THIS IS A BAD CHAPTER, THE NEXT ONE WILL BE BETTER, I PROMISE!
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Let's get on to the story...
Tap.
Tap.
Tippity-tap.
"S..sssirius?"
Tap.
Tap.
"S..*sob* Ssirrriuss?"
Tap.
Tap.
Thud.
"SS...SSIRIUSSS!"
Bang.
Thud.
Bang.
Boom.
"SIRRIII.."
Clang.
Thud.
"Pppp..please.."
BOOM.
"SIRIUS! I N..NNEED YOU! D..DON'T GG..GO!"
My hand hurts from pounding on the door. I'm in hysterics, I can't think straight. I...I just want my brother back. Of course, even that, the one person I had, the one person I loved, the one person who had enough of me to break my heart, had to be taken away from me. Involuntarily, a bitter laugh escapes my lips. What did I expect?
Yet, I can still remember a better time.
A time when Bellatrix still had a genuine smile.
There was a time when Andromeda still was in the family.
There was a time when I felt like I was worth something.
There was a time when Sirius loved me...
In a way, my childhood with Sirius is like snow.
Once upon a time, our love for one another poured from the sky in great abundance, each flake different, each one melting on my fingertips.
I used to play in the snow, laughing, singing, scraping my knees, getting back up.
The snow seemed so endless, unstoppable, forever floating down from who-knows-where.
But, one day, Spring came, and melted all the snow away.
All I have left are memories of Winter.
But oh, what wonderful, sun-filled memories they are.
"C'mon, let's race!"
"Reg, are you okay?"
"I'll always be there for you."
"Ickle Reggie! Hehehe.."
"Oohh, I'm Belllatrix, Bellatrix Blllack, I'm a purebloood, and I can't flirt.."
"I love you, Reg."
"I love you, Reg."
I love you.
I LOVE YOU.
"NO YOU DON'T!" I scream and punch the wall. BAAAD CHOICE. Wincing, I sit back down and notice the river of tears pouring from my eyes, and, in spite of everything, I smile.
Those times are long, long gone, just little whispers of happiness I keep close to my heart. I smile at the thought of Siri's laugh, the feel of his arms against mine, his smile, his voice when he's comforting me.
What I wouldn't give to get my brother back.
Our relationship wasn't perfect. No good one is. We had are share of arguments - him calling me short, me calling him arrogant...
But we've always managed to overcome our difficulties. When Mother would yell at Siri..us for being "not up to standards," I was there for him with angsty muggle music and confidence-boosters. When the bullies at the park beat me up, he was always there with nicked potions and Hershey's Cookies & Creme Chocolate (I'm a stress eater). Nightmares were a common occurrence for both of us; more often then not, I'd end up in his bed.
I haven't slept with Sirius for five years now. Not since he left for Hogwarts.
I've had severe insomnia ever since. I'm lucky to get four hours of sleep.
I know Sirius is running away. I know it. I think he's going to that friend of his...James...
James. Just the name makes me see red with anger. James, the nice, kind, funny friend.
The friend that stole my brother. Sometimes, at Hogwarts, I hear him call James his "brother". I'm his brother. Me. Regulus Black.
I love you. I'll always be there for you.
I sink down until I'm sitting on the floor, and lean against Sirius's door.
Lies. That's all they were. Wonderful, sweet, white lies, but lies all the same. Just a nasty, disgusting poison served in a delicious, fluffy cake. If there's anything I've learned from you, Sirius, it's that lies are started by promises.
Where were you when mother put me on Crucio for 5 minutes straight? When she decided to do it every time I did something "wrong" - which is quite a bit, mind you.
Where were you when I stopped caring about myself? When I fainted in potions due to low blood sugar? When I didn't eat for a week straight?
Where were you when I decided to experiment with cutting? And never was able to stop?
Where were you when I stopped sleeping? When the bags under my eyes turned purple?
Where were you when I wanted to die?
Oh, Sirius, run off to James, run off to your sanctuary, but be aware, I hate you. I HATE YOU. I DON'T CARE IF YOU GOT HIT BY A CAR. I DON'T CARE IF...I WON'T ATTEND YOUR FUNERAL! I'LL MURDER YOU MYSELF!
I'm lying to myself.
I care.
I care, and I love Sirius so, so much.
And that's the problem.
I'm not going to show him that. He doesn't deserve it.
Yet, a few stray tears leak from my eyes, and soon I'm sobbing.
I need Sirius. I can't let him go.
A dark shadow obscures my vision. I look up.
Oh, no...
I am so dead...
It's my "Dear Mother". And she's in a mood.
"Oh Regulus," She hisses into my ears before pointing her wand at me. "Don't cry."
"CRUCIO!"
