Hey guys here's another crackfic, I am beyond questioning my state of mind. I'm completely insane (ask my friends they'll agree) I am warning you now that there is some profane words in this story, My muse Larry is a big fat potty mouth (good thing he is nowhere as vulgar as R2D2) and it has gotten the best of him. I would also like to thank my buddy ForensAnthro for inspiring this story and for providing some of the curses. Also it's been a while since I've written humor so it might not be as funny as some of my other stories.
Larry: Will you get on with it they don't need to listen to your many issues and dedications?
Me: Shut up Larry, it's my story
Larry: Fine, Have it your way, you still forgot the disclaimer…
Me: Everyone's a critic….
I, HockeyGirl do not own YJ, I'm just playing with the characters, and I'll give them back when I'm done.
The Team: WHAT!?
Me (ignores the confused heroes): Well without further ado I present my new fic..
Wally: No author "plays" with the wall-man
Larry: Shut up so we can get on with it!
Wally: But….
Artemis: BAYWATCH!
It was just like any other boring day at the mountain. Aqualad was doing paperwork, Conner was shopping with M'gann and God only knows what the other three were doing.
"Team meet me in the mission room." Batman's voice came through the intercom.
Thinking it was a mission the six teens scrambled to the mission room. There the dark knight stood with Superjackass (as the team now calls the kryptonian).
"Ms. Martian, Superboy and Aqualad I have a mission for you." He proceeded to say.
"WHAT!" Artemis shouted being the only other person in the room that had the balls to stand up to Batsy.
Being the stoic dark knight, he ignored her as he talked about the undercover mission in China that Superboy (because he spoke most languages), M'gann (she's a shape shifter so DUH) and Kaldur (an eye in the water) were to infiltrate a secret meeting of some sort.
"Ok, I get that they have some secret undercover mission, but why did you call us down here and why is he here?" Robin asked skeptically pointing at the kryptonian in tights.
"He is here to supervise you three while Red Tornado is on a deep space mission." Batman stated in a monotone voice.
A few sighs filled the air as a couple of ice glares were sent at the last son of krypton. Batman then dismissed the group and the six heroes went on their 'merry way' either getting ready to depart for a mission or to cause trouble.
After the chosen trio left, Artemis, Robin and Wally got to work on their mission to make poor Clarky's time as den mother the worst ever.
They first started off their feat with placing their 'peace offering' (an apple pie laced with kryptonian sedatives) on the table and waited for the gullible hero to fall for it. Within a matter of minutes they saw Superman sawing logs on the couch. Artemis took out her camera and got a few pictures for the blackmail folder.
"He's asleep! How long is this going to last Rob?" Wally asked.
"About 45 minutes."
"Is that enough time?" Artemis wondered.
"Please I can do this in 20 minutes if I wanted."
Suddenly Wally's PDA went off. "OH MY GOD, I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT WHAT DAY IT IS!"
"Wally, It's Tuesday." Artemis informed him while the boy wonder face palmed.
"I KNOW THAT. ITS NATIONAL ROLLERSKATES, LAMPSHADES AND PIE DAY!" the speedster was jumping up and down.
"Wally, I'm pretty sure you made that up." Artemis glared at him.
"No, c'mon it's the best day ever." He defended his self appointed holiday.
"Well can we prank supey first?" Robin asked.
"Fine you prank the super jackass while Artemis drags Roy over here and I'll get the supplies." Wally compromised.
"That sounds fine with me. What about you Artemis?" Robin asked.
"Fine." She didn't want to look too excited for the opportunity to rough Roy up a little bit.
"Ok so we'll meet back here in 30 minutes." Wally proclaimed and the three were off.
Robin let out a cackle as he drew on Clark's face with sharpie and oil face paint. He was artistically expressing his interpretation of the joker on the alien's face. He then got a can of colored hair spray and temporarily died the hero's hair very neon green.
He then emptied a bag of glitter on the hero and sprayed some thin sticky bat glue on it so it would stay.
After admiring his work with time to spare the ninja received a call from Wally.
"Dude is there anywhere on the mountain were the kryptonian dipshit can't see or hear us?"
"Ummmm I know there are a few places with lead walls, but I'm not sure about the sound proofness."
"Good enough, have any sonic grenades?"
"As a matter of fact, I do."
"Perfect, I'll be at the mountain in a minute."
As soon as the call ended Robin turned to see Artemis dragging Roy through the zeta tube on his ass. She had gagged and bound him, and guessing from the level of the muffled irate yelling she had really pissed him off. Of course Robin could tell the archer was enjoying messing with her predecessor by seeing the wide smirk on her face.
Wally shortly arrived after that with a box full of random crap (or so they thought). Superman was due to awaken within the next 12 minutes.
"What's with him?" he asked motioning to the irate archer.
"Artemis untie him." Robin ordered.
"Fine, but if he tries to run away I get to knock him out." She said ripping off the tape over Roy's mouth.
"What the fuck is wrong with you guys!" Royboy shouted and managed to flip Artemis off.
"We were wondering if you wanted to celebrate roller-skate, lampshade and pie day with us?" Wally said quickly.
"Again, What the fuck is wrong with you people!" Roy shouted and started to walk off, but Wally and Robin stopped him.
"Lets rephrase that." Robin whispered.
"You celebrate with us or we will tell Artemis you slept with a teddy bear until you were 14." Wally threatened.
"You wouldn't." Roy challenged and looked over at the blonde archer taking more pictures of Supey before sticking a post-it on his face.
"Wanna try us?" Robin said with a threatning tone.
"Fine." Roy said, giving in. They walked over to Artemis who was setting up the sonic grenade.
