Scorched Earth, Shattered Steel Chapter 1: Pilot Episode, a dark souls fanfic

Maxforce: So, this is a thing. Scorched Earth, Shattered Steel is a co-operative story by SneakyDevil and myself to write a Dark Souls fanfic fueled by our digging though what lore exists that was inspired by our own co-op play-through of Dark Souls. We fell in love with this game, had many shenanigans, and became attached to our characters, giving them personalities and whatnot. We looked into the Dark Souls lore, learning more about each character and item, reading theories and making up some of our own. In the end, we had a full on adventure in our headcannonand decided that we'd put it down on paper. And thus, this story was born.

(Sneaky: Some advice: read the Narrator is a british accent, helps.)

EDIT: Sneaky: Rewritten and re-released for your pleasure, this first chapter was a serious doozy in awful. We like to think we have improved.

Max: Oh, the title art is courtesy of Karniz. Go check out her stuff! Links on our account page. Who knows, you might be able to get a commission from her if they're open!

Normal text is Narration

Italicized Text is Narrator Speaking

'This is what thoughts look like'

Okay. Got it.

It was a fairly normal day in Lordran. The crow flew across the ocean, reveling in the feel of the wind over its feathers, the sun reflecting off of the waves, the asylum burning in the distance, but fortunately for Lordran, there was a conveniently placed second Asylum near-by. Unfortunately for Lordran, however...its hard to find more sane undead on such a short notice so this Asylum was just filled with the insane. Normal insane, you know, not eat-your-face-off undead insane.

*Ahem* Yes, as I was saying...

It was a fairly normal day in Lordran. The crow flew across the ocean, reveling in the feel of the wind over its feathers, the sun reflecting off of the waves, the asylum burning in the distance, but fortunately for Lordran there was a conveniently placed second Asylum near-by. Ignoring the first Undead Asylum the Giant Crow turned tail towards the Insane Asylum to pick up Lordran's Chosen...Hero...Person.

Normally the Giant Crow could easily pick out the Chosen One, being the only sane thing in the Undead Asylum. However, once again fortune favors the Narrator as there was one conveniently somewhat sane looking pyromancer not wrapped in a straightjacket. Yes, that one there. No, no, the redhead to the right. No, not the redhead who's on fire. Yes, the one that set him on fire. There you go, bloody birds.

Anyway…

Now with our Intrepid Hero on course for Lordran, our Adventure can finally fucking start...I mean, our Adventure can truly begin.

It honestly was the average day for our redhead. People were set on fire, gibberish was spoken, and meals were eaten. Well, calling it a meal was a bit of a stretch, but she is insane anyway, so I doubt she's noticed. Yes, truly it was an average day, was being the keyword here because as you readers well know, it was about to shall we say pick up the pace?

The lass looked up in confusion, 'What kind of awful pun was that? What does that have anything to do with Joe being on fire?' she thought confusedly. Her question was quickly answered by a fairly oversized winged-menace that snatched her up and carried her off. 'Oh, I get it! 'Cause it's a bird! That picked me up!'

Yes, it is in fact a bird. How astute of you to realize that.

'Oh Hi G-Man! Hows the Disembodied Voice shtick going?'

Wonderfully, you know, omnipresence and omniscience. Handy stuff. Right, anyway were you paying attention earlier?

'Uhhh...Maybe? Something about fire? Lots of fire?'

Sigh, blah blah blah whole place is on fire blah blah I ran out of heroes.

'Uhhhh...huh, oh. Huh. That sounds...bad? Is it supposed to be burning?'

No. In fact, it was supposed to be completely intact with the Chosen Undead completely safe and sound until he/she/it/other needed to be called upon to save the goddamn world.

'Save the world? Sounds pretty hot. I suppose since I'm in the claws of the crow and you know….not this Hero thing...that the Hero thing didn't work out?'

The entire place is burning down.

'Is it made of stone?'

Yes. Why?

'Did you try telling the fire that?'

Suddenly without warning the Crow dropped our Heroine-'HEY!'-onto the safety of the Firelink Shrine Ruins. "Well, what do we have here?" She sat up, looking at a man in chainmail, resting on a broken bench, smirking at her.

"I'm me!" she chirped happily, the man's smirk disappearing, wary confusion in his eyes.

"Er, yes...I, uh, I suppose you...are you," he said, nodding slowly. "Right...where was I? Ah, yes. So. Fate of the Undead, right? But there is no salv-"

"Fate of the Undead? Yeah, I guess they do burn pretty well."

He spluttered, staring at her in surprise. "I'm sorry, come again?"

"Well, I mean...the whole place was burning! Even the stone!," she waved her hands wildly around as if it emphasized her point, "So, yeah. They burn pretty good."

The man craned his neck, looking up at the crow. "The whole place? Really?"

"Yeah! Tell 'im Huginn! It was all like FWOOSH! And Burny!" she wiggled her finger in the air.

The crow cawed, its wings moving as if to shrug. "Okay...well. Right. It burned down. Even the...stone…" The man shook his head, his right hand slapping his forehead. "Brilliant. Just, bloody brilliant. And did you just call the crow Huginn?"

She shrugged, "Well I can't exactly call him Russell right?"

Really? Russell Crowe? Of all the things you pick to remember of my ramblings?

The man groaned, massaging his temples. "Look, can I just give you the Bell Spiel and be done with it?"

"Spiel, heh," she chuckled.

The man glared at her before clearing his throat. "RIght. So. Two Bells of Awakening. One up top," he pointed up top before pointing down, "and one below, in the ruins of Blighttown. Ring them both and something happens. Brilliant, right?" He looked at the young woman, a little surprised that she had stayed quiet. "I realize this isn't much to go on, but I get the feeling that isn't going to stop you in the slightest. So, off you go. Go on." He made shooing motion with his hands.

She cocked her head to the side."So… This first bell thing. Where's that one? And What's a Blighttown?"

