Before you actually read this, I wanted to make clear that I'm Italian and that English is not my first language. I do my best to correct my mistakes but I don't always manage to do so. Therefore, I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. Plus, this is an army training fiction, but everything I know about this world is due to videogames and books, and not from personal experience. I've started writing this fic for an anonymous that me about a Blam army fic that wasn't too dramatic and didn't involve too much angst.
Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think - xoxo
Prologue
"Blainers!" He can hear Cooper's voice along the stairs, which means he's coming upstairs for him. Blaine giggles lightly at that, even though he knows Cooper is probably coming here just to bother him. "Blaineyyyy!"
His voice peals around the house, as Blaine is bending his shirts on the bed, so that he can see all of them and choose which ones he is going to bring to survive the following months. He has no idea how he's got in the military training, considering how short he is; he's in for a few inches he supposes. He feels happy and hopeful, because Cooper has told him about his personal experience many times and it sounded amazing to him.
He always talks about the friends he's made during training and how he's still friends with the guys even though it's been years. Then Blaine decided to give it a chance, to try that on his own skin (it took him a lot to make up his mind because he didn't want to see Cooper's satisfied grin at the fact that he had actually considered his idea).
When Cooper walks in, Blaine is grabbing at a short-sleeved white t-shirt, the one she always uses when it's too hot. It's probably going to be the only alternative to tight sweaters and bowties, because he's never been able to choose between them – if his trips with Cooper along the years prove anything, in the end, he always carries weird outfits, like dark jeans and yellow pants, red laced bowtie or the pink interlaced one (it's stronger than him, he just loves all his bow-ties, they're like … his babies, he can't choose which ones to leave home).
"Oh my God, your wardrobe is awful, lil' brother." Cooper looks at the bed with surprise printed over the features of his face, like he can't believe what he sees. "That's why you never hook up-"
"Coop, Kurt and I broke up last week." Blaine notices but Cooper just shrugs.
"Then you should already have had at least seven hook-ups." He replies easily.
Blaine's eyes go wide open and then he rolls them, grabbing the light blue bow-tie his ex-boyfriend bought him. He turns it between his fingers, he thinks about it. There are so many memories connected to these objects, and even though it hurts every time Blaine thinks about it – that it's over now, that they don't exist anymore as a couple – he never manages to throw them away. It's like he would throw away a part of himself too, even if it's a painful one to keep.
"You know that's not how it works for me, Coop …" He sighs, a little lost in the memories, answering automatically, like he hasn't even realized he is speaking.
He notices he has though because Cooper isn't speaking instead – which is unusual – and he is also walking towards him.
"You're weird." Cooper says and Blaine grins a little, shaking his head. "A lot weird if one considers your age."
"You are the one who's weird for his age." Blaine answers, lifting his head to look at him.
Cooper nods knowingly and his awkward face makes Blaine laugh, like every single time.
"Let's say we should exchange our ages." He says, laughing and stepping closer to wrap an arm around Blaine's shoulder. "Even though I was like this when I was younger too, so it wouldn't be equal."
"I don't think so." Blaine answers, hitting his hip playfully with his own and lifting his chin towards him. "Because I'm going to be like this when I'll be older too."
"That's wise." Cooper nods towards the clothes on the bed. "How many things are you taking away?" He asks, lifting an eyebrow and looking at all the shirts and jeans and bowties as he can't believe what he's seeing. "You're not leaving for a holiday, Blainers."
"I know." Blaine says as if he's afraid that Cooper might really think that. "It's just … there are so many and I really can't choose."
"I wonder how I've managed to stand trips with you, seriously." Cooper lets the arm drop from his brother's shoulders. "I would want to meet the part of myself that survives your tortures to compliment it about how patient it is." He walks around the bed, arms crossed to his chest as he studies all the outfits Blaine has put together.
"I'm the one who's patient here." Blaine says, rolling his eyes and putting his hands on his hips. "When we travel, you never go to sleep until it's at least 3 am, you're so stressing!" He complains but Cooper just wrinkles his lips.
