked up my deck, I can give anyone a run for their money. But will? Hahaha, we Hikaris never had much of that when it came to our darker halves.
Look at poor white haired Ryou. At least his Yami is obvious about his feelings toward him, forcing him to separate himself from all of us. Always plotting behind the innocent boy's eyes to steal my puzzle. I do not fight to protect the golden object simply because of the spirit that lies inside. Hell, I'd give it up if it weren't for the simple fact that being without him for one second kills me.
It hurts being a half, half a person...half a soul. You can't imagine how it feels, no one can. Maybe that's why I try to protect him, maybe that's why I keep of this facade...I don't know...I don't know anything anymore. Its hard to think, hard to do anything. I almost wish that he would hit me, beat me as all my so-called "friends" believe Ryou's Yami hurts him.
Maybe then they would see. See the painful truth that while my Yami may pretend to be my all-time protector and battler against those who would destroy the world...he's no different from them.
They would all abandon me if they knew...the same way they've abandoned Ryou and even Malik before they got to know him. The simple fact is that they're afraid...afraid of even the lighter halves of the darkness that would destroy them without a second thought. Perhaps it's wrong for me to judge them so. After all, with my situation I've no right to be hypocritical.
The simple fact is that we all run from what we don't understand, from what we cannot even fathom. My Yami is just as evil as Ryou and Malik's...he just hides it better. While the former two run about causing havoc and laughing madly as they see a mortals blood run over their flesh...mine doesn't.
Gods, I nearly wish he would. If only so they would see...so they'd stop always siding with him. I love them dearly so...I smile...I smile and smile until my face wants to crack and I want to scream and rant...But I cannot do that. I would lose them then...and as false as I know all of our friendship truly is, I don't want to lose it.
Jounouchi-kun...he's so loyal, with a heart of gold but even he would turn away if he knew what my Yami's proclamations of protecting him and the rest of the world were. If he knew all the real reasons that my Yami constantly helped him a duel... But he doesn't...no one does. My Yami misses the old days...the days when he had ruled supreme on his thrown over thousands...if he had half a chance he would turn the whole world back to all of that...I know he would.
I was hyperventilating, the taste of copper on my tongue. My mind was aching. Yami loved to stay out for hours and hours in a physical form...just to torment me...because it drew on my energy when he didn't support himself--which he rarely did I might add. I curled up tightly on my bed, gritting my teeth together.
The walls of my room seemed to be closing in on me, suffocating me. The ceiling swooped down, the walls drawing in quickly to squish me. The air...so heavy...so hard to breathe...droplets of sweat running through my flesh. Pain. Fear. That?s all I knew, all I needed to know any more. Why think of safety and comfort? They were all illusions. Each one waiting to be cracked...by that darkness that lives in your mind...just waiting to be given life. For you to give him that eternal kiss that brings him into being...binding him to you longer then forever.
I squeezed my eyes shut tight, hating the blackness that engulfed me at the action but not wanting to face the ever closing walls of my bedroom any longer then I had to. Maybe I was crazy. Crazy just like Malik's Yami...I don't know...My chest was heaving up and down, tears were running down my cheeks. A howl of anguish was trying to fight its way up.
Breathe...breathe...breathe...in and out....in and out...shhh....calm...calm...the shifting ocean...calm...calm like the ocean.....
I sobbed out loud, burying my face in my pillow...its not working like those books said it would. Breathe... yes breathe...the walls are receding slowly...slowly...the air isn't so heavy right? Its all in my head... all in my head...all in my head...
I opened my eyes slowly, my eyes burning at the tears that fell down. Tch, it actually worked...everything looks somewhat normal...for the moment...'til he returns from his nightly outing. I cringed, tightening my arms around my legs as I sank into a fetal position.
~Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before...so insecure~
~Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall...confusing what is real~
~Discomfort as endlessly pulled itself upon me
Distracting...reacting
Against my will I stand beside my reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in~
People often mistake he and I for twins or brothers...even my own Grandfather often can't tell the difference between us. It shocks me how they don't know me well enough that they can't tell between my darkness and I. Ryou can...so can Malik. Easily they always know which one of us is in control... it's the same with me.
My "friends" can never tell. Many a time Yami Bakura has walked through the streets of Domino with us wearing his lighter halves smile and cheery voice...and they believed it was him. Never even considered that those eyes that seemed to look at them with such sincerity were hideing such evil...such cold icy uncareing that it would chill them to the bone to ever comprehend. Maybe it's got something to do with being a Hikari...or maybe they are simply blind.
