She woke, to light in the room, and the faint, distant sound of traffic several floors below, and for a split second, in that hazy, half awake state, she forgot everything that had happened in months past. From the first inhalation, to the sleepy glimpse of that cherry red hair that she had her nose buried in, she was intoxicated. She exhaled with a soft sigh, and then when she felt her shift, she realised just how she was positioned. It was the exact opposite to how she'd fallen asleep, an arm now wrapped around Emily, their legs entwined, and her very...naked...tit cupped possessively in her hand.
Was it possible for something to feel so right, and so wrong at the same time?
Before she had a chance to think further, the body in her arms turned over, shifting to lie on its back, and Naomi froze, her hand still latched onto the firm mound beneath it, as Emily slowly came to consciousness, and a small hand covered hers, squeezing gently, accompanied by a soft grunt. "You always were handsy in the mornings." She mumbled.
"S-sorry." Naomi said, moving to pull her hand away, but the hand on top prevented it from moving.
"S'ok." the redhead replied, half smiling. "I was kind of enjoying it." she added, as she slowly opened her eyes.
Naomi bit her bottom lip nervously. "You always were horny in the mornings...as much as I was handsy." she smirked wryly.
"Yeah, well..." Emily said. "When one wakes up to you..."
"Oh, so it's my fault, is it?"
Emily rubbed her thumb across Naomi's, and sighed. "I didn't say that."
"I know." She said. "I should probably...get... dressed...and go. Leave you be." She added, moving to get up. But, Emily wouldn't let go of her hand. "Emily..." Naomi warned
"Can you just...not, for a bit?" Emily asked. "I haven't seen you in months...can we just...forget everything for a little while and just...be...?" She watched Naomi's unsure expression and the released her hand, sighing. "Never mind." she muttered. "Stupid of me." She shifted, moving to get up.
But this time, it was Naomi who stopped her. "OK...we can...if you want to." She said, pulling Emily closer.
"It's not that I...want anything...you know..." Emily said quietly.
"Oh, I know." Naomi said. "In spite of your nakedness, and my near nakedness, that probably wouldn't be the best idea."
Emily sighed, again. "No...Perhaps not." she replied, regretfully. "Actually, I'm surprised to find you still here... Thought you would have slipped out while I was still asleep."
"Old habits apparently do die, eventually."
"Yeah."
Naomi kissed her shoulder softly. "At the risk of ruining this odd sort of peace we have at this moment..." She said. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Am I going to like it?" Emily sighed.
The blonde shrugged. "Probably not..."
"Might as well...but just so you know...I don't feel like arguing." Emily replied.
"I just need to know...why again? Was it something I did, or didn't do...didn't I satisfy you?"
"No!..." Emily said, softly. "It wasn't about you...or Katie either."
"You told me...that with Thomas...it was purely physical?" Naomi said.
"Yes."
"Was it the same with... him, then?" she asked, not even wanting to name him.
"Yeah. I got off on the risk...of being caught, of being found out."
"By me?"
Emily sighed. "By you, by Katie... by getting myself into trouble I certainly didn't need or want." she said sadly.
"How do you get off on that sort of risk? I mean... Getting caught I can understand, but..."
Emily let the question hang in the air slightly, before continuing to speak. "I wanted to punish you so badly...and I knerw sleeping with Thomas would hurt you really badly...as bad as yyou screwing Sophia...but I did it again...because I was, I dunno...addicted to the danger, the sheer wrongness of it"
"Like a drug?"
Emily shrugged. "Yeah... You could say that." She said. "Some drugs just aren't worth it, though. You end up losing...much, much more than you intended...for that brief moment of pleasure."
Naomi sighed deeply...taking in all that Emily had said. "I think I understand." She said, finally. "But how do I know you won't do it again...break my heart again?"
Emily closed her eyes. "Fair question." she said, opening them again. "But, I don't think there's anything I could say that could make you trust me. I don't think I even deserve your trust... I think I've betrayed it too many times."
"You...won't even try then?"
"I didn't say that." Emily said, softly. "I said I don't think I deserve it. You'll always wonder...in the back of your mind."
