"To Lose a Brother; to Gain a Life"

Work: The Lord of the Rings
Character(s): Elrond and Elros
Category: General/Angst
Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own a floppy disk with a sticker on it, a three-dollar version of the One Ring, and a "Greatest Classical Melodies" CD. But not these guys. Have fun anyway!

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It should have been a simple decision; but then the important ones never are simple.

We were yet young among the reckoning of the Eldar – a few years past or shy of threescore – when presented with that irrevocable decision. No doubt we fancied ourselves quite grown up by that age, but now looking back through the centuries I realize that we were but children forced to make a choice that would cause a dilemma for even one who had walked the lands of Arda for a thousand years.

To adopt the lifestyle of our mother, an Elf, or to forfeit immortality and live but briefly after the manner of our father's people? I tried to come by my decision through careful thought and the weighing of pros and cons. If I were to choose mortality, I would know Ilúvatar's gift of death and peace. But I was young then, and in my heart I had always known what my path would be; I had known all along that I desired the life and wisdom of the Eldar.

For my dear brother Elros, the choice was not so clear.

My brother and I were the best of friends, and in our childhood we were as inseparable as my Elladan and Elrohir are now, even in their adulthood. As we grew up we also grew apart, but still we were close and always in one another's thoughts. When at last I had finalized my decision in my own mind, I went to Elros to learn what thoughts he was having on the matter.

As I approached him he was gazing outward over the trees, in the direction of the far-off Sea, yet unseen by either of us, but seeping into our minds as of late. He was lost in thought as we both had been for the past few days, and did not turn as I approached.

"Quel re, toron," I greeted him.

He offered a distracted smile in return as he tore his gaze from the West. "Good day."

A few moments of silence followed. "Elros... I have been thinking about the choice upon us."

This time he looked more at me than through me, but still he seemed thoroughly preoccupied. "As have I, brother."

"It has been somewhat trying, but I have reached a decision."

Elros looked at me keenly, with anxiousness that was revealed in his eyes if not his face. He said nothing, but merely waited with patience for me to continue.

I hoped to the Valar that upon my confession he too would say he agreed wholly. "I wish to adopt the life of the Eldar, the kin of Elwing our mother."

He was silent. His gaze flickered back to the West for a moment, and this filled me with a sudden fright. Surely he could not have chosen otherwise!

Elros turned away. "The choice has not been so simple for me."

I came up alongside him and laid a hand on his arm. "What mean you? Is it not clear to you?" He would not look at me. "Think of it, Elros! Would you pass away after but a few short years?" I came around in front of him so he could not avoid me. "We can live without end; it is but a thought away. You would not leave me, would you, brother?" It was this that I feared the most. I loved and looked up to him, and I could not bear the thought of losing the only kin I had.

He looked at me solemnly with his grey eyes, so like mine, but full of weariness that I did not understand. "Do not make this even more difficult for me, dear Elrond." He took my hand in both of his. "You and I carry the same number of years, a number counted as little by our ancient kin, and yet already I begin to wonder if to live forever would really be so great a gift. While there is chance for great joy, think of the burden of such a life." He spoke almost pleadingly, as if he was trying to convince me that he was right. "Think of the sorrow of seeing all pass away while you remain unchanged. Men, not Elves, are the ones with the true blessing, for each day shall be all the sweeter with the knowledge that soon all their days shall come to an end."

"But there need not be sorrow," I said earnestly. "Stay with me, and together we can live as long as we like, anywhere we like—"

"And what happens when we cease to like?" he broke in. "What then? The choice is irrevocable; you know this. What will you do when the joy of life fades like the forest in winter, when you tire of this endless life you envision? You cannot declare your wish to live on and then one day decide you have had enough." His eyes were grave and did not leave mine. "Each day shall become a burden, until you too will fade."

I matched his somber gaze with only half of my former enthusiasm, somewhat shaken by his words but nevertheless undeterred. "Elros, you speak as if life were something to be endured, not enjoyed. I intend to spend my years well, and if in Arda I shall grow weary of the waking world, then where else shall I find peace and joy? Certainly not in death, wherever it may take us."

"We both are young, Elrond," he said sadly. "I do not claim to know of all the ways of the world, but I sense that eternal life may only end in sorrow. Yet it seems that your mind is set, and I shall not seek to dissuade you, if you respect me the same."

"I will," I told him, "Though you carry only a few more years than I, and yet you speak as one who is already tiring of this world. Perhaps we simply are meant for different things."

He smiled, and it was comforting to see him relax once more. He seemed more at ease for we had reached an agreement. "I believe you are right, toron, and whatever road you choose shall be made the brighter at your presence."

It was a sorrow that I had to lose my beloved brother, and yet as he told me often after he made the choice, he was not going to die on the morrow. He was terribly weak for a few days, while I felt suddenly fresh and full of vigor. At his bedside I explained to him how wonderful the world felt to me, and that it was a pity he had to stay abed, but he would manage a faint smile and tell me that soon he would be well.

And so he was, and not long after he was well again another sorrow befell me. Elros was to go to the isle of Númenórë, where he would rule as a great king of Men. The news was crushing to me, but I made myself be happy for him, for never had I seen my brother so joyful.

At the harbour, a great white ship waited for him; to me it looked like a cadaver that would take him from me across some impenetrable barrier. We embraced and I fear that I shed tears at our parting. He spoke, "Live your long years as you will; may they be full of wonder and happiness, and may my predictions never come to pass." He kissed my brow and stepped onto the ship, and soon he was sailing off towards the horizon. For long I stood on the shore, watching the ship melt away until she could be seen no more.

Seldom did I see my brother after that day, and after not five hundred years he was dead. I grieved without end, and at last took solace in the founding of Imladris, where at least those of my kin might be happy.

They call me wise, a lore-master, and yet I feel that perhaps Elros was right. The eternity of this life has many a price, and it has taken from me first my brother, then my dear Celebrían, and now the love of a mortal threatens to take away my only daughter. I know not what choice my sons will make when their time comes, but if one chooses to forsake the immortal life the other will consent as well.

This is why I cannot allow my Arwen to wed Aragorn, though I love him as a son. I have lost so much to Arda and the lands over the Sea, and I still fear most to be alone.

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For those of you who are wondering, "toron" is Elvish for brother. "Quel re" means good day or good morning, but I don't think that not knowing this really takes away from the story. Many thanks to Neld and Barbara Kennedy for taking the time to tell me of a couple of mistakes I didn't pick up! Now... would the rest of you like to review? Hugo Weaving will smile on you always if you do!