Disclaimer - I do not own TF2 or its characters. I'm just putting them into terrible writing for the sake of making people laugh.
A/N: Obviously I can't make these look "authentic" to the style because of the site rules, but I hope they're amusing anyway.
-Always and 5ever-
Spy was walking to the battlefield with his bf Sniper and they were crossing the rode.
Spy said, "Sniper, mon bf, will you love me forever?"
He said, "NO."
Spy broke into tears and ran across the road without waiting for the little green man to come on the sign.
He got hit by a TRUCK.
Sniper was crying and went to pick up his body.
He was dead.
The Australian whispered to his corpse, "I meant to say I will love you FIVE-ever, Spook..." (That meant he loved Spy more than four-ever.)
xxx~Fave this if you cry every time~xxx
/
-Taken4Granted-
Medic was in the courtyard with his bf, Soldier, and he asked, "Kleinkind, do you like mein nipples?"
He ripped open his shirt.
Soldier said, "NEGATORY."
Medic began to cry and his nipples caught fire. He fell down to the grass.
Soldier started to cry and picked up his body.
He was deceased.
He whispered to the German's corpse, "Your tits are stunning, Doc. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate them more while I had the chance!"
He pulled out a grenade and blew himself up so they could be together.
Five-ever.
xxx~Fave this if you bind kill every time~xxx
/
-Tacos Tragedy-
Scout stops making out and asks Sniper to get tacos.
He does.
Before he exits the room, Scout takes a deep breath. He says, "Bf, I am pregnant, will you stay my bf?
And he says, "No."
Scout is heart broken.
Scout bursts into tears and runs away from Sniper without eating any tacos, and he has high blood sugar. He runs into a wall at 40 mph.
Sniper runs over to him.
He's dead from the impact.
The Australian cries.
"I said I didn't wanna be your bf...'cause I wanna be your husband!" he screams and throws the tacos at the wall...a beautiful Something Special for Someone Special was inside.
xXx...Fave this if you buy every time...xXx
/
-Heartbroken-
Scout and Engineer are walking home from a movie. They are filled with love.
Scout asks Engineer Truth or Dare.
Engineer says, "Truth."
Scout asks eagerly, "If you could have one thing in the world, what would it be?"
Engineer responds, "Lots of money!"
Scout gets depressed and starts to cry. He starts hyperventilating and the gum he is chewing gets stuck in his throat.
Scout turns purple and falls to the ground.
Engineer runs over and picks him up.
He's no longer part of the living world.
Engineer then says, "I wanted a lot of money...so I could buy you everything you ever wanted!"
The Texan is heartbroken and sad forever.
xXx- Review this if you've ever been hurt before. A heart is a fragile thing. -xXx
/
-Tragic Mistake-
Spy and Scout's mother are on a romantic holiday in Paris, France.
They go to the Eiffel tower together at night and go to the top.
Scout's mother is feeling the romance everywhere.
She says to Spy, "You want to back to the hotel and sleep with me?"
"Spy says, "Non."
Scout's mother is SAD! She thought they were in true love together, but he doesn't want her anymore?
She runs away down the Eiffel stairs but trips and falls incredibly far.
Spy runs down all the stairs and picks up her body.
She est morte.
Spy cries and whispers into her ear, "You didn't get it, I didn't want to sleep wiz you...I wanted to MAKE LOVE to you!" (It's more romantic even though it's the same!)
vYv... Ship this is you try every time ...vYv
/
-Hot Wing Tragedy-
While they are fighting the machines, Scout tells Medic, "If you love me, you will marry me."
Medic says, "I can't."
Medic has no money to buy his love a ring. He spent it all on upgrades.
Scout runs away crying.
Medic steals one that day and gets caught by the authorities.
He goes to jail for twenty years.
Scout comes to visit and is mad at Medic.
He says, "I don't know why I bothered coming here to see you."
Medic says, "Leibchen, I vas only trying to steal a ring for you, because I do vant to marry you."
Surprised, Scout chokes on the hot wing he is eating. He falls down.
"Somevone get a medic!" Medic yells and pounds on the glass.
But no medic gets there in time.
Scout dies.
Medic cries five-ever. (That's longer than four-ever which is already a very long time.)
~Lick disk if ewe crime every thyme~
/
-Bombinomicon Tragedy-
Soldier and Merasmus were fighting on Halloween in Ghost Fort.
Soldier walks up to the wizard and asks, "Merasmus, why can't we be bffs anymore?
Merasmus responds, "Because you're an inconsiderate, messy, vermin hoarding fool!"
He hits Soldier over the head with his magic staff. Soldier falls down.
"Never anger a wizard!" yells Merasmus.
"No, Soldier!" cries a voice.
It's Demoman.
He runs over to Soldier and picks him up.
Soldier had shuffled off this mortal coil.
"Soldier was my bff!" he screams angrily.
"I don't care. He was stupid and now I'm going to kill everyone Soldier was close to, including you," yells Merasmus back to Demoman.
He raises his staff and shouts, "Bombinomicon! Destroy them!"
Nothing happens.
In a shocking twist, Demoman pulls out the Bombinomicon and throws it at Merasmus.
The evil magician ducks and it hits Scout in the face as he's trying to shoot an enemy team member.
Scout's head becomes a bomb. Scout cries because he doesn't like having a bomb head.
"No worries mang," says the Bombinomicon.
They run at Merasmus and explode, wounding him drastically.
"Noooo!" cries Merasmus. He bursts into tears of glowing green magic energy. "I hate you, Soldier, and all your stupid bffs!"
He explodes and dies five-ever, ending his reign of Halloween terror.
"Soldier, I'll never forget you, my bff," whispers Demoman to Soldier's corpse.
An enemy Spy comes up from behind and stabs him. He can't go to Skull Island.
~oOo Fave this if you die every time oOo ~