DISCLAIMER: I don't own Death Note.
Once upon a time, there was an epically amazing genius named Quillsh Wammy.
He had lived a relatively normal life for many years and was tired of such mundane things, so he began creating things no one needed and no one in their right mind would ordinarily waste their time bothering to make. He was clever enough in all his creations being so stunningly odd that people were tricked into thinking they could not live without them, thus Quillsh's reputation as innovative provocateur was proven.
Quillsh knew he had to find a way of cementing his reputation, so this became his new goal as he traveled about, constructing more creations, while witnessing people and events around him for anything he might appropriate for his own selfish gain.
Somewhere else in the world, there lived an entomologist. His name was Roger, and he was pissy and bitter and a loner and extremely happy with his boring life.
One day, while studying insects in the wilds of the alley behind the local grocery store, he came across what he thought was some sort of giant praying mantis/ladybug mutation but looked arguably rather suspiciously like a small child instead. His attempts to extract words from the child-posing-as-a-bug were in vain, and in the hopes it might be some new species, Roger kept the creature, because you can't claim discovering a new species unless you've actually got it.
Of course, everyone thought he was insane, not that Roger cared. He was hell-bent on proving his find was in fact something new and after doing some research, wound up "meeting" Quillsh Wammy via a phone conference. Quillsh immediately discarded all plans and hopped a flight to Winchester to see Roger's discovery.
The two men met and it was lust at first sight. Had there not been the excuse of the very strange discovery of the child-bug, who knows what either would have done? Met through friends or at some convention and arranged a geriatric gay booty call session, perhaps. Or they could have never met and Roger would have remained a happy loner type checking out insects and Quillsh would've lived out the rest of his old man lifetime instead of dying an untimely (though still geriatric) murdered death.
Quillsh had sinister intentions overall but was a considerably nicer man than Roger, and wanting to impress his new conquest, spent a good deal of time being overly civil to Roger's "bug." It was while he was trying to force it to digest blades of grass that Quillsh learned not only was the bug not a bug but a child, and it could talk, and though quite strange, was actually brilliant.
Poor Roger. Quillsh had seen his chance, and now had no time for a relationship. Determining the child--dubbed "L"--to be possessing of great analytical intellect, Quillsh began priming him as a grade A, top secret detective. Wanting to "copy" L's abilities, he began seeking out other oddball children, and in a vain effort to recapture his attention, Roger helped Quillsh create a school that Roger named for the inventor and became director of, though he despised children and would have rather remained studying his insects. None of this was noticed by Quillsh, who began ignoring his partner even more.
This went on for years, and then in Japan, the gods granted a young man the ability to punish wrongdoers. "Kira" was born and as his reign grew, people learned to fear him.
Quillsh and L were gone entirely, angering Roger as he was left alone to deal with the most irritating of the school's residences, L's successors, Near and Mello. Enraged, Roger pleaded to Kira for intervention, but a far weightier sentence came about, and L and more importantly, Quillsh, were killed.
Roger was heartbroken! And he was left to take care of the successors, but he drove the more talkative one off, so really, he only had to babysit one, and he used him to kill off Kira in retribution for killing his inattentive geriatric gay lover, so it wasn't all bad, even though it was. Little Near took on the role of L and Roger claimed his lover's title, and as Near just flopped around on the floor like a dirty sock all the time, Roger could pretend his charge was just another insect and the two lived out the rest of their lives not so horribly.
The End
AN: I originally had this all in caps because I was using it as copypasta.