No Power in the Verse
The quiet hum of Serenity's engine gave Kaylee some comfort as she sat crouched in the back corner of the engine room. She needed a place of comfort to retreat to as she took the time to sort her thoughts and emotions. Engines had a calming effect on her too. It was nice to simply sit and watch thousands of individual pieces and components working together harmoniously toward a common goal. It was a model for the way life could work if people would learn to cooperate. If they would, they wouldn't have to deal with heartless people like Niska.
Kaylee had never known fear like that. She had been shot once before. She could still remember how it felt to have the bullet pierce her skin. The sensation of having her life slip away from her still clung to her memory. During the firefight on the space station, those memories chocked all of her senses. She couldn't think, more or even breath. She knew there would be no walking away from this one; that is, until River showed up.
River had arrived out of nowhere. Kaylee had been staring death in the face until River came to her rescue. Her movements, her accuracy, her calm; they seemed superhuman. No sooner had she arrived that the danger was gone. In three quick shots, she chased the monsters away.
Kaylee could remember the fear that still clouded her emotions as she gazed at the smoking pistol in River's hand. It had not been chased away with the monsters. However, it had changed. It was fear mixed with other, more confusing emotions.
At the time, she was too overwhelmed and confused to filter and categorize the new things she felt. Now that the crisis was over, she had retreated here to her sanctuary of blinking lights and humming turbines. Here, she could find the solitude she needed to step away from herself and analyze what she saw.
She realized that the moment she stood beside River and gazed into her fearless eyes, why engines had always had a sexual appeal to her. Engines were powerful. Kaylee liked to feel close to that power and to know it was strong enough to protect her. They had the power to take her away from the dangers that existed on the various worlds in the verse and cradle her in the safety of the black. She had the same feeling as she looked into River's eyes.
Could this mean that she was attracted to her? This was the one emotion left to sort. She had always been open to exploring her sexuality, but this was an attraction she couldn't understand. She had never been attracted to another woman before.
Her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of footsteps echoing through the hallway just outside the engine room. Her solitude was broken as River stepped into the room. Her curious eyes darted around the room just as they always did. The bottoms of her boots rolled slowly over the cold metal as she walked up to where Kaylee sat crouched in the corner.
Kaylee's heart beat faster and faster with each step River took toward her. Her breaths came faster; each one seemed to do less for her then the last. Normally, she would classify this feeling as fear, but this was something other than fear. This was a rush of excitement.
'Why do I feel this way?' Kaylee thought to herself over and over. This wasn't just a girl, this was Simon's sister. She had spent the past several months flirting with him. She thought she knew exactly what she wanted. How did one moment with River change all that? Jayne always said that having River on the ship complicated things. He would never know just how right he was.
River stopped right in front of Kaylee and slowly dropped to her knees. Kaylee followed River's eyes as they descended down to the same level as her own. It was the same set of eyes she had gazed into back in the cargo bay. The same curious eyes that showed no fear. Kaylee was an unsortable blend of excitement and calm.
River reached out her hand and placed it softly on Kaylee's cheek. Kaylee could feel the warmth of her hand against the cold sweat on her face. River continued to gaze into Kaylee's eyes. Kaylee could feel her inside her mind. She didn't have to tell River what she was thinking. She had only to let the thoughts play out over and over. She knew River was watching them like a wave on a projection screen. River smiled as she gently brushed Kaylee's long hair behind her ear.
"It's okay," River said in a quiet tone. Kaylee let out a long exhale. From River, those two simple words released a great burden from her mind. "There's nothing wrong with the way you feel." River's words offered more and more comfort. Kaylee released her grip around her legs and allowed herself to be taken into River's arms. Kaylee's fears had left her. She knew only quiet comfort as she lay against River's chest. She closed her eyes as the sound of the whining engine was overtaken by the sound of River's steady heartbeat.
She didn't need the engine. All the strength and comfort she needed was in River's arms. She lifted her head and once again gazed into River's eyes. This time she could see the same comfort and calm that she was now experiencing. River placed her hand softly behind Kaylee's head.
"Are you going to stop me?" She asked. Kaylee smiled.
"No power in the verse can stop you," she replied. River leaned in and gently pressed her lips to Kaylee's. In that moment, all the confusion and unsorted emotions in Kaylee's mind fell into place. They pulled away and smiled as they enjoyed the quiet peacefulness of the moment.
"River?" Simon's voice echoed through the corridors of Serenity. They both laughed as they realized that the rest of the world had caught up to them.
"I have to go," River said as she helped Kaylee to her feet. Kaylee nodded. River smiled and placed another soft kiss on Kaylee's lips before turning and disappearing onto the quiet corridor; leaving Kaylee alone with the quiet hum of Serenity's engine.