"Ok so here's what we're going to do." Wally said to the group as they all got into a huddle formation. He was presenting the plans of one of the most insane pranks they've ever played on the league and Supey.
They had about five minutes to find a hiding place before the boy in blue woke up. Wally had passed out the supplies so they were all wearing roller-skates with lampshades on their heads and each of them had a box of pies and a bag of random whip cream/spraycheeze filled water balloons.
"We look like idiots." Roy declared.
"Where are we going to hide Rob?" Wally asked ignoring the pessimistic archer.
The ninja was looking at the blueprints of the mountain. "Well there are a few places, but the girls locker room is our best bet."
"We get to go in the girl's locker room?" Wally asked not believing his ears.
"Wally you're such a pervert." Artemis scoffed elbowing him in the side.
"Gosh, Artemis. It's not my fault if my sexy imagination gets out of hand every once and a while." He said indignantly.
00o0o0o0o0o0
5 minutes later….
Superman woke up to a high-pitched blaring sound that hurt his ears. He still had absolutely no clue what was going on. The last thing he remembered was eating pie and thinking that the sidekicks were not so bad after all. He then saw a note on his head that said.
Supey,
Come and find us you whiny bitch.
With a high lack of respect,
The ninja, harpy, speed demon and Royboy.
PS, We love the new look, it suits you well Tinker bell.
Clark was beyond angry. He was so enraged he called Barry and Ollie to the mountain. It was their sidekicks, their mess. He, being the 'respectable' hero he was, he decided to take the higher ground and not mess with the delinquents.
Barry and Ollie quickly arrived (they tend to rush when they are told their charges are on fire).
"Where's Artemis!" Ollie shouted, arriving first.
"Where's Wally?" Barry arrived seconds later with a fire extinguisher. Ollie gave him a look. "What? It's not the first time he caught himself on fire."
Both heroes still had not got a good look at Superman.
"I called you here to deal with your sidekicks." He said in his 'all high and mighty' voice.
"What did they-OH MY GOD!" Barry said as he got his first look at the last son of Krypton. He could no longer talk due to the fact he was in a fit of laughter on the floor
"What?" He asked, the poor man of steel had no clue what was so funny.
"Dude, have you seen your face?" Ollie said in-between laughs.
"No? What is wrong with my face?" He asked still clueless.
"Hold on, I'll be right back." Barry said getting a grip. He quickly returned with a mirror and gave it to Superman.
"GREAT FUCKING MOONS OF KRYPTON!" He shouted as he saw his reflection. GA and the Flash were stunned at the alien's vulgarity. They never before thought the farm-boy could cuss.
"So what were you mad about before?" Barry asked slightly afraid that the man of steel was going to fry him with a look.
"This." Clark handed him the crumpled up note.
"Ollie it looks like the terrible trio plus Artemis is at it again."
As if on cue the room suddenly was filled with smoke and four banana cream pie toting teens skated by. Barry and Ollie both received a pie in the face (Roy called it sweet revenge and Wally just did it for the hell of it) and the super jackass received a double dose.
Now all three of them were in the 'game'.
"Wallace, you are grounded!" Barry proclaimed.
"Artemis you are going to have to clean the whole arrow cave."
"Arrow Cave? Seriously? GA you're such a copycat." Robin teased.
The trio of justice leaguers spent the rest of their afternoon getting covered in pie and other various substances while chasing four teenagers on roller-skates with lampshades on their heads.
"Baywatch, I think this is the first time one of you insane ideas turned out into something fun." Artemis admitted.
"Really?"
"Yes." She said with a smirk. "Hey Wally want to hear a secret?"
"Sure." He replied and skated closer to her.
His face was soon met with her last cream pie.
"Gosh, I can't believe I fell for that!" He shouted and speeded after the fleeing archer. He soon got sweet vengeance that unfortunately resulted in her retaliation that somehow ended up with them kissing.
Robin spotted this decided that it was a great Kodak moment. After taking pictures of the two heroes in lip lock he then shouted, "OH MY GOD, WALLY AND ARTEMIS ARE MAKING OUT!" much to his friend's dismay and disappeared into the shadows.
Ollie and Barry proceeded to go into Daddy Arrow/Mommy Flash mode and pulled their hormone driven protégés apart both lecturing about the teen's shameful PDA.
At the end of the day three pie covered super heroes lay in various places of the cave floor while the rest of the bunch played COD. A little while later the rest of the team returned from their mission. They were covered in rice, but apparently successful.
Roy gave them a pointed look before vocalizing his inquiry.
"Don't ask." Kaldur said firmly before he and M'gann left to go wash up. Conner headed over to the kitchen to grab something to eat.
He almost shit a chicken when he saw the man of steel on the floor (still sparkly and face painted) mumbling curses at the teenagers.
"Nice face Edward." The clone snickered before heading to the showers himself.
In the background the four teen pranksters were either laughing their asses off or gushing with pride at Conner's retort.
Superman was as angry as ever and was about to shout a comeback when Batman walked by and stated, "Don't get your panties in a bunch. Green hair and pie totally suits you."
Superman ended up storming off to the fortress of solitude while the heroes in the room gaped at the dark knight's comment.
Batman smiled to himself as he walked to the control room. After all his cable was out and he didn't want to deal with it today and the security footage would be better than anything TV had to offer.
Well what did you think? I know that there are a few mistakes, but is it funny? PLEASE LET ME KNOW. PLEASE REVIEWITH OR THEE SHALL BE SMITED BY THY ALMIGHTY WRATH OF THY HONEYBADGER. PLEASE I BEGITH THEE!