I sat there on my bed, my picture book open, and saw Edward had taken all my pictures of him. He had even taken my lullaby. My hand clenched the book, I could feel it bending under the pressure I was applying. "Edward, come back, please," I pleaded silently under my breath, as I felt the tears stroll their way down my face. After throwing, the book on the floor, I got up and ran downstairs. "Dad I'm going out!" I yelled at Charlie as I ran by. I yanked my keys off the hook and felt tears welling in my eyes. I wouldn't be able to hold up my happy face for much longer.
"Where are you going Bells?"
"Edward's" I said choking back a cry.
"What's wrong? Did he hurt you?" Charlie asked as soon as he heard my cry of pain. I was desperate and wanted to make things right, so I ignored the question and went out the door. The tears now were no longer held back and when they came so did a cry of pain. It didn't even seem like it could have come from me or anything human , though I knew it was mine. The sound was tragic and mournful, like someone had died, but in a way someone did. I had. My heart was strangled and cold. It was black now, no love was occupying that place in my chest, just cold hard despair.
I opened my trucks door and slid in, on the wheel I found a note, his note. Edwards perfect handwriting was scribbled on a piece of paper. I had to try not to scream, as I read the words, they were of hate and sorrow, and complete passion, but no love at all. It was not even signed love, Edward, like his notes normally said.
I read it again, I had to choke back yet another yelp, and went on
My dear Bella,
You are my demon, a demon sent from hell just for me. I can no longer stand to be around you, I'm moving on to bigger and better things now and hope, you to my dear will do the same. I know this is sudden but, I know now that we may never be and I have never loved you, even though I told you so. I was lying to myself and to you, trying to make this work. But it doesn't and never will. But I ask one thing of you, I hope you will grant me this last request. Be Safe.
Good bye my dear one,
Edward Anthony Masen Cullen
His note, it was so perfectly written like he had meant every word he said, I couldn't believe it. No it was that I didn't want to believe it. Edward was all I thought about, after his note there was no reason to go back to his house, a house full of memeries that will never be relived and will only bring pain. Jacob, I thought, I'll go down to Jake's at La Push, no one will bother me there. I finally started up my eingine and it roared to life. I was crying all the way, my eyes were blury and my throt burned from all the sobbing. My heart was gone, no my soul was gone. It was like he had purposely teared it from my skin and taken it with him, along with my heart.
My breathing was short and rapid, I could hardly steer my truck now, so thank god I was almost at Jacobs house. I pulled up and Jacob peaked from behind the curtian and grinned. I waved from my truck and turned it off. As I climbed out Jake was runnin towards me at full speed, I had forgotten how fast he was. He lifted me up in a bear hug and swung my around in a cricle, like I was 2. "Jake!" I yelled at him when he wouldn't but me down, my tears had vanished and my cheeks were red from the hello.
"fine, but I missed you," he replied and squeezed me again.
"That's right put me down now. You'll crush my ribs if you don't stop squeezing me like you wanted pulp out of me." I giggled at my own joke and he smiled, that warm smile I had missed for so long. "I love you." I said into his chest.
"you what?" he asked backing away from me.
"I love you Jacob Black! Dammit I love you!"
"What of Ed-Cullen?"
"They're gone," I said looking up at him then down at my feet, "forever." I whispered it in a way, he could almost not hear me, and I wish he hadn't. My voice was tramatized and pained, yet soft and gental.
"Sorry," he muttered, though I knew it was not symathic, I could see a hint of joy in his eyes, which he was tring to hide. After he had stop talkin to me I found he hated the Cullens, even though he didn't before. Cullens, that was now a curse word in my mind and reaked of pain as I thought of the ones I loved and had thought they had loved me too. Though I was sure Alice would come and visit me, it would probably only bring pain when she did. So in the back of my mind I hoped she would not come, and not see a zombie, or a whole nother person. I was with Jacob now and nothing could change that, not even if Edward came back and begged for me.
"It's fine, I glad though," I replied softly. "I can be with you now," I added then went on my toes and gentely pressed my lips to his. I felt guilty, like I was cheating on the long lost vampire I once called my love, no my one and only true love. I went rigided for a moment as I thought his name, it stunned me how much pain was packed into that 6 letter word, how it tore me apart and riped me. How it left a gouging hole in my heart, where it was bleeding uncontrollably.
