I Do Not own the lovely ladies of NOIR. (or any of the men who mainly die anyway) This is a story set from Kirika's POV on things that happen to her during the series. This is the companion piece to "A Bouquet Of Memories" that deals with Mireille's POV on the series. I like to do POV pieces...(shrugs) I hope you will read anyway. This is rated T for Violence, angst, disturbing thoughts and images, slight shoujo-ai in later chapters. Please review:)

Memory Fails Me

Chapter 1 – Who Am I?

My first thought as I opened my eyes was how colorless everything seemed. I blinked, trying to bring a clarity and focus back to my vision. It seems everything around me was faded and blurred. What's wrong with me? I groggily sit up and try to shake these cobwebs from my head. I feel so hollow inside. I find I can't remember how I got here. Where am I? Who am I? This can't be real...it feels like someone has come in the night, and stolen my identity and my memories. I try to remember something ..anything.. as hard as I can. "NOIR" What?... What does that mean? "You are NOIR" the same thought echoes through my fuzzy feeling head. NOIR? Is that my name? It can't be. It's too strange. I clutch my head, as I slowly stagger to my feet from the bed I had been lying in.

I look around the room and notice a school uniform hanging up. Is that mine? I wonder, as I walk over to it and reach in and pull out an ID card. I look at the picture on it. It is a picture of a sad eyed Japanese girl with unruly hair, and the name Yumura, Kirika underneath it. Is this me? Is my name Kirika Yumura? I don't remember that name. I look across the room and catch my reflection in the mirror. I AM the girl in the picture. I run my hand through my hair, trying to make it less unruly. Why can't I remember anything? Did I have an accident of some kind? I feel so confused.

I walk around the room, hoping for anything that might spark my memory. I feel so emotionless too, almost like a robot. I go over to my dresser and open one of the drawers. Inside I find a gun. A Beretta. How did I know that? I pick the gun up, and it fits just right in my hand. Suddenly I know that this is something I know how to use and use well. My eyes widen as I remember that I know many ways to kill. I can kill in ways that no one my age should ever know. Or anyone should ever know. Terrible, violent ways to kill. I remember that I have killed so many people. But why? What I am? I look just like a innocent girl...these can't be my memories, can they?

As I look into the drawer again, I notice the silver pocket watch. Engraved on the front are two women with flowing toga-like gowns, one has long hair. The other woman has hair like mine and they are wearing wreaths around their heads. What does this mean? Whose watch is this? Is it mine? It doesn't feel like mine. I open it, and it begins to play a song. The song seems a little familiar to me, though I don't know why. Why do I have this watch? What is it's significance to me?

Suddenly a name comes to me- Mireille Bouquet. Who is she? Once again the name NOIR flashes through my mind. Wait..am I Kirika? Or am I Noir? Or is Mireille the one who is Noir? What is Noir anyway? I should know this...but I don't. Somehow though, something inside me tells me I must contact this Mireille Bouquet.

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I go to school and act the part of the girl named Kirika Yumura. I'm dressed in my school uniform, and have my Id card. I can pretend I have a identity here. Even though I know it's not really real. Even sitting here in this crowded classroom, I feel so alone. I don't remember the other students, even though a few greet me. I want to yell out to them with questions...

(Does anyone know who I am? Do I have any friends? Any hobbies, besides these terrible visions of killing others? How does it feel to laugh and talk with each other? Why can't I laugh? Why can't I feel anything but numb? Why...Why can't I be like you? Where is my family? Does anyone love me? What is love? Why am I alone? So alone...WHY?) but I can't. I can barely raise my voice above a whisper.

Later that day, a inner voice tells me to look Mireille Bouquet up on the Internet. It's almost like a preprogrammed order that was planted inside my brain. I also remembered that NOIR stands for two. Two what? I am shocked at first, but then I feel a tiny bit hopeful even in my emptiness. If I am NOIR, then maybe Mireille is too.

I find out that she is an assassin for hire. She's another killer. She's like me. Someone who shares the same secret as I. This makes me even more hopeful. I send her an email with my picture and name, and the offer "Make a pilgrimage for the past, with me." I knew that the only way to get her to respond to me, was to include the melody from the pocket watch with my email. I wasn't sure how I knew this but I did. If I played that song she was sure to meet me.

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Day of the meeting between Kirika and Mireille-

I finally made it to the place where I was supposed to meet Mireille. Unfortunately, I had been followed from school on my way here by a bunch of armed men. I was able to dodge and outrun the bullets that they shot at me with their guns. I slid down the hillside in the forest with the men in hot pursuit behind me. Luckily I was faster than them, and was able to hide with my gun drawn. I was able to kill the ones I hadn't managed to lose earlier.