Naomi sighed. "Do you really want us to work?"
"Do YOU?" Emily said, wanting and dreading the answer.
There was a short silence. "Yeah. I miss you." Naomi said, quietly. "Both of you."
"I'm done going with boys for ever, Naomi." Emily said. "Sooo not worth it, if I lose everything I love as a result." she added, sadly. "You might not believe me, or trust me. I don't blame you at all. Would I trust me, if I were you? Probably not."
Naomi lay on her back, and took Emily's hand in her own, entwining their warm fingers. "You really regret it, don't you?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"It is to me... I can hear it in your voice."
Emily sighed. "I hate myself for it, to be honest...really loathe myself." she whispered softly. "That's why I say I deserved everything I got for it. You leaving. Katie hating me...all these weeks and months of loneliness"
"Katie doesn't hate you." Naomi said. "She certainly hates what you did, and is very much upset over it." she paused. "But...I can tell she is hurting inside too. She needs you...needs us actually"
"How can you be so sure?" Emily asked.
Naomi turned to face Emily, and searched her eyes, briefly. "When you were in Exeter... and she'd talk to you on Skype... Afterwards... there were times when she would be distant. She would look at me, sort of...wistfully. It took me a while to figure out it was the only time she'd look at me like that, with a sort of empty sadness." Naomi said. "One day I realised it was because she really missed having you around. Talking to you on Skype was one thing, and something I didn't interfere with, because I knew she needed it. She'd put in her headphones out of respect for me, because at the time, she knew I was so fucking angry with you, and didn't want anything to do with you. But I'd always hear her side...and she always sounded happy when she was talking to you."
"Oh."
"She had that look again...when I went to see her after I got back. It took me a while to get her to admit it openly, you know what she's like. but...she really misses you, Em. She's just far too proud to do anything about it...that certainly hasn't changed."
"Yeah, she doesn't change her spots all that well, in spite of some things."
"At least she's not wearing so much of that leopard print shit any more." Naomi smirked.
Emily laughed. "True."
"I think you should go and see her." Naomi said softly. "It would do the both of you some good."
"You think so?"
"Yes." she replied. "This...can't go on...we need to move forward...all three of us." She gently kissed Emily's shoulder. "I'm not saying it'll be automatic, or easy, but I need you...both of you...just as much as you need me, and each other."
Emily sighed, deeply. "Yeah...OK." she said, quietly. "I'll go to her."
Naomi looked over at the clock, seeing that it was near ten. "I should get going, soon."
"Will you stay for coffee?" Emily asked.
Naomi pulled back the duvet, and sat up, pulling on her jeans. "Bit late for coffee, I think." she said, as she pulled her tee over her shoulders, and shook her hair out from the collar, using the hair tie on her wrist to tie it back into a loose pony tail. "Anyway, I have to make sure I've got everything ready for work in the morning."
Emily sat up, and picked up her bathrobe off the floor, getting up out of bed and slipping into it. "I suppose I'll see you out then..."
Naomi slipped into her chucks and the two walked out through the sitting room, Emily first and the blonde behind her. "I still have the same number..." Naomi said, as she picked up her jacket from the sofa and slipped it on.
Emily turned to face her. "I thought you'd disconnected it?"
Naomi shook her head. "I just took the SIM out...too much of a coward to throw you out of my life completely"
"...Oh." Emily said, averting her eyes so the blonde couldn't see the little bit of hope that generated.
Naomi smiled, weakly. "Old habits." She said. "Mind if I text you, or...?"
Emily shook her head quickly. "No...not at all." she said, quickly "I'd like that...a lot".
Naomi nodded. "OK. Right...I'll be off, then..." she said. "Thanks...for letting me stay last night. And for the... chat." she added coyly.
Emily smiled nervously back. "Thank you...for coming by...it was..."
Naomi blinked away a treacherous tear. "Yeah...it really was..."
Naomi stepped closer to Emily, leaned forward and kissed her lips gently, then pulled her into a tight hug. It lingered for a second, before she released her, gave her a shy smile and a nod, and then opened the door. "Bye Ems." she said, before walking through it and closing it behind her.