I hate them sometimes. Hate them because they can't see what we Hikaris have to live with day after day...after day. They say I'm so lucky, to have a guardian like Yami...to be such a Duelist with a kind Grandfather, they say my life would be bliss if not for those constantly trying to steal my Puzzle.
I laughed out loud at the irony. Laughed long and hard. I stopped abruptly. Was that laughter Yami's or mine? No....nononono...I was safe for now...right? Yes...Yes...safe...safe...
They didn't know that I would trade everything...*EVERYTHING* I have right now...every blasted piece of it if I just...never had to know him...that my finger caressed those golden puzzle pieces...that I had never ever tried to put it together. I doubled over suddenly in pain, every muscle in my body becoming tight with the agony that ripped through the very core of my being.
It hurt...it hurt so much...
Then...suddenly...I was in another room. Filled with river of toys over toys...the doorway swung open and a figure I knew so very well stood there...I wanted to cry...scream...but I didn't...or maybe couldn't. I leaned against the brightly colored wall. Shutting my eyes tight. Safe...Safe in here...he can't enter my Soul Room without permission...without my saying so...right? Yes...he can't...breathe...breathe Yuugi...your fine...just breathe...
/Hikari...Hikari.../
His voice murmured around me, so compelling...filled with such *longing*. My eyes opened without my permission. He knows I can't resist when he fills my name with that sort of emotion...as though he simply will die if I don't come near...I want to run...I want to run away...far from this dark presence that has stained my very soul...but I can't...I'm chained to him forever...and the harder I try to run away from him...the faster I run straight to him...he's like a deadly drug...that's so very addictive...with so many penalties from a single touch.
//Come in...Yami//
I sent, my heart screaming in rage at me for doing that...for allowing him entrance *here* of all places. My soul room...one of the last places I could hold sacred...while he has ransacked my every memory, stripped me of every privacy I have, he has never entered here...until now. Even this has been yanked from me...because of my own weakness...my own stupid weakness...
His stood in front of me, his hands running through my hair and down my face. I hate it when he does that. Treats me like a china doll, just before the pain comes. Just before he takes me, makes me want what I don't. Hate it...hate it...hate it...gods, did being a Pharaoh make him this good of a kisser or was he simply *born* this way?
I blinked, and I was suddenly back in my own body; the pain was gone and that ageless presence in my mind was silent...for once. I almost felt like a normal kid. He likes to do that sometimes. Give me a feeling of normality before yanking it away. Likes to burn all my securities to ash, so all I'm left with is him...this nightmare that always follows me...that will always be there no matter what I may wish or desire.
I rose slowly and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door with a trembling hand. Jii-chan was off on a business trip...leaving me alone with what he thought to be a mostly benevolent spirit...oh how he has fooled them all. Even me for a time. But I knew his true nature...how could I not?
He lives in my mind, joined to my very soul...I know him so well, and I don't know him really at all. He can be menacing, he can be cruel, and lord knows he can make himself appear like some sort of kind protective spirit in public...but they never see him like I do...they can't...it would kill them to know that their precious protector they look up like some sort of Kami is the same as the other Yamis'. Same desire to rule and conquest the world.
What better way to do it then to gain the trust of most of them...make them weak before the final strike that leaves them paralyzed? At least Ryou's Yami is completely forthright with his intentions. At least he lets everyone know that he wants all the Items and their powers...mine hides in the shadows waiting for a moment to strike at that mystical power. Just waiting for the right moment...
And I can't say a word...who would truly believe me? And what extremes would he go to if I told....?
/You know the answer to that chibi Hikari../
His voice growled in my mind...trickling through me like water...eroding all my confidence, all my pride, everything away in but an instant.
//H...Hai...//
He wouldn't kill me, oh no...that would be far to generous an end...besides, kill me and he ends up back in the puzzle...no too wise, ne? Oh...death...I think about that often...and Kami knows I'd try that way out if I wasn't so afraid...not of what lays beyond...but of what he would do when I failed...and I fail I would...I'm to weak to ever dream of overcoming him...
~Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced there?s just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before...so insecure~
~Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall...confusing what is real~
~Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall...confusing, confusing what is
real~
He's always there...
Just beneath the surface of me...always waiting, always listening...always there. He's never struck me physically...on the outside, that'd be obvious to anyone...wouldn't want to give him away just yet after all. I looked timidly into the large mirror before me. A pair of crimson eyes stared right back, glinting and laughing like cold metal. Mocking me with their strength, their eternal fire.