Why were these men after me? And how did I get away without getting shot? I was able to singlehandedly take down man after man without much effort at all. In fact I took them all down with perfect aim. Why? How? I was just a Japanese schoolgirl, wasn't I? But all these men were willing to kill me for some reason. I knew then whatever I was had to be worse than I expected. I realized then that I didn't care that I had just killed a bunch of men. I felt nothing inside. Shouldn't I feel sad or bad? I ended their lives without a thought. Surely they all didn't need to die, did they?

As I walked around the abandoned construction site..I suddenly felt her presence behind me. Mireille Bouquet. I heard her ask in a sharp voice "Shall we talk? Let's begin with WHO you are!"

I looked down. I didn't want to turn around and face her for some reason. She sounded angry..and I felt..(strange)...afraid of her. Instead I flicked my wrist and popped open the pocket watch, hoping the song playing would tell her what she needed to know. I heard a gasp as the song played. Maybe she could tell me who I was? Maybe she knew? Then suddenly I could feel the presence of the enemy who had chased me before. They had found us! I ran off without looking at Mireille . Besides she would have to take care of herself why I took out these men.

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I sat at the end of a long construction beam. Dusk was approaching, and I looked down at the pocket watch in my hands. I tried to remember where I heard the melody that played from it. I wondered why it was so important to this Mireille Bouquet that she would fly all the way out to Japan to meet me. I had ran from her earlier. I never even got to see her face. Why was I scared to face her? Why didn't I turn around? What if she doesn't come back, or worse, she got killed by one of those men? I sat here and wondered what to do next.

Suddenly, I felt someone approach. I looked out of the corner of my eye to see a beautiful woman with a tall, lean yet curvy body, and long blonde hair. She was wearing a sleeveless red turtleneck shirt, with a black mini-skirt, and black boots. She didn't look very happy, and she had her gun drawn, but to the side.

"End of the Line? Not much of a pilgrimage, huh?" she said, in that same sharp voice.

She was here. This was Mireille Bouquet. NOIR. Maybe she could tell me who I am? Maybe she is the one to save me...

"NOIR?...I knew you would come. I've been waiting." I said, my voice soft but full of hope.

She looked shocked when I said NOIR.

I finally turned around and faced her. My eyes found hers in a instant. I had never seen such blue eyes before. I could feel our gazes meet and lock. I felt myself grow warm as we stared at each other. I felt such longing for her. Please...please...be the one who helps me find myself. Are you part of me? Do you feel it too? I was mesmerized by her. Why?

Mireille stared back at me just as intently, but seemed a little confused by the intensity of our gaze. Just then I noticed that the men were back. One began to shoot at Mireille, who instantly broke the gaze, and returned fire.

I jumped down from the long beam, and jumped across to the other side of site. I had to get these men away from Mireille and myself. I hoped that she would be able to defend herself well. I knew she was one of the top assassins in the world.

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I was able to kill the men that were after me. I made it back into another part of the abandoned site, and could hear shooting. They were after Mireille. As I came into the room where the men and Mireille was, I noticed that she was down and men surrounded her. One stuck a gun against the side of her face. I saw her eyes widen as she prepared to die. (Not Today, Mireille.) I thought, as I began to shoot the men around her.

I could feel her eyes on me in astonishment, as I took down the rest of the men any way possible. I realized I was very skilled in martial arts, and I could easily jump, and twirl out of harm's reach and still shoot with perfect aim while I did this. It seemed like I had superhuman abilities. I jumped in the air and took hold of the last man's necktie, and I was able to hang him from a beam in the ceiling. What a horrible way to kill. I held on to the man's necktie for a moment, as I realized what I had done, how many I killed, and the cruel ways I could do it. I still felt empty inside.

I could feel Mireille's eyes upon me, looking at me like she couldn't believe what she had witnessed. Why? She was a killer too, wasn't she? Why was I so unbelievable?

"It seems killing is something I can do so easily. But why don't I feel sorrow for what I've done?" I asked her in a sad voice, as I felt the wetness slide down my cheeks. Why did these tears fall? I felt nothing...

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After we had determined there were no others after us, we went back to the place that was my so- called home. Mireille had hurt her arm, and I wrapped it for her. She seemed very impressed by my 'field dressing' and asked if I had trained as a medic. I don't know, I told her.

She went on to tell me she had did some checking on me, and that this wasn't my real home, that people had pretended to be my parent's, and all my records were forged. She told me my name on my ID card wasn't even my real name either.

