The Stereotypes Song, a hetalia - axis powers fanfic

The Stereotypes Song

"Ve, I hope everything goes well" Italy smiled, feeling giddy about what was about to (or, rather, in a couple of hours. Not really a couple of hours, probably a day...On second thought, not even that, but it was about a day, really...) transpire despite it being so early in the morning. He had a wonderful idea at last month's World Meeting! Meetings were always awfully boring to him and many others, so he decided to- "Italy! Are you ready?" Germany asked, interrupting Italy's train of thought.

"Sí, Germany!" Italy giggled at what Germany had to do with his plan. "What are you so giggly about this early in the morning?" Germany asked in an annoyed tone, but was secretly worried. What was going on in that odd head of his that caused him to giggle so psychotically? (Well, the psychotic part may have been Germany's imagination kicking in after centuries of silence, but still, it was unnerving.)

"Nothing, nothing" he giggled again (unnerving, dammit! Not cute, unnerving!), skipping merrily to the driver's side of the car, forgetting the fact that he was not allowed to drive with Germany in the car...or in the same country. "Italy! There is no way in hell you are driving! You can kill one of us or someone else!" Germany snapped sternly, immediately making his way to the driver's seat. This was not something he wanted to happen at this time in the morning. Waking up at 3 a.m. was a serious bummer when it wasn't for training or anything else similar like that.

"Also, do not skip in such a way. It is much too girly" Germany sighed as Italy merely skipped to the passenger's side of the car, humming an odd tune he had never heard before happily. "Hey! Quit being unawesome and leave my cute little Italy alone. But Italy, there is no way in hell you are getting the passenger's seat. That is for the awesome me only!" Prussia exclaimed, and though he was not a nation any longer, he always managed to find his way to meetings anyway, so everyone just let it be. It was going to be a long, long way to the airport and an even longer plane ride to England where the World Meeting was being held.

...

"Aww, look at Feli! I shall conquer Feli's vital regions for being too damn adorable while asleep!"

"You will do no such thing!"

"V-ve...? Zzzz" a head lolled onto a stiff shoulder.

"-SQUEEEEEEE!"

"-AWWWWWW!"
...

Germany's eye was twitching madly after ten (Ten! TEN! TEN!) whole hours with Italy and Prussia in the plane with him in between the two. Italy wasn't as bad the last half, considering that he had fallen asleep and was actually kind of cute asleep (No! Not cute, definitely not cute!), but when he wasn't asleep he was humming that odd tune. Then there was Prussia who was threatening to conquer Italy's (Feli's, he used while in public) vital regions while he slept because he was "too damn adorable" Hell no! If anyone was conquering that, it would be him! Er, um...

Anyway, then there were the "yaoi" fan girls on the plane that squealed and cooed when Prussia got too close to Italy or Italy rested his head on Germany's shoulder. What the hell was so cute about that, dammit?! He knew they should have taken the private jet!

To make matters worse, Prussia downright refused to help carry any of the bags so Prussia got to hold Italy and "try" (Ha! As if his bastard of a brother actually tried!) to wake him up while Germany had to carry everything. What the hell, dammit?! And no, before you ask or giggle, he was not jealous! Definitely not jealous!

He quickly put the bags in the trunk of the taxi and walked over to his brother who still hadn't woken the Italian up. "Brother, I expected you to wake him up, not hold him as if he is a child in distress" Germany scowled at this brother and the Prussian held Italy bridal-style and soaked up the coos from girls...and some guys...yeah, that was the end of that.

"Put him down now, Gilbert" Germany glared at his older brother, who sighed in response as he put the Italian down on his own two feet, still holding him around the waist to keep the sleepy, yet somewhat awake now Italian upright. "West, you are totally unawesome sometimes, unlike me! Look at how cute he is! But you know I wouldn't move in on your territory" he winked suggestively at his brother who fumed. Good thing Italy was only half awake at the moment.

"Shut up, Gilbert" he scowled as he took the Italian from his brother and helped him into the backseat of the taxi. "Besides," the Prussian added, "I have a certain maple syrup-loving birdie that will be mine soon" he smirked as he got into the passenger side of the taxi and Germany got in the back with Italy. The driver knew where he was going and what to expect from these people as some dude with huge caterpillar eyebrows had told him...honestly, it felt like he only drove around weirdos in England...he really should go back home, his people were so much more normal...except for that one Swedish guy that always hung around Tino and considered Tino his wife...those two were definitely not normal.