"Well, quite the inquisitive adventurer, aren't you? Well, the first bell is in the Undead Church, way up there." He pointed upwards, his finger aimed at a large stone building above them. "Unfortunately, the lift is broken. Alas, you will have to make your way through Undead Burg. Go up those stairs over there," a vague wave in the direction of a well and a tree, "and make your way through the water way. As for Blighttown, it's a nasty little town that is full of poisonous muck and vile creatures that smell." he shivered at the thought, "I would rather die before I ever set foot in that accursed location once more." The man grimaced, memories resurfacing of his own trek down below.

She blinked, once, before nodding her head and turning towards the well. "Well, gotta keep my Burny hand strong," she closed her eyes and nodded, "mhrm, no time like now."

The man once again looked up at the crow. "Did she just say 'Burny hand'?" he whispered. Unfortunately there was no reply, because once again, it is a crow... and asleep.

She set off in the direction of the vague hand wave, ready to 'Keep her Burny hand strong'. As she passed by the well, the odd woman noticed three small black sprites floating there above the corpse. Blinking, she reached out and grabbed one, "Aw, this thing is adorable!" she squeed and promptly crushed it. "Ehehe, whoops?" She staggered for a moment as the energy from the Humanity she had inadvertently crushed flowed through her. "Woah, that is a rush! I'm taking your friends with me!" Quickly cupping her hand, she shuffled them into one of the many pouches on her waist.

Reaching the top of the stairs, she stopped for a moment, seeing three Hollows, two of which were in basic soldier garb, while the third was in knight's armor, seemingly guarding a corpse. She raised her right hand, summoning a fireball and chucking it at the nearest Undead, grinning as the Hollow fell limp on the ground, the fire putting itself out. The second one came nearer, the woman snapped her hand forward at the creature, a small wash of flame intercepting the Undead. It caught fire quickly, flailing about, confused at the sudden appearance of the flames. Unable to put itself out, it fell beside its partner, releasing a slow, final breath. She was about to walk up the next set of steps when she noticed a soft, blue glowing orb above each of the bodies.

Do not touch those, they are not meant for you.

Shrugging, she continued up the stairs, dodging a firebomb. She looked up to see another Hollow, this one rearing its arm back, ready to throw another firebomb at her. Once more dodging the 'Standard' incendiary, she gave a "Harrumph" before declaring to the Hollow, "You want a fireball fight? I'll give you a fireball fight!" She conjured another fireball, drilling it into the Undead's face, knocking it off the cliff. She nodded to herself in satisfaction, making the motion of flipping her hair over her shoulder.

With her good mood now ruined, she continued on, casually tossing another fireball at a Hollow with an axe and then kicking one more Hollow off of the ledge of the water way, watching as it fell into the chasm. She looked into the damp tunnel, noting the water running to the left, a rat standing at the edge of the tunnel, just in front of a set bars, a corpse leaning against them. She saw another blue orb above the corpse, but ignored it, instead going to the right. Down the tunnel was a doorway on the left, while further down was what appeared to be a gate. She shrugged, walking through the doorway on the left and coming back into the sunlight. Continuing on her way, no longer taking the Hollows remotely seriously, she walked through a wall of fog, the sounds of clothing and metal burning the only noise in the immediate area.

She walked upstairs, stopping at the door, and looked out at the bridge that lead to a larger platform. She took a step forward and then stopped as a large, red winged beast slammed down on the bridge in front of her. She quickly back stepped and blinked, checking to see if it was still there,"Yep, thats real," she sighed, "and red means no Burny. Hrmph." The creature glanced at her. She glared back at the red lizard."You aren't any fun at all." The lizard looked away, flapping its wings and flying toward the Undead Church. She continued on, flinging herself out of the way of a crossbow bolt as she threw more fireballs, quickly lobbing another one up into the air to hit the archer.

She walked up the stairs, stopping and looking at a sword stuck into a pile of what looked like bones and ash. She stepped into the room, gray phantoms appearing and walking in and out of the room, some resting at the apparent bonfire. Once more startled by the utter oddity of the situation she shuffles closer to one of the Phantoms brought on by the warping of Time and Space. Slowly reaching her hand out, she attempted to grab one of the Phantoms sitting at the Bonfire, one of which looked to be a mountain of a man dressed in what seemed to be a boulder. To her surprise, what first felt like wispy chill slowly became firmer and firmer. She yanked her hand back, stepping back in surprise as the man stood up, his armor making a grating and grinding noises. He stretched his arms, and then leaned down to pick up what looked to be a large dragontooth and shield made out of stone, chains crossing over it, that the woman hadn't noticed before. He turned around, stopping when he saw her. There was a moment of silence as the two stared at one another.

The hooded woman coughed into her hand, looking decidedly awkward and embarrassed that she had just accidentally summoned Havel the Rock into her reality. Her eyes darted around, unnoticeable to Havel as she gave a small quirk of her lips. "Ah, so your name is Havel then?"

Havel looked at her. "So you've heard of me, then. Though, if I may ask, what are you doing in the guards' tower?" His grip tightened on the dragontooth a bit, awaiting her answer.

"Ah? Guards?" Her eyes darted back to the slowly charring corpses outside, "They have been, ah...relieved of duty due to certain...disabilities." She nervously replied.

Havel turned around slowly after catching the smell of burning cloth and flesh. "...Those...aren't the guard I was referring. How in Izalith did those Hollows get into the town?"

Now visibly relieved of the threat of 'Assisted Suicide via Havel' she happily replied, "Well, I dunno 'bout these 'Hollow' things, but all the zombie guys were all 'Rah Rah Rah' and so I was all like 'FWOOSH!' and they stopped being all angry and stuff and started dancing...or trying to put out the fires, I can't decide!"

Havel stared at her, letting his dragontooth slowly drop to the ground, resigned already to dealing with an apparently insane pyromancer. "Um...what exactly is this...'fwoosh'?"

She gave him a full grin, teeth and all, as she held her two hands together like she was cupping something. After a moment fire sparked in her hands and splashed light on her face, reflecting the glint of madness that lurked in her eyes. "Fwoosh," she reverently whispered.