"I'm funny." He says serious. "I'm sorry if a funny guy is easier to stand than a boring guy."
"Are you implying that I'm boring?" Blaine asks, lifting both of his eyebrows.
He's surprised but not too much. There are times in which he himself thinks he's boring and he wonders how his friends and relatives can stand his monotony. Hearing that from Cooper though, it's completely different. Probably whoever said that would make it painful eventually. He doesn't want people to think he is boring, but that's who he is and he doesn't want to change that either. Also, he feels like it's generally wrong to change yourself to make it easier for people to like you.
When he comes back to reality after these thoughts and looks into his brother's blue eyes, he can see that he's sorry and that he didn't mean it.
"No, of course not." He says, trying to transform his grimace into a warm smile, to sound more natural. He sees that it's not working and Blaine seems more nervous, so he just shows him a light grin instead. "It's not my fault if anyone would look boring while being in the same room as I am, don't you think?"
It works enough to have Blaine smiling bright: if there's one thing he loves about Cooper is the stupid way he manages to repair the damages he does with his mouth. It's almost shocking that he succeeds so easily at that.
"Oh right." Blaine shrugs while he stares at Cooper as he's grabbing a yellow bow-tie to roll it into his hands in disbelief. It's actually yellow with black dots. "I hadn't considered the comparison; being in the same room as you now, it totally makes sense that I seem to be boring."
Cooper's gaze connects with his but his eyebrows are lifted: he's probably already forgotten about his own words and he's just thinking about the thing in his hands. Blaine doesn't think it's too weird. He has seen clothes and accessories that were worse than that and … okay, maybe he should admit it is a little too much and it makes him wonder about his own tastes too. Not to mention Cooper, who doesn't usually understand his style anyway.
"Did you feel like a bug that day?" He asks, like he can't believe what he's holding in his hands. "Seriously, Blainey, where' your bee costume?" He adds and Blaine wrinkles his lips a little, like he's already wondering about his own taste in fashion.
"It looked cute …" He murmurs, but now that he's seeing it better, he's not sure about it anymore.
"You know what would be good for you?" Cooper asks and he shakes his head, but he's still staring at the bowtie in his hands. "A makeover."
"No way." Blaine answers immediately. "I love the way I dress, you won't convince me with one bowtie. It's just one wrong choice over one thousand, you know?"
Cooper lifts an eyebrow, like he wants Blaine to think about what he is saying. Blaine doesn't want to let Cooper have some influence on him. He is always so good at it …
"Okay, at least just tell me what were you thinking?" He murmurs, crossing his arms to his chest, before he adds: "I won't change my mind. Myself suits me better than whoever you want me to be, Coop."
"You'll still be yourself though." Cooper answers, rolling his eyes as he stares at Blaine across the bed. "The clothes change, not the adorable puppy wearing them."
"If it doesn't make me less insecure, Coop," Blaine replies, wincing when he realizes he just came out of the insecurity closet, "What's the point in this?"
"The point …" Cooper starts and he walks around the bed, "the point is that you're going to leave soon for a military training," he notices, "which means, you're practically going to be surrounded by dozens of boys all day."
He doesn't add anything, so Blaine lifts his eyebrows and winces.
"What is that supposed to mean?" He asks unsure, while he replays the words into his head. He realizes it soon enough though. "Oh, no way. It's the army. They're probably just homophobic Republicans."
Cooper laughs, but his laugh sounds knowing.
"Oh believe me, that's not it, Blainey." He says ironically, shrugging and walking towards him. "You're naïve. When I was in the army, I had to tell hundreds of boys that I wasn't going to buy what they wanted to sell me." He explains and Blaine looks spontaneously surprised.
"I'm sure that hundreds is just you exaggerating as usual …" He mumbles, tightening his arms to his chest now, defensively.
"Maybe." Cooper allows, but he tilts his head. "But I swear it to you, that happens in the army." He says, slapping his shoulder playfully now that he's closer. "Hey, I thought you knew that you gay guys are practically anywhere one turns now. A lot of people are really lighter about accepting their own sexuality nowadays."