Emily stood there, partly in shock, the feel of the blonde still echoing on her skin.
The little bit of hope in her heart flared into something stronger. That kiss and hug held more meaning than all the words they had spoken. The blondes scent hung in the air and Emily hugged herself, trying to hold on to it a moment longer.
By midday, she was walking up the stairs to the old place she had lived, before everything had got so fucked up...before SHE had fucked it up. She'd walked, all the way from her own flat, using the time to think about what Naomi had said, and what she would say to her twin when she got there. The chill in the air had her pulling the beanie a little tighter over her head, and wrapping her scarf around her neck just a little more snugly as she had walked, and now that she had made it to Katie's door, she had nervous butterflies in her stomach, wondering whether she should have had that coffee after all.
Before she could stop herself, she knocked softly on the door, hearing footsteps before it swung open. Her twin stared back at her, blankly, but somewhat puzzled.
"Hi...?" she said, after a beat.
"Hey." Emily replied, her husky voice nervous. "Can I come in?"
Katie shrugged and stepped aside to let her pass, then shut the door behind her.
"What do you want Emily?" she asked, turning to face her twin.
Emily took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. "Peace."
"Well, I had that, before you turned up." Katie said.
"OK...a truce, then." Emily replied. "Naomi came to see me last night."
Katie's brow furrowed. "Oh." That wasn't what she expected to hear.
"We had a very long chat."
"Not a screaming match?"
Emily shook her head. "No." She said. "She misses us both. And she told me that you miss me, too... even if you are too proud to admit it."
Katie raised an eyebrow. "Someone has to have some fucking pride in all of this, don't they? I mean...you certainly didn't when you let Dave fuck you up the arse." she snapped.
"OK, so how MUCH longer do I have to keep bloody apologising for that?" Emily replied. "I can only say I'm sorry so many times before it becomes meaningless, Katie. Hell, if Naomi can agree to at least try and forgive me, surely you can...we're sisters?"
"You weren't the one who lost her through no fault of your own." Katie said.
"No... But it was me who caused her to run." Emily stared at her. "I'm not proud of it, and I fucking regret it. SO much. I regret that something I couldn't control split us up, and made you hate me so much that four months later you still can't talk to me. Do you know how much that sucks, when I've spent nearly my whole life with you?" She asked. "You've slapped me, raged at me, and I GET IT. I FUCKED UP. AND I'M FUCKING SORRY!" Her voice rose momentarily, before she calmed down again. "I'm also fucking over not being able to talk to you, and having lost both my best friends over it. We all acknowledge that what I did was stupid...and if Naomi can at least find a way to talk rationally to me about things..." She trailed off. "Why can't my own twin sister?" she asked, quietly. "Emsy sham?"
Katie lowered her eyes, and spoke so quietly that Emily barely heard her. "I miss you too Katie sham"
Emily felt a little shiver wash over her. She stepped closer to Katie and wrapped her arms around her. "I know." she whispered, as Katie slipped her arms around her body and held onto her. "I'm here now"
Katie sniffled against Emily's shoulder. "I'm sorry I shut you out."
"No, don't be. I deserved it." Emily replied. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I have the most to be sorry for out of all of us."
"Naomi, she... said she was sorry for leaving?"
"Yeah, she told me that, too...but I know why she did." Emily said. "I'm so sorry... that I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry that my actions made her leave us both like that. I don't blame her, I blame myself."
"It hurt so fucking much Ems." Katie murmured.
"I know, babe." Emily said. "It's time for the hurt to stop, though."
"You really think we can start over?" Katie asked, pulling back and sniffling.
"I'm willing to. So is Naomi." Emily said, softly kissing Katie's tear stained cheeks.
"Are you?"
Katie sighed. "I hope so, because I need both of you...I can't stand feeling so alone." she said. " I feel like I'm walking around in a fog, not knowing where to go or what to do with myself"
"One step at a time, OK?" Emily said "I'm really going to try Katie and I promise I'll never hurt either of you again, OK?"
Katie nodded. "Want a coffee?" she shrugged. "Talk for a bit?"
Emily smiled. "Yeah...sure."