Havel suddenly leaned in to look at the flame. As she let the flame die, he grabbed her by the chin, the hood falling off, letting her red hair loose, twisting her face back and forth, inspecting her features. "Hmm...while you certainly aren't ugly, you aren't near beautiful enough to be a Daughter of Izalith." He looked at her left cheek, a blood red tattoo of a phoenix under her eye, its wings spread. "Certainly not with that tattoo. Might I inquire as to how you are able to use a gift unique to the Witches?"

Fidgeting nervously in his grip, she replied, "Well, there was this nice old lady that I met one day. She taught me so many things but no one ever believed me when I tried to talk about her! They all said she was dead and that it was just my imagination! That I couldn't do pyromancy! Well, I showed them! I was all 'FWOOSH'! I showed them all!" her anger rising as she ranted and pumped her fist, no longer caring she was still in a death grip from the mountain of a man.

Havel released her chin, stepping back, putting his shield on his back. He crossed his arms, his helmet aimed down as he looked at the ground. "Well...that sounds like quite the story. Normally, I would find it hard to believe that anyone outside of the Witch's family, yet here you stand, summoning flames from nothingness." He picked his dragontooth up off the floor, slinging it under the shield. "Well, it was nice meeting you, uh…"

She shrugged her shoulders, "Mmm, I dunno. Everyone just called me 'That Girl' or 'Crazy Witch'...or was it Bitch?.. I can't remember."

Havel stared at her, feeling a bit of pity. "Well, I'm sorry to hear that, young lady. But I hope that you are at least proud of your ability. It is not a common gift."

Her eyes lit up in happiness and nodder her head, "Mhrm! No one can make as good of a 'FWOOSH' as I do!"

Havel smiled under his helm. "Well, that's good, then. Perhaps you'd like to travel with me to Anor Londo? I have someone I'd like to introduce you to. Someone who would appreciate your gift for what it is."

Tilting her head curiously, "Eh? Whats a Anna Londuh?"

Havel chuckled. "Not from around here, then. Anor Londo is what many refer to as the city of gods. Between you and me," he said, gesturing for her to lean in as he started to whisper, "they aren't gods, per se, but they are very powerful beings." He straightened back up. "Anyways, it's what you could call the capital of Lordran. It's a beautiful city, with gorgeous sunrises. Though there aren't many humans, so you may feel a little out of place among the soldiers, golems, and aides, but so long as you're with me, you'll be fine."

"Oh! But the Sad Guy said I had to go ring some Bells of..Uh..Awakanesings or something and then something special would happen! He said that one of the bells was at the Ruins of Bitetown and the other was at the Big Church up here!" she said cheerfully, her mood now brighter.

Havel nodded. "Well, the parish isn't exactly on our way to Anor Londo. As for this...'Bitetown', I'm afraid I'm not very familiar with it. In fact, I've never heard of it. I'll escort you to the Parish at the very least. I have business to attend to there myself." He turned around, stepping outside and then stopping. "Things...didn't look like this five minutes ago...what the hell happened?" A bolt hit his armor, bouncing off and snapping. He looked at the Undead crossbowman, glaring at it. "Really?" The Hollow in question loaded another bolt, firing again. Havel sighed. "Always the hard way with these things." Pulling his dragontooth off of his back and walking over to the Hollow, he raised it over his head with his right hand. Bringing the dragontooth down and smashing the creature into the ground, leaving the bones of the Hollow shattered. Havel looked at the cracks in the platform and shrugged. "Eh. I'm sure they can fix that up in no time." He looked back up, rubbing at his helmet. "Though it could take them a while."

Without a sound, she walked up next to him. "Wow, you're pretty strong! Is that armor really heavy?" she asked excitedly.

Havel nodded in reply. "Yeah. Though it's not so bad once you get used to wearing a boulder around." He shrugged, putting his dragontooth back under the shield. "Well, let's get going, shall we?"

She nodded, "Ah, yeah." She turned to continue on her imposed journey and begin to walk towards the bridge when another firebomb splashed at her feet. Hopping back, she flipped her hood back up and glared at the offending Hollows, her rage once bubbling up at the cheap mockery of her art.. "YOU WANT A FIREBALL? HAVE ONE!" Unknowingly in her hand, the small fireball she had prepared had doubled in size, turning into a Fire Orb. Throwing it as hard as she could, she was rewarded with a large explosion, instantly incinerating the Undead on the platform and causing it to collapse and crash down, blocking the bridge as a rapidly burning wreck.

"Welp...not going that way for now," Havel said, edging slightly away from the enraged redhead. He hooked his thumb over his shoulder. "I'm fairly certain there was another path over that way. How about we go check it out?"

Anger fading and now fairly embarrassed, with a pink dusting her cheeks, she carefully nodded, not wanting the hood to move and reveal her face at that moment. As they made their way to the path mentioned, Havel dispatched the Hollows in the way with but a swing, even yawning as he bashed through the shield of a pike wielding Hollow in armor. They took a moment to look around the stone landing, spotting another staircase, this one surrounded by boxes. Havel moved them out of the way, leading the way down the stairs and out onto a small balcony.

"Well, now...you seem to have your wits about you, eh?" came a raspy male voice. They looked to their right and saw an Undead giggling to himself.

"And you're Hollowed," Havel observed. The Undead shook his head.

"No, no. I am simply...out of Humanity, at the moment," he said.

"Just to be sure, do you have a craving for killing and souls?"

The Undead giggled again. "I always have a craving for souls, boy. But killing just isn't in me. Too much work. Why kill when I can sell?"

"Sell, eh?" Havel looked at the redhead, who was standing there humming to herself and rocking back and forth on her feet, then at the weapons and items in front of the merchant. "While I admit that your flame is quite handy, young lady, I would feel better knowing that you were at least armed. Take your pick. I'll buy."

