The Happy Clockwork Droid
First of all, many many many thanks go to Scout Girl, who gave me this idea! So if you enjoy it, you have to thank her, too.
If you don't like random insanity, don't read.
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. Never have done, never will.
xxx
"You are compatible," said the Happy Clockwork Droid.
"No, I am not! Go away!" the man yelled. He ran away from the scary thing.
The Happy Clockwork Droid sighed. It was bored of its ship. It wanted a friend to talk to. It had loads already, but they were all droids. It was boring talking to your own kind about parts and the like.
Meanwhile ...
The Doctor was acting in a play he'd written himself, entitled 'The Pretty Rose'. This was a metaphorical title - the 'rose' was, in fact, Rose.
"Oh Rose, my sweet, kiss me!" the Doctor (alias Bob) recited dramatically.
"Oh Bob!" Rose replied, swooning.
Their lips were a centimetre apart when a ticking noise began to irritate them.
"What's that weird thing?" Rose asked.
"I am a repair droid thing from that shipamydoodah," the 'weird thing' said mechanically.
"Oh, you're another one of those Clockwork Droid things!" Rose cried, "Go away, you forced us to help Reinette-who-nearly-stole-the-Doctor-from-me once, do we really have to do it again?"
"We have the parts now."
"So - that's a no?"
"We have the parts now."
"I said, is that a no?"
"We have the parts now."
The Doctor was cross.
"SHE ASKED YOU A QUESTION! ANSWE - oh." The Doctor looked dramatic for a few seconds, "It means no."
The Happy Clockword Droid moved its head creepily.
"I am happy now."
"Why?" the Doctor asked.
The Happy Clockwork Droid said nothing.
"Oh, it's doing that thing where it only answers one person. Hint hint." The Doctor wiggled his eyebrows.
"Oh! Right. Answer every time he asks you something."
"Ok then. Because we have the parts." The Happy Clockwork Droid answered.
"Aw, that's so sweet! I'll be friends with it. Now it's happy I can finally appreciate its beauty."
The Happy Clockwork Droid was Very Happy. It had a new friend.
Rose growled.
"Grrrrr - Doctor, those things wanted to cut off your precious Reinette's precious pretty little head! How can you trust this one now?"
"It's happy! Everything happy is nice!" lied the Doctor, "Come here, you -"
He wrapped his arms around the Happy Clockwork Droid. It responded with speech.
"I do not have the parts."
"What?"
"I do not have the parts."
"What?"
"I do not have the parts."
"What?"
"I do not have the parts."
"What?"
"I do not have the parts."
The Doctor was sick of this repetitive conversation so he attempted to figure out what the droidy thing meant.
"Oh! You do not have the parts to love me, and hug me, which are hearts, so you're going to get them by ... ripping mine out?" The Doctor realised what was going on, "Don't you da - aaargh!"
And Rose was forced to watch as the Happy Clockwork Droid stuck its bladey hands into the Doctor's chest and pulled out his hearts.
And the moral of the story is: never trust a Clockwork Droid, even if it is happy!
xxx
Thanks again to Scout Girl. Coming soon - the Happy Sister of Plenitude!