He inhales, somewhat shakily. Closes his eyes and speaks.
"Could you take off your robe for a moment? Please."
She's almost expecting it at this point, so the surprise doesn't register. What does register is the wave of longing that sweeps through her from head to toe at the sound of his voice, the roughness of it. (The intensity of the feeling almost makes her knees buckle.) There is a complete and utter lack of anything resembling humor in the question, and this seems almost to surprise him.
She opens her mouth with a "no" on her tongue, ready for delivery – only it isn't there like she expects. This surprises her.
Then Yeon Joo surprises them both.
She draws in a shuddering breath, releasing it with the rest of the tension coiling through her, and with it the rest of her doubts slip away. She feels the fluttering in her stomach fade.
"Yes."
She fights the urge to close her eyes, watches his eyes go wide and dark as she works at her sash, loosening it inch by inch. She's not sure if the robe or herself will come undone first. She's tired of waiting, so tired. She just wants him. Now. Later. Always.
The robe falls open slowly, first exposing mere inches of skin, then more as the gap widens. Goosebumps form on her skin before the air even hits it, simply from seeing the look on his face as he watches her bare herself to him. She fights the instinct to look down at her own body, to close her eyes so she can't see the change in his face.
Strangely, it's the most intimate moment they've ever shared.
His gaze locks with hers for a brief moment as the robe falls away and then -
His eyes consume her. Chul holds nothing back, allowing his gaze to roam freely and himself to feel every effect of what he's seeing. He feels his blood heat in response, climbing in pitch, and his head actually gets light for a moment, his pulse pounding in his ears. He takes in every inch of her, memorizing every detail he can: the small freckle just above her right breast, the exact shape of her collarbone, the line of her waist and the soft, milky skin of her inner thighs. When he thinks he can't bear any more he closes his eyes.
Yeon Joo watches his reaction carefully, watches his throat move as he swallows hard, how his hands curl into fists at his sides and his nostrils flare briefly. Her heartbeat picks up further at the sight of him nearly panting, jaw tight, brow slightly furrowed in concentration. He looks, she thinks, barely sane. Just barely restraining himself from devouring her.
Her throat feels tight and her heart is pounding so hard she can barely breathe.
Yeon Joo takes another trembling breath and lifts her chin. It's brave, what she does next, and somewhat reckless. She doesn't care even a bit.
"Now you."
His eyes open at that and he's looking at her with undisguised lust, half lidded eyes, pupils dilated and lips parted in such a way. Then Chul gives a little half-laugh that could also be a sigh of relief. Thought you'd never ask.
His fingers steal to the hem of his shirt and Yeon Joo's heart rate spikes. Chul slides a hand underneath the fabric of his top with agonizing slowness, lifts it inch by torturous inch, while she begs inside her head for something she doesn't understand yet because he won't take off his shirt. He wants to tease her as always, to see her squirm and it's maddening in all the best and worst ways.
She thinks she knows what to expect. Scars, mainly. Lean muscle and smooth skin interrupted by scars new and old, angry pink bullet holes existing side by side with more recent bruises and faded knife wounds.
What she doesn't expect, she realizes, is enough to fill volumes. The exquisite shape of his hip bones, the ripple of muscle down his abdomen and the slight trail of hair leading from his navel past the hem of his pants. No small detail escapes her notice - he means it to be this way - as he lifts his shirt slowly over his head, discarding it on the bathroom counter. She feels his eyes on her, gauging her reaction, and in turn feels a sharp twinge in her own body, a hot flush climbing up from her neck to set her face on fire.
At the same time as she thinks these things, she finds it hard not to count his scars, every one of them a bitter reminder of the pain and unfairness he has endured.
He doesn't move to take off the rest. He waits. Somehow she senses he wants her to finish the job and is waiting on her to take action. Oh, but she will.
Yeon Joo takes a step towards him, shakier than she meant to, and he takes a deep breath. It's sudden and sharp and he lowers his eyes as if preparing for something.
"Do you know where this is going?" he asks roughly.