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Sobs seem to shake the whole house. If I close my eyes, I can almost see the oceans of tears streaming down my younger brother's face. I had hope for him once, but now, it's gone...like everything else good in this house, it vanished like smoke, once there, but now gone, escaped through the chimney.
Regulus. Different than Reg.
I still don't know what happened. When I came home after first year, he was...different. It was really scary. Reg, my cute, nice, sweet, food-loving brother had turned into Regulus, the empty, blank-faced, detached, perfect-pureblood son.
"SIRIUS! I N..NNEED YOU!"
His voice is breaking my heart. No, he's just playing me. He has to be...
He hasn't shown this much emotion since...
So maybe...
Soft sobs somehow find their way into the room.
I can't hear this anymore.
"Scilencio," I whisper, wiping away a tear from my eyes. I can't let him distract me. I need to go. I need to leave this house.
I toss another shirt into my luggage.
Time to depart.
With silent fingers, I open the door. I'm not prepared for what I see.
Mother's maniac laughter rips through the air. Her wand's pointing right at Regulus.
I know what curse she has him under.
Crucio.
CRUCIO.
CRUCIO!
I'm expecting a scream. A shout. Heck, I'm at the point where I'm fine if my baby brother let loose a jumble of curse words that would make a sailor blush.
What scaring me is the fact that Regulus isn't even reacting. He's just lying there, crippled and twitching in pain. Aside for a few whimpers, I would never have guessed that he's suffering from the Cruciatus.
That kind of reaction is a result of one thing only - practice and experience.
"BLACKS DON'T CRY, REGULUS!" She yells. "I THOUGHT YOU LEARNED TO NOT SHOW WEAKNESS!"
"Buutt...Sssiriusss..." He mumbles.
"YOU DARE CONTRADICT ME?!" Her voice seems to ricochet off the walls. "AND I WAS ALMOST DONE!"
She shrugs.
"Oh well," Her voice becomes soft and menacing. "I guess we could go for longest time a person's ever survived under the Cruciatus..."
Something inside me snaps.
"STOP! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO A MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY?" I hear myself shouting, before letting loose a long monologue of swear words that should not be spoken in public, ever. I feel my temper take control of me. My focus is completely on my...Mother, if I can still call her that, and I'm to furious to even notice that Reg's still under the unforgivable. I decide to give her a low blow.
"A MILLION OF YOU IS WORTH LESS THAN ONE MUGGLE-BORN!" I shout.
The whole house goes silent.
All the portraits turn towards me, some amused (believe it or not, SOME of the Blacks actually started out okay).
I don't even notice the green light pouring from...her wand. Or Regulus's soft moans.
"What did you say?" Her voice is barely more than a whisper, but I catch every word - I know its when she's quiet is when she's the most deadly.
"It's true, you know," I say, my voice equally full of malice. "Let my brother go."
She drops her wand out of shock. I see an opening.
"REG! RUN! NOW!"
I scoop up my younger brother. I'm so nervous, I don't even feel his shaking.
Run.
Run.
RUN.
RUN.
RUN!
RUN!
RUN!
I've never run faster.
Left, Right, Right, Straight, Left, Right, Round the bend...
My feet pound on the Earth to the rhythm of my beating heart.
RUN.
I look at Regulus in my hands.
He's twitching.
"Open your eyes, Reg," I whisper, my voice cracking with emotion.
"C'mon, Reg, I'm gonna get you to safety," I say, a little louder, starting to feel desperate.
Because I don't want to know weather he's past repair.
My cute, smart, lovable little brother, the one who always stayed strong, the one I've neglected - I don't want to accept that the truth is, he'll never wake up.
NO! Don't think like that.
He's gonna wake up,
He's gonna wake up.
Reg's gonna be fine.
Each syllable matches my flying feet meeting the ground.
Still, I can't help but think -
Was I too late?
So much pain. White hot, nasty pain. Knives cutting into my skin - yet, so beautiful, because I know, if I can sense it, I must be real enough, be human enough, be alive enough, to feel.
Colors dance in front of my eyes, and I feel Death's cold fingers wrap themselves around me, taking me away from this world.
So What? I ask myself. Do I have anything left to live for?
I used to have books. Now I know that sometimes even knowledge can't save you.
I used to have Hope that one day, my life will change. My life will be better. That I will be better.
That my family would be proud -
Open their arms, and say -
"Reg, we love you. We couldn't be prouder of you."
I used to have Siri. Different than Sirius.
Should I die? Do I have a choice? Do I have anything else to live for?
No.
No, I don't.
I feel myself drown.
Gone, just a nasty, ugly scab on fate's leg -
The one that everybody thinks is annoying, but not annoying enough to get any of their attention.
My mark erased from the book that is history.
I fall into the darkness...
Something stops me.
"Reg,"
I hear.
Voices in my head don't sound like that.
"Open your eyes, Reg,"
Sirius.
