TITLE: A Prince's Tears
AUTHOR: Silver Foxfire ( silver_foxfire@yahoo.com )
SERIES: Escaflowne
RATING: PG
PAIRINGS: none
WARNINGS: *SPOILERS* For episodes 10-13, Angst
DISCLAIMERS: Don't own, make no money, don't hurt me.
A PRINCE'S TEARS
By Silver Foxfire
~Dead... he's... dead? I.... I WON'T believe that! He couldn't have! No!~ I can feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes as I take in the form of Allen Schezar, kneeling before me, his long blonde hair hiding his face from me.
"How?" I whisper, alone in the room with him, his duty to inform me of... my father.
"He... sacrificed himself, my lord." His voice is deeper than I remember.
Why should HE feel sorrow?! He didn't lose his father! I did! *I* did! My heart hurts! I want him back! I want my father back! I... I can't cry! Father told me not to cry...
I am disgusted with myself to feel a sob work it's way past my throat, Allen's head raising. I expect to see disgraceful feelings written over his face, but see only sympathy. I cannot control my childish body from throwing itself into his arms, sobbing raggedly into the shoulder of his Astorian uniform.
I find my small hands curled into the white silk fabric of his shirt and into his long golden locks.
"Why...?!" I choke out, feeling his arms wrap securely around me and gently stroke my back.
"It... it was the only way..." He whispers, his breath wisping over my ear.
I don't want to accept it! Zaibach did it! They must have murdered him! I know they did! I can't...! No... Father... please... come back...
"Shh... my prince..." He whispers to me and I nestle closer.
"I... wanna go to my room." I cry softly, refusing to let go of him.
I feel him rise and I am grateful to him that he takes the longer way there, no one to see the shame of my tears. I wrap my legs tightly around him and he supports me as if I were his own child.
Oh, if only that were so! Then my father would be with me now! And my hero would be my father... the man that I grew up on tales of! The Invincible Knight... Mother cared for him so. The way she spoke of him, as if he were an icon, something unattainable.
But he is warm... he is tangible... yet how can he still be so? A knight... now entrusted to ME... how can I rule this man?! The man who holds me as a nursemaid might... but there's an aura about him... I can feel it. I felt it when I first laid eyes upon his wounded body. Wound...
I can't stop the gasp as I realize I am pressing fully against it.
"Allen! Your wound!" I raise my head looking at him sharply.
"It is all right, my prince. It is almost fully healed. You are not disturbing it... have no worries." He gives me a slight smile, and I settle back, but I hold him more loosely with my legs... just to make sure.
I feel so tired... I hate tears... they steal my strength... how you must despise me now, Father... I'm so sorry...
~*~*~*~*~*~
My prince... Forgive me. It is my fault he is dead. I SHOULD have protected him! How DARE I let Scherazade be so badly damaged?! I should have done better! Dilandau was no match for me! How could I have lost my concentration so badly?!
... Oh, my prince... How light you are... This must be horrible. So many curses at so young an age. Jechia, my god... help me... I am lost without your guidance. This child... I don't know what to do with him. All I can do is hold him and bear him... my prince and lord.
"Allen?"
I see Kaja... the ever faithful soldier who held me away... I simply glance down at Chid and murmur I am taking him to his chambers and Kaja nods, letting me pass continuing on his way, his own heart aching more than mine I'm sure.
I regretfully wake Chid as I open his doors.
"Father...?" He whispers, lost in a dream.
My heart aches so when he says such a thing...
"Shh..."
"Allen?"
"Yes, my prince. You must sleep now..." I say gently, laying him on his bed.
Those tired blue eyes gaze up at me and I try my best to smile for him. I doubt it looks very sincere as he just... LOOKS at me.
"I'll leave you to your rest..."
"No!" His cry startles me as he seizes my wrist, now kneeling on the bed, his crowned head bowed. "Please don't leave!"
I stumble over my words as he tugs my arm, trying to pull me closer to him.
"Don't leave... please? Stay?At least until I fall asleep?" His eyes lock on me now, enormous and pleading with mine.
I sigh and nod, feeling his small hands release me and I watch him slide off the bed, moving to his chest of drawers. I look away from him as he takes off his crown, setting it in it's special place and I, for the first time, see his hair free, his short, fine-looking hair curling against his forehead.
"Umm... Allen?" He whispers, almost too low for me to hear.
"Yes, my prince?"