She takes another step, then another. Closing the gap between their bodies like a tidal wave, caught as she is in celestial gravity. It's inevitable, she thinks. It always was.
"Yes."
"Do you want this?" he asks again, as if he can't believe her first answer.
He is hanging by a thread now. His voice is cracked around the edges, the way it was when he said "I was afraid I would never see you again." The way it was when he said I love you.
Yes. I want this. Now, later, always and ever.
"I want you," she says. She can't help herself anymore. She doesn't want to.
Chul lets out the breath he's been holding, and it's a sound of pure relief like nothing she's ever heard.
"Good."
Then a smile - a smirk - begins to tug at the corner of his mouth, and her stomach drops like she's hit free fall. His eyes fly open and he sweeps an arm underneath her knees and scoops her up, barely giving her time to adjust to the spatial change before he bends to capture her mouth in a heated kiss, effectively distracting her while he carries her out of the bathroom. Well, she did know what she was getting herself into.
He carries her into their bedroom, only to set her down on her feet beside the bed and step back, eyes closed. He's still smiling a little as he flops down confidently onto the mattress, leaving her standing alone and somewhat bewildered, looking down at him. The robe is hanging off one shoulder now and she's sick of being even remotely clothed, so she pushes it to the floor without a second thought.
As if on cue, Chul lets out a long breath and shifts against the pillows, getting comfortable with a slight arch of his back. Her senses are fine-tuned to the exact timbre of his sigh, every little flex of muscle; he's deliberately teasing her. Again.
"What are you waiting for?" he murmurs, glancing up at her from beneath his lashes. He actually beckons her with one finger and an imperious little head movement.
Ridiculous. He's ridiculous.
"You…want me to…?"
He chuckles, interrupting her thought.
"Don't stand there and talk about it, just come here."
It shouldn't work as well as it does, his teasing, but Yeon Joo almost has to stifle a moan. Where does he even get this stuff?
"D-don't be rude," she says breathlessly, climbing up onto the bed beside him. "Are you trying to make it like before? There's no need. I'm not embarrassed this time."
He arches an eyebrow at that, pursing his lips as he gestures toward his own cheek.
"You're blushing."
She intends to shut him up, then, by whatever means possible, but finds herself distracted again by those eyelashes and every detail of his bare torso. He's effecting a relaxation she knows he doesn't feel; he's too clearly keyed up to the last nerve.
She thinks to herself how damn beautiful he is, how beautiful he's always been to her and how lucky she is to have this. She's gaping, she knows; she can't help herself. Still, maybe they were meant to take this slow. To appreciate. After all, they have a lifetime of similar opportunities ahead of them.
Yeon Joo cups his cheek gently and presses a soft kiss to his lips; he arches to meet her but she pulls back, frustratingly. She moves the hand cupping his cheek to his neck, past his collarbone, trailing her fingers lightly down his chest to his stomach and back up again. She does this repeatedly, and every time her fingers sweep closer to his waistband in a way that's utterly maddening.
Her lips follow her fingers, kissing a line down the center of his chest, pausing to press a kiss to each scar in turn. There are a lot of them. Left shoulder. Left chest. Right hip. Center chest. She loses count midway through but she still feels the pain of each wound reverberating through her own body, empathy making her chest feel both too-full and hollow. There is a thank you implicit in each kiss, a small grieving too.
He watches her tenderly, brushing her hair out of her face, then weaving his fingers through the soft strands. She glances up at him and her eyes look a bit watery. Her lip trembles. Wordlessly, he takes her other hand and guides it to the small circular scar on the right side of his chest, all the while holding her eyes with his own.
This is the only scar that matters.
She understands, as he knew she would, and a single tear falls from her eye to his skin as she leans over to kiss him in a very different way than before. He gets a little distracted by this simple thing, considering the fact that she's naked and he's nearly so, but kissing her is something he always enjoys no matter their situation. He wouldn't have lasted so long if it weren't for this fact, he muses somewhat wryly. But now - there's plenty more to do than just kiss.
