Disclaimer: No matter how big a fan I am, I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean, or any other pirates, for that matter.

I hope you like parodies. Major Spoiler Alert to those who have been living under rocks for the past 3 years and have not seen Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.


10-year-old Elizabeth Swann: Yo ho ho, a pirate's life for me...ack! I think I'm choking on the foreshadowing!

Mr. Gibbs (does anyone know his first name?): Arr! It's bad luck to be singing about pirates, young lady. Do ye want to bring doom upon us all?

10-year-old Elizabeth: Ack! No, not particularly. Ack!

Cue ominous music. 10-year-old Elizabeth spots an unconscious boy floating on some convenient driftwood.

10-year-old Elizabeth: There's a boy! There's a boy in the water!

Captain James Norrington: Man overboard! Because it doesn't matter whether a man, boy, girl, or woman falls overboard! We always shout "Man overboard!" for historic cultural reasons that I will not attempt to decipher here!

The boy (because I'm sure you don't know who he is) is promptly brought aboard by the efficient teamwork of various crewmembers who are of no importance to the hstory except for the fact that they save a boy's life and this particular boy is very important to the story.

Weatherby Swann: Elizabeth, have you ever been taught any medical knowledge whatsoever?

10-year-old Elizabeth: No.

Weatherby Swann: Then I put this half-drowned boy in your care.

10-year-old Elizabeth: 'Kays.

Elizabeth proceeds to stare at said half-drowned boy, rather ineffectually.

10-year-old Elizabeth: Ooo! Shiny jewelry! Me likes.

Elizabeth attempts to remove said jewelry from around said half-drowned boy's neck. Due to the skull engraved on said jewelry, Elizabeth comes to the conclusions that said boy is a pirate. Boy inexplicably wakes up instantly.

10-year-old Elizabeth: Oh, you're awake! I'm Elizabeth Swann.

Half-drowned boy: W-Will Turner.

I'm watching over you, Will. And stealing what is apparently the only item of value you currently possess, because it marks you as a pirate. I'm not actually sure that you'd be hanged for being a pirate, seeing as you're only a boy, but anywho...

Young Will Turner promptly loses consciousness.

Captain Norrington: Elizabeth.

Elizabeth jumps, as all guilty parties must do when addressed by someone who has the power to punish them for a bad deed.

10-year-old Elizabeth: His name's William Turner. Th-that's all I found out.

Captain Norrington: Alright then. Carry on, whilst observing the perfectly frizz-free state of my curly wig.

Captain Norrington walks off in a stately manner (as all law-abiding British ship captains must), leaving 10-year-old Elizabeth to oggle the half-drowned Will Turner, who evidently never misses his medallion of cursed Aztec gold.

10-year-old Elizabeth turns from Will and peers into the fog.

10-year-old Elizabeth: Is that? Could it be! A pirate ship! Eep! I'll shut my eyes and maybe it will go away.

More on the way, though reviews might speed up the arrival of the next chapter. Hint hint.