Title: My Never
Author: Rated-R-Enigma
Summary: ""I saw forever in My Never and stood outside her heaven". Trish has been meaning to tell Amy something, but she just can't bring herself to do it. Trish, Lita, Edge cameo. Title based on song by Blue October. FEMSLASH DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT.
A/N: Well, I've just been reading a LOT of Batman comics lately and I couldn't help but notice the femslash-y stuff between Harley and Ivy so I subconsciously decided to write a wrestling femslash which literally popped out of nowhere. Seriously, I was studying mitochondria for science and the words just began to form in my mind.
Anyways, I don't know if I'll do another femslash, maybe I'll just stick to Lita/Edge stories, maybe if I get enough requests I'll think of writing more but for now its just this one.
Please be nice, first femslash!
Enjoy.
And remember to READ AND REVIEW!
Trish P.O.V
I sigh as I untie my wrestling boots slowly. I can still smell her on my clothes, can still hear her short breaths, I can still feel her warm touch from only moments ago as we wrestled…
"Snap out of it Trish!" I mentally order myself. I hate thinking like this. I hate thinking about her just as much as I love thinking about her. Thinking about her sends me into some sort of euphoria, but also into depression.
You're probably wondering who I'm thinking about…
Amy…
Never has two syllables sent me into such confusion. Some days I just hate her because she doesn't look at me like I want her to. Every person I've ever met has looked at me with envy or desire but not her…
Some days I stay up looking at myself with disgust because she's not one of those people. I assure myself that I'm beautiful and when I stop believing myself I cry until someone tells me otherwise.
But every day I look at her with longing, with desire just for her to see me like she does Adam. Amy's been my best friend for eight years now and every moment, since the moment I met her I've wanted her. I've watched her go through men, getting her heart shattered and comforting her every time it happened. I've watched her fall in and out of love with guys she thought were her soul mate, all the while I stood behind her, afraid to tell her how I feel.
It's not like Amy disregards me, no anything but. She always looks out for me, ever since she rescued me from my misery over getting cheated on by my long-time high school sweetheart, I've felt closer to her than anybody else. A smile forms on my lips as I recall the countless times Amy tells me that I will find someone, someone who I'll love, all the while my heart would scream out that she was the one.
Instead I pine around her, wishing it was my hand she was holding, my arms she fell into and my lips she kissed…
For God's sake, I'm Trish Stratus! I shouldn't obsess like this. Not when I can get anyone and everyone anytime I want. I could make people fall in love with me in a second, but not Amy.
No. Amy only has eyes for that undeserving bastard that is Adam Copeland. I've never had anything personal against Adam up until last year when he stole Amy's heart. He's not a jerk or anything, he pays a lot of attention to Amy…That's probably why I hate him so much.
I look up at the TV in the locker room there's a repeat of the beating I got a few short minutes ago and Amy's there. Sure enough, she's staring at him with a look of pure compassion. Oh, what I would give for her to look at me like that…I'd pay every cent of my money, I'd happily give away my limbs, my organs, everything just to get Amy to smile at me like she does with him.
The camera zooms into his worthless face but my eyes are glued to Amy. Her stunning hazel eyes, her fiery red hair, her soft, exquisite lips…
My head snaps back down to the shoes. I need to concentrate just to get my damn shoes off, that's the kind of effect she has on me…I just need to stop thinking of Amy, even if she doesn't know it, she has a dangerous effect on me.
I've spent countless nights having sex with people I lied to, people who were once my friends, I got them into bed and used them shamelessly. I've lost friends because I lied to them.
"Boots…" I remind myself again. Just need to stop thinking about Amy…
"Trisha…"
My head snaps up to where my name was whimpered. Even if it was just a whisper, I know who it is…I jump from my seat and head towards the voice.
"Amy…" I whisper back, fighting back tears as I spot her, my angel, curled up on the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest. I sit down next to her and wrap my arms around her immediately, I have to help her, to fix her. After all, that's what friends are for…
"Trisha…" She whispered again. To see her like this, rather to hear her like this just crushes my heart. I already know what happened, it's happened so many times before…
"Shhhh…Ames. Don't worry. I'm here; I'm always here for you." I whisper back. Oh, God, if only she knew that I meant every word and more…
"I-I can't take it, an-anymore"
Those fucking people who call themselves fans. God, I hate every one of them just as much as I hate Adam. He should be the one doing this, he doesn't have to go home and cry because he knows he'll never be able to hold her again.
"Shhhh…Don't talk. Amy, those people aren't worth your tears, neither is Matt." I state, breathing in as much of her scent as I can. It's like a drug to me, you see. I can't stand not being around her. Smelling her on my clothes gives me a high but holding her…Well, that's just like injecting the coke right into your veins, it's the most amazing sensation.
"T-Thank you, Trish. I'm so lucky to…to have a friend like you."
Friend…God, how I loathe that word.
"I love you, Amy! I always have! I've dreamt about you every night for the past five years. God, I'd give everything for you to look at me. Please, just tell me you love me…"
I scream internally. I somehow know I won't ever be able to tell her this for real. I feel a salty tear roll down my cheek. Swiftly, I flick it off and stand up.
"Come on, let's go get you cleaned up…" I sigh. As much as I want to stay there and hold her until my arms break off, I know I can't.
She nods and stands up, her beautiful eyes were now puffy and red, mascara had trailed down her cheeks but she's still breathtaking.
"Thank you, Trisha. You're my best friend."
She giggles and messily smudges her mascara. Beautiful…I slowly reach to her face and wipe the smear off, smiling warmly as she sniffles.
Amy's warm arms around come around me. I sniff her scent one more time, shuddering at it. She pulls away but her arms are still around my waist, her face is only a few centimeters from mine and her eyes are staring into my eyes.
It takes every ounce of my being not to just crush her lips with mine…
Right then as I looked into her pools of hazel, I pictured myself being with Amy forever. I have to tell her how I feel, it would kill me if I walk out of this arena alone…
"Amy…There's something I've been meaning to tell you…"
"Yeah, Trisha?"
I avert her gaze but am quick to reconnect again. I need to tell her. Come on, Trisha. I love you, Ames. Say it! I love you Ames.
"I-"
"Amy, baby are in you here?"
Both our heads turn to the door where Adam Copeland's questioning face is peaking out. Swiftly, he enters the room as Amy's skin separates from mine leaving me with an enormous void. She quickly enters Adam's embrace as he pats her hair and kisses her head. All the while I stand, shocked at how close I was to give away my secret.
"What were you saying Trish?" Amy sniffs from Adam chest, they still haven't let go of eachother.
"Nothing…" I say, my voice just above a whisper.
Amy nods and thanks be before Adam mouths 'thank you' to me before they both leave the room, he could have been saying it but I'm not listening. Every sense is stunned. I was so close, too close.
Every sense is numbed, I don't think I'm even blinking anymore.
Unknowingly I've started crying again, I brush the tears off and grab my bags. Walking the long, lonely walk to my car I finally understand what that void was. It was the realization that no matter how much I want Amy, no matter how much I want her to be mine, I will never be able to reach her…She would never be mine…
I saw forever in my never, and stood outside her heaven…
END
Well, I hope you enjoyed that angst galore. I'm just happy I got those words out of my head, now I can focus on biology lol. Please READ AND REVIEW, flame, criticism, whatever. Just REVIEW and tell me what you think.