Her eyes gained a dangerous glint as she glanced through the assortment of weaponry. "I'll take the pointy stick!" She exclaimed far too eagerly.

"Right, then. One spear." Havel said, picking up the spear and handing to the lass. "I assume souls will suffice for payment?"

"But of course! Your current total is six hundred souls, valued customer!", the merchant smirked.

"Right, here you go," Havel said, handing a small, blue orb to the merchant.

"Ah!" Her eyes lit up once more. "So thats what those things are!"

"Er, yes. These are souls. The Undead are able to use them to strengthen themselves. There are some communities in which Undead would trade souls rather than coins. I myself will admit to being somewhat envious of such a method of training. In fact, I am branded with the darksign, though I have yet to become Undead. In time, I eventually will change. Though I have yet to find a being who will be able to kill me, shy of Lord Gwyn himself. Perhaps one of the other lords, but I have no reason to fight them. Save for one."

The merchant crushed the orb in his palms, smaller white orbs rushing into him. He sighed in contentment. "Thank you for your business," he said, leaning back a little, his hand beginning to stroke the wooden basin at his side.

"Let's go check on that bridge now. It may have finished burning itself out." With that, they made their way back to the bridge to see piles of ash now in place of the once burning platform. They navigated their way towards the large tower, quickly dispatching any Hollows foolish enough to attack Havel. After dealing with the Hollow who had been rude enough to kick a flaming barrel of powder at them, they looked between the stairs and the closed door in the room they had stepped into. "Okay, you head on upstairs. I'll check to see what's behind that door and catch up with you."

She nodded, tapping the butt of her spear on the ground, "Alrighty then, I'll make sure to go stabby stabby to any Hollows I see!" As she made her way up the stairs, she heard the splintering of wood, inferring that it must be Havel breaking the door down. She was about to continue on her way when one of the barrels shook. Thinking quickly she cast a blast of flame at the pile, unleashing the Twinkling Titanite..bug, lizard, thing. Walking over to the burning bug, she put her spear down, grabbed the gem on its back with two hand and braced herself with one foot holding down the bug. She then threw all her strength into one quick yank(which wasn't much-"hey!"-)and ripped the Twinkling Titanite out of the bug. "Ohhh, Shiny." Patting herself down in a quest to locate a pouch large enough to fit the hunk of gem she had just liberated, only to pout when she realized that she didn't find one.

KRAK-THOOM

Havel came stomping up the steps a bit after the tower shook, his fist clenched around something. The man didn't seem angry, just...confused. The redhead looked up at him, still pouting "Haaavveeellll I can't keeeeep thiiissss~" as she sat here holding out the Gem for him to see.

Havel looked up in surprise, noticing her for the first time. "Oh. Um...I'll hold onto it, if you'd like." He took the gem from her with his free hand, moving it behind his back. When he brought it back out, he was no longer holding the gem.

She shot up in surprise, "Eh?! Where'd it go?" dashing around Havel's back to try and find it.

"My darksign." She looked at him in confusion. "You...don't actually know what the darksign is or does, do you?" The woman shook her head. "Well...the darksign is the mark of an Undead. After receiving one, a person will become an Undead upon their death. I haven't actually died, so I'm still human. But I do get some of the benefits of it. For one, I can carry souls like any other Undead. I can also use it as something of a bottomless bag. That's where the titanite just went." Havel's voice slowly trailed off as he finished his explanation, him looking at his right fist, still clenched.

She just looked at him for a few moments before looking up and in a deadpan tone said, "You know that is totally hax right?"

I know, but do you know how hard it is to get these Chosen Undead to actually succeed? Like, half of them spend most of their time jumping off cliffs looking for treasure!

He cleared his throat, opening his hand to show her a gold band with a black and silver inset on it. "Do you know what this is?"

She sniffed, "Ah…a pretty ring?" she asked, shrugging her shoulder.

"Not just a ring. It's my ring. Given to me by my own men, who had their own unique versions each. One of a kind. And yet…" He held up his left hand, pulling the gauntlet off to reveal the same ring on his finger. "I just killed myself. A hollowed version of me. Where am I? Because I'm certainly not home anymore."

Ah, that's my bad really.

She looked up "What do you mean by that?"

Ah well, you see… you don't have a darksign, in fact, nor will you ever have a darksign...out of my hands, really. I needed someone with a darksign, someone very powerful, and someone who wasn't going to eat your face. I'm not even kidding about that one. Freaky shit this Multiverse is. Freaky. Shit. So, sorry about that.

She nodded. "Hrmm, yeah okay. I guess that makes sense." Diverting her attention back to Havel, "So, G-man says he's sorry but that I kinda needed your help."

"G-man?"

Nodding once more, "Yeah! G-Man! Guidance Man? He never really gave me his name, just a bunch of titles so I just call him G-Man."

"Guidance? You don't...no, no, you can't be serious." Havel put his gauntlet back on, the spare ring going into his darksign. He pulled out what looked to be a small canvas doll from his belt, kneeling as if in prayer.

Soooo...This is somewhat awkward. Do you want some advice?

"...If you weren't just a disembodied voice, I would be smashing you right about now…"

Remember: You can't two-hand any weapon for bonus attack power.

"Don't fucking ignore me! The hell is your problem, yanking me into another world like that?!"

Rolling helps put out fires faster.

"Alright, now you're just being a dick!"

She likes things that burn, shiny things, and duck.

"The hell do you mean duck?"

Rocks fall, roll for reflex save.

"..." Havel stood up, putting away the talisman. "Well...you are something else. Were you aware that you're using the Guidance Miracle?"

She blinked and tilted her head. "What's a Miracle?"

Havel shook his head. "It's...something like your flame gift. I am able to call upon a power similar to Lord Gwyn's abilities through the use of this canvas talisman. From healing to throwing lightning, to asking for guidance from that disembodied voice you call G-man. There is actually a covenant, a gathering of people who can do similar things, but they believe these Miracles to be gifts from the gods themselves. Take it as you will."