Germany snorted in response "As if Alfred and Arthur would let that happen." "Wah! Arthur? Where?!" Italy jerked fully awake at the name, now quite nervous at England's part in his plan. "He is not here, Feliciano" Germany sighed, though happy (Was he?) now that Italy was awake and wasn't leaning on his shoulder.

"Ve" Italy smiled giddily in response, feeling the happiness and excitement bubble in his stomach (Or maybe he was hungry. There were only peanuts on that plane. Sometimes he couldn't tell the difference between the two.) "Seriously, why are you so giddy today?!" Germany scowled at the Italian as he began squirming and biting his bottom lip to conceal his growing smile. (Not cute! Not at all!) "Ve, Luddy, can we get some pasta?" He beamed hopefully up at his best friend (boyfriend, sorta? Nobody could ever tell with those two.)

"Feli, did you forget that we are in that stupid eyebrows' place. England, the place where the food will kill you slowly...slowly...slowly" Prussia made a scary face where a shadow fell over his eyes and he looked completely deranged. "Wah! I did forget, but please stop making that face, it's scary!" Italy wailed, causing both the driver and Germany to roll their eyes.

"Haha! My awesome scary face is pretty awesome, huh?! KESESESESESESESE" Prussia cackled, only serving to make Italy more frightened. "Ve, Luddy, make him stop please" Italy begged his best friend to stop his psychotic (to Italy...and most others) brother. "Gilbert, I will only tell you once. Shut the hell up!" Germany snapped irritably, hating the world for making Prussia his brother. Maybe suicide wasn't so cowardly, after all...

"KESESESESESESESE"

"Wah! Luddy!"

It definitely wasn't as cowardly as he initially thought.

...

"Alright, dudes, I have a plan to-" "Shut up, you git! You're being rude, this is a meeting at my place, thus I will go first" England huffed indignantly. "That may be true, however, when you were at my place, you went first" Austria huffed defiantly. "Well, who do you think should start the meeting then?" England snapped irritably, decidedly irritated at everyone and everything.

"To make it fair, why don't we just start meetings by whoever's boss is in charge at the moment. You know how they switch every month. Sounds fair, da~?" Russia smiled creepily, just begging anyone to argue with him. Everyone reluctantly agreed as Italy grinned. Yes! This was even better than having to go last to commence his plan.

"Hehehehehe..." Italy giggled slowly, managing to sound both cute and (to some. Mainly the ones who weren't perverts and weren't too naive) creepy at the same time. "Wow, good job, Italy. I didn't think you had it in you to give such a wonderful giggle" Russia smiled creepily yet still made his voice ridiculously cute as he as well began giggling. "Stop with the giggling!" Germany snapped, effectively creeped out by both of the nations.

"Honhonhonhonhon, Italie. Don't listen to this big brute, I think you sound adorable. Come here and sit on big brother's lap. Maybe even move around a little" France cooed as Japan quietly and with much dignity managed to stop his slight nose bleed at the thought. What? Yaoi rocks, so don't judge. "No thanks, Big Brother France" Italy smiled sweetly as France pouted. "But Italie, don't you love me?" France pouted towards Italy who smiled and nodded, but still didn't make a move towards him.

"Don't be such a lech, bloody frog!" England fumed. "Like, yeah, dude, being a perv and pedo is, like, totally unawesome. Since I'm, like, the hero, I'm none of those things" America laughed in the true American way. "Hey, you stole my line and changed it only slightly! Read the damn script, you fat ass! And quit hanging out with Poland!" Prussia snapped irritably, mad that he couldn't say his totally awesome line that was meant for the awesome him. "U-um, can w-we not fight so that the autho..." Canada was cut off by a resounding crash.

"Shut the hell up, you asswipes! America, read the script and follow it accordingly. Also, don't talk like Poland and some of the kids in my school that are younger than me...It's annoying...And Prussia, please don't fight with America...Even if you are more awesome than him...Us Americans are kind of...unawesome...except me, of course! Also, sorry for cutting you...did I even cut anyone off? Ah, well, I forget" the authoress said cheerfully before disappearing. "It's Canada" Canada sulked, staring down sadly at the table. Even the authoress forgot about him. "Who?" "Canada. I'm your owner" Canada slumped forward in defeat. "There, there, cute little birdie! The awesome me will help you feel better!" Prussia grinned as he gave a totally awesome, manly (very much so) hug to the Canadian.

