A/N: This is nothing more than a senseless and random act of boredom.
There's Something About Caroline…
"Look directly into the camera and speak very clearly, please."
"Uh, ok?" Throats cleared as his attention shifted to the camera lens and his heart rate sped up inside his chest. "My name is-"
"My name is Tyler Lockwood-"
"-Damon Salvatore-"
"-Matt Donovan-"
"-Klaus Mikaelson-"
"-Alaric Saltzman-"
"My name is Stefan Salvatore and I dated Caroline Forbes…"
-x-
TELL US ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH CAROLINE FORBES…
Tyler Lockwood
"The girl is a firecracker in the sack!" His dark eyes bulged, "I mean seriously. This girl can make you forget your name, where you live and how old you are." Then he sighed, a dreamy look adorning his face, "She thought the vein in my forehead was sexy…"
-x-
Alaric Saltzman
"It was brief really," he scratched the back of his head nervously. "Looking back on it now I should have known she was never really into me…"
-x-
Damon Salvatore
"Wait. You're not gonna tell my girlfriend about any of this are you?" His dark brows furrowed.
-x-
Matt Donovan
"Well, she was my…" He paused to clear his throat and look down at the floor, "She was my first." He looked back up into the camera lens, "I gave her my heart and she took my virginity. It was-"
-x-
Stefan Salvatore
"I thought that maybe she was just a free spirit. That she was unique and not like the previous girls I'd dated. She'd drink tequila straight from the bottle and knew how to throw a party like no one else. But then my ex-girlfriend from when I was, like, 17 suddenly reappeared in my life professing her undying love for me and without even hesitating Caroline took off claiming she wasn't going to deal with any drama." He shook his head slowly as if rekindling a memory. "God she was amazing in bed…"
-x-
Klaus Mikaelson
"The sex was fucking amazing. Scandalous was the word I think she used," his crimson lips tilted upwards into a smirk. "We didn't really make it past the first date. Actually, we didn't even make it to the date. She made it clear it was to be a strictly no-strings-attached thing." His mouth tugged into a childish pout, "I felt so used…"
-x-
Damon Salvatore
"Ok, so it was long before I was with my girlfriend when we hooked up," he sighed wistfully. "It was the most exhilarating time of my entire life being with Caroline." His eyes darted around the room nervously, "Don't tell any of this to my girlfriend, but," he leaned in closer to the camera, his voice barely above a whisper, "We used to do roleplay. Twilight style."
-x-
Tyler Lockwood
"I messed it up though, man," he grimaced. "I like to think of myself as a bit of a lone wolf, you know? And Caroline's the life of the party, so I started to hang-out with girls more like me. I even got one to stay over a couple of nights. Just to chill, though" he insisted, running a hand through his jet-black hair. "The next thing I know she's going on a date with some other dude. So I figured, alright. It's like that?" He snorted bitterly, "I sleep with one other chick and she black balls me," he shook his head. "I haven't had sex in months, man. Every chick I try to hit on turns me down with the same two words, Caroline Forbes, before strutting away."
-x-
Alaric Saltzman
"At the time I really thought we were going somewhere. Like, there were moments where I swear we were perfectly in synch" his mouth formed a flat line and he shook his head sadly. "I mean, she even slept over some nights," he shrugged. "But when I came home one day all her stuff was gone," he rubbed a hand over his face. "That was the day after I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. You know, like have kids and get married and stuff. I should have known what was coming when she didn't respond after I'd said it."
-x-
Matt Donovan
"Can I have a moment, please?" He sniffles as a box of Kleenex was shoved in his face by a production assistant. "Thank you. I just get really emotional when it comes to Caroline…" He blew his nose loudly.
-x-
Klaus Mikaelson
"I think it was the fact that I have a daughter that scared her away," he paused for a moment before something subtle shifted in his expression. "Either that or she wasn't keen on the fact I'm a serial killer," he said, amusement twinkling behind his gaze, while gasps could be heard coming from backstage. His eyes flitted to the left of the camera, "Joking. British humor? It's something we do sometimes to try and be funny?" He waved a loose hand, dismissing it. "It was definitely because I was a father. She was totally into me before I started talking about myself more," he chuckled. "You don't get personal with Caroline Forbes. You just don't."
-x-
WOULD YOU DATE CAROLINE FORBES AGAIN?
Stefan Salvatore
"Without the presence of psycho-exes?" His brow rose in interest.
-x-
Alaric Saltzman
"Would I date- yes." He cut himself off, "Yes, yes I would. In a heartbeat." He nodded his head vigorously.
-x-
Damon Salvatore
"I have a girlfriend, now. Hellooooo."
-x-
Matt Donovan
"Why?" He sniffed, pressing a tissue into the corner of one of his watery, blue eyes. "Did she say something?" He looked back into the camera lens hopefully. "Did she? Seriously," he wiped a hand over his tear-streaked face, "Did she?"
-x-
Tyler Lockwood
"Hell no! That bitch ruined my life!" He shouted angrily. "No, wait," he huffed and slouched in his seat. "Who am I kidding? Yeah, I totally would."