What is his voice doing in my head?
"C'mon, Reg,"
The voice is getting louder.
"I'm gonna get you to safety,"
I try to convince myself that it's a lie. I try to envelop myself in the darkness again. It doesn't work.
Like a hand, pulling one up from the ground, the strange voice pulls me from the despondent pit that is my mind.
I feel my eyes flutter open. Raindrops splatter across my face, mixed with tears of relief. I look up, and see my brother leaning over me, his clothes wet and his hair in a worse state than I'd ever believe he'd allow it to be.
Sirius.
Siri.
He saved me.
My brother.
"S...ssirrr...iiuusss?"
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I look down at my brother, my baby brother, the one who was always strong.
His face is so pale, emotionless.
NO.
His eyes flutter open.
"S...ssirrr...iiuusss?" His voice is just a whisper, cracking with emotion.
I feel an overwhelming wave of protectiveness and relief.
"Reg, Reg, my Little Reggie, Regulus, Reg, Reggie, you're fine now," I whisper into his ear, pulling him into an even tighter embrace.
I don't even feel my knees hitting the sidewalk. I crash down. My shoulders shake as I sob into him.
"You're fine. We're gonna be fine. She's gone. That monster's gone," My voice wavers.
I look into his deep, blue gray eyes, and feel another surge of emotion.
"I'm so, so, so sorry. This is all my fault," I say. "All my fault."
Regaining control of myself, I look around. The rain's pouring down hard now, soaking me and Reg. This can't be good for his health. As if on cue, another tremor runs up and down his whole body.
I pick him up, surprised by how light he is. Oh well, for all I know, he could have an eating disorder! I suddenly feel very guilty. If only I had done better...If only I was a better brother...If only..
NO.
I need to focus on the task at hand, and give my brother a makeshift check-up later.
I reach into my soaked pocket, and pull out a few galleons I keep around for emergencies. There's enough for a night or two at the Leaky Caldron.
A thought hits me.
I have no idea whatsoever where we are.
I have gotten us completely lost, and from looking around, this is a muggle neighborhood.
Damnit.
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Sirius is here. Right here.
Though he's cold, his presence is warming me to my very core.
I'm so confused.
I don't know if I'm dead, hallucinating, dreaming, or this is just real.
I'm too tired to think, so I choose not to dwell on it.
I'm still in so much pain. Another tremor racks my body, and the cold chills my bones, seeping into my heart, freezing my fingers, and I can almost hear its howls of pain and remorse if I listen closely...
I'm suddenly terrified. What if I don't survive?
I can already feel death's shadow looming over me.
"Sssii...rr..rri.." I manage to croak out. He pulls me in tighter. My brain feels like it's working slow. My head's swimming. When was the last time I slept? Or ate? Or showered, now that I think about it?
I can't remember any of those things. I can, however, remember the last time my blood spilled out of my wrists.
It's really beautiful, in a morbid way, when you think about it.
Little rivers of red streaming down, waterfalling into the ocean on the marble floor, looking like strokes of a paintbrush against my pale skin.
My hand twitches again. I want my beautiful, shiny, blade...
I lean back into Sirius.
So tired...
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
I press my ear against his heart, reminding myself I do have things to stay alive for.
I slowly drift into a restless slumber, hoping my weight isn't hurting Sirius, and embrace the blanket of unconsciousness.
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Okay, I'm in the muggle world, with a sick, passed-out brother who is still walking on the line of the living and the dead from my mother's Cruciatus, I have no muggle money, no shelter, no parents, It's some ungodly hour, like, 12 o'clock at night, and all the while it's pouring rain. Did I mention I'm lost as well? Yeah, my life is just going great!
I sigh. I can't be thinking like that. I need to get us to safety, and perhaps find a way to contact James tomorrow.
I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.
I look over, and see a strange sign with a word I've never seen before. "Metro", it reads, and the letters are...strangely...glowing...
I'm drawn toward the sign, and pull Reg along with me.
I notice that there is stairs made out of concrete leading down to some sort of underground fortress.
Oh, well, we'll be out of the rain.
I start to go down the stairs, and wince at each little shudder that runs up and down my brother's fragile body.
I gently place him down and look over at him.
He opens his eyes again.
"'M cccolld," He mumbles, his voice slurred.
"C'mere," I draw him closer.
"I..llovve...yyou...ssirriuuuss," He whispers, before sliding into my arms. I don't think he's even realizing what he's doing or saying.
"I love you too, Reg," I sit down, my brother's head in my lap, and I watch the rain pour down, washing away the dirt and grime from the city streets
In a way, I feel like my own sins, my own mistakes, my inner devils are slowly slipping away, gone with the water washing everything clean.
