It was just another fine day in the life of Yugi Moto. He still had all 3 Egyptian God Cards, he still kicked Seto Kaibas ass on a semi daily basis, and he still has no idea what a decent hairstyle is.
"Bye grandpa, I'm off to win another tournament for a children's card game!" Calls Yugi as he runs out the door
"Okay, try not to get all screwed up in something pertaining to shadow duels or something that will destroy the world!" Responds his grandpa
"Yeah cause that shit just gets me off, having to play this game to save the world. You're just lucky I'm so damn good at it."
"Don't you take that tone with me. I can still take you ever my knee you know"
"Would you not! Fine I'm sorry now I've got to go win this thing"
"All righty then you young whipper snapper. I'll see you later. I love you!"
"Uh…yeah…love you too…"
Yugi walks out into the bright sunny day only to be met by his friend Joey and his sister Serenity
"Hi there Joey, are you going to enter the duel monsters tournament?"
"Your damn right I am, me and serenity both here are going to enter and we'll be the winners of this tag team tournament."
Yugi looks at Joey with a confused look
"You do know that it's a tag team tournament right? Here's the flyer if you don't believe me"
Yugi looks at the flyer and flips out.
"shitshitshitshitshitshit fucking asshole damn bastard banana fruit cocktail wiener! Who's the one hosting this thing anyway! WAIT! Don't tell me…"
"you know it buddy…Seto Kaiba"
"(sigh) stupid asshole…well who am I going to partner up with?"
"well I think the only people who haven't teamed up are Tea and Tristan."
Yugi looks at Joey with an expression that says "what the hell is wrong with you"
"hey don't give me that look. If you even want a shot at winning this thing, you're going to have to partner up with someone."
"I suppose your right, so where's Tea?"
"you already chose one?" pipes in Serenity
"well yeah, if I'm going to have a partner that sucks, might as well be one that I have a shot at getting laid with, I mean, does it look like I'm going to score with anyone else? I remember when I made her cry when I almost killed Kaiba in duelist kingdom."
"okay…well good luck with that. Come on Joey, let's get going"
"All right lil' sis. I'll catch ya later yug."
And with that Joey runs off to probably get owned right away. But that's besides that point. A few minutes later Yugi finds himself knocking at Teas door.
"hey Yugi what's up?"
"not much…are you watching girls gone wild in there?"
Tea doesn't respond
"well whatever floats your boat I guess, but the reason I'm here is that there's a duel monster tournament and it's tag team, so I was wondering…"
"wait you want me to be your partner?"
Yugi gives Tea one of those "god you stupid asshole looks"
"No I was hoping to finally lose my virginity you stupid bitch"
"what's gotten into you Yugi?"
"nothing, please forgive me. I would really be honored to have you as my partner"
"oh, sure. Let me grab my deck and we'll go kick some ass"
"that's more like it"
Tea runs upstairs and comes back down a few minutes later.
"all right let's do this thing"
"good, cause my first duel starts in 10 minutes"
"wow. Way to cut it close. No matter let's go!"
10 minutes later Yugi and Tea arrive at the Kaiba dome to hear the announcer just in time
"All right folks we've given Yugi Moto and Tea Gardner their extended 10 minutes so the challengers…"
"hold up a minute were her so let's duel" announces Tea
"um…I was going to do the big shot announcement"
"shut up and lets duel. By the way who are our opponents?"
"well Yugi and Tea have arrived just in time, so what do you say folks? Should we let them duel?" announces the MC. The crowd gives thunderous applause showing that they want the duel. "I guess the crowd speaks for itself. Prepare yourself Yugi and Tea…here are your opponents!"
A man with a hairdo similar to Yugi's comes out into the stage. "Hello there, my name is Yusei Fudo. Let's have us an honorable duel." Following him is you young lad wearing a red blazer with a slightly more normal hairdo. "hey there, the names Jaden Yuki. You guys ready to get your game on?" The MC chimes in once again, "all right, now that the duelists have introduced themselves, let's get this duel on!" the crowd cheers in response
"the first move is mine" shouts Tea. "I summon St. Joan to the field in attack mode" with this the audience bursts into laughter. "uh, did I make a wrong move"
"oh Tea, St. Joan is a fusion card so you have to activate the spell card polymerization while you have the cards it says. " says Yugi.
"oh, well I have that card, so I guess I'll play it."
"oh, good job"
"now I summon St. Joan"
"no, you have to have the 2 cards it says on St. Joan."
"oh. Damn, I don't have them. So…I'll take my move back and play this card in defense mode. Uh…I guess that's all for me."