-x-
Damon Salvatore
"If I didn't have or… or was broken up from my girlfriend?" He ran a hand stressfully through his hair and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Suddenly, after a few beats of him internally thinking, his blue eyes brightened. "I've got it! If we were, like, supernatural, or something, and my girlfriend was sent to sleep for eternity so that I would never see her again. Or maybe if we bumped into each other in another time zone? Different time zones than the one at home don't constitute as cheating, right?" he asked seriously. "No wait… shit," he slapped a hand to his forehead.
-x-
Klaus Mikaelson
"I'm kind of busy running an empire in New Orleans now," he sank back into his seat with a cool shrug. "But I mean, well…" his mouth twisted in thought, "I did promise I'd wait for her. However long it'd take. Surely she's matured now, right?" His blue eyes pierced through the camera lens, directing the question as if the blonde was in the room with him.
-x-
Matt Donovan
"I'm being completely, dead serious with you people," his face grew solemn. "Did she, or did she not, say something about me?"
-x-
HOW DID YOU COME TO DATE CAROLINE FORBES?
Alaric Saltzman
"Don't tell anyone because I could lose my job, but," he paused to nervously clear his throat, "I was actually her History professor," he mumbled. "We didn't get together till after she'd graduated. But still…"
-x-
Stefan Salvatore
"She was kinda my, urm, sober sponsor. Some volunteering thing she had to do with her sorority at college, I can't really remember now. Anyway, I used to, kind of, have a bit of a drink problem," he smiled sadly. "I used to go on week long benders and rip up all the connections I'd made, never settling anywhere. Until Caroline that is," he sighed fondly. "We didn't have sex immediately if that's what you're thinking. I mean, I wanted to. Hell yes I wanted to. But she has this charisma about her that pulls you in," his hazel eyes lit up. "When you're around her it's as if nothing else matters," he blinked a few times and looked into the camera. "You cured me, Caroline. In more ways than you'll ever know."
-x-
Klaus Mikaelson
"It started with a confession," his stare darkened with lust as he recalled the memory. "The rest was history."
-x-
Damon Salvatore
"It was inevitable, really. The 'bad boy' and the 'neurotic, control freak,'" he air-quoted with an eye roll. "I just never thought she'd dump me for some quarterback virgin."
-x-
Matt Donovan
"We always flirted in class but she had a thing with this college guy, Damon Salvatore, and I was just some lame-ass High Schooler," he grumbled, suddenly becoming really interested in his fingernails. "But then one night during junior year she dragged me home from some party and the next thing I know I'm naked on her couch. It lasted three weeks," he grinned happily, "three whole glorious weeks…"
-x-
Tyler Lockwood
"I just walked up to her and asked her out. She has this kind of confident beauty you just don't pass up, you know? I saw what I wanted and went for it. Luckily she also liked what she saw," he waggled his eyebrows. "My mom caught her sneaking out one morning," he chuckled. "My cousin Mason is still trying to find out who she is…" His brow furrowed in confusion, "Come to think of it I'm pretty sure she said she was breaking up with me for some guy named Ripper?" He shrugged, "Sounds like a loser if you ask me."
-x-
Damon Salvatore
He laughed. "Good thing she wasn't ready to settle down, right? Or else I would never have got together with my beautiful girlfriend Elena!" He waved into the camera, "I love you, baby!" Then he paused for a moment, "Hang on, she's not gonna see any of this is she?" he asked, his eyes widening.
-x-
WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM DATING CAROLINE FORBES?
Tyler Lockwood
"Not to piss off Caroline Forbes and how to respect women more, that's for damn sure" he nodded. "I like to think I'm less of a dick now. Still a lone wolf though," he tilted his head back and howled. "If that didn't turn you on, I don't know what would," he winked into the camera.
When questioned Caroline said that it most certainly did not turn her on and the fact that he thought it was sexy explained a lot.
-x-
Stefan Salvatore
"I don't date blondes anymore," he smiled dryly. "I dated brunettes before and I'm only dating brunettes from now on," he paused. "Oh, and hero hair doesn't always get you the girl."
-x-
Klaus Mikaelson
"Scandalous sex is the best sex," his mouth quirked upwards. "And bark gets everywhere," he grimaced. "Literally everywhere."
-x-
Matt Donovan
"Women lie," he swallowed another sob. "They can be just like guys," he gulped and a pained expression crossed his face. "Worse even."
-x-
Alaric Saltzman
"Never say I love you unless you know for certain the other person feels the same way," he sighed. "She'd still be warming my bed if I hadn't smothered her with plans of a future together. I miss her smooth skin, her soft, silky hair and the way her dimples poke out when she smiles…"
-x-
Damon Salvatore
"What didn't I learn from Caroline freaking Forbes is the real question," he arched a brow and threw a suggestive wink at the camera. "No, I'm kidding. I'm not exactly sure what I learned from Caroline, other than charades. It's really my girlfriend, Elena, who's taught me how to be the man I am today," he grinned.
