Consuming the entirety of her stomach, a pit of nerves grew increasing stronger as District 12's woods filled the windows of the speeding train. The woods that were etched forever into her mind whizzing past. She was almost home, each second that past, one second closer to being in his arms.
"Tell him everything, don't block your family out. Don't end up like me, Sweetheart." Haymitch told his victor, another bit of advice he vowed to give as his victor learned to survive outside of the Arena.
"And if he doesn't take me back?" Katniss asked fearfully.
"He won't. If he cares for you even half as much as you care for him, he will take you back without hesitation." Haymitch consoled.
"Big smile, dear." Effie appeared behind Katniss, her usual giddy composure slightly dampened.
"I want to help carry his casket." Katniss suddenly decided. With a nod of approval, Haymitch led Katniss to the next car which held several Peacekeepers and a clumsily assembled wooden casket. Katniss moved to a wooden handle at the front, and the Peacekeeper vacated his previous post. Hitting Katniss with it's blinding sunlight, the doors slid open revealing the side view of the crowd awaiting their victor. Katniss stepped forward beginning the procession towards the small roped off section that held the Melark family.
Silence filled District 12, save the few sniffles of Peeta's loved ones as the casket was carried, then gently laid at Peeta's mother's feet. Then, one by one, everyone offered a three fingered salute to their deceased tribute. Peeta's mother crumbled at his casket, and one of his brothers tried to aid her grief. Peeta's father, however, turned to Katniss and gave her a weary smile.
"Thank you for bringing my boy home." He told her softly giving her left shoulder a steady squeeze.
"I'm sorry for your loss." Was all Katniss could offer.
Two blond braids quickly caught her eye, and before Katniss could process her actions, she was pulling Prim close to her body, unwilling to release her sister.
"I missed you." Prim told Katniss through tears.
"Not as much as I missed you, Little Duck." Katniss answered pulling her camera smile for her little sister as she released Prim.
"Hello, dear." Her mother smiled, and Katniss accepted a small hug from her.
"Hey, Cus." Gale smiled, his voice rough and his face as if he hadn't slept in several weeks.
"'Cus'?" Katniss asked as she fell into his arms.
"I'll tell you later." Gale answered whispered into her hair so nobody could see his lips move before setting her feet firmly on the ground.
"Gale, I'm-" Katniss began, unsure of how to apologize for everything.
"Excited to see your new home? Me too." Gale interjected quickly before Katniss could say anything to displease the Capital as his eyes sternly told her 'not now'. Nodding, Katniss pulled Prim close to her body and allowed two Peacekeepers lead her to her new home.
"Gale, Mom and I brought some boxes over this morning, but we haven't gone inside yet, we wanted to wait for you to do that. But we will have a huge feast with bakery bread and turkey and green beans!" Prim babbled excitedly with Vick, Rory and Posy interjecting at every possible moment. The buzz of their voices kept Katniss walking with a soft smile forced on her lips, a smile she was sure Effie would have been proud of. About halfway thru their journey to the Victor's Village, Gale's hand found Katniss' giving her enough support for her to climb the steps into the Capital styled house.
Prim, Vick, Rory and Posy stood in the entrance way in awe before beginning their investigation of the new home. Hazelle and Mrs. Everdeene picked up a box from the porch before finding the kitchen and beginning the feast that was promised. Katniss, however, stood at the entrance way unable to move.
"Catnip?" Gale asked worriedly.
"It's the Capital. Don't you see?" Katniss asked looking towards Gale as he gave her a blank and confused look, "I don't get to leave. Ever."
Recognition dawned on Gale, and he pulled her into his arms holding her tight to his body. A sob exited her body and seconds later, she had crumbled into his body. So he held her in the entrance way as she cried for the first time since the games. When the tears subsided, he continued to hold her until the fragrances of dinner pulled a growl from her stomach.
"Come on, Catnip. Let's get that make up off and go to dinner." Gale suggested standing up from his seated positing against the wall and pulling Katniss to her feet. Nodding, Katniss removed the tears from her cheeks with the palms of her hands before following Gale to the nearest bathroom.
If anyone had seen her melt down earlier, nobody mentioned it as joyous chatter filled the table. Katniss' hand, unpronounced to her, found Gale's hand under the table, and quickly realized that his familiar hand was very comforting to her.
"What was the Capital like?" Prim finally asked near the end of the meal. The question froze Katniss' body as her brain flashed to everything that happened at her stay in the Capital.