Honestly, they are wrong about many things. Take Seek Guidance for example, it is not that it allows you to hear me, it's just that it was meant to gain my attention. So, while yes, a small part of the Miracle actually does allow you to hear me, a large part of it is simply to act as a signal flare for me.

"And now that I'm aware of his attention being on me, I can hear him quite clearly," Havel added in, shaking his head. "Good thing I've gotten used to tuning out assholes."

She blinked, paused, then nodded as if she was actually putting thought into it. "So, lets go then yah?"

Havel sighed, his hand reaching up to rub his helm. "Sure. Let's go." He stepped through the fog first, pulling out his shield and dragontooth. "Go up that ladder there. I'm worried about this area." He eyed the bloodstains on the bridge, looking at bolts snapped in half laying in the rubble.

She eyed him curiously, and promptly ignored his advice rushing forth as if to prove him wrong.

Havel rolled his eyes, sighing. "Or just get shot by the crossbowmen up top. Your choice." Just as he finished his sentence, he heard the twang of a crossbow string, the bolt just narrowly missing the redhead's heel as she ran towards the other gate of fog. When she was three quarters of the way over the bridge, a Taurus Demon jumped up on top of the end she was running towards, roaring at the intruders. He jumped down, looking at the girl, then began to charge at her. Havel sighed once more, bringing his shield up and holding it in both hands, as if in prayer, watching the two race towards each other.

Her eyes darted around frantically as she charged towards the rampaging demon, desperately looking for an escape, when she hyper-focused on the narrow gap between its legs. Just as they were about to collide she dived straight through the gap, successful. Getting up off the ground and brushing herself off, stunned momentarily that her harebrained scheme actually worked. Havel put down his shield, spikes of stone sprouting from his armor. He held his shield at the ready, lowering his stance, planting himself in place. The Taurus Demon's head met Havel's shield with a resounding WHUMP.

The monster reared back, holding its head in pain. "Yeah, that went about as expected," Havel said. He raised the dragontooth again, dropping his shield in order to grab his weapon with both hands, smashing it into one of the demon's horns, breaking it as if it were glass. The creature roared in pain, dropping to its knees. "Now, I'm feeling somewhat nice today, which is a miracle, considering what I just recently learned. You can let us through or I can force our way through. Your choice."

Its choice however was swiftly made for it when a medium sized globe of fire exploded and washed across its back. Followed by a leaping backstab via the Witch's spear. "Or that…" He looked at his new companion as she pulled her spear from atop the creature's back. "Out of curiousity, was that actually necessary?"

Her gaze sharpened momentarily as she answered, "Abominations, the lot of them. Their death is mandate." She blinked and suddenly her voice lost its venom and her gaze softened.

Havel looked at her, once more putting away his dragontooth, inspecting his shield for any cracks. "Alright. Fair enough. I've no right to judge such actions." He put his shield on his back, satisfied that it remained unbroken, and gestured through the door. "So, down the stairs, yes?" They walked into the new parapet and walked down the stairs. They were now looking at a much larger bridge. Havel turned around, giving a fond sigh. "Look at that view. I never get tired of it." He walked down the two sets of stairs, the girl behind him. They stopped when they saw a man in knight's armor looking at the sun over the mountains. His torso had a white cloth over it, a crude sun on it, a yellow ball with small orange spikes radiating off of it.

"Ah, hello!" the man said as he noticed them walk up, his voice cheery. "You don't seem Hollow. Far from it!" He turned to look at them fully. "I am Solaire of Astora, an adherent of the Lord of Sunlight. Now that I am undead, I have come to this great land, the birthplace of Lord Gwyn, to seek my very own sun!...Do you find that strange?"

"Not in the slightest," Havel answered readily.

"Do you speak truly, friend?" Solaire asked.

"Indeed. You have something to aspire to, Solaire," Havel replied.

"I think it would be really hot to have my own sun! But that would be pretty awesome, too! I could be all like SUN! and then everyone would be all like Burny and FWOOSH!" She shouted excitedly.

"Good, good!" Solaire exclaimed, laughing. "I have a proposition, sir and madam! 'Twould take but a moment of your time."

"I'm all ears," answered Havel, as the lass stood there staring off into the sunset, lost in her fantasy.

"Now, the way I see it, our fates appear to be intertwined. So, why not help each other on our journeys?"

"Well, I don't see why not. Any help would be appreciated."

"Splendid! Then please, take this with you." Solaire pulled out a soapstone, white in color, a golden tassel wrapped around it. "The flow of time in this land is convoluted. Beings from different worlds phase in and out constantly. This item allows us to bridge the gaps between worlds and we will be able to engage in Jolly Co-operation!" His voice rose a bit in volume as he said the last two words.

The daydreaming woman snapped out of her daze and turned to Solaire with a half-lidded gaze, "Mmm, even if we each search for our own sun, we can all use some help along the way."

"Just as you have so graciously offered to assist us, please feel free to summon us when you need help, Solaire," Havel said, bowing his head to Solaire.

"I look forward to our many meetings, my friends!" Solaire said, looking at the sun once again. He then bent forward and slowly rose up, his arms rising up to splay out on each side. "Praise the Sun!"

Her eyes regaining their full light, she gazed towards the sun and mimicked Solaire "Praise the Sun! And all its Burny-ness!"

Havel stood there, glancing between the two before shaking his head. "What have I gotten myself into?" he asked himself. With that done, Havel and the girl returned to the bridge. "Mmm….stay here for a second." He grabbed her hood just as she started to rush forward. "I mean it this time. I have the darksign, so I at least will come back as an Undead. You're still human, without one."

"But it's just a bridge!"

"A bridge with scorch marks all over it, burnt corpses, and fresh smoke rising from it. Whatever did this is probably still close by. Might even be a dragon. So stay. Back." He moved past her, carefully walking forward. As he made it to the first major scorch mark, he heard a roar and then the sound of flames. The creature from earlier flew overhead, flame spewing from its mouth. Havel stood in the flames, crossing his arms in thought as the flames washed over him. "Now, is that a wyvern or a drake? I get them confused. They're both so tiny compared to dragons." He turned back to the woman. "I'll handle this thing. You...go talk to Solaire, I guess. Should be but a minute."