"Would you please help me?" He gives me a look that is so filled with self-disgust and self-loathing that my own heart pangs in sympathy.
"Aa." I say softly, nodding my assent as I kneel before his small, delicate frame and gently remove his tunic and princely clothing, putting him in the sleeping gown that he points out to me.
He thanks me softly, his eyes downward. Ah, my prince... How I wish I could soothe you...
"Allen...?" He asks, voice more hesitant than before.
"Aa?"
"Would you... would you sleep with me?"
I start a bit at his words, instinctively tensing before remembering that this is child, only seeking to derive comfort from my presence, not pleasure from it.
"Yes, my prince."
I watch this child climb into the bed and curl beneath the massive comforters, leaving barely a lump beneath them as he watches me. All I remove is my outer uniform and my boots, leaving the white shirt and blue pants.
I snuff out his lanterns before returning to him, knowing his eyes follow me as I move under the covers of his bed. I fight back memories of his mother as I settle... it's too hard... Marlene's very scent is in this room...
My eyes widen when I feel Chid nestle up to my side, his rounded cheek pressed against my chest. I instinctively hold him, cradling him in my arms. He gives a soft, shuddering sigh and I feel the trembles in him increase.
"Shh..." I whisper, gently running a hand through his hair, feeling the strands curl around my fingers.
"I'm sorry..."
I shake my head and whisper, "No... don't feel sorry..."
"But Father said I shouldn't cry."
"I know... I know he did..."
"He will hate me now because I cry..."
I tilt his head up and look at him through the darkness.
"No, Chid... I know your father will not hate you... never hate you." I whisper, my voice thicker than I meant it to be.
He bites his lip and presses against me again, his small fists clenching my shirt. It's all right to cry... when the reason is good...
I hold him for a long while before I realize that his breathing has slowed, deep and even. His hold on me is still tight but I gently roll him from me, turning onto my side.
"No... dun go..." He whispers drowsily, eyes still shut and his voice heavily laced with his sleep.
I lay still and brush my fingers through his bangs, hearing him sigh and press against me again. I doubt I will be able to leave him until the morning... until then... I will rest, and watch over my prince and lord.
_-^-_ OWARI _-^-_
AUTHOR: Silver Foxfire ( silver_foxfire@yahoo.com )
SERIES: Escaflowne
RATING: PG
PAIRINGS: none
WARNINGS: *SPOILERS* For episodes 10-13, Angst
DISCLAIMERS: Don't own, make no money, don't hurt me.
A PRINCE'S TEARS
By Silver Foxfire
~Dead... he's... dead? I.... I WON'T believe that! He couldn't have! No!~ I can feel the tears prickling at the corners of my eyes as I take in the form of Allen Schezar, kneeling before me, his long blonde hair hiding his face from me.
"How?" I whisper, alone in the room with him, his duty to inform me of... my father.
"He... sacrificed himself, my lord." His voice is deeper than I remember.
Why should HE feel sorrow?! He didn't lose his father! I did! *I* did! My heart hurts! I want him back! I want my father back! I... I can't cry! Father told me not to cry...
I am disgusted with myself to feel a sob work it's way past my throat, Allen's head raising. I expect to see disgraceful feelings written over his face, but see only sympathy. I cannot control my childish body from throwing itself into his arms, sobbing raggedly into the shoulder of his Astorian uniform.
I find my small hands curled into the white silk fabric of his shirt and into his long golden locks.
"Why...?!" I choke out, feeling his arms wrap securely around me and gently stroke my back.
"It... it was the only way..." He whispers, his breath wisping over my ear.
I don't want to accept it! Zaibach did it! They must have murdered him! I know they did! I can't...! No... Father... please... come back...
"Shh... my prince..." He whispers to me and I nestle closer.
"I... wanna go to my room." I cry softly, refusing to let go of him.
I feel him rise and I am grateful to him that he takes the longer way there, no one to see the shame of my tears. I wrap my legs tightly around him and he supports me as if I were his own child.
Oh, if only that were so! Then my father would be with me now! And my hero would be my father... the man that I grew up on tales of! The Invincible Knight... Mother cared for him so. The way she spoke of him, as if he were an icon, something unattainable.
But he is warm... he is tangible... yet how can he still be so? A knight... now entrusted to ME... how can I rule this man?! The man who holds me as a nursemaid might... but there's an aura about him... I can feel it. I felt it when I first laid eyes upon his wounded body. Wound...