"Are those new bows, Prim? I don't remember seeing them before." Gale asked trying to defuse Prim's question.
"You have seen these ribbons, silly." Prim told Gale unknowing of his intentions.
"Um, it was very big. And everyone wears lots of colors." Katniss answered.
"Bet they had really good food." Rory chimed in.
"Different food. But, yes it was good." Katniss answered remembering the sickening amount of food she saw on the table for every meal in the Capital.
"Were you scared when they lit you on fire?" Vick asked.
"Ok, its time for desert!" Hazelle silenced the eager children carrying a bar of chocolate to the table pulling 'ooh's and 'mm's from the table. Gale broke off slightly larger chunks of chocolate for the kids while splitting the rest of the bar in four even pieces and handing them to Mrs. Everdeenee, Hazelle, Katniss and one for himself. Silence filled the table as everyone savored their small piece of chocolate, and Katniss gave Hazelle an inaudible 'thank you'.
"Let's review the rules one more time." Gale told the kids and Katniss as they prepared to play 'hide and go seek'.
"Rory, where are the off limits?" Gale asked in his best military voice.
"Outside and the bathroom, sir!" Rory shouted back.
"Good. Prim, what will happen if you are the first one found?" Gale asked rounding on Prim's giddy features.
"You will be subjected to a tickle torture, sir!" Prim answered in a voice similar to Rory's.
"Vick, what do you do if you find someone?" Gale asked.
"Tag them, sir." Vick yelled.
"Excellent, and what do you do when you are tagged, Posy?" Gale stooped on one knee to be closer to eye level to Posy.
"Find the others!" Posy shouted gleefully.
"Very well," Gale covered his eyes, "One!" Everyone scattered leaving Gale to count to twenty with his eyes shut. Deeming it the best area to hide, the kids dashed upstairs to find hiding places while found herself locking herself behind a large oak door. She could hardly hear Gale counting now, and smiling to herself, she turned around to find a good hiding place when she met a painting of a man with paper-white hair and a set of thick lips that pulled across his face in perfect detail.
Panic arouse in her making it very difficult to breath as she stared into his eyes unable to move. It was yet another reminder of how she was never able to leave her captivity of the games. How she was back in District 12, but could never go home. Snow's last words, a threat against her loved ones, sinking deep into her mind.
Suddenly all she could think about was getting out of the room, and she began pulling on the door with all her might, but no matter how hard she tried, the door would not move. Her body felt as if it was being compressed the more she tried to open the door until it sprung open pushing Katniss to the floor. Arms grabbed at her, and she began clawing at them desperately trying to rid her body of the attacker.
"Katniss! It's me, it's me." Her attacker told her in Gale's voice. Confused, she turned her body to see Gale's very worried face staring at her, his arms holding her where her attacker had. Seeing Gale's body next to hers, her breathing slowed and her grip on his arms relaxed.
"What happened?" Gale asked clearly unsettled by Katniss' outburst.
"Snow." Katniss answered not daring to look at the picture of the president on the wall behind her. "I thought you were… something else."
Gale nodded, and as his eyes found the portrait of Snow his face clouded with rage. He stood, walked to the painting, ripped it off the wall and began to shredded it over the fireplace with his hunting knife that he carried. When he was satisfied with the small scraps of canvas, he found a match on the mantle, lit the canvas, and watched the pieces slowly burn. When they were nothing but black bits of cloth, Gale helped Katniss to her feet, silently walked her thru the oak doors, and shut them.
"As long as I am by your side, he can't hurt you. I promise." Gale whispered before firmly pressing his lips to her forehead to seal the pact. She pressed her body against his lips and nodded.
"Sorry." Katniss mumbled.
"I would have done the same thing if I were in your position. You went thru hell; nobody expects you to be skipping in a field of flowers at the moment." Gale told her.
"We'd better find the others; they might think you've lost your touch." Katniss told her partner reluctantly pulling out of his grasp.
"Prim hurry up! You're going to be late." Mrs. Everdeenee called her youngest daughter as she cooked several eggs for breakfast.
"Where's Katniss?" Prim asked as she dashed into the kitchen with her shoe laces dangling dangerously around her feet.
"Shoe laces, Prim. You could fall and break something." Mrs. Everdeenee reprimanded, "I'm not sure. She probably left early to the woods."
