Mental Suicide

Chapter 1 Theatre of Pain

As usual, Raven sat alone in her dark room with the only light provided by a small lamp on her nightstand. And as usual she was reading one of her many seemingly ancient books, but she grew tired of it and decided to select another one. So, she got up, tossed aside her previous selection, and casually walked over to her massive bookcase. Upon reaching it her violet eyes skimmed the titles and at last she noticed one with a suitable title. The book Raven had selected was called, "The Covenant of the Family" by Jonathan Lafey. Raven then returned to her bed and immediately began to read.

"It was a most fateful day on the evening of the sixth day of June,1606 as Abigail was marched from her cold cell to the center of town. As Abigail was marched through the town the villagers pointed and laughed at her and snickered behind her back, whilst making rude comments about her physical appearance. She looked no different then she did on any other day. Abigail was merely dressed all in black including her magnificent black silky hair. As she was tied up to a large wooden stake, the villagers had gathered to witness her last moments on this earth. Before she was set ablaze, Abigail was being told of the crimes for which she had been falsley accused of. In short, she was a witch based on appearance and by her rather creepy demeanor. Immediately following this Abigail

was set afire. Before she died, Abigail swore revenge on those who had falsely accused her of these outrageous and ridiculous crimes and that one day they will suffer. For they had no concrete evidence against her and simply judged the dark girl based on first impressions. Sadly, this is how the world treats outcasts, maybe not as severely as burnination, but degradation and neglect mixed with ignorant conceptions surely can cause the same result. For people will always hate what is different, fear that which they do not understand, and discard those who are contrary to mainstream society."

Raven set her book down as a wave of tears threatened to flood her porcelain face and she immediately suppressed them as if by force of habit. Raven then whispered, "nobody has a goddamn clue as to how lonely I am…"

She then slowly reached into her nightstand drawer and pulled out a razor sharp, sleek pocket knife. The lonely teen with blade in hand, sliced open her wrist and gazed at the blood flowing forth from her gash. Raven winced and gave a sickened smile at this all too familiar pain as she further mutilated her opposite wrist, distracting from her mental anguish, which is what she aimed for. Her crimson blood stained her cloak which was laid out underneath her like a tarp so as to sop up the mess she made. Raven then dried her wounds and examined all of the other cuts running up each arm from her wrists to her elbows. This is what Raven did when she was alone, she'd dwell on her insecurities of not being beautiful enough or good enough and of her deepening depression and then so as not to give in completely to her worthless feelings, she'd cut herself. Raven spilled her blood to forget about all of her inner pain struggling to get out because she wasn't used to feeling so much so fast all of a sudden. She used to be able to just meditate and hide it all away, but ever since the defeat of Trigon, Raven was free to feel as she wants. But unfortunately for the dark empath, this never fully relived her of her bad thoughts and it always gave her more mental shit to worry about. It was truly a sick addiction and there was nothing that Raven could do to stop it. Finally Raven put the knife away and tossed aside her blood stained cloak. All the eerie empath could do was gaze at herself in the mirror that hung above her dresser and curse under her breathe,

"You piece of shit! You are a worthless maggot suckling on the teat of life! Nobody in this goddamn tower even gives a shit about your worthless existence, especially not him."

And as Raven almost silently said this, her thoughts were instantly turned to Beastboy, as they often were. Oh how Raven adored her green comrade, especially how he always turns his full attention to her whenever she enters a room no matter what he's doing. It always made Raven feel special and needed, even if he usually just had some lame joke for her or wanted her to play video games with him. Raven always seemed agitated and quite frequently treated him pretty badly, but that was only to hide the fact that she cared for him deeply. Still Raven was an asshole to him and she knew it, sadly enough, she managed to drive away the only ray of sunshine in her life and that was another reason she cut herself. To try and hide from the fact that Beastboy will never love her and that thought made Raven feel lonely as hell…

"YOU ASSHOLE!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!" Was all that Raven managed to get out as she collapsed onto her bed and burst into tears. All of a sudden, all of the pent up sadness and anguish she felt about him came exploding to the surface and as the lonely girl cried her eyes out, all she could do was think of something that could never be. Raven reflected on how long she had felt this way about him. She finally concluded that ever since she first joined the Titans she developed a sort of crush on him, but back then she couldn't show emotions and thus was forced to admire her love from afar and suppress everything she felt about him, which is why she always made dry remarks to him and resisted his obvious attempts to win her over. Raven felt sorry, sorry for herself and most importantly, sorry for pushing away the one she loved the most and she realized that he must hate her now. That made Raven cry even harder and she pulled out the sleek blade once more and found an unharmed portion of skin on her arm and sliced it up. It was al she had left now, self mutilation, because she didn't want to kill herself, at least not yet. She felt like shit yes, but she hadn't hit rock bottom yet and she greatly feared what that would feel like, because if she felt this ripped up inside and there was a ways to go, well she didn't want to go there! But eventually exhaustion took over and Raven fell asleep amongst a rather putrid mix of blood and tears, but she didn't care because as soon as she closed her tired eyes, she fell asleep.