Her hands move with surety now, impatient. He lifts his hips to help her and she breaks contact only to divest him of his pants in a few quick movements, then she's kissing him again. He wishes she would finish the task and just strip him already instead of deliberating, but he's letting her lead this time. There's a heady sort of satisfaction in it, he's discovering, and he's probably better off that way, considering she's the only one of them with any experience.
He does tug her onto his lap, though, and when she gasps a little against his mouth he can't keep the grin from his face. Her chest brushes his, skin to skin, and hers is warm and supple and smooth as he always knew it would be.
"That's better," he says, cheeky as always. "But there's still one thing…"
Abruptly she bucks her hips against his and with a startled gasp he loses the ability to form words. Fine, if that's how she wants to play. He has a few ideas he's been saving for just such an occasion.
The look on Chul's face is less dazed than Yeon Joo would like. She'd meant to shut him up with that little move, but rather than that, he seems to be getting bolder. His hands secure her hips in position right where they are and his lips stray from hers to her jaw, kissing right down her neck toward her collarbone and on past these relatively safe zones. Once again, she thinks, his lips are the best thing she's ever felt. He works her up a bit more, pressing a kiss to the underside of her left breast, then hovering there, letting his breath wash over her skin. Instinctively she places both hands on the back of his head to guide him, and he chuckles a little at that, still holding back, prolonging the moment until she's nearly mad.
Her whole body is thrumming with tension before he actually does close his lips over her sensitive nipple, with a little hum of satisfaction. She arches her spine, tossing her head back with a whine building in the back of her throat. His hand palms her other breast and she is singing, aching. She finds herself involuntarily bucking against him, and she can feel how hard he is through the thin material of his underwear, how he ruts against her in response with a little gasp each time.
"Okay, okay!" she pants finally, tugging on his hair. "Lie down."
Chul complies, gratified, releasing her and flopping back against the pillows. She takes a moment to admire the glorious mess he is, ruffled hair and heaving chest, eyes wide and dark and something like awe on his face as he watches her move down the length of his body.
She's glorious, he realizes. Not just beautiful, she's stunning, every inch of her. Her pale skin holds a light flush still, her lips plump from kissing. Her face has always had a delicate sort of beauty, despite his assertions to the contrary, and he finds himself admiring it now, among…other things. If Yeon Joo notices him ogling her, she's too busy running a fingernail along his waistband in the most annoying manner to bother commenting on it. Frustrated, he sits up to watch her.
"Are you going to sit there all day?" he demands.
"Aigoo, so impatient," she reprimands him. "You've been teasing me this whole time, you know."
"Don't be coy," he groans, lying back again. "Just…"
"Just what?" she means it to sound kittenish, but it comes out somewhat breathless instead.
He laughs, a tiny bit incredulous, but mostly nervous.
"You're going to kill me."
"No," she says, and now she's laughing too. "Not yet."
Then, before he can say anything else, before she can get flustered thinking about it, she hooks her fingers in his waistband and the last layer is gone, discarded over the edge of the bed.
She wants to make him feel as good as possible, because she loves him, because she has wanted this for so long. She chooses to focus all of her energy on this want, rather than the awkwardness of their situation, rather than the blood rushing to her face. She's sure she's redder than she's ever been in her life.
She doesn't care.
Sweeping her hair over one shoulder, she presses a gentle kiss to the seam of his leg and hip, congratulating herself silently when she hears his intake of breath, feels him tense with anticipation. A second kiss to the skin of his inner thigh. Then a third, and she wraps a hand around the base of his cock and strokes him once, firmly, savoring the low moan she gets in response.
What surprises her somewhat is the physical reaction she has to his arousal. Her heart rate doubles as his breaths quicken and she feels a deep ache begin to build at her center, spreading outward until every inch of her skin feels like it's on fire. Every limb tingles with increased tension. Every sense is heightened, every nerve hypersensitive to each movement he makes in response to her.
Chul arches his back, so steeply he's almost afraid his spine will snap. He tosses his head back against the pillows, biting his lip with the effort it takes and praying he has enough self control to last this out. There are no guarantees, not with with the way she touches him now. Not with how long he's wanted her. She's gentle at first, tentative in her explorations, but the more he reacts to her touches, the surer she gets with her hands. Tension courses from her body to his, as with each flex of her wrist he feels himself being drawn nearer to the end of himself. He barely is able to keep from cursing when she stops, breathing hard, and hovers above him tantalizingly to drop feather-light kisses to his neck and face.