"Did she come home last night? I didn't hear her." Prim asked again.
"She came in well after you went to bed. I told her not to wake you."
"Oh." Was all Prim could answer. A month had now passed since Katniss had come home, and everyday she seemed more distant to Katniss, which scared Prim greatly. This was the first day she hadn't been home to take her to school, and Katniss' whereabouts plagued Prim's mind all that day.
It wasn't until Katniss didn't pick Prim up from school that she really began to fret. Knowing better to let any one of the Hawthornes or Everdeenees walk alone, Rory walked Posy home before Vick and Rory walked Prim home.
"I don't get it." Prim confided in the boys, "She never says anything. She used to tell me all kinds of things, but now she won't say a word about what's going on with her. If I ask, she just says, 'nothing, Little Duck'. It's so stupid!"
"Its not like Katniss was ever a chatterbox. Maybe she doesn't know how to tell anyone. I'll talk to Gale tonight, maybe he can help." Rory promised.
"Thank you." Prim accepted.
"Where does she go?" Vick asked.
"Woods, I expect. I'm not really sure." Prim answered.
"Mom said that after you loose someone you really love, a part of you dies with them. She was in love with Peeta." Vick pointed out.
"I don't know. She never wanted to love anybody, never wanted to get married or have kids." Prim reminded.
"So? She could have." Vick countered.
"Do you think she will come back?" Prim asked hesitantly.
"I think you should give her time. It's only been a month." Rory consoled as they reached the Victor's Village.
"Well, thanks for the advice and walk home." Prim smiled at the boys before turning to her home.
"No problem, see you tomorrow." Rory answered.
When the clock struck eight pm, and Katniss had not been seen by Prim or her mother, Prim decided to seek Gale's help; if she was in the woods, he could find her. The cool fall air nipped at Prim's bare cheeks and hands as she half walked half ran to the Hawthorne home. As soon as she reached the desired house, she hammered wildly on the door until a very alarmed Hazelle swung open the door.
"Prim?" Hazelle asked in surprise, "What happened?"
"I can't- I can't find- find Katniss." Prim blurted between ragged breaths as tears threatened to spill.
"What do you mean, you can't find her?" Gale asked appearing in the kitchen as Hazelle helped Prim into a chair.
"She's been gone all day. She didn't take me to school or pick me up afterwards, and nobody has seen her since very late last night." Prim answered, "Do the Peacekeepers have her? She could be de-"
"No," Gale's sharp voice silenced Prim, "She is not dead. She's survived worse. I'll go check the woods, ok? She'll be back before you know it." Prim nodded silently, and Gale, still in his coal covered clothes from work, hurried outside into the cold air.
"Come here, dear." Hazelle opened her arms from Prim, who stepped into them gratefully. Tears freely spilled from Prim's eyes as her fear for Katniss grew increasingly. "Believe it or not, I knew Haymitch before he became victor. I knew him more than I knew Maysilee, but that's besides the point. He was a very free spirit, but very intelligent. He was a town kid, you know. He didn't care though. He and my husband were the greatest of friends. Much like Katniss and Gale, very close. I got into their club because I was dating Tolan, my husband. About six weeks before the Quarter Quell, Haymitch sucked up the courage to ask Maysilee out. She said yes, obviously and only one other time have I seen a couple so perfect for each other."
"Then they were reaped. And Haymitch has never been the same since. Tolan and I tried everything, but by the time we graduated, he hardly left his home in the Victor Village. His family was killed shortly after that in a house fire. Loosing the love of his life and his family was too much for him. It wasn't his fault, or those that died. I should have worked harder to keep him together. But I had other things that I considered more important. Point is, Prim, as much as you may try, you may never be able to bring Katniss back to what she was, but you can help the girl we have now. The games changed her, but she's still there. Don't give up on her just yet." Hazelle finished her story.
"I had no idea. I just thought he was always like that." Prim whispered, her tears subsided.
"No, he was very different. I know this is very difficult at the moment. Katniss has always been there for you, helping you survive, now you have to help her. It may not be the best thing in the world, but I can assure you, it will get better." Hazelle promised.
"Hazelle?" Prim asked finding comfort in Hazelle's bony shoulder.
"Yes?" Hazelle asked kindly.
"You said you have only ever seen a couple as perfect for each other. Who are the other two?" Prim asked. Hazelle smiled brightly, and laughed slightly.
