"You hate my father so much, you don't even see that you're just like him!"
Hook can still hear him, damn the boy. He is standing on the deck of his ship and he is alone, completely alone, but he can still hear Bae's voice. Three hundred years later, three thousand dark plots and plans and dreams of vengeance, and this is what it comes down to.
He took a heart.
He can still feel it, beating in his hand, regular like clockwork. A softly glowing, red clock, beating away the seconds of Aurora's life.
Tick tock.
He can still see the look on Aurora's face when she realised what had happened, that sick flash of fear. He has seen it before.
He remembers lying under and among the heartless bodies of those Cora slaughtered. He remembers fighting back the memories and the pain as they screamed and died. He remembers clinging to the thought of Milah's face, the promise of vengeance, the hope of finally finding some peace after all the bloodshed and darkness and despair. He didn't think, then, that it could get any worse.
But when Mulan catches Aurora and he sees the horror on her face, he realises that it can always get worse.
He looks at the markings in the wood, the ones he scratched in there for Bae. At the angry lines crossed through them, a reminder of his loss and his grief and his wrath.
He did not do what Rumplestiltskin did, he reminded himself as he strode after Cora. He did not. Aurora isn't dead. Her heart is not crushed. She probably has it back by now, after that brief moment of horror when he almost couldn't catch it in time.
But he took a heart.
And he shot a woman purely because she'd fallen in love with the wrong man.
He hasn't seen it until now, or maybe he simply didn't admit it, but he's been working up to this. Rumplestiltskin killed Milah and took his hand in one angry, vengeful, desperate moment; Hook's moment has been unfolding in stages, luring him on from one step to the next. The line separating him from Rumplestiltskin has been wearing away ever since he met Cora and his dream of vengeance began to take on a solid form. He has become caught up in the rush of betrayal and anger, acting rashly and without thought. He botched his kill and he hurt innocent people because he could feel his time running out, his conscience catching up to him, the voice inside becoming too loud for his anger and pain to drown out.
Tick tock.
Aurora is not dead. Belle is not dead. He isn't like the crocodile; he didn't go through with it.
Until now. Because he knows, he knows, that Belle is about to die, back in Storybrooke. Along with everyone else. They have already lost Baelfire, because once again, he has fallen through a portal, and this time Hook was working for the people who made that happen.
It can always get worse.
And if he stays on course, he knows, he really will be just like the Dark One. He will have killed people, innocent people, all in the name of avenging someone he loved. He will have left the boy, Bae's boy, motherless.
He can't pretend, any more, that this is about avenging Milah. He can't go back to that. He remembers thinking that Rumplestiltskin was dead, his own life's purpose met, and he remembers feeling empty. He remembers the anger when he saw his enemy walk across that square, alive and well, and it was a relief to feel that again. To have his purpose renewed. To have something to live for again.
And once again, he worked with the wrong people, and he was betrayed. And he faced the choice of dying for his vengeance, or letting it go, and he chose to live.
But he doesn't feel empty now. He feels like he's walking the plank, caught between the fear of what's below and the fear of what's behind. He can't survive the fall. But he can turn around and fight. He can claim something new to live for.
His fist clenches around the bean. He is not like Bae's father. His moment is not over yet. His fate is not sealed yet. He hasn't killed any of them yet.
He doesn't have to sail away.
He is not a coward.
It does not have to get worse.
Tick tock.
He slips the bean back into a pocket and reaches for the wheel.
He is not the Dark One. He is not a coward. He is Killian Jones, and he is turning his ship around.