"What was that sound?"Sealand sounded alarmed, considering that he was kind of new to these meetings. "That crash was the sound if the fourth wall breaking, dumbass. The stupid, attention-seeking authoress loves to insert herself into her works" Romano huffed, sneering the first part. "Can we get back to important matters now?" Germany sighed before everyone, except Greece who was napping, nodded and quieted down.

"Whose boss is in charge this month-aru?" China questioned in a confused manner as most of the others blinked as well. "Romano and Veneziano's boss is in charge this month" Spain answered cheerfully, seeming to be one of few who knew. The other nations slowly turned to Italy who had a large grin on his face and was fidgeting and nearly jumping up and down on his chair.

"...Talk...or I'll shoot you!" Switzerland threatened, becoming irritated at the silence coming from almost everyone and his little sister. "Big brother, that wasn't very nice, but Italy please start talking" Liechtenstein smiled towards him sweetly as he refrained from flirting with her in fear of Switzerland's shotgun. "Okay, ve! Except, I don't really have anything to say! My economy is fine and so is everything else, but I have a great idea to brighten up the meeting! It's a really, really fun thing that everyone will like! Most likely..." Italy trailed off thoughtfully.

"Is it se-" France started before getting cut off. "No, it's not sex, you bloody frog!" England snarled. He hated everything and everyone. Where was Flying Mint Bunny and the others when you needed them? "What is your idea, Italy-kun?" Japan questioned politely after he got his slight nosebleed under control.

"Ve! It's a surprise!" Italy exclaimed cheerfully before jumping up. "PLEASE SHUT UP, YOU ALL!" Italy shouted at the top of his lungs to the arguing and chatting other nations. Everyone blinked in shock and surprise as they glanced over at him, only to find him smiling cheerfully and sitting back in his seat as if nothing had even happened.

"Great, thanks, guys! There's a wonderful song that you all should hear! It's amazing and funny and it's even in English for you all! It's a spectacular song that pokes fun at a quarter of the nations hear, maybe about a fifth...probably not even that, but it's a great song really, so it doesn't matter" Italy beamed at them all as half of the nations rolled their eyes.

"Does the song have the same tune that you have been humming all day?" Germany asked calmly. "Yep!" Italy grinned cheerfully. "That explains a lot" Germany simply sighed. "This is preposterous! If you have nothing to actually say, then forget it! Let a nation who does have something worthwhile to say go!" England snapped, a slight pout on his lips and caterpillars-erm-eyebrows creased.

"Shut up, you stupid, unawesome bastard! Let cute little Ita sing his song, arschloc!" Prussia glared daggers at England and Canada's shoulders drooped. 'Cute little Ita? What happened to cute little birdie?' Canada thought as a depressed cloud formed over him. "Birdie? Where'd that totally unawesome cloud come from? Don't worry, I'll use my awesomeness to make it go away!" Prussia grinned as he began waving away the depressed cloud.

"Anyway, before that git said something completely idiotic, I was going to suggest a vote. Should Italy be able to sing his stupid, irrelevant song, or not?" England asked. "All in favor of letting him sing his moronic song, say I" England sighed, more than a little annoyed. "I!" A little over half of the nations said. "Dammit," England cursed, "I really thought that more would disagree. Fine, Italy, sing your barmy song and get over it" he sighed in dismay. "Yay!" Italy cheered as everyone watched with different levels of enthusiasm.

"You know, I always thought stereotypes were kinda ridiculous, so I wrote a song about it,
and it goes a little something like this." Italy began and curiosities were sparked.

"I think I love you more than the
Japanese love tentacle porn,"

Japan flushed darkly as most of the other nations erupted into laughter, glancing over at him, then laughing even harder than before.

"And we should dance dance dance d-d-dance to these stereotypes.
Let's come together and live in this world like a unibrow on an Indian girl,"

India's eyes widened and she looked absolutely mortified, which made all the nations continue laughing. She slowly slid down in her chair and Italy sent her a somewhat apologetic look.