Jacob let go and moved back, he had felt my tension and decied it best to stop. "why?"
"Why what?" I asked truly curious of his question.
"Why did the Cullens leave?"
"Carlise got another job that payed better money," I lied quickly, saying the frist reasonable thing that came to mind. It wasn't like I was going to tell him my ex was a vegatarion vamire, and he left because he hated me. And I lost it. I fell almost hitting the ground before Jacob caught me. I was sobbing, and now jake seemed to feel uncomfortable, like all men with a crying lady. He set me down on the grass and let me rest on his shoulder, silently sobbing. Accasionaly he rubbed my back as an effort to say he was there and cared.
I pulled back from him after probably whaat was an hour of crying, my eyes were dry and my face was caked in salt. I did feel better though as if as the tears ran so did some pain. I tried to stand up, but fell back down in the grass. My butt was wet and cold from sitting on the dam ground for so long. Jake got up frist and offerd me his hand to help me up, I accepted.
"Do you want a pair of my sweat pants to change into?" he asked as we entered his tiny, but fimaliar home.
"I'd love that if you don't mind."
"I don't mind, just though you might not want to stay in wet jeans,"
"that was nice of you." I smiled up at him and he lead me to his room. He grabbed a pair of pants from a tossoled drow and tossed them to me. He glanced at me once then left me to change. I shrugged off the wet and uncomfortable jeans and tugged on the way to big pants. I had to tighten the strings in it so much, I swear there was a least a foot of string on each side. Well not that much but still they were huge. After getting them to an appropite snich I came out of his messy bed room.
"Better?" he called as he heard me fall in the hallway.
"Yeah but they are soooo bagy it might cause a trippen hazard," I yelled as I fell for what seemed like the 5th time. Jacob just laughed as I fell numorious times on my way to the couch.
"You are the only one you can find a way to fall 10 times in 5 ft." he shook he head at my klutziness.
"You bet I can, and I bet you I may be a klutz but that I can kiss great," I sassyied him.
"if so show me." he challenged.
"Of course, I never don't do a dare." I answered smiling mischievously.
"Then show me hot lips." I grinned once again and went over to the couch.
"up here if you wana a taste." I said patting the spot next to me. His grinned widened, like he knew he was going to get more than a taste. He sat down and I turned so I was facing him, he did the same. I leaned in a brushed my lis so his, then leaned away. Going back to his lips I pressed mine to his and let go. The kiss was an amazing feeling, I had only kissed Edward before. This though was a warm kiss like no other I had experienced. His lips formed to mine a way Edwards never had. His lips crushed mine as he pushed me against the back of th couch. My hands found his hair some where in the process and now clinged to it for dear life. His mouth moves to my neck, then my callorbone. I pushed against his chest, telling him not to go there but didn't stop him. His lips met mine again and I found myself lying ontop of him kissing his guts out. My lips were glued to him, I could move them, but they could not leave his skin, no matter how hard I tried I could not force myself to stop.
Then the door opened and guess what? None other then Billy with my father came in. I shoved myself off of jake as soon as I heard the door open, but jake didn't he kissed me again as they walked in.
"Jacob!" Charlie yelled.
"Bella?" Billy echoed with a curious tone.
"Bells I thought you went to Edwards, not Jakes. And why are you wearing his pants?"
"Dad, I can explain I-" he cut me off.
"Yes Isabella, do explain, is this cheating on your ever so slightly true love?"
"NO! and I'm wearing his pants cuz mine got all wet when I fell in a puddle in his back yard" I barked.
"Really? Then what are you doing swabing spit with a Black?"
"Edward broke up with me about a week ago Dad!"
"He did?"
"Yes Dad, otherwise I wouldn't be swabbin spit with Jacob!"
"Jake!" Billy suddenly yapped, "outside now!" his face was sturn and angery, it looked as if I had gotten him in trouble.
"But.."
"No buts mister, outside now!"
"Sure sure," he got up and went to the porch with his father.
"Why didn't you tell me you were going here Isabella?" he was still using my full name which ment I was in trouble still.
"I was still sad and wanted to go to Edwards then remembered that they moved yesterday, so I thought why not go see Jake? Haven't said hi in a while. Is there something so wrong about that?"