I just nodded in agreement. Yes, she was right. It hurt not to know anything about myself. I still felt like I needed that name on my ID card to be a real person though. If I didn't have a name, did I even exist? Kirika Yumura was the closest thing I had to a name. That and NOIR. I just still don't know what it all means.

Mireille demanded to know WHO? WHAT? and Why? from me. As I had listened to her talk , I instinctively disassembled my gun without even realizing it.

"I don't know why I can do things like this. How can I know this when I know nothing else? I asked, feeling so lost. I told her about waking up with no memory except the name NOIR, and my Id and uniform. I also told her about finding my gun, and that I knew how to kill very well.

"I realized I know terrible things, But why?" I asked her, looking at her beautiful yet stern face, with a pleading look. (Please tell me why?)

She wanted to know how I knew about her. I just told her I know she was known as a most trustworthy assassin for hire. By then I had also reassembled my gun, and laid it down.

She picked it up and cradled it to her face, as she told me she knew I found more than just this gun. She accused me of hiding it, and demanded that I take it out.

Her fierce tone of voice shocked me, until I realized she meant the pocket watch. I hadn't meant to hide it from her, I had forgot about it. I immediately pulled it out of my pocket, and put it on the table between us, and opened it as the melody began to play.

Immediately, Mireille gasped, and turned pale. I watched as her eyes shut tightly, and a painful expression crossed her face. Why was this song causing her so much pain? What did it mean? What happened to her?

"Stop it." she whispered to me, as I quickly shut the watch closed. "You KNOW, don't you?" she asked harshly.

I looked at her pain-stricken face. I really didn't know. I had the watch though, so I must know something, but I don't know what it is. I told her that maybe the connection is through the men we had fought earlier tonight. The ones that chased me through the woods.

She asked again why I contacted her. I wanted to tell her because she was NOIR like me. She was meant to be part of the two that was Noir. Why else would I remember her name, and how to contact her when I barely knew anything else. Somehow we were connected. I just still wasn't sure what Noir was, or how we were connected. But I wouldn't be alone. Not anymore.

"A pilgrimage to your past and mine." I told her instead.

She pointed my gun at me, and for a moment I thought she would kill me. I wondered if this was how it was supposed to end. I could easily get away from her. I found myself staring at her, waiting. She smirked as she flipped the gun over and laid it down.

She reminded me that she killed people for a living, and wasn't in business to help me. That she preferred to work alone, and intended to keep it that way. She got up and begin to walk away.

She couldn't turn me down! I needed her! She couldn't leave me here in this lonely existence. I had to have her help. If nothing else, at least until my memory returned.

"Please Mireille, please. I need your help. I need your help to find out what I am. I need your help until...until I find out that answer." I pleaded to her.

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Before we left for Mireille's home in France, she let me stop by my empty school. I said goodbye to this life I didn't really remember. But I just had the urge to sit in my desk one last time, and to pretend I was really just a regular student. I looked out the big window of the classroom and stared at the moonlight. Was I ever a normal girl? I really didn't think so.

Mireille stood against the door frame and watched me with a sad expression on her face. "I just don't understand it. Why would you want to say goodbye in a place like this?" she asked lightly.

I couldn't explain it to her. I just nodded.

"Even when I was in a crowd, I was always alone." she said, in a sad voice.

"Huh?" I said softly, as I stared at the blonde woman. Did she understand after all? Was she as lonely as I was? I had thought this same thought just days ago. Oh...Mireille...

"Sorry, that isn't mine. It's Ernest Hemingway, I believe." she said, as she looked up at me.

Oh..a quote. Oh well. She still must feel like I do. Alone.

"I'm ready to go now, Mireille." I told her softly, as I stood up.

And as we flew to France, I remembered the promise we had made.

She told me that when we found out the answers to our pasts, that she would kill me. She had to. It's what she did for a living, and the only way she could risk helping me.

I told her I'd be waiting for that moment. I wasn't afraid to die. I was afraid to live with whatever dark secret I had hidden inside. And I'd rather be dead than be alone again. I couldn't imagine a better way to die than by Mireille's hand, if it came to that.

A/N- This was hard to write because I am trying to think what Kirika might have thought as she woke up with no memory. I tried very much to write her IC, but it's really speculation on what she really felt or thought. I am under the impression that Altena probably implanted or left memories about Mireille inside Kirika's subconscious. That way she would know how to find her. Altena was very crafty. She may have wanted a Soldat hating Mireille with Kirika instead of Chloe. Chloe did value Altena over anything, even Kirika. While Kirika I believe valued Mireille over anything. So M/K would be the TRUE NOIR. Who knows? I just read a very good discussion on this topic which lead me to believe this might be true. I didn't like Chloe, but Altena might have just used her as a pawn. Which is sad.