"And we should dance dance dance d-d-dance to these stereotypes."

"Check it out now.
I love those fat Americans.
You know they so obnoxious.
They always eating burgers.
They always holding shotguns."

England laughed the loudest at this, finding it very true and very, very funny, whilst America pouted.

"And I love Mexicans.
The way they mow my lawn.
They all got a 100 kids 'cause they don't know how to put a condom on."

A few jaws dropped at this, but most nations just laughed louder. Mexico's face grew an angry and embarrassed red color.

"Uh huh.
'Cause that's the way they roll.
Ya gotta go big like an Israeli nose."

Israel's eyes widened comically as he stopped laughing at the other nations' expenses, "Excuse me? You damn nazi!"

"If you ever buy a pint for an German guy,
And they're out of control like a Chinese driver."

Germany glared daggers at Italy, not very amused and China pouted. "That's not fair, aru."

"I love the Middle East, but how do they handle
Rockin' burkas while they're riding camels."

"Ben, yavaş yavaş İtalya seni öldürecek (I will kill you slowly, Italy)" Turkey smiled creepily and largely with a shadow going across his eyes, causing Italy to sweat drop.

"I love Jamaicans. Yeah, they cool, but they're always high, so don't let them fool ya.
Ya mon."

Jamaica looked down at his joint, then shrugged. "Ya, it's mostly true, man."

"And I love them Puerto Ricans,
Even though they wash their ass about once a week and,"

Puerto Rico's eyes widened and he internally fumed, but was held back by a few of the nations who didn't get insulted. Yet.

"I'm just joking.
If you didn't know then
You're a little slow and you're probably from Poland."

Poland blinked, "I, like, don't get it." "Of course you don't" Canada sighed lowly. "Like, who, said, like, that?"

"I think I love you more than the
Japanese love tentacle porn,
And we should dance dance dance d-d-dance to these stereotypes.
Let's come together and live in this world like a unibrow on an Indian girl,
And we should dance dance dance d-d-dance to these stereotypes."

"Aw yeah! Let me hear you yell
If you love the Outback redneck Australians,
And the crooked ass teeth of an English dude"

"Hey, you git, my teeth aren't crooked!"

"And those creepy Prussians who think they're smooth."
Mean gott!"

Prussia immediately stopped laughing and began pouting, "That was cold, Feli"

"And how could anyone hate the French.
Yeah, I know their hairy women don't shave their pits."

"Honhonho- Hey, wait a minute!"

"Brazilian girls is what you want,
Walking around town with that ba-dunk-a-dunk."

All the straight nations (there were straight guy nations? Oh, apparently so) paused thoughtfully before nodding and Brazil smirked in response.

"I love Africans, but hold up a second.
National Geographic says they're all butt-nekkid
Breasts hanging low. What have they done with their clothes?
They've disappeared like coke up a Colombian's nose."

Africa was not here, thankfully, but Columbia sure was. "Tú bastardo!"

"Uh oh! You're all on my checklist,
Even Russian guys who drink Vodka for breakfast."

Russia smiled creepily, "Da, you are on my checklist as well, cute little Italy" he said in a cute tone, only serving to get Prussia riled up and Italy looking nervous. "Hey! Cute little Italy is my nickname for him and- hey, that weird cloud is back on top of you, birdie!"

"They're stereotypes, and if you believe them,
Then your brain is small like a Korean penis."

Korea flushed angrily and America laughed obnoxiously loud, mostly because it was funny and some on purpose to get the "stupid commie" mad.

"All together now!
I love Scotsmen, though they hump sheep.
[repeat 4x]
They hump sheep [repeat 3x]"

Scotland fumed slightly, "We do not hump sheep, you bastard!" Italy carried on, choosing to ignore the vein that was popping out of Scotland's head.

"Yeah. I'm just playing, you know I love you guys.
But seriously, don't hump any sheep."

Scotland's fist clenched and he took off running after Italy, only to be held back by another nation, one who hadn't been laughing. Why, you may ask? Because all the nations that were laughing died laughing because they couldn't breath. There were only five nations left.

"Ha, now you all become one with Italy, sí?"

End.

I have no idea where that ending came from. XD Review this crap, my darlings!