"really, well then I guess it's time for my turn" chimes in Jaden. "I activate my own polymerization to fuse my elemental heroes burstinitrix and avian to summon the elemental hero flame wingman! Then ill summon the elemental hero Sparkman and throw down a facedown. "
"good god would you stop saying that!" Yusei said "your show got cancelled half of because you had to say that goddamn saying every fricken time you played a card facedown!"
"geez take a chill pill pal. Anyway, your move Yugi"
"all right then, oh wait for just one second here. YUGIOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" a light engulfs Yugi and when he comes out of it he is about a foot taller and seems to have gone through puberty. "all right that's better. Now I can really open a can of whoop ass on you two. So now I will summon Kuriboh in defense mode and end my turn.
"really? What a shame, cause this duel won't really last that long. Since you have a monster on the field, I can summon power invader without sacrificing a card first."
"wait wait wait, you don't use those cards, what the hell man" pipes up Jaden.
"oh yeah, I forgot to mention I ran into a dude named Zane. He called me a fag so I killed him and took his deck"
"oh, that's ok. He was a douche anyway so it's all cool"
"all right with that out of the way I activate MY polymerization. I fuse together my three cyber dragons to form the almighty cyber end dragon, and with an attack power of 4000, he about to kick some serious ass here. Attack the card Tea put in defense mode"
The dragon attacks and a spell card is flipped up and destroyed, then attacks and destroys Kuriboh
Yugi decides now to talk "Tea, that's a spell card, you can't defend with that card."
"well what can I defend with?"
"a monster card goddamn it!"
"what the hells a monster card?"
"(sigh) a brown card…"
"oh…that would have helped"
Yusei breaks in here "well with that ill move it back to you Tea"
"um…okay…I summon this card whatever the hell it's called."
Petit Angel is summoned with an attack of 900
"all right, ill attack the Cyber End Dragon cause with the power of friendship, it's attack power should raise way farther than your icky dragon"
Petit angel attacks and is owned, like, really really hard
"god you suck so much. Friendship doesn't increase the attack of your worthless monster. You lose, I hope you die." Yusei says
"no kidding, I didn't even get to get my game on. You suck, period." Says Jaden
Half an hour passes and Tea is still crying on the floor like a little baby
"Jesus Christ give it a rest! We lost! It was your fault! Get over it!" shouts Yugi
"b-b-but I j-j-just c-cant. Y-y-you probably hate m-me now. Wahhhhhh!"
"okay, screw this. Not worth it"
Yugi takes of his millennium puzzle and crushes it. He then reverts back to his former self
"well, that's that. Later bitch.
"what?"
"yeah, later. You cost me a tournament and yeah, I hate you now. piss off."
Yugi walks off leaving Tea in an emotional state of despair. When he walks in the door, his grandfather greets him.
"hello Yugi, did you win already?
"no grandpa"
"what! But your Yugi, the king of games. How the hell did you manage to lose already! You didn't even leave but an hour ago!"
It was stupid fucking Teas fault. It was a tag team duel and she was the only one could team up with"
"well maybe a nice rest in bed will help"
"grandpa it's only noon"
"yeah I know but your grounded for losing the tournament"
"goddamn it. How long"
"2 weeks plus another day for the swearing"
"(sigh)"
"well you can just tack on another 3 days for the attitude"
"what attitude, your just being delusional you stupid asshole"
"well let's make it an even month then"
"fine whatever you…"
Just then Tea bursts into the door pointing a gun at Yugi
"Tea? What the fuck do you think you're doing"
"Really Yugi, how long do you want to be grounded?"
"would you just shut up old man! My ex-friend is trying to kill me!"
"you won't be my friend, so now you shall have NO friends!"
"What?" responds Yugi
Tea shoots Yugi in the head taking him out right away, then his grandpa cause she's on her period and really fucked up right now. Realizing what she just did she shoots herself, unable to live on anymore. Meanwhile Joey and serenity won Kaibas tournament.
Kaiba is depressed in his office as Mokuba walks in.
"It's okay big bro. Not everyone can win all the time"
"But I'm Seto fucking Kaiba. If I can't have a ridiculously large ego, then I shall have no soul…"
"Come again brother?"
Kaiba shoots himself
"Well Jesus Seto, maybe this world is better off without you, you big freaking egotistical maniac. Fuck.
Just then the FBI swarm in and point their guns at Mokuba.
"DID YOU KILL SETO KAIBA?"
"What? No, he…
They shoot Mokuba and kill him, then strap his body to a rocket and shoot it to the moon, so the two loving brothers are as far apart as humanly possible. Everyone else goes living on until the next psychopath with a plot to rule the world comes along and the only person to defend us is Joey. Needless to say, were fucked…