Blaine thinks about complaining for a moment, and then he's forced to admit that his brother is right: since he isn't in high school anymore, he has been facing this truth face to face; he knows there are lots of boys who aren't too worried about hitting on him openly, but he wasn't expecting it to happen in the army. Cooper is opening a brand new world to his eyes, but he doesn't know how positive that actually is.
Maybe it just makes everything more complicated.
"So, you're telling me I should get into the army to hook-up?" He asks, looking like he can't believe his words. "That's gross, Coop."
"It's not." Cooper groans and he's giving him that face he always gives him, that Live a little face Blaine is starting to hate. He tries to ignore it: he is living his life, he's fine like this and he doesn't really need Cooper to tell him what to do with his time.
"It is." He replies then, lifting his chin a little, like he wants to show that he is proud about what he is saying. "Listen, Coop, I don't want to go there to hook-up," he explains, "if I wanted to do just that, I'll be heading to a gay bar."
"Of course." Cooper agrees immediately. "I'm not saying that hooking-up in the army has to be your aim; I just meant that if it casually happened, you should take a ride."
Blaine winces a little at the words, "I'm pretty sure it's banned anyway." He makes him notice, searching for a better reason not to. "I don't really feel like been kicked out for a one night stand or something."
"Oh, no one's going to find out." Cooper rolls his eyes. "I've seen like bunches of guys doing that and no one ever caught them."
"I wonder, were you on a military installation or cells for gay porn?" Blaine asks, blushing a little and muttering softly.
Cooper sighs, lifting his eyebrows and rolling his eyes to ceiling.
"Do I have to remind you that I've read your comments about masturbation on that forum, Blainers?" He notices, like he hasn't already done that dozens of times. "Just don't be rude to your daily material. Gay porn might get offended."
"I wasn't … despising porn." Blaine replies, his voice low and shy. "I've just said that the army isn't the right place to find your candidates." He says sarcastically, rolling his eyes, but he can't help but flushing darker at the thought that apparently his brother knows about his … passions.
"Well, I see it differently, but that's not the point." Cooper slaps his shoulder playfully. "The point is, I didn't say you're going to go there for that, but if it happens, it would be good that you took advantage of it." He says and Blaine looks annoyed anyway.
In his head, he still thinks that if he wanted something like that, all he had to do was going to a gay bar. He's pretty attractive, he knows, so there's no chance he is going to doubt about his own charm. What he doubts though, is that fucking around might be what he needs now; knowing Cooper, there's a fair chance that he thinks Blaine is going to find the love of his life like that.
"I'm not really the kind of guy who takes advantage." He answers then, nodding towards the door. "The reason why I'm doing this is right because I was searching for something that could keep me busy for hours." He says, sighing. "Now, just let me get my stuff ready; there are some people who like the way I dress and it kind of works as a gay magnet."
"If you say so." Cooper answers, shrugging lightly. "I honestly don't understand what the problem is. I just wanted to help." He says, starting to pout with his blue eyes like he always does when he wants Blaine to feel guilty. "Why are you acting like this on me when I only wanted to be helpful?" He murmurs and Blaine rolls his eyes.
"Seriously, Coop?" He asks, nodding at the mess of clothes on his bed. "I really have a whole hell to clean and put in the bag, and you're just making me waste my time."
Cooper looks at him in disbelief, like he can't believe Blaine is actually telling him to leave him alone. Blaine hates that his weakness is so evident to Cooper's pout. He is the little brother between them, so it should probably be the opposite, while Cooper is quite good to take advantage of Blaine's softer side.
"C'mon, why don't we go out?" Cooper asks immediately, as soon as he notices that Blaine is giving up already. "It's one of the last night we get to spend together here. We can go and have dinner in a fast food." He wrinkles his lips in a lovely pout. "Who knows when you're going to eat junk food gain once you're gone …"
"I don't like junk food …" Blaine complains, blinking in disbelief. "I've never like it. I can't seriously understand why I'm supposed to eat it now!"
