A/N: Hello everyone. For those of you who are following Secrets Burnt at Both Ends, this a rewrite of chapter 35 "The Explanation." This rewrite is Remus' point of view during when he was first attacked by the werewolf. He is still explaining what happened to Becky, but this is him telling the story instead of the flashback just to give you a little different perspective.
"Why did you bring me here," Becky wondered out loud looking around her room. She could still feel the negative emotions bubbling throughout her body, but she tried her best to keep her calm in order to hear the story she so desperately wanted to distract her.
"It's something that is difficult for me to explain as it is," Remus sighed. "I don't want the feeling that someone is listening in."
Becky merely nodded as she sat down on her bed and looked up at Remus expectantly, waiting for him to sit. After a few moments, Becky realized her friend was not going to sit.
Remus began to pace the floor in front of Becky's bed. "It all began one summer's evening when I was about four. I remember clearly that summer had begun. It was a time when the days were long and the sun warmed the earth for hours, yet the nights were cool, brining enough relief from the hot days to relax outside while the moon was out."
Remus shuttered as he mentioned the moon. He knew it was a necessity to the story, but he couldn't help the cold fear that passed through his body each time he thought about the glowing celestial orb that waned throughout the month.
"I stood on the couch at my old house, starring out the window and waited for my father to return home from St. Mungo's where he was a Healer's Assistant in the intensive care unit.
"I kept asking my mum every five minutes or so when dad was coming home. Mum's response was always the same," Remus gave an almost bitter chuckle as he continued to pace. "Mum would say 'Soon, little one.' I wish I had had more patience as I waited for my father, but being four years of age patience was not in my vocabulary.
"It only took me a half an hour to finally grow tired of waiting...it was only a half hour after he said he would return home to me and I couldn't wait. If only I had waited..."
Becky saw the turmoil that was rolling off of her friend in waves. She wanted to comfort him, but she was riveted to her seat on the bed, entranced by Remus' pacing and story beginning.
"As soon as mum had left me to go do something in the kitchen (she told me it was to make snacks for the night) I had given up wasting my precious time waiting. I was so stupid to think that was precious time..." Remus trailed off. His back facing Becky as if he was collecting himself before everything unravelled.
"Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I ran out of the back door. I somewhat recall mum yelling to me as I hurried out the door to be stay in the yard and keep the gait closed," Remus bitterly laughed again. "Isn't it amazing how annoyingly right mum's can be? If only I had listened to her. If only I had just waited a little bit longer..."
"Remus—"
Remus cut Becky holding his hand up as if to silence her. He couldn't let her talk. Now that he had started the story he had to finish it.
"I thought it was going to be easy. Dad and I were only going camping in the back yard of the house which was fenced in by a large tan fence. On the other side of the fence was a forested area on we had a gait leading out in that direction.
"Dad and I had talked about what we were going to do for out little campout. We were going to gather fallen tree limbs to create rude structure for a tent. So, in order to surprise him, I decided to get started on the frame. I rushed out of the gate into the forest in search of some sturdy looking tree branches in order to begin my construction.
"It wasn't long before I had found what I was looking for. There were at least a couple of larger branches laying on the ground. I tried as hard as I could to drag one of them back home, but I didn't have enough strength to budge the branch.
"I had remembered mum had one of those large outdoor canvases to cover her roses during the frosty mornings and I remember dad using it once to haul leaves from one side of the yard to the other. Naturally, I thought this would work to my advantage so I quickly grabbed one from mum's planning shed and went back to where I had left the tree limbs."
Becky could tell that Remus was stalling. He was drawing out the story as long as possible so he would not have to get to the part of him actually being bitten. Becky wondered how bad the story could be for Remus to ramble on about tree branches for this long, but she remained silent, waiting for her friend to get to the part of the story that really mattered.
"As I was pulling the branches onto the canvas, I stumbled," Remus said with another full body shutter. "There was blood on my knee from me falling to the ground. I didn't think much about it until I heard a strange sound coming from somewhere in the woods. The sound almost sounded human, so I called out to whoever it was.
"It was around that time that I had realized how late it had become. I must have been outside for at least a couple of hours because I could hardly see the gate to my house through the darkness. Then, there was a piercing howl. It sounded like a cross between a human and an animal. I'll never forget that sound, but I will never be able to fully explain it due to my fear. I'm sure if you asked one of the other marauders they would be able to describe what it sounds like because they hear it every month.
