The deal as always was Faustian
but you signed where they told you to sign
and your hopes and your dreams
all your wildest schemes
were there in your head like the taste of good wine
then you signed
and the deal was done
and god knows it had to be fun
Folk Underground, "The Butterfly Road"
All I ever wanted was for someone to need me. Sounds simple enough. Altruistic, even. But when you aren't strong, or handsome, or clever, you sort of disappear.
If you're lucky, that is.
I got very good at disappearing. After all, you can't hex someone you can't see, and there was always some opportunistic bully ready to hurl a nasty little jinx at me for the heinous crime of being in his line of sight. I wasn't good at countercharms, or fast enough to dodge. What I was good at was hiding, and seeking out hidden passageways and secret rooms, and seeking out the right dusty books to help figure out the passwords. Eventually someone noticed that I was always the last to leave a class and first to arrive at the next, and to wonder about it.
James.
He was one of the people I'd started hiding from. Not an easy task, since we shared a dorm room and had nearly all our classes together. He was on the Quidditch team, which meant he could get away with almost anything. I should have been suspicious when he stopped lazily insulting me over the dinner table and at lights-out. If I was clever I would have, but I'm not clever enough to be suspicious of good fortune. And James had a new scapegoat by now, which lead me, foolishly, to relax a bit.
Until the night I woke up with James' hand over my mouth, and his crony Sirius sitting on my legs.
"Hello, worm," James said in my ear. I couldn't see his face, but I could hear his casual grin. "I've been watching you. Or, really, watching for you."
"Yeah!" chirped Sirius, a little too loudly. "Since you can't watch what you can't see."
"Sssh!" hissed James. The pressure on my mouth eased up slightly. "Now, you're gonna tell us how you're sneaking around, and you're gonna show us how to do it." Well. The Golden Boy of Gryffindor and his pretty shadow needed something from me. I'd never realized you could feel triumphant while being pinned down by a pair of bullies. That started to fade when I felt something hard and not-quite-sharp poking my belly.
"And if you don't tell us," giggled Sirius, "I'll-"
"What's going on?" The sleepy voice was another of our year-mates, Remus Lupin. He'd made up for the offense of being the smartest one in our year by letting the others copy off him during exams. James and Sirius pulled back a bit as Remus cast a light spell. Now, I knew Remus wanted their approval too much to tell tales, and I also knew that if I didn't give James and Sirius what they wanted, they'd keep at me until I did.
That was when I had one of my few clever ideas. "It's really, really secret, right?" I lowered my voice to a conspiratorial whisper. If I tell you, you gotta swear not to tell anyone else." I feigned a look of inspiration. "Remus! You know some of those jinxes that only hit if you break an oath, right?"
The smile Remus gave me wasn't one most people would recognize. It was the hidden smile of one outcast to another. James blinked, realizing he'd lost the upper hand for the moment. Sirius pouted as Remus cast the geas, but as I began listing hidden passages his smile returned.
"...and there are more," I finished. "I know I can find more." Out of James' and Sirius' line of sight, Remus raised an eyebrow. He'd caught my wording, knew that it was two statements, not one. I also knew he'd keep his mouth shut about it. And that was how we came to be something of a team; James the Quidditch Hero, Sirius the Handsome One, Remus the Brain, and me, the Sneak.
but you signed where they told you to sign
and your hopes and your dreams
all your wildest schemes
were there in your head like the taste of good wine
then you signed
and the deal was done
and god knows it had to be fun
Folk Underground, "The Butterfly Road"
All I ever wanted was for someone to need me. Sounds simple enough. Altruistic, even. But when you aren't strong, or handsome, or clever, you sort of disappear.
If you're lucky, that is.
I got very good at disappearing. After all, you can't hex someone you can't see, and there was always some opportunistic bully ready to hurl a nasty little jinx at me for the heinous crime of being in his line of sight. I wasn't good at countercharms, or fast enough to dodge. What I was good at was hiding, and seeking out hidden passageways and secret rooms, and seeking out the right dusty books to help figure out the passwords. Eventually someone noticed that I was always the last to leave a class and first to arrive at the next, and to wonder about it.
James.
He was one of the people I'd started hiding from. Not an easy task, since we shared a dorm room and had nearly all our classes together. He was on the Quidditch team, which meant he could get away with almost anything. I should have been suspicious when he stopped lazily insulting me over the dinner table and at lights-out. If I was clever I would have, but I'm not clever enough to be suspicious of good fortune. And James had a new scapegoat by now, which lead me, foolishly, to relax a bit.
Until the night I woke up with James' hand over my mouth, and his crony Sirius sitting on my legs.
"Hello, worm," James said in my ear. I couldn't see his face, but I could hear his casual grin. "I've been watching you. Or, really, watching for you."
"Yeah!" chirped Sirius, a little too loudly. "Since you can't watch what you can't see."
"Sssh!" hissed James. The pressure on my mouth eased up slightly. "Now, you're gonna tell us how you're sneaking around, and you're gonna show us how to do it." Well. The Golden Boy of Gryffindor and his pretty shadow needed something from me. I'd never realized you could feel triumphant while being pinned down by a pair of bullies. That started to fade when I felt something hard and not-quite-sharp poking my belly.
"And if you don't tell us," giggled Sirius, "I'll-"
"What's going on?" The sleepy voice was another of our year-mates, Remus Lupin. He'd made up for the offense of being the smartest one in our year by letting the others copy off him during exams. James and Sirius pulled back a bit as Remus cast a light spell. Now, I knew Remus wanted their approval too much to tell tales, and I also knew that if I didn't give James and Sirius what they wanted, they'd keep at me until I did.
That was when I had one of my few clever ideas. "It's really, really secret, right?" I lowered my voice to a conspiratorial whisper. If I tell you, you gotta swear not to tell anyone else." I feigned a look of inspiration. "Remus! You know some of those jinxes that only hit if you break an oath, right?"
The smile Remus gave me wasn't one most people would recognize. It was the hidden smile of one outcast to another. James blinked, realizing he'd lost the upper hand for the moment. Sirius pouted as Remus cast the geas, but as I began listing hidden passages his smile returned.
"...and there are more," I finished. "I know I can find more." Out of James' and Sirius' line of sight, Remus raised an eyebrow. He'd caught my wording, knew that it was two statements, not one. I also knew he'd keep his mouth shut about it. And that was how we came to be something of a team; James the Quidditch Hero, Sirius the Handsome One, Remus the Brain, and me, the Sneak.