I can't stop the gasp as I realize I am pressing fully against it.
"Allen! Your wound!" I raise my head looking at him sharply.
"It is all right, my prince. It is almost fully healed. You are not disturbing it... have no worries." He gives me a slight smile, and I settle back, but I hold him more loosely with my legs... just to make sure.
I feel so tired... I hate tears... they steal my strength... how you must despise me now, Father... I'm so sorry...
~*~*~*~*~*~
My prince... Forgive me. It is my fault he is dead. I SHOULD have protected him! How DARE I let Scherazade be so badly damaged?! I should have done better! Dilandau was no match for me! How could I have lost my concentration so badly?!
... Oh, my prince... How light you are... This must be horrible. So many curses at so young an age. Jechia, my god... help me... I am lost without your guidance. This child... I don't know what to do with him. All I can do is hold him and bear him... my prince and lord.
"Allen?"
I see Kaja... the ever faithful soldier who held me away... I simply glance down at Chid and murmur I am taking him to his chambers and Kaja nods, letting me pass continuing on his way, his own heart aching more than mine I'm sure.
I regretfully wake Chid as I open his doors.
"Father...?" He whispers, lost in a dream.
My heart aches so when he says such a thing...
"Shh..."
"Allen?"
"Yes, my prince. You must sleep now..." I say gently, laying him on his bed.
Those tired blue eyes gaze up at me and I try my best to smile for him. I doubt it looks very sincere as he just... LOOKS at me.
"I'll leave you to your rest..."
"No!" His cry startles me as he seizes my wrist, now kneeling on the bed, his crowned head bowed. "Please don't leave!"
I stumble over my words as he tugs my arm, trying to pull me closer to him.
"Don't leave... please? Stay?At least until I fall asleep?" His eyes lock on me now, enormous and pleading with mine.
I sigh and nod, feeling his small hands release me and I watch him slide off the bed, moving to his chest of drawers. I look away from him as he takes off his crown, setting it in it's special place and I, for the first time, see his hair free, his short, fine-looking hair curling against his forehead.
"Umm... Allen?" He whispers, almost too low for me to hear.
"Yes, my prince?"
"Would you please help me?" He gives me a look that is so filled with self-disgust and self-loathing that my own heart pangs in sympathy.
"Aa." I say softly, nodding my assent as I kneel before his small, delicate frame and gently remove his tunic and princely clothing, putting him in the sleeping gown that he points out to me.
He thanks me softly, his eyes downward. Ah, my prince... How I wish I could soothe you...
"Allen...?" He asks, voice more hesitant than before.
"Aa?"
"Would you... would you sleep with me?"
I start a bit at his words, instinctively tensing before remembering that this is child, only seeking to derive comfort from my presence, not pleasure from it.
"Yes, my prince."
I watch this child climb into the bed and curl beneath the massive comforters, leaving barely a lump beneath them as he watches me. All I remove is my outer uniform and my boots, leaving the white shirt and blue pants.
I snuff out his lanterns before returning to him, knowing his eyes follow me as I move under the covers of his bed. I fight back memories of his mother as I settle... it's too hard... Marlene's very scent is in this room...
My eyes widen when I feel Chid nestle up to my side, his rounded cheek pressed against my chest. I instinctively hold him, cradling him in my arms. He gives a soft, shuddering sigh and I feel the trembles in him increase.
"Shh..." I whisper, gently running a hand through his hair, feeling the strands curl around my fingers.
"I'm sorry..."
I shake my head and whisper, "No... don't feel sorry..."
"But Father said I shouldn't cry."
"I know... I know he did..."
"He will hate me now because I cry..."
I tilt his head up and look at him through the darkness.
"No, Chid... I know your father will not hate you... never hate you." I whisper, my voice thicker than I meant it to be.
He bites his lip and presses against me again, his small fists clenching my shirt. It's all right to cry... when the reason is good...
I hold him for a long while before I realize that his breathing has slowed, deep and even. His hold on me is still tight but I gently roll him from me, turning onto my side.
"No... dun go..." He whispers drowsily, eyes still shut and his voice heavily laced with his sleep.
I lay still and brush my fingers through his bangs, hearing him sigh and press against me again. I doubt I will be able to leave him until the morning... until then... I will rest, and watch over my prince and lord.
_-^-_ OWARI _-^-_