"To make your big brother happy?" Cooper asks, sounding way too ridiculous to be real. "I think it's a pretty good reason to do anything, don't you think?" He blinks, trying to look adorable and somehow succeeding.
"It's not." Blaine complains, but he's already giving up a bit now, so he eventually sighs. "Can't we just do something different?" He asks, giving it one last try. "I really don't feel like eating junk food, and-"
"You have to." Cooper cuts him, almost pleading. "Please, before you go, just eat junk food with me once and I swear I'll leave you alone …"
It's sweet and fond enough, especially that Before you go, because it suddenly makes it more real. They're going to spend weeks apart and it's going to be a while before he can see Cooper again. Then he rolls his eyes and gives up, eventually.
"Okay, Coop, that's fine." He says and sees as he rejoices.
"That's amazing!" He screams, making his voice resound through the entire house. "I promise, Blaine, it's going to be the best night the Anderson family even had and-"
"It's just junk food." Blaine sighs.
"I know, but it's going to be awesome junk food!" He exclaims, jumping around the room and Blaine can't help but seriously wonder who the big brother is here. One wouldn't tell. "You're going to overeat dozens of fries and hamburgers covered in the most calorific sauces; it's going to be freaking amazing!"
"Why do you even want to see me throw up? That's the last thing you want to remember about me before I leave?" He asks, wincing.
"It won't be like that, I swear." Cooper murmurs, but Blaine doesn't believe him.
"If you say so." He sighs, worried about his stomach.
/
A few hours later, they're both ready and Blaine isn't really surprise. Cooper had to wait for him because he's washed and dressed up in a moment; when he is anxious to do something, he's ready in a blink of an eye. It's like Superman when he changes of clothes.
They're in Cooper's car because he claimed he wanted to take it out for the occasion, since the car is going to miss Blaine too.
They spend the drive singing songs on the radio and they barely talk to each other because they know they've got all night to do so. From Blaine's perspective, it's already too much that he'll have to go through Cooper's chatting during dinner; at least he wants to avoid that in the car. He loves Cooper, so much, but he also knows how good he is at exaggerating. Nights out with him are always traumatic, and this will be no different especially if it is the last one they spend together before Blaine leaves.
There's a sound playing in the background, an old one by Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Road Trippin', and it seems like it's able to turn their small trip into a voyage around the world somehow. It's a soft amazing moment, not only because Cooper is silent, but because they're together. Sometimes it's a little creepy with how much he loves Cooper, but he can't hold the feeling and doesn't want to; until they're like this, it can only be cool.
They get to the fast food eventually and Blaine is already sighing at the sight while Cooper parks the car; he is actually trying to make his stomach ready for the upcoming torture.
"I'm not psychologically ready to go through whatever you're going to make me eat." He complains and Cooper can't help but laugh.
"You aren't even physically ready to go through it." He says and Blaine sighs again while they pull their safety belts off and get out of the car.
They walk together through the park, pushing and play as always. The tension has already disappeared as usual and then Blaine decides he can make the effort of eating that junk for one night. Who knows when they'll be able to go out together again, right?
They enter the place and there's a long line at the counter, so Blaine rolls his eyes a little at him. Cooper wraps an arm around his shoulders to pull him closer and talk to his right ear.
"Go and take a seat, I'm going to pick what we're eating …" He threatens and Blaine nods, shaking Cooper off of him. Cooper just laughs while he walks to counter and stands waiting.
Blaine leans a little over on his toes – which is ridiculous, but it's not his fault if he was born short, nothing like Cooper – and he searches with his gaze until he finds an isolated table that seems okay with him. He hates people staring at him while he eats, not to mention while he's eating something he's always hated.
He moves closer then, sitting on the bench pressed in the wall and starting to look towards the line. Cooper turns around and winks, making him shake his head. He always acts like he's the coolest guy on earth; and Blaine is just a little jealous of his self-confidence, since he doesn't always manage to be just like that.
He smiles a little to himself and he's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't even realize someone is sitting beside him.