"It seemed to be move than a friendly visit!" I looked up at him then we heard rasied voices outside too.
"Dad! Nothing happen, I didn't explode of anything!"
"Jacob Black that is not the reason! You could have-"
"I never would! How could you think of something like that?" he paused, "I'm not going to make the same mistake Sam did! Cuz I'm not Sam! Won't you please get that though your mind!"
"Don't speak to me like that wolfie!"
"Sorry! I'm leaving tell Bells I said bye."
"Fine! Go then you rotten piece of fur!" and that was the end of that, nothing else was said and he came in. "Would you please go my friends." we nodded then left, I went towards my truck and opened the door.
"Bella?" my angels sweet velvety voice called. I looked around and saw nothing, no sign I actually heard his voice or that he was there. Excpet there was another note.
Bella,
Stay away from him! Be Safe.
Edward
Be safe? Why does he care? He left me, deserted me, hurt me and almost killed me! And little stars? What's that? A you are still my star? Pish posh! God I could kill him now!!! I was pissed at him, he left me broken then he comes and tells me to stay away from my sun. It was clear why I was so mad though, I loved him. I wanted him beside me, holding my hand. The pain rippled through, and I had to pull over as I broke out in tears. A tearing and ripping sensation came through me. I was trembling now with hurt and my body was shaking as I tried to gain control of my feelings.
I was able to lossen up enough to drive now, even though the tears still flowed down. When I pulled into the drive Charlies curiser was already in the drive way and he was waiting for me on the porch. I stepped out of my truck and timidly came forward towards my dad. He stance was angery and tense.
"Dad?"
"Bella." he answered short without feeling.
"I-I know what I did was wrong Dad, I just, I don't know." I whispered, stuttering a little.
"You kissed someone you don't truly feel for Isabella, you are going to hurt him."
"I do feel for him," I defended myself.
"Do you love him as much as you liked Cullen?"
"Ya, I think." I answered slowly.
"You think? Bells you can't think, you must know otherwise you might make a big mistake."
"Like what?" I said sharply.
"Hurting a friend and yourself."
"I can't be hurt anymore! I've lost my heart Dad, Edward took it with him when he left me." I yelled, my eyes were bubbling.
"Bella." he symathically assured me that I was going to be fine.
"No! Don't Bella me, my life is dead without Jacob father. I can't live without him, and if you took that one thing that I tresure most away. I, I won't be able to stay here. Ever."
"Bella."
"Stop it!" I screeched and ran inside. I heard him trample after me but stoped as I darted
up the stairs. As I got in I swung around, closed the door and locked myself in. Then collapsed on
my floor, balling up I cried and cried. The pain didn't ease this time, it just keep
coming, as if it was an infection that wouldn't go away. That's exactly what it was,
Edward was an infection that I could not rid. No matter how hard I tried nothing worked,
even repressing his presence was hard, cuz it felt like he was still watching. If he was
I hope he felt guilty for my pain. My heart throbbed and hurt like no other thing I had ever
Felt like I was being slowly ripped apart. My heart was broken and the only one who
Knew how to fix it was Jacob Black. I finally got up and crawled into my bed, I remembered his copperish hair, his death pale skin, and his sweet, sweet voice. That sang me to sleep as I though of his voice humming my lullaby.
I woke the next morning feeling better but not complete. As I trudged down the stairs I found a bowl of cereal and the milk waiting for me on the table. Charlie must had left it out for me, knowing I needed it and for that I was grateful. It was Saturday I realized and planned on seeing Jacob again. After I ate my cereal I went upstairs and changed. I was in a pair was streachy jeans and a lose fitting t-shirt.
I searched for my keys and when I found them I scribbled a note telling Charlie were I was going to be. Then went outside and started up my truck, it was a sunny day in a glommy time of my life. So I left my jacket in my room. I drove down to La Push and found my way to Jacobs. As I got out no one came and swung me around as I wished that would happen. The bubbling sensation of happiness slowly drifted away as I went to the door and found no one home.
I walked around to the back to see if they were out back but saw nothing. As I was turing I saw a wolf. A huge, gigantic wolf run out of the trees. I was frozen and could not move. All of a sudden it burst into a de-clothed Jacob, or at least I thought it was him.