"Are you ready?" she asks softly.
His heart skips a beat. He nods, not trusting himself to speak, and she smiles at him in a way that makes his throat feel tight.
"I love you," he says. He didn't plan it but it feels right, so he says it again, cups her face in his hands and pours his heart out like he'll never have another chance. "I love you so much…Oh Yeon Joo."
"Chul-ah," she murmurs, sounding choked.
He gives the tip of her nose a playful kiss, then nudges it with his own.
"Don't cry, Yeon Joo-ah," he says tenderly, then because he's Chul and to lighten his previous two statements, "You'll ruin the mood."
She laughs a little, kisses him once, sweetly, then she's straddling him and he's praying to heaven above that he manages to survive what comes next.
He closes his eyes and draws in a long breath through his teeth as she positions him at her entrance, gliding over him until her hips are aligned perfectly with his. He feels her press down on him and - he always thought this was an exaggeration - his vision blurs at the sensation and he's unable to hold back the moan of pleasure that spills from his lips.
Yeon Joo winces at the initial discomfort, feeling her insides stretch and adjust. Panting, she pauses finally with him fully inside her, bracing herself with her hands against the firm muscles of his stomach while she accustoms herself to the sensation. To his credit, he remains admirably still. He waits patiently for her to make the first move, though the effort this takes is plain on his face.
One minute, then two, pass by. A few moments more, then Yeon Joo breathes in deeply and draws her hips upward - Chul responds without thinking and tries to follow her motion with his own. Mistake number one. This movement of his breaks the rhythm, unbalancing them both, and she nearly collapses on top of him.
"Oops," he pants. "Sorry."
She just laughs at this, enjoying his flushed face, and twines her fingers with his. She finds her pace quickly this time, and now he matches her thrust for thrust, unfaltering. Ever the quick study, her Kang Chul. They move slowly at first, finding their feet, then faster as they both begin to crave the increased friction.
There is nothing more glorious than watching him underneath her. Watching his face as it changes with every new movement. His brow furrows if she moves her hips in a certain way, a different technique and he tosses his head back, exposing his throat for her to kiss and nip at lightly, another movement and he bites his lip in that way of his she likes so well. It becomes a fascination with her, all the little nuances of his expression and the variety of noises she can draw out of him. He's never looked better than he does now, all bare skin and delirium. His cheeks are flushed bright and his skin glistens with perspiration, his hair falling in disarray away from his forehead and his eyes dilated as they focus on her face, before sliding back in his head with the next roll of her hips.
Even while she focuses on this, she feels herself getting closer to the edge, whimpering a little as she feels a new heat and tension build in her core. She's so close when she feels him tense, every muscle straining as he gasps sharply, releasing the same breath in a long groan unlike any sound he's made so far.
The pitch of his voice clues her in and she withdraws just in time, managing to pull back and roll off of him in the same movement while he arches his back with another deep gasp, his eyes tightly closed. Even so, when he comes it catches her in the stomach, the heat of it making her feel his absence inside her even more intensely.
She had considered not moving. For a brief moment, she wanted so badly to remain in place and ride him out, to feel every inch of him throb and shake beneath her before he at last fell still. They're being fairly irresponsible as it is, and she isn't sure it's the best idea at this point considering what they'd be risking.
Chul has gone boneless, for the moment neither moving nor talking. She finds satisfaction in this. That, and he's still pinned half underneath her, not the worst arrangement by any means. She just lies there feeling his warmth and doesn't complain when, after a few moments, he flops an arm across her while he catches his breath. They stay like this for a few minutes, just lying and breathing, and Yeon Joo comes to terms with her slight disappointment over not finishing her own climax, reasoning that she shouldn't expect it to be that way. After all, this is only their first time.
It surprises her when he kisses her forehead lightly and gently guides her to the side, pushing himself up and off of the mattress with one elbow.
