AN: This is my first serious project, and as such, I made it a hugely intricate crossover series, with crack inclusions like Beavis and Butthead. I suppose I have a twisted sense of seriousness. Spoilers from Ch. 51 onwards...I might have gotten a couple of details wrong, it's been a while since I've read that chapter. Read and review, yeah? (:

Credit to Michiruchama for the title of this fic!

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A blinding flash of light lit up the boundless depths of Gluttony's stomach. Ancient Xerxes souls that lined Envy's front limbs and neck fueled the alchemical reaction, withering away in strips as the Gate tore at them. They moaned and cried, and Edward tried his best to ignore them.

"Ling, Envy! Jump in now!"

The Xingese prince obliged, although hesitatingly. The homunculus smirked and slithered into the Gate, his reptilian tail the last to disappear.

The final few Xerxes souls vanished.

"Th-thank you…" one whispered.

Edward closed his eyes, swallowed thickly, and allowed himself to be consumed by the Eye of the Truth.

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The black hands' cold touch was painstakingly familiar. As if to commemorate this, another nightmare from the past appeared next to Ed.

"Not back for your limbs?" the Truth taunted.

The white figure passed him by in a flash as the Gate carried Ed further on.

Time passed--or did it? Ed couldn't tell if he had been traveling for a few minutes or a hundred years. All he could do was pray--no, hope--that he would be able to land in Amestris again.

He didn't want to think of the consequences if he had made another mistake.

As he shook this grim thought out of his mind, a curious sensation reached him. It was a muffled booming…something that was not audible or visible, but rather felt. The booming grew more forceful until the Gate itself trembled. One of the hands on Ed's shoulder slipped.

Edward broke out in a cold sweat. Had he really made a mistake? Was Ling…? And Al…Winry, too, and everybody back at Risembool…

The Gate continued to shudder. Ed tensed anxiously.

Suddenly, there came a noise similar to the tumbling notes of a xylophone. A few seconds later, shards of ebony flew in every which direction, several cutting Ed on his already broken left arm. He struggled to see where the pieces were coming from, but the hands refused to let him turn around. Defeated, Ed slumped back into their steadfast hold.

The only thing he could do was wait.

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"…so, you definitely saw my body? It's really there?"

"I told you already, yes. Now we just need to figure out a way to drag it out of there…"

The two were in a small military bathroom that was fitted with several shower stalls, a set of toilets, and a matching set of sinks. Alphonse was sitting opposite Ed's shower stall. Perched behind one of his shoulder spikes was a tiny black-and-white panda, whom Edward glowered at before pulling on a pair of boxers. Very discreetly, of course. Behind a towel emblazoned with the Amestrian symbol.

"And there were two Gates?" Al asked.

"Yeah. Your body was near the other one…"

Something nagged at the back of Ed's mind as he rummaged around in a pile of clean clothes.

"Actually," he said hesitantly, "something else happened."

Al turned to face him. "While you were going through the Gate?"

Ed nodded, pausing in the act of slipping into a too-long pair of pants. "There was this booming noise, and then these pieces of stone flew by. I think…those were part of the Gate."

"You mean you broke--?!"

Ed cut him off. "Let me finish. I told you that I performed human transmutation on myself to open the Gate, right?"

"Using part of Envy's stone." Ed thought he detected a trace of sullenness in Al's voice.

"I had to, Al, you know that. But remember how--" here, he lowered his voice, throwing a pointed look outside, where Envy was undoubtedly keeping guard, "--remember how half of Envy's legs were missing when we got out of Gluttony's stomach?"

Alphonse nodded, before giving a small "oh!" of realization. "You think that what happened to the Gate and Envy are related?"

"In some way. Which means that…" Ed trailed off.

"You used more souls than necessary," said Al, horrified.

"…yeah. I guess…I made another mistake."

Both silently mused over the consequences of Edward's first "perfect" human transmutation theory.

"What do you think it means?" Al finally said.

"I don't know." Ed sighed. "Until something happens, we should probably just wait."

"But this is serious, Brother!" Al objected. "If the Gate really is breaking, then…!" He struggled to find suitable words to express his alarm.

"I know, Al, but the trouble is, we don't know anything other than what we've just discussed. I don't think there's anything we can do but wait."

Al broke off, unable to find any argument against his brother's words. Just then, Envy called from outside.

"Hey, Fullmetal runt! Didn't go down the shower drain, did you?"

"Who are you calling a runt so small that he has to run around in the shower to get even remotely wet?!" Ed shouted furiously, slipping into a shirt several sizes too large for him. "Damn! And it's just like him to give me oversized clothes!" Ed stomped towards the exit, grumbling incoherently under his breath.

Al sighed. It was just like his brother to end a serious conversation with an immature and over exaggerated response.

He just hoped that they really didn't have anything to worry about.