Anger I couldn't bear struck through me like lightning. Snarling rage I punched the mirror as hard as I could. It cracked instantly, my knuckles bruised and bleeding. Split images of his eyes stared back at me, still laughing at my pitiful attempt. I felt something pull inside me and there he was again.
"Tsk, Tsk...my Hikari, you should be more careful.."
He cradled my hand in his for a minute, his slender fingers deliberately pressing some of the glass farther in. I wrenched my hand from his grasp, mewling in pain as I cradled the throbbing limp against my chest.
"I hate you...I hate you...I HATE YOU!" I chanted, screaming the words as tears rained down my cheeks like so much carelessly spilled blood.
He chuckled darkly at me, "Don't say things you don't mean, Hikari. You can't live without me. And besides...what would your little friends say if they heard 'perfect innocent little Yuugi' talking like that? You think they would stay with you if I didn't play this little game? You think they wouldn't avoid you like they do the Tomb Robber's Hikari?"
I trembled at his words...because it was true. It was. They didn't know how they'd betrayed me by allying themselves with my darker half. By favoring him they could never hold room in their hearts for me...who ever would? Who would ever know the truth that laid beneath my Yami's facade?
He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me effortlessly up. I'm so afraid...so afraid mostly of him. I hate him...I hate him *so* much...and damn him to the eternal fire he's made me love him too...even though I know I'm just a toy...just a little toy for him to play with and destroy when it suited him...just a broken little toy that once he was done with their would be nothing left of the once smiling boy that had once been....
~There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming...
Confusing what is real
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling...~
~Confusing what is real~
A.n.-Don't know where this came from...guess I just had the urge...hope ya liked it though^_^. This is just a one-shot...but if ya'all want/review...I may add another chapter features Yuugi's Yami's (Yugioh as I refer to him) thoughts on this...so...review onegai^_^.
Dedication-To everyone who knows just what a smile can hide.
Disclaimer-I do not own Yugioh or this song "Crawling" by Linkin Park.
~Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall...confusing what is real~
~There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming...confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling...I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in~
The sky was an ominous gray, threatening in its silent anger to us mere mortals beneath its eternal gaze. Lightening flashed, followed by thunder and I trembled slightly. I was free tonight...or was I? He hadn't said much today...but then he never does. Always silent and broadening, his power and silent commands simmering through my very veins.
I can?t deny him anything. I know that. He knows that. I tried once, way back when we were in Duelist Kingdom when he tried to kill Kaiba-san over a simple duel. I failed then. And I'd fail in trying again. And I have a feeling I'd been in for a far more harsher punishment then that I endured then.
He overcame my will with pathetic ease. Though I suppose that shouldn't surprise me. Strength has never been one of my finer points in life. Books? Yes. School? Hah, of course. Duel Monsters? Though I wish I'd never picked up my deck, I can give anyone a run for their money. But will? Hahaha, we Hikaris never had much of that when it came to our darker halves.
Look at poor white haired Ryou. At least his Yami is obvious about his feelings toward him, forcing him to separate himself from all of us. Always plotting behind the innocent boy's eyes to steal my puzzle. I do not fight to protect the golden object simply because of the spirit that lies inside. Hell, I'd give it up if it weren't for the simple fact that being without him for one second kills me.
It hurts being a half, half a person...half a soul. You can't imagine how it feels, no one can. Maybe that's why I try to protect him, maybe that's why I keep of this facade...I don't know...I don't know anything anymore. Its hard to think, hard to do anything. I almost wish that he would hit me, beat me as all my so-called "friends" believe Ryou's Yami hurts him.
Maybe then they would see. See the painful truth that while my Yami may pretend to be my all-time protector and battler against those who would destroy the world...he's no different from them.
They would all abandon me if they knew...the same way they've abandoned Ryou and even Malik before they got to know him. The simple fact is that they're afraid...afraid of even the lighter halves of the darkness that would destroy them without a second thought. Perhaps it's wrong for me to judge them so. After all, with my situation I've no right to be hypocritical.
The simple fact is that we all run from what we don't understand, from what we cannot even fathom. My Yami is just as evil as Ryou and Malik's...he just hides it better. While the former two run about causing havoc and laughing madly as they see a mortals blood run over their flesh...mine doesn't.
Gods, I nearly wish he would. If only so they would see...so they'd stop always siding with him. I love them dearly so...I smile...I smile and smile until my face wants to crack and I want to scream and rant...But I cannot do that. I would lose them then...and as false as I know all of our friendship truly is, I don't want to lose it.