She paused at the incredulity of what she had just witnessed. Then turned and walked back to Solaire. As she walked up next to him, with him once more watching the sun set, and the shouts and laughter from Havel echoing over the roars of the Drake, she asked "So, searching for your own sun?" giving a small smile.

Solaire turned his head to look at her through one of the eye holes. "Hmm? 'And all its Burny-ness?'" he asked, the girl swearing she could hear him smile.

She gave a small chuckle. "To each their own, I suppose...It's a fine goal. Don't let anyone tell you wrong."

Solaire lost his mirth as he turned towards her, all serious, "I will not. Many have ridiculed me for my quest, but it is they who are lost, not I."

She too turned to him, clapping him on the shoulder, also serious. "It is not just others who will call it foolish, don't even listen to yourself. If you ever lose faith in yourself, believe in the me that believes in you." The sounds dying down in the background signaling Havel's clear victory. Giving him one last smile and a nod she regained her cheerful air and raced up the stairs to see the aftermath.

"What an odd one, indeed," Solaire chuckled to himself, having found kinship in another.

"Well, that was fun," Havel said, swinging a new sword around. "Want this? Pulled it off the drake's tail." He held the strange tan short sword out to her.

Tossing the spear aside she grabbed the short sword and gave a few experimental swings. The last swing unbalanced her causing the arcing blade to smash into the ground, sending out a shockwave. Her eyes lit up in amusement "Yeah, I like this...I like this a lot."

Havel simply looked at her before shrugging, making sure to pick up the dropped spear and putting it into his darksign. They walked through the gate the drake had been guarding, Havel looking to the right, stopping. "Well...that's unfortunate," he said. The girl looked in the direction he was facing, seeing nothing but a pile of rubble that may have once been a statue. "That used to be a statue. Now it's just kind of…a lump of stones." He stared at it a bit longer, then turned around to pull a lever. The gate blocking their path to the church itself slowly rose up, creaking with age. They continued up the steps, stopping at the top. Before them was a small gauntlet of Hollows. Two crossbowmen on a small bridge, two swordsmen and one pikeman that they could see. But the biggest eyesore in the courtyard was the armored boar.

"What the fuck?"

"Armored boar. What, you've never seen a pig with tusks dressed in armor before?" Havel asked. She shook her head. "Huh. I thought that was a normal thing." He stepped forward, casually backhanding the first swordsman, knocking it through the legs of a raised wooden platform. He saw the second swordsman running towards the gate, supposedly looking for the lever. Havel put his left hand near his darksign and pulled out a large bow that was as long as he was tall. He set the spiked end in the ground, pulling an arrow the size of a small lance from his darksign as well. He nocked the arrow, taking aim. He let it loose, the projectile slamming into the Hollow's back, knocking it forward to pin it to the stairs. The Hollow wasn't quite dead yet, struggling to pull itself up. Havel put the greatbow away and kicked at the pike wielder, knocking it onto its back. The girl took this moment to throw a fireball at it as Havel continued forward. The boar charged him, Havel holding up both hands and then grabbing the creature's tusks, skidding back a bit before finding purchase between his boots and the ground. He then gave a grunt as he lifted the confused pig and then slammed it back onto the ground. He then gave a twist of his arms, flipping the boar onto its back. "Stay there," he said as he let go of its tusks, its legs flailing in the air.

He looked up at the crossbowmen, who hadn't acted yet, simply watching the events below them. From behind Havel came two fireballs, one for each of them, both falling off the bridge as they tried to put themselves out. He looked back at his companion, nodding at her. "Good shots," he complimented.

She shrugged. "They weren't moving, I helped."

They made their way up the stairs and into the church, Havel pulling out his dragontooth as he heard the clanking of armor. He smashed it into the head of a Balder Knight foolish enough to come within swinging range of Havel. The helmet caved in as it became stuck between the wall and the dragontooth. Havel heaved his dragontooth onto his shoulder, staring at the rest of the Balder Knights. They slowly backed away from Havel, their shields and swords down. "Smart Hollows. That's a new one," Havel observed, walking past them. He then heard the sound of a spell being cast and he rolled forward on instinct, a Soul Arrow just missing him as it splashed onto the ground. "Magic. Great." He pulled out his greatbow once more, taking aim at the Channeler above him. "Right between the eyes, fucker." He let loose the arrow, grinning as it pierced the Channeler's face, between the middle pair of eyes.

He rolled to the right this time, once more on instinct, a large mace hitting where he had been standing just a second ago. He looked to see a large Hollow wearing black armor, a greatshield in its left hand, the mace in its right. Havel pulled his shield and dragontooth off of his back, blocking the mace as it was brought up and then down on him. The strike pushed him back a bit, but the knight reeled back. Havel took this chance to slam his own dragontooth into his opponent's shield, denting it. He then quickly turned his body, dragging the dragontooth on the ground to swing it once more, this time hitting the knight in the chest and knocking it back. Seeing it on the ground, he quickly grabbed the handle of his dragontooth with both hands and put more force into this last hit, completely crushing the midsection of the armor, white orbs flying from cracks in the armor towards Havel's darksign, the armor ceasing all movement.

He then realized the redhead was no longer by his side. Turning around, he saw the Balder Knights slowly advancing on her. He moved to help her, but she simply just waved her hand in the air in a shooing motion. Havel stopped, deciding to see what she would do.

She eyed the four approaching knights, advancing in ranks of two. The two in the back swiftly advanced to box her in. Cracking her neck and flexing her wrist, she called forth her Inner Fire, and boldly ran at the Hollows. Before the first knight could react to the reckless charge, she brought up her hand and snapped in his face, unleashing the Great Combustion at point blank.