"HOLY COW!!" I yelled! Jacob whipped around and looked utterly embarrassed also proving that it was him.
"Bella!" he yapped then darted into the trees, and came out 30 seconds later with pants on. "What are you doing here?" he asked panicked.
"What were you doing turning into a wolf and being naked?!" I snapped back.
"you weren't suppose to see that." he whined, while his face was becoming brighter with every second.
"no clothes! Do you not hear me. Why were you naked?!"
"I can't wear clothes when in my wolf form Bella, they-" he stopped suddenly. Then he started to growl, deep in his chest. Then from the trees came three more boys came. "Bella," he said scratching the back of his head, "this is Sam, Paul and embry."
"So those are your pack?"
"Yeah.."
"Jacob!" the tallest one yelled.
"Yes Sam." he replied turning.
"Why is she here and what are you telling her?"
"I go into wolf form for you to hear. Cuz I'll probably die of embarrassment if I have to say it."
"No Don't!" I said into their conversation.
"Why?"
"Cuz I can tell then Jake." I replied annoyed. One of the boys snickered at me calling him Jake for some reason.
"Fine, your funeral."
"Good then. And Sam I guess?"
"Yes."
"Well then, apparently I stumbled upon Jacob being human from his wolf form. And he was unclothed and it was terrifying." then 2 out of the four boys I was with started laughing. Sam and Jacob didn't, they both glared and looked angry.
"Jacob, you were being real stupid!" one of the boys called. Then the other started catcalling like me and him where an item, well I guess we were now , but I'd seen more than necessary.
"Why didn't you check to make sure no one was around?"
"I didn't think Bella would show up in my back yard at the exact moment I changed form Sam."
"She should had never found out!" he answered his voice raising.
"Ummm. Can I but in?" I asked loudly, making them flinch from my loudness.# Sam looked at me and interrogated me with his eyes. They penetrated through me as if he had just shot me. I stumbled back at the intensity of his angry, confused glare. He then turned back to Jacob, clearly saying that I had nothing to do with what had happened.
"She's the vampire girl Jacob." He hissed.
"So?" he answered indifferently.
"So? She reeks of vampire, and you know what they might not come back, expect I think they will because of her," he said, jabbing a finger in my direction.
"What has she to do with them ever being here?"
"She.." he stopped mid-sentence knowing he had no defense here.
"That's right, nothing."
"But Jacob, you have to be reasonable here. She can't stay. You must tell her to leave and never come back. I don't want you to do what I did to my love."
"I won't do that!" he yelled, "Why can't anyone understand I'm not you!" Jacobs body was now twitching as if he was trying to stop something from within.
"Settle down." Sam commanded in a stern voice.
"Back of my Bella! You try to hurt her or take her away from me, I'll I'll. I'll leave the pack!" he threatened.
"You can't"
"Are you so sure? I could not come when in the time I should be, I could never come to meetings. There are lots of ways I can not be a pack member. Do you want that?"
"No, but once you are pack, you are always pack. If you decline your abilty it will consume you."
"How's that? Becoming a wolf in the middle of a lecture in school?" he joked though Sam did not take it as funny.
"This is serious, this is not just about you anymore. It is about your duties in which you are bonded to whether you like it or not!"
"Well I don't like it and i can leave! wether you like it or not Sam!" he voice roared and shook as he explained things to Sam. their fighting went on for about an hour until they came to the agreement that i couldn't tell anyone, like i would. also that Jake would have to look after me while i was with the pack.
"Sorry," i mummbled to him as he drove me home, for i was in no state to drive after what i had witnessed, he tilted his head but his eyes never left the road ahead of us.
"You have nothin to be sorry for, I'm the one who should be saying sorry." he answered after a few minutes.
"But i'm the one who got you in trouble in the frist place."
"Stop..." he turned the coner to my street and slowed down, "Please stop blaming this on yourself would you? You did nothing wrong, so get over it." he did a sharp turn into my driveway and cut the engine.
"But-"
"No!" he said cutting me off.
"Jake stop yelling at me! If you don't blame me then you have no reason to be yellin at me!" i snapped, i swung open the door and ran to the porch, after getting the key i unlocked the door, went in and closed it on his face.