"Anyway, all I knew is that it was late and I should get home before something happened. However, something did happen. Right was I was about to run back home the wolf like creature appeared in front of me. Its speed was incredible, but what was even more incredible was the hungry look in those wild yellow eyes. The eyes seemed to pierce every part of my being and I finally had the courage to run."
Remus let in a sharp intake of breath.
"Before I could even make it to the gate I heard my father calling out to me. He didn't know what beast I had released from the forest. He had no idea what was to come."
At this point tears had already begun to slip over the wall of his lashes, but he continued to tell his story. "Dad was on the porch, calling out to me. I wanted to warn him, but it was no use. As soon as I had the gate closed, the creature had bounded forward causing me to lose my handle on the gate. I hit the ground hard and had the wind knocked completely out of me.
"I couldn't say anything as the monster stalked toward me. All I could do was just stare at its ugly patchy grey muzzle as it towered over me. The way it seemed to smile, showing off all of its sharpened teeth with the strings of thick saliva hanging from the pulled back lips, will always haunt me.
"I was paralyzed with fear. I thought I was going to die. I wanted my mum and dad. I wanted them to tell me that it was only a nightmare. That it wasn't real. But the hot, rancid breath of the monster was real. The pain was real. The pain that I had experienced from that initial bite was excruciating. It felt as though my muscles were being torn from the inside out by a thousand burning knives violently picking at my skin, but I could not call out due to the intentional pressure the beast was now placing on my neck, directly above my vocal cords, with one of its rough, broken claws.
"It still feels as though my arm and shoulder is on fire from time to time. The Healers explained to my mum and I that it was part of the neurological changes of my body as it adapted to the werewolf venom now coursing through my veins," Remus explained ask he rubbed his shoulder. He gently tugged at his collar to show Becky the white marks from the bite. The scars created a kind of spider web effect as they twisted across his upper extremity. It looked as though something had actually gnawed on his upper arm like a dog gnawing on a raw hide bone.
"Before I lose consciousness, I swear I heard my mother shouting my name, but everything was so garbled by that point I couldn't tell. I do, however, remember the sensation of some kind of liquid on my face as my vision began to blur. I swear I felt isolated points of something cool hitting me in the face and along other parts of my skin as if it was raining. I later found out that it was my own blood dripping on my face from the beast's mouth.
"The next thing I remember was the severe pain of my bones being moved as someone carried me. I could tell that the person carrying me was a man even though the pain was still clouding my vision and mind. I kept yelling out in pain as the man continued to run towards my house.
"The raw primordial roar from the beast ripped though my entire body and I had to resist the urge to call back to it out of newly formed instinct.
"Next thing I know, I am falling towards the ground, but the stranger's arms are still wrapped around me for protection. The man seemed to throw me into the house at my mum. He told me to take care of me.
"As soon as the door to the house had closed all noise seemed to abruptly stop. Mum took me to her room to tend as best as she could to my wounds. It was touch and go the entire night. Mum wasn't sure if I was going to make it through to morning. She would have taken me to St. Mungo's if it wasn't so dangerous to leave the house."
When Remus had finished he knelt down in front of Becky and laid his head down on her lap. His entire body shaking as his breathing turned jagged.
All Becky could do was stare at the back of her friend's head in her lap. Suddenly, the fact that this was kept a secret from her no longer mattered. Even after all of these years she could see the pain Remus was experiencing. The pain that was now evident on his face as he looked everywhere, but at her.
"A few weeks after we met you at the cemetery, mum and I moved into the house next to yours," Remus stated with such clarity it even surprised him considering he had tears running down both cheeks. "It was my fault your father died. He was the strange man that carried me in his arms. He sacrificed himself so that I had the chance to live. I am the one that took him away from you. I was just so scared..."
Becky did the only thing she could think of doing. She pulled Remus to eye level and embraced her best friend with all of the sorrow and empathy she could manage. He was alive now, that's all she cared about in that moment.
Together they sobbed into each other's shoulders for the remainder of the day neither one caring about the festivities next door still going on after her mother's new engagement. All she and Remus cared about was being together and finally having everything out in the open.
A/N: For those of you who read this story and would like to read more about Remus and his best friend Becky, Check out my story "Secrets Burnt at Both Ends." OR if you would like to see the tale of how Remus was bitten in third person, check out Chapter 35 of "Secrets Burnt at Both Ends."
Thanks for reading!
Always,
orangezauber