She had a moment of introspection, as she then realized that maybe running at the people with swords was maybe a really bad idea, but she only thought of this for a moment because her peripheral vision caught the sword that was sailing towards her from the Balder Knight next to her. She scrambled backwards as she flicked her wrist to send a fireball sailing into its faceplate, igniting its head temporarily and stunning it, giving her enough time to use the Drake Sword as an improvised shield to block a swing from one of the other two knights that had finally made it over to her, sending her stumbling backwards.

She quickly called forth another Great Combustion blasting down and out. Before the fourth one could advance on her, she slammed the sword on the ground sending a shockwave rocketing towards it, knocking it off balance. Making a mad dash at the off balance Knight, she gripped the sword with both hands and thrust it through its chest.

Finally the Knight she had tossed a Fireball at had recovered...by throwing off its helmet to put out the fire, revealing to the world its now charred and blackened face. They eyed each other waiting for the other to make the first move, she now tired and it was now wary. She once more called forth her flame, only instead of throwing it she ran her hand across the sword, where it touched burned with a crackling flame. The Balder Knight tried rushing her before she could complete the 'spell', only to find itself too late as she easily bisected it with a two handed swing. The flames on her sword fading, she turned back to Havel looking like an expectant, panting, puppy, eager for approval.

Havel nodded, commenting, "Well, that wasn't a completely horrible showing. You didn't die, so can I assume that this wasn't your first actual fight?"

"Ah.." she stopped and winced as memories began to bubble up.

'Darkness. Screamspainechodeath.'

She snapped out of her thousand yard stare and shook her head, dispelling the memory before she could get lost in it, "No, just some disagreements before, that's all." Her eyes darted to a warm glow behind Havel. "Hey! Whats that thing!" she said as she dashed around Havel, puppy like one more, to seek out the source of the glow.

"That...that's a firekeeper's soul…" Havel walked up behind his companion. He looked at the corpse the soul was floating over, bowing his head in respect. "She's been dead for a while."

"Eh?" she tilted her head. "Whatsa Firekeeper? That sounds cool, can I be one of those?"

"Well, you remember that bonfire you met me at?"

"Ah! Yeah! That Bonefire thing!" she nodded her head and smiled.

"Uh, right. That...bone...fire...anyways, there are bonfires all throughout Lordran. Each one is watched over in by a firekeeper. The firekeepers are usually women, pure of heart in some fashion. As for whether you can be one...tell me, how do you feel about being buried alive?"

She frowned "That doesn't sound very fun."

"Then I'm glad to say that you don't want to be a firekeeper." Havel gently cupped his hand under the soul, picking it up. "We'll take this with us for now."

"Ah.." she reached for the soul, "Can I hold onto it?" Havel extended the soul to her. She took it from him and held it like she did the flame when she first showed Havel her gift.

Havel looked at her and the soul for a moment before turning around, deciding to clear the path to the bell. He went up the stairs, the sound of his dragontooth hammering something echoing clearly at the altar.

She stared at the soul for a moment, the same feeling of energy radiated of of it as the odd black sprites she had found earlier. "A firekeeper soul, huh?" she mumbled, a glint in her eyes, "I wonder how well you burn…" Without further adieu she called up her Inner Flame and ignited the soul in her hands, causing it to give off a shiny white crackling light. Her eyes widened in sheer surprise from the vast amount of energy streaming into her at that moment. As the burning soul died out and dissipated, so did the influx of energy, leaving her gasping for breath.

Didn't expect for you to figure that out, though I really shouldn't be surprised.

She coughed and blushed, "Ah...I just wanted to see how well it burned…"

It matters not, I recommend you don't do that again any time soon. Now go on, we have spent enough time on you, I'm sure Havel is waiting on you now.

She nodded once, and moved up the stairs, retracing Havel's steps….and following the trail of bodies. She came to two ladders and climbed them both, seeing Havel waiting for her, Solaire, now glowing gold, standing beside him. "Greetings, friends!" Solaire greeted. "I'm glad to see you have already decided to ask for my help!"

"Glad you had the time to join us, Solaire," Havel replied, motioning the woman closer to the two men.

"Ah?" she tilted her head. "Why do we need help ringing a bell? We killed all the mean people already."

Havel pointed at a gate of fog behind him. "Because of that. Last time we went through one of these, we had a taurus demon on the other side. Like Solaire said, time is rather messed up in Lordran. These gates sometimes pop up, cutting areas off from each other. Only those adventurous enough dare to go through these gates. Many times, they simply disappear, reopening an area to everyone. Sometimes, though, powerful beings will take up residence in the cutoff area, claiming the territory as their own. In case there is something on the other side, I'd like to have another hand on deck for this. You don't get to be a general from just charging in recklessly...sometimes…"

She blinked and nodded, "Ah. Okay. My Burny Hand is ready!" Her smile evident to the two men.

"Through the gate we go, then," Havel said, touching the gate and then slowly pushing his way through. Solaire and the girl followed right after him, Havel ahead of them as he made his way towards the bell tower itself.

"Ah…" she stopped and peered closer at one of the statues, "Havel...The statues are moving…"

"What?" Havel stopped and looked up to the top of the bell tower, just as a roar echoed from the top. "Oh...those are gargoyles...damn things are like cockroaches. You kill one, more show up." He readied his shield and dragontooth. "So, Solaire, you and the lass can handle the one with the tail. I'll take the other one." Havel ducked his head down as his chosen target landed, spewing fire at him. Once it stopped, he took a swipe at it with his dragontooth, crippling one of its legs. The creature roared in pain, swinging its halberd at the man wearing a boulder, the halberd knocking him back. Havel took a leap at the gargoyle as it pulled its halberd back for another swing, yelling as his dragontooth fell onto the creature's head, driving it into the church's roof. Cracks spiderwebbed out from the point of impact, the gargoyle making a noise of pain. Havel brought his dragontooth up once more and slammed it again, ensuring that the creature was dead this time.

