AN: I had to write this back in 9th grade as well. It's when we were doing Romeo and Juliet. The teacher made us write in Shakespean language. Hope you like it.

Here was the task: Write a scene between 2 enemy's who are about to fight over a girl. Justify why the girl should be yours.

Spike: Gnarling, Heavy-headed, Yonker she's my girl.

Angel: Nay she's nought to you.

Spike: Nought Peaches Me thinks thy a Clot pole.

Angel: And thou art heavy peroxide boy.

Spike: Me Heavy thy plauge.

Angel: Thou art an Unmuzzled, Fat-kidneyed, and Rabbit-sucker.

Spike: Me I wrought woe and love.

Angel: Thee will to dispatch her was heavy.

Spike: Me dispatch her nay thee woe her and wrought her woe.

Angel: Thee discourse about Angelus who is nought like me.

Spike: Nought attend me peaches you wrought her heavy.

Angel: She methinks will hie with me and attend me.

Spike: Methinks you plan to decree her around you Greasy, onion-eyed, snipe.

Angel: She's mine indeed.

(Angel walks away)

Spike: Adieu you Baway, bunch-baked, Canker-Blossom.

(The next day Buffy, Angel, And Spike fighting over where she belongs.)

Buffy: Stop it now I can't take this woe anymore.

Angel: Just answer us who would thee rather be withal.

Spike: Yeah Sirrah over here and I want to know.

Buffy: Attend me both of thee I love both of thee but I love Angel withal all my heart.

Angel: Buffy thee just gave me the best tidings.

Spike: Buffy mark me thee rather have a vampire withal a plauge than me.

Buffy: Me thinks I can discourses for myself.

Angel: Soft an thee love me than why did thee even date him.

Buffy: Because I wanted to put thee though the same woe thee put me through when thee broke up withal me.

Spike: Bloody Hell Angelus methinks she's got a point.

Angel: Shut up thee Purpled, dog-hearted, marlkin.

Spike: Nay thee rabbit-sucker.

Angel: Methinks counsal is needed now before I dispatch you.

Spike: Hie ahead she choose the foe over me.

Angel: Damn right

Buffy: God damn it stop it now.

Spike: Nay Slayer pray first.

Angel: Stop talking to her like that now.

Spike: Nay thee make me.

Angel: Okay Nay problem withal that.

Buffy: Stop it both of thee or thy both dusted.

Angel: Fine adieu thee Canker Blossom.

Spike: Nay wrought thee are the canker blossom.

Buffy: Come on now.

(Buffy pulled Angel away and Spike just stood there in the alley)