"What are you doing here?" A familiar voice asks, making him startle and sending little sparkles along his spine. Blaine turns and he's right there. Kurt is right beside him.
He swallows because they broke up a week ago and he isn't ready for this. He isn't ready to easily chat with him; he isn't ready for anything that has to do with Kurt.
"He-hey …" He murmurs, he stumbles stupidly between his words, feeling an idiot for stuttering so easily. He hates himself for sitting beside the wall because there's no way to escape.
Congratulations, Blaine, he thinks to himself, as ridiculous as you could get.
He tries to cough and clear his voice, so that he can answer at least. He wasn't ready to break apart when it was over, how can he be ready to face it all like this now?
"Hi, Kurt." He turns to him, trying to pretend he's calmer, and it sounds so believable that the best actors in the world would envy him. That's probably because acting is for survival now. "I'm … I'm out with Coop, that's all."
"Oh …" Kurt says and he looks really calm and spontaneously happy to see him. "It's just that you've never eaten junk food."
"That's exactly what I said to him." Blaine answers, giggling nervously. "But that idiot likes it, so …"
"So you're supporting him." Kurt says and Blaine feels like dying. All he wants to do is to let Kurt hold him in his arms, kiss his forehead but they can't do that. Kurt has always been okay with being friends after a relationship, but it's so hard for Blaine instead.
"Yeah, he cares about doing these things before I leave for military training." He answers a little vaguely, because Kurt already knows about it. He's known for longer than Cooper since they used to tell everything to each other when they were dating (it's stupid of him to think about it now, about the little things they shared, but they've dated for so long that Blaine can't keep it; it's his instinct).
"I see." Kurt replies and he seems a little embarrassed too now. Why has he sat beside him even? "I've got to leave for New York …"
"Yeah, I know." Blaine breathes in deeply, trying not to show that too much. "This doesn't really explain why you are here though, it's junk food …" He looks into Kurt's amazing blue eyes but he tries to smile.
"Hmm, yeah." Kurt shrugs a little. "It's just that …" He murmurs but he doesn't end the sentence and he looks away from Blaine, turning his gaze to a table in front of Blaine's one casually.
Blaine knows something is coming, so he tries to avoid it.
"You don't really have to explain it to me." He says smiling, but he's shaking inside, knowing what Kurt might tell him, he isn't ready to listen to those words. "Seriously, don't worry about it, Kurt-"
"I'm out on a date." It goes straight to Blaine's heart.
He tries to block the immediate sense of pain and jealousy that comes with it, but he can't help but feeling hurt. He thought Kurt had considered breaking up because he had to leave, but does it make any sense if he's found himself another Ohio boyfriend? It makes him feel like an idiot, like he didn't understand that they broke up for some other reason he doesn't know, and he's been so stupid to believe such a silly excuse for them to part.
"Hmm, fine." Blaine answers, breathing and trying not to show him any of the anxieties he's feeling inside. He smiles and sees that Kurt is looking at that smile. "It's fine by me; we decided that we could date other people." He asks, but it hurts so much because it hasn't been a week either and Kurt is already dating another guy.
Is there a way to not feel like shit in such a situation? Because Blaine isn't sure he can stop feeling hurt if he finds out he got ditched for reasons he doesn't know, of even for someone else, which is even worse.
"Oh." Kurt answers, lifting his gaze to Blaine and grinning. "Thank GaGa, I thought you were going to hate me for that." He looks at him happily and Blaine can't help it. When Kurt looks at him like this, Blaine can't hold that feeling of joy that fills him, no matter what.
He wants to yell against Kurt that it's been less than ten days and he's already going out with someone else, but all he can do is just leaning towards him and whispers, "Congrats."
He stares as Kurt arches his eyebrows a little, like he doesn't know if Blaine is honest or he's making fun of him. Blaine doesn't know either, he has no idea how it came out of his mouth or if it sounded sarcastic, but wondering about it is just useless. Kurt is dating another guy. His Kurt is dating another guy.
"Well, thanks." He murmurs, sounding totally unsure. "So you're really going …" He whispers and Blaine sighs a little. If Kurt is dating someone, why the hell does he need to make this sound like they're breaking up again?