"Just a minute," he tells her with a rueful little smile.
Yeon Joo lies there alone once he's gone, amid the ruin of the once-clean sheets, somewhat bewildered. Where is he going? Wasn't this the part where they fell asleep in each other's arms, spent but happy, for a late-morning nap? Then (she hopes) rouse themselves for another round of intense lovemaking, this one ending well for them both? For him to leave so abruptly contradicts all of her expectations, and truthfully…disappoints her.
She doesn't have long to be disappointed, however. Chul soon returns, having apparently cleaned himself off. He has a wet washcloth from the bathroom clutched in his hand. His face, she notices, is still somewhat flushed.
He sits down beside her on the bed and begins wiping her off with careful strokes, murmuring apologies and pressing gentle kiss after kiss to her forehead and face. She soon relaxes at his ministrations, closing her eyes and sinking into a sort of half-dream state of bliss, content to lie there while he pets her up and down. It feels heavenly, to be honest, something between a warm sponge bath and a massage, and the touch of his lips is something even better.
When he finally stops, she opens her eyes to see him gazing at her with an expression that falls somewhere between affection and a contemplative sort of awkwardness. While she's still trying her best to decipher these conflicting signals, he clears his throat a little.
"There's something I'd like to try," Chul says finally. He runs the tip of his tongue slowly his lower lip, seemingly unconscious of the gesture. He seems at once awkward and eager, and this confuses her further.
What else is there to try? He's already - oh. Oh…
She feels a flush creep up her neck to match his, as he places a hand on her left thigh, spreading his fingers firmly across her skin. Each one presses a slight indent into her flesh. She hisses in a breath between her teeth at this, one that she's sure doesn't go unnoticed. She doesn't object, though, not even when his other hand spreads her legs apart and he positions himself between them on the bed, pausing to look up at her hesitantly.
"I just wanted to…you know. Because you didn't…" he trails off, seemingly unable to finish the sentence.
She's never seen him this tongue-tied. It's adorable, honestly. She smiles at him in a way she hopes is reassuring, brushes his bangs out of his eyes in a tender motion before laying her hand against his cheek.
"You can do whatever you like," she tells him, and means it. She trusts him more than she would trust anyone else with something like this: knowing Chul, he's done his research beforehand and knows (at least, in theory) what he should be doing.
"So can I…?"
"Do it," she says thickly - and if she sounds like she's anticipating what comes next, it's because she is, very much so.
She lies back with one last caress to the back of his head. Surrendering herself to him this time, rather than the reverse.
Just like before, he needs no more than this small consensus before he dives right in, laving her skin with open-mouthed kisses up and down her thighs and stomach, circling in, spreading outward again, over and over until she's reverted to her former state of aching and wanting.
Chul is nothing if not an enthusiastic learner, and he's picked up a few things in the last hour from watching her do this to him. He theorizes from this and other observations that she enjoys a good amount of foreplay beforehand, extra stimulation to heighten her senses before getting into the real thing. He's right, of course, and it gratifies him to see the results of his theory put into action.
He laughs a little to himself when she threads her fingers through his hair impatiently, tugging, guiding him to where she needs him most. He obliges. Presses his mouth to the spot she indicates and feels her quiver in response, and now her breaths turn high and trembly and he knows he's getting somewhere. It sets him back somewhat when she bucks her hips the first time, but he soon adjusts to these minor distractions and rides her out without faltering in his pace.
Yeon Joo almost loses her mind when his tongue presses into her more deeply than before, only for him to withdraw and trace circles around her most sensitive spot, nibbling and sucking in equal parts before repeating the action. He's good, she thinks disbelievingly, then, How?
Genius, her mind supplies. The knowledge doesn't help.
He pulls back after a minute in favor of sliding a finger inside her, then adding a second when the first doesn't seem to be enough. He works this way for a minute, pumping them steadily in and out in a way that mimics their former rhythm. It takes a couple of test runs, this way and that way, before he figures out that if he curls his fingers just so as he does…well, her reaction to this is the most gratifying yet.