She watched the Gargoyles dive down, one heading for Havel, the other for her and Solaire. She and Solaire shared a quick look and in a moment of Jolly Co-Operation, they both motioned for their respective Innate Powers, one a Great Lighting Spear, the other a Fire Orb, and still synchronized, unleashed them on the surprised Magical Beast, catching it flat footed as the power of lighting and fire slammed into it. Reeling back, it screeched and darted forward, aiming towards Solaire. However, just before it could swipe at him, the young woman slammed her sword down and and sent a shockwave into its side, sending it crashing to its side and sliding a bit down the roof. Giving a shout of thanks, Solaire rushed at the beast, driving his sword through one of the helmet slits before it could recover, finishing it off.

Havel walked over, nodding his approval. "Good job, you two." He walked over to the gargoyle's head, pulling the helmet off and inspecting it, ignoring the gash in its face. "These gargoyles are pretty well armored. Guess they were set here to guard the bell."

"Mmm…" she had a look of concentration of her face as she stared at the helm, as if trying to remember a long forgotten lesson, when a sudden smile spread across her face. She walked up to Havel, gesturing for the helmet. Havel handed it to her, she turned it around and put it on, before turning back to the beast and picking up the gargoyle's halberd. Finally, she ignited her hand and struck a Heroic pose and called out to her two observers, "Look! I'm a Valkyrie!"

Solaire chuckled at this, while Havel simply shook his head, amused by her antics. He then had an idea. "Valkyrie...that wouldn't be a bad name, you know."

"Ah!" she nodded with a smile adorning her face" Yeah! Hrmm… I shall be Valkyrie, Keeper of Fwoosh!" She then quietly chuckled, "Heh, Valkyrie is the name, and Scorched Earth is my game."

Oh sweet dear… I'm not letting that be the last line. You have lost your cheesy pun making privileges.

END CHAPTER 1

A/N: Heyo! Sneaky Devil Here! I played the part of Valkyrie and the Narrator(the witty dialogue, mostly) in this little story here.

(and maxyboy played Havel)

So, I hope you all like it as there will be more to come. But...First I should clear some things up. Religions/Swearing/Names/etc basically it all boils down to this. There are few thousand years of humans existing, not mention there are many realities and what not always converging. it is no surprise if something like Norse showed up at one point, or that curses like frak, fuck, fekking, etc could be used. In our own history we have had a total of around 2,300 gods/goddesses/deities, fuck used to mean an american that supported the king during the colonial era...etc So its not very immersion breaking at all.

EDIT: Holy shit, how did you guys stand this before. We cringed so hard as we reworked this.

Now! Let the Omakes Begin! or as I like to say...What could have been!

Omake 1: Havel's True HP

She walked up the stairs, stopping and looking at a sword stuck into a pile of what looked like bones and ash. She stepped into the room, gray phantoms appearing and walking in and out of the room, some resting at the apparent bonfire. Once more startled by the utter oddity of the situation she shuffles closer to one of the Phantoms brought on by the warping of Time and Space. Slowly reaching her hand out, she attempted to grab one of the Phantoms sitting at the Bonefire, one of which looked to be a mountain of a man dressed in what seemed to be a boulder. To her surprise, what first felt like wispy chill slowly became firmer and firmer. She yanked her hand back, stepping back in surprise as the man stood up, his armor making a grating noise. He stretched his arms, and then leaned down to pick up what looked to be a large dragontooth and shield made out of stone, chains crossing over it, that the woman hadn't noticed before. He turned around, stopping when he saw her. There was a moment of silence as the two stared at one another.

She tilted her head before saying, "Wow", sheer awe laden her voice, " your health bar is HUGE!"

"Um...what are you talking about?" the man asked in confusion.

She turned her head as if she was following some invisible line, "I don't think it stops…."

The man turned his head in the direction she was looking. "What are you even staring at?"

Omake 2: Japan

She shot up in surprise, "Eeeeeeeehhhh?! Nanidesuka?!" dashing around Havel's back to try and find it.

Havel looked at her strangely. "Where did you say you were from, again?"

She blinked, "I didn't."

Omake 3: Why the crow was not a valid mount Pt1

"Well, inquisitive little thing, aren't you? Well, the first bell is in the Undead Church, way up there." He pointed upwards, his finger aimed at a large stone building above them. "Unfortunately, the lift is broken. Alas, you will have to make your way through Undead Burgh. Go up those stairs over there," a vague wave in the direction of a well and a tree, "and make your way through the water way. As for Blighttown, it's a nasty little town that is full of poisonous muck and vile creatures that smell. I would rather die before I ever set foot in that accursed location once more." The man grimaced, memories resurfacing of his own trek down below.

"Just up that cliff there? At that parish?" she pointed up at the cliff.

"Er, yes. Right up there," he said, a little annoyed at her repeating what he said.

"Ah," she turned up to look at the Crow, "Hey! Huggin! Want to do me a quick favor?"

And so she flew up to the bell and rung it, then hopped back on the crow and flew back down to Firelink Shrine. "Did...did you really just fly on the crow up to the bell?" the man asked incredulously.

"Mmm, dunno why no one ever thought of that before," she shrugged her shoulders.

The man gave the crow a nasty look. "Probably because he pecks at anyone who gets close enough to him to try," he grumbled under his breath, "Bloody birds."

Omake 4: Ornstein Sneezes.

"And now that I'm aware of his attention being on me, I can hear him quite clearly," Havel added in, shaking his head. "Good thing I've gotten used to tuning out assholes."

Anor Londo, Citadel

Suddenly Ornstein violently sneezed, "Oh god, I sneezed in my helmet." He began to panic claw at his helmet.

Smough just looked at him.

"Oh Gwyn! It is EVERYWHERE," he continued, furiously pawing at the stubborn metal.

Smough continued merely looking at him.

"OH MY- IT'S DRIPPING DOWN OH GWYN WHY?! OHGODGETITOFFGETITOFF!" He gave up trying to remove his helmet and settled for flailing about and wriggling.

Smough just stared at him, and snored.