Blaine isn't sure he's going to recover soon from the first break-up, he surely can't stand another one (it doesn't matter that the fact that he's dating someone else hurts him, this is still Kurt and Blaine finds it hard not to cry when it comes to them and everything they were to each other).
"Yeah." Blaine answers softly, wearing a smile. Kurt is so close, so handsome …
"I hope you're happy, Blaine." He says sincerely and just the thought of it makes Blaine understand that there's no way they're going to share a future, like ever (when Blaine thought they were going to deal with his maturely if they met again), and it's hurting him deadly.
Why the hell did he even say yes to Cooper about tonight? Of course, because he thought that was the only place where he wouldn't have met Kurt, and there he is. His new boyfriend probably likes eating junk food and … well, Blaine doesn't even want to know who he is.
No, okay, he wants to.
He's dying to know who the hell managed to take Kurt out to eat junk food when they broke up not even ten days ago.
"I hope you're happy too." He forces anyway, trying not to wince as he does. "I'll miss you, a lot." He wants to add during these months, but there's a part of him that is wondering if this is over forever instead, with them not even being friends. "You were an amazing friend to me."
"You too." Kurt answers immediately, with an honest smile, so that Blaine can't doubt these words at least. "Write when you feel like it." He adds, shrugging a little. "I'd like to know how the training will be going. I'm sure you'll look hot in your uniform."
Blaine laughs and he blushes a little, but inside his head, he is begging Kurt to stop this, to stop keeping him hanging. Blaine wants him to close all the doors, so that he doesn't even feel that little sensation he can't pull away even if he tries. He doesn't want to get trapped into what he and Kurt had for the rest of his life.
"Well, yeah, how would your boyfriend look in his uniform?" He asks then, trying not to make it sound sharp just because he wants Kurt to tell him that he'd look better than Blaine, anything that could make Blaine hate him and stop feeling anything for him.
"He would look good and …" Kurt stops immediately and gives him an awkward look. "He's not my boyfriend!" He corrects and when Blaine looks up to the line at the counter, he sees that Cooper is coming back. Thank God.
"Hmm, okay." That sounds sharp, as he turns towards Kurt. "I thought that … since you managed to find a date in less than a week, maybe you have been each other for longer or …" It hurts to just think that.
"Blaine, don't be like this." Kurt answers, tightening his shoulders. "I wouldn't have cheated on you."
And here it comes.
He sounds so sincere and honest that Blaine can't even doubt for a moment these words and he finds himself sighing in relief instead. He wouldn't stand the idea of Kurt cheating on him when they looked so in love with each other.
"Hey Kurt!" Cooper is walking closer to them, with a tray in his hands.
Kurt looks up and he smiles immediately.
Cooper loves Kurt and Kurt loves him back. No matter what happens, it's something Blaine can't change.
"Hey Coop." Kurt murmurs happily and Cooper nods as he sits. In a moment, Kurt stands up and gives them and half-bow. "I've got to go. I'm glad that we've met in here."
"Same here." Blaine replies and then watches as Kurt walks away.
He looks down at the table immediately because he doesn't want to gaze around, he wants to resist the temptation of finding out who Kurt's date is. The most important thing is that Kurt erased him in less than ten days, the details won't matter.
"Everything okay?" Cooper asks because he knows that Blaine is still hurt, so he hopes he'll find another boy as soon as possible. "You look tense …" He pretends there's some other reason why he asked and Blaine is so thankful for that because lying is going to be easier.
"Yeah, I'm fine." He answers and Cooper hands him his hot dog then.
Blaine's next thoughts fly to his upcoming training. Right now, Blaine is sort of happy that he made this choice. If he didn't, he wouldn't know how not to think about how Kurt easily erased him from his life like he was just a picture on the wall or worse, on his phone.
The fact that he's going to stay away from Lima, that he isn't going to New York, all of this is going to help him forget how apparently easy it was for Kurt to click on the delete button.
He's going to feel better about this.