"Is that the way?" he murmurs.
She doesn't respond, and he doesn't expect her to. The question, at this point, is definitely rhetorical.
Soon after this comes a moment when he feels her skin heat up immeasurably. It's a small signal but he notices. He always notices the details when it comes to her. Again she finds herself drawn right to her edge, but this time there is no disappointing end. He works her steadily and makes doubly sure he hits every high note in the process, and then - every sensation he creates within her reaches a crescendo, a climax that reverberates throughout her entire body as she throws her head back with a cry she barely manages to muffle with her hand.
She comes down from her high to find him leaning over her, watching her with rapt attention as his hand traces a pathway up and down her sternum. His expression barely escapes being smug. She doesn't mind this as much as she thought she would; he's earned the right, she thinks with exasperated affection. All she can do at this point is drag him down to kiss her, which is still thrilling despite what they've just experienced, tasting herself on his lips and finding that this only intensifies the pleasure of kissing.
Not long after this, he goes ahead and fulfills the rest of her expectations, either because he can read her mind or because deep down and despite communication errors, their needs have always been the same. Chul lies down beside her with a sigh of contentment, drawing her into his arms like he did the night before, like he had on what she realizes was really their first night together, in the hospital bed.
"You know," she says sleepily.
They're lying face to face, skin to skin, and Yeon Joo traces a finger along the lines and planes of his face and he's close to sleeping now, and as always she likes the way he looks with his eyes closed. He looks as peaceful as she's ever seen him, perhaps more so.
"What do I know?" he murmurs. He strokes her hair with one hand, almost absently. It's a gesture that's as part of him as anything else, one she missed sorely every time she thought she'd never see him again.
"I don't think I ever told you I love you," she says.
His eyes open at that. He contemplates her furrowed brow with a kind of bemused tenderness while his thumb strokes her cheek.
"You did," he says. "Three times. I counted them all. I memorized the book, remember?"
"No, I don't mean in the book. I mean this you. I haven't told you so you can hear it and remember for yourself."
"You just did," he points out, fighting a smile.
"No, I - " she breaks off. "Don't laugh at me, I'm serious."
"I'm not laughing at you," he says, his expression sobering. "It means a lot to me that you'd worry about something like that. Really."
"I'm not worrying," she insists. "It meant a lot to you before."
Chul looks at his wife for a few long moments. He turns her words over in his head, comparing them to other statements she's made until his brain spits out a series of questions which he answers in turn, in his own way.
"You know," he says finally.
"What do I know?" she parrots, with a little arch of her brow and quirk of her lips. Cheeky.
Suddenly, he finds it a bit hard to get the words out. He manages to still, even if he sounds somewhat unsteady in the end.
"You're really beautiful," he says finally. "Really. It was never a question."
Yeon Joo stares at him for a minute, slightly incredulous. In his head, he imagines her expression is saying something like you think I don't know that?
At last, she sighs, kisses him on the tip of his nose and burrows deeper into his arms. Her response comes out somewhat muffled against his chest, but he hears all the same and grins in satisfaction.
"So anyone is beautiful, then. Really, you…"
Well, he concludes, this entire thing may not have gone as planned. His original plan had involved some vague idea of stringing her along, driving her as crazy as possible until she finally initiated something like this on her own.
It had not involved asking her again for something he had thought she wouldn't give. It had not involved her taking the lead as she had, though he's definitely not complaining about this. (It had definitely not involved him making more noise than she did, despite being the one who'd resolved to drive her to the limit.)
Still, it was good. It was right for them. A happy sort of ending - no, a beginning, he realizes with a pang of gratitude, looking at the sleeping woman in his arms.
As he drifts off into unconsciousness, Chul's last thought is that there is one thing he's one hundred percent glad of - one variable he wouldn't change, no matter the consequences. He remembers that moment on the rooftop, the blood and the pain, and her face through the haze as he stared up at her and wondered at the sight. Happy ending or no happy ending, as long as they met it would all be all right. Still, he's certainly not going to be the one complaining if they happen to wake up later that afternoon and do it all again.
끝 (the end.)