Jounouchi-kun...he's so loyal, with a heart of gold but even he would turn away if he knew what my Yami's proclamations of protecting him and the rest of the world were. If he knew all the real reasons that my Yami constantly helped him a duel... But he doesn't...no one does. My Yami misses the old days...the days when he had ruled supreme on his thrown over thousands...if he had half a chance he would turn the whole world back to all of that...I know he would.
I was hyperventilating, the taste of copper on my tongue. My mind was aching. Yami loved to stay out for hours and hours in a physical form...just to torment me...because it drew on my energy when he didn't support himself--which he rarely did I might add. I curled up tightly on my bed, gritting my teeth together.
The walls of my room seemed to be closing in on me, suffocating me. The ceiling swooped down, the walls drawing in quickly to squish me. The air...so heavy...so hard to breathe...droplets of sweat running through my flesh. Pain. Fear. That?s all I knew, all I needed to know any more. Why think of safety and comfort? They were all illusions. Each one waiting to be cracked...by that darkness that lives in your mind...just waiting to be given life. For you to give him that eternal kiss that brings him into being...binding him to you longer then forever.
I squeezed my eyes shut tight, hating the blackness that engulfed me at the action but not wanting to face the ever closing walls of my bedroom any longer then I had to. Maybe I was crazy. Crazy just like Malik's Yami...I don't know...My chest was heaving up and down, tears were running down my cheeks. A howl of anguish was trying to fight its way up.
Breathe...breathe...breathe...in and out....in and out...shhh....calm...calm...the shifting ocean...calm...calm like the ocean.....
I sobbed out loud, burying my face in my pillow...its not working like those books said it would. Breathe... yes breathe...the walls are receding slowly...slowly...the air isn't so heavy right? Its all in my head... all in my head...all in my head...
I opened my eyes slowly, my eyes burning at the tears that fell down. Tch, it actually worked...everything looks somewhat normal...for the moment...'til he returns from his nightly outing. I cringed, tightening my arms around my legs as I sank into a fetal position.
~Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before...so insecure~
~Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall...confusing what is real~
~Discomfort as endlessly pulled itself upon me
Distracting...reacting
Against my will I stand beside my reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in~
People often mistake he and I for twins or brothers...even my own Grandfather often can't tell the difference between us. It shocks me how they don't know me well enough that they can't tell between my darkness and I. Ryou can...so can Malik. Easily they always know which one of us is in control... it's the same with me.
My "friends" can never tell. Many a time Yami Bakura has walked through the streets of Domino with us wearing his lighter halves smile and cheery voice...and they believed it was him. Never even considered that those eyes that seemed to look at them with such sincerity were hideing such evil...such cold icy uncareing that it would chill them to the bone to ever comprehend. Maybe it's got something to do with being a Hikari...or maybe they are simply blind.
I hate them sometimes. Hate them because they can't see what we Hikaris have to live with day after day...after day. They say I'm so lucky, to have a guardian like Yami...to be such a Duelist with a kind Grandfather, they say my life would be bliss if not for those constantly trying to steal my Puzzle.
I laughed out loud at the irony. Laughed long and hard. I stopped abruptly. Was that laughter Yami's or mine? No....nononono...I was safe for now...right? Yes...Yes...safe...safe...
They didn't know that I would trade everything...*EVERYTHING* I have right now...every blasted piece of it if I just...never had to know him...that my finger caressed those golden puzzle pieces...that I had never ever tried to put it together. I doubled over suddenly in pain, every muscle in my body becoming tight with the agony that ripped through the very core of my being.
It hurt...it hurt so much...
Then...suddenly...I was in another room. Filled with river of toys over toys...the doorway swung open and a figure I knew so very well stood there...I wanted to cry...scream...but I didn't...or maybe couldn't. I leaned against the brightly colored wall. Shutting my eyes tight. Safe...Safe in here...he can't enter my Soul Room without permission...without my saying so...right? Yes...he can't...breathe...breathe Yuugi...your fine...just breathe...
/Hikari...Hikari.../
His voice murmured around me, so compelling...filled with such *longing*. My eyes opened without my permission. He knows I can't resist when he fills my name with that sort of emotion...as though he simply will die if I don't come near...I want to run...I want to run away...far from this dark presence that has stained my very soul...but I can't...I'm chained to him forever...and the harder I try to run away from him...the faster I run straight to him...he's like a deadly drug...that's so very addictive...with so many penalties from a single touch.