"Mmmmm..." I moan. For a minute, I feel like I'm in heaven. It's so warm, yet I'm strangely...wet? I feel some pressure on my chest. Mmmmm. So warm. I snap my eyes open, and everything comes flooding back to me.
Regulus...I look down. There he is, on my torso.
Oh well, no time right now to give him a check-up. Though I must admit, he looks bad. Like real bad.
"Reggie, what did you do to yourself?" And how could I, your big brother, let this happen to you? I run a finger through his midnight black hair and close my eyes.
Suddenly, something hits me.
How many other children have to go through this? How many Slytherins are Slytherins because they had to learn to be crafty to survive? Am I the "bad" person for judging them biased on... No, No, no use thinking like that. I can't question the things I know to be true when my psyche is so dangerously fragile.
I turn back to Reg.
He appears...to be...shaking and convulsing still, and small whimpers of pain pass through his chapped lips. Panic overtakes me yet again - really, this much stress cannot be good for my mental health.
I grab his shoulders.
"Hsss!" I near throw him down, almost banging his head on the concrete. He's running a high fever - very unexpected. Sick from the cold, most likely. Hmmm. What should I do? I could try and treat him right here...I look down at my brother's sickly frame convulsing. On second thought...I think he needs medical attention. St. Mungo's. But how to get there?
Wooosh.
I feel my hair lift off my neck and a cool breeze fills the whole underground cave. I look over. A...train...like the Hogwart's Express...is flying...on metal bars...underground. What?
Oh well, the things these muggles make.
"Now at: Abbey Wood, Greenwitch. Departing soon. Please exit train," A smooth, robotic, feminine voice utters, and I shiver. Yikes.
Suddenly, everything breaks loose. People start coming out of the train, and people start forcing their way in. The sound of useless chatter fills my ears in all directions.
I don't know what to do. Strange people, these muggles are.
I feel my pockets - maybe I have something that can help us?
I feel something round...money, not useful at all. Something greasy...not sure if I want to know what that is...It feels like Sniv's gross hair. And gross personality..if personalities have textures.
Something leather...AHA! My emergency supply of floo powder!
I breathe a sigh of relief. Now to find a fireplace...
I look around. None here, per say, but as I turn a corner -AHA! A fireplace!
I don't even look back.
"St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries!"
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So cold. So, so cold. I feel like my head is swimming...in water. I like water very much...Sev doesn't like water. That's why he never washes his hair. He thinks I don't notice. Luc...Luci...L...Li...Lc...Lucius - wow, what a bad name for nicknames, really - likes to wash his hair. I think. I don't know what to think anymore.
Hmmmm.
I think I'm moving. We're moving. Who is 'we'? Why are we moving? Why am I asking questions like a toddler?
Hmmmmm.
The world feels...blurry. Harsh. Cold. So, so cold.
Wait, not everything is cold. Something is warm. Sirius. So, so warm.
"Don' worry, Reg, I'm getting you help."
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THUD.
I feel my feet land on solid ground. Fewf. At least something could go right.
I don't have time for thoughts. I rush over to the accountant at the Emergency Department, who, if I was in the right state of mind, would probably find rather attractive.
"Please! M-my brother! H-hhhe...FIX HIM!" My words are shaky, and my voice cracks at the end. Gosh, I thought I got over puberty years ago!
"Calm down, Sir!" The nurse in charge proceeds in forcing a liberal amount of calming draught down my throat. "Name, and please list any injuries you know of!"
"R-regulus Black. Fourteen...Cruciatus." I manage to get out. So much for a calming draught!
"Thank you." Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a couple mediwitches taking my brother away. "Take a seat." She gestures to the stiff, rather unattractive chairs located to the right of her hand. I sit down and slump.
My whole world has turned upside-down in a matter of hours.
And to think...I was going to leave my brother...my baby brother...my responsibility...alone in a house with a sadistic, mental mother.
"HEY! SOMEBODY! HELP!" Someone shouts. Wait...I know that voice. James? My heart lifts. But what in the blazes would Prongs be doing at St. Mungo's at - I check the magically charmed wall that shows time - SIX IN THE MORNING?
That's it, I've finally cracked. There are some genetic bullets you just can't dodge.
The doors fly open. I'm not even being melodramatic. They literally open with a solid BANG.
James Potter, my best friend, bursts through the doorway, followed by his parents. They're all covered in blood. My gosh...IS PRONGS HURT?! Panic races through me...again. Gosh, I'm going to fry my brain doing this!
James steps to the side, and I crane my neck to see a grossly thin, tall figure...my eyes travel up to the greasy hair and pallor complexion...not to mension that hooked nose...all covered in blood, scratches, scars, and bruises.
Oh. My. Gosh.
Snivellus?
END!
I don't know guys...I'm loosing gusto for this story...REVIEW AND OTHER STUFFS to make me continue.
Perhaps I'll just end here. It's complete...ish.
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