"Now, don't go telling them, alright? They need to figure it out themselves." Hazelle told Prim in mock sternness.
"Promise." Prim smiled.
"It's Gale and Katniss. Ever since I met her, I knew they would someday fall in love." Hazelle confessed with a youthful smile.
"No way." Rory scoffed from his position from the doorway.
"Oh? And why not?" Hazelle asked unfazed by Rory's eavesdropping.
"Well, because, because don't you think one of them would have said something by now?" Rory asked.
"Not necessarily." Hazelle answered.
"Katniss doesn't want to fall in love or get married or have kids. She's been saying that for ages now." Prim backed up Rory.
"People don't just decide to fall in love, dearies. It happens." Hazelle laughed.
"How did you and Dad fall in love? Did you know when you first met him?" Rory asked taking a seat on his mother's vacant side.
"Oh, goodness no! I hated his guts for years." Hazelle replied putting an arm around her boy. "Your father was the biggest prankster in the school for pretty much all his school days. I first met him when he put –oh I can't remember what it was- in the hand soap of the girl's bathroom. I had bright yellow hands for a week! I figured out who it was pretty quick, and being the tough third grader I was, I was going to give him a taste of his own medicine instead of turning him in."
"How did that go?" Rory asked with a snicker.
"Terrible, actually. I hated him up until we were sixteen. Then all of the sudden, he was tall and handsome, with muscles and the most gorgeous eyes imaginable. Gale is the spitting image of Tolan when Tolan was his age. Anyways, he lived next door, and I always managed to be free of chores every time he had to split wood." Hazelle gave her listeners a suggestive look before continuing, "He was hot." Prim and Rory shared similar giggles at Hazelle's last statement. "So it was getting close to the Harvest Dance, and plenty of girls were being asked. So, guess what happened?"
"He asked you!" Rory suggested.
"Was it sweet and romantic?" Prim asked.
"Nope." Hazelle answered popping the 'p'. "He never asked me. But at the dance, he did ask me to dance, which I found out later was a bet from Haymitch. We danced the night away, and after it was over, he walked me home, and something just clicked for us." Hazelle's eyes distanced for a moment as she reminisced. "When we graduated, he proposed and we were married six months later. I was twenty when Gale was conceived, and that's what happened."
"You hated Dad?" Rory asked half unbelieving and half in a taunting manner.
"He wasn't exactly the nicest boy around." Hazelle defended. A series of sharp knocks pulled the three out of their thoughts.
"That's the back door, I'll get it." Rory offered standing up.
"No, that's ok, I'll get it." Hazelle smiled at her son, but firmly pressed him into his seat. Something was wrong, and she was not about to let Rory have to hear of it first. Despite their attempts to listen into the conversation, Prim and Rory could only hear a quick series of whispers. The door then closed, and Hazelle gave Prim a 'be brave' smile.
~Two Hours Earlier~
Everything around Katniss brought back memories of the Capital, mostly the Victor house and the woods. The woods that were her home. She could no longer hunt without being haunted by the area. She tried desperately to force herself to hunt again without running away. Sundays were Gale's only day off, and even though she desperately wanted to spend it with him, she couldn't bear the thought of not being able to hunt with him. Letting him know she was broken. Broken was such a harsh word. Yet it was true. She was broken.
The Capital was always watching her, waiting for her to screw up so they could punish her. Haymitch had already pointed out her house wasn't safe, and her the tracker in her arm was most likely working. The tracker…
She didn't know how long it was that she stared at her left forearm, where the track was injected into her arm. It was a small chip, and she could almost see it leering at her. And suddenly, she pulled her hunting knife from her belt, and cleanly slit her forearm making deep crimson steams of blood exit her body rapidly.
"Don't bleed, I need to see it!" Katniss shouted at herself angrily. The dim moonlight was barely enough for her to see her movements, but she knew where it lay, so pushed her pointer figure into her wrist until she located the miniature chip, and successfully retrieved it. By this point, she was dizzy, and had lost a large amount of blood. Not bothering to apply any kind of pressure to her wound, Katniss laid on the rock she shared with Gale all those blissful times in the woods. She began to drift in and out of reality, and she realized that she was going to die. Before the games, she would have fought to keep herself alive for Prim. But now, now she was just a way to kill Prim and Gale. She didn't need to be here. Not anymore. With the moonlight staring down on her Capital crafted skin, Katniss Everdeenee accepted death with open arms.