//Come in...Yami//
I sent, my heart screaming in rage at me for doing that...for allowing him entrance *here* of all places. My soul room...one of the last places I could hold sacred...while he has ransacked my every memory, stripped me of every privacy I have, he has never entered here...until now. Even this has been yanked from me...because of my own weakness...my own stupid weakness...
His stood in front of me, his hands running through my hair and down my face. I hate it when he does that. Treats me like a china doll, just before the pain comes. Just before he takes me, makes me want what I don't. Hate it...hate it...hate it...gods, did being a Pharaoh make him this good of a kisser or was he simply *born* this way?
I blinked, and I was suddenly back in my own body; the pain was gone and that ageless presence in my mind was silent...for once. I almost felt like a normal kid. He likes to do that sometimes. Give me a feeling of normality before yanking it away. Likes to burn all my securities to ash, so all I'm left with is him...this nightmare that always follows me...that will always be there no matter what I may wish or desire.
I rose slowly and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door with a trembling hand. Jii-chan was off on a business trip...leaving me alone with what he thought to be a mostly benevolent spirit...oh how he has fooled them all. Even me for a time. But I knew his true nature...how could I not?
He lives in my mind, joined to my very soul...I know him so well, and I don't know him really at all. He can be menacing, he can be cruel, and lord knows he can make himself appear like some sort of kind protective spirit in public...but they never see him like I do...they can't...it would kill them to know that their precious protector they look up like some sort of Kami is the same as the other Yamis'. Same desire to rule and conquest the world.
What better way to do it then to gain the trust of most of them...make them weak before the final strike that leaves them paralyzed? At least Ryou's Yami is completely forthright with his intentions. At least he lets everyone know that he wants all the Items and their powers...mine hides in the shadows waiting for a moment to strike at that mystical power. Just waiting for the right moment...
And I can't say a word...who would truly believe me? And what extremes would he go to if I told....?
/You know the answer to that chibi Hikari../
His voice growled in my mind...trickling through me like water...eroding all my confidence, all my pride, everything away in but an instant.
//H...Hai...//
He wouldn't kill me, oh no...that would be far to generous an end...besides, kill me and he ends up back in the puzzle...no too wise, ne? Oh...death...I think about that often...and Kami knows I'd try that way out if I wasn't so afraid...not of what lays beyond...but of what he would do when I failed...and I fail I would...I'm to weak to ever dream of overcoming him...
~Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced there?s just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before...so insecure~
~Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall...confusing what is real~
~Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall...confusing, confusing what is
real~
He's always there...
Just beneath the surface of me...always waiting, always listening...always there. He's never struck me physically...on the outside, that'd be obvious to anyone...wouldn't want to give him away just yet after all. I looked timidly into the large mirror before me. A pair of crimson eyes stared right back, glinting and laughing like cold metal. Mocking me with their strength, their eternal fire.
Anger I couldn't bear struck through me like lightning. Snarling rage I punched the mirror as hard as I could. It cracked instantly, my knuckles bruised and bleeding. Split images of his eyes stared back at me, still laughing at my pitiful attempt. I felt something pull inside me and there he was again.
"Tsk, Tsk...my Hikari, you should be more careful.."
He cradled my hand in his for a minute, his slender fingers deliberately pressing some of the glass farther in. I wrenched my hand from his grasp, mewling in pain as I cradled the throbbing limp against my chest.
"I hate you...I hate you...I HATE YOU!" I chanted, screaming the words as tears rained down my cheeks like so much carelessly spilled blood.
He chuckled darkly at me, "Don't say things you don't mean, Hikari. You can't live without me. And besides...what would your little friends say if they heard 'perfect innocent little Yuugi' talking like that? You think they would stay with you if I didn't play this little game? You think they wouldn't avoid you like they do the Tomb Robber's Hikari?"
I trembled at his words...because it was true. It was. They didn't know how they'd betrayed me by allying themselves with my darker half. By favoring him they could never hold room in their hearts for me...who ever would? Who would ever know the truth that laid beneath my Yami's facade?
He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me effortlessly up. I'm so afraid...so afraid mostly of him. I hate him...I hate him *so* much...and damn him to the eternal fire he's made me love him too...even though I know I'm just a toy...just a little toy for him to play with and destroy when it suited him...just a broken little toy that once he was done with their would be nothing left of the once smiling boy that had once been....
~There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming...
Confusing what is real
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling...~
~Confusing what is real~
A.n.-Don't know where this came from...guess I just had the urge...hope ya liked it though^_^. This is just a one-shot...but if ya'all want/review...I may add another chapter features Yuugi's Yami's (Yugioh as I refer to him) thoughts on this...so...review onegai^_^.