Awwwww sounds could be heard resonating from backstage.
-x-
ANY LAST WORDS FOR CAROLINE FORBES?
Matt Donovan
"Please take me back, Care? Please?" He then proceeded to slide down off the chair onto his knees, clasping his palms together and begging the camera.
-x-
Tyler Lockwood
"I'm sorry, ok!" he yelled out into the room, throwing his arms out in exasperation.
-x—
Stefan Salvatore
"I still love you," he mumbled as the camera zoomed in and focused on his moving lips.
-x-
Matt Donovan
Sniffling on the ground, he blinked and used the back of his hand to wipe his nose. "I swear I won't cry during sex again!"
He then began to cry.
-x-
Damon Salvatore
"Please don't ever tell Elena about us. She'll never let me attend another Founding Families event again if she thinks you'll be there," he chuckled awkwardly and nervously scratched the back of his head.
-x-
Klaus Mikaelson
He cocked his head to the side and smirked, "Touché, Forbes, touché."
We're still not sure what that means…
-x-
Stefan Salvatore
"I really do still love you," he gazed down the lens, "and I don't care if you don't like hearing it because I love saying it. And yes, I do still have your Justin Bieber album and no, I'm not giving it back. It's awesome and I'm confident enough with my masculinity to admit that."
-x-
Damon Salvatore
"Hey," his smirk was Cheshire. "Remember that time in the basement…" His lips thinned into a flat line as he quickly cut himself off. "Wait, no. I have no memories of you! I'm in a committed and stable relationship!"
We think we've established that Damon…
-x-
Matt Donovan
The production assistant handed Matt another box of Kleenex. He was unable to speak when questioned.
-x-
Klaus Mikaelson
"Rome, Paris, Tokyo," in a flash of crimson his lips quirked into an instinctive smirk. "They're all still on the cards, love."
Half our female staff members swooned and then proceeded to hastily write down their numbers which they stuffed into his jacket pockets after the interview was over.
-x-
Alaric Saltzman
He sighed, "Proposing and talking about starting a family after 3 months is too forward, I get that now. I just couldn't help myself around you!" He then pauses and inhales a deep breath, "Speaking of which, uh," he lifted an awkward shoulder, mouth parting in search of how to formulate his next sentence, but instead he just ended up gaping gormlessly like a goldfish for half a minute. "Speaking of which," he continued, "Do you still have that engagement ring? Things are pretty tight on a teacher's salary." He attempted a chuckle but in reality a strange coughing sound escaped his lips, before he turned a deep shade of red.
Caroline has since posted the engagement ring back, via 1st Class, accompanied by a family planning kit with a note reading:
Be safe xo
-x-
Tyler Lockwood
"I really am sorry," he pleaded his case once again. "Just please lift this curse you've put on my dick!" He hastily stood up, his hands making a V-shape pointing down to his crotch area. "I'm seconds away from becoming a born-again virgin! Come on, Forbes! What if you released me once every Full Moon?" He asked desperately before slumping back down into the seat behind him.
There is yet to be word on whether Caroline has lifted this 'curse' Tyler speaks of.
-x-
Stefan Salvatore
"What do you mean? Ohoooh, when you nod your head yes, but you wanna say no. What do you mean?!" He sang and began attempting (what we assumed) was some sort of twerk whilst flashing a flirty grin at the camera.
He is now all over Youtube, thanks to one of our staff member's cellular devices. He has since received over 1.5 million hits and continues to record new videos weekly to post on his page with the help of same said staff member.
-x-
Damon Salvatore
"Shit. I've just remembered," he stands up and shakes out his leather jacket. "I've got to get home and burn that tape before Elena finds it. You know that time with the towel? I forgot I even had that until today…"
The tape was stolen and is now on eBay with a current bid of $51,456.
Elena then went on to break every camera in the house. She forgave both Damon and Caroline when she remembered it had happened before they were together and before they had even met.
Since the publication of this interview sales figures have been released highlighting an increase in the purchase of male body glitter as well as Twilight sales temporarily spiking.
Caroline was unavailable for comment when contacted. She was, at the time, 'too busy' with her latest conquest- Derek Hale.
-x-
Matt Donovan
"Why, Care? Just tell me why?!" He cried to an empty room. The crew had left him alone with the camera, sick of listening to his whining.
When asked for a statement, Caroline explained she'd only dated Matt on a dare made by her friend Katherine Pierce.
-x-
Tyler Lockwood
"Ok, how much do you want? My dad's the mayor of Mystic Falls. Two grand? Six? What? What do you want? My left ball?" He was so close to the camera that when he yelled spit flew from his mouth and landed on one of the cameramen. For the third time that day the production assistant ran out with another box of Kleenex and passed it over so the man could wipe his face, a look of disdain present on his face. "Just please stop cock blocking me!" He begged. At which point half the room (both male and female) offered 'to do' him if he would just shut up.
He is now married to our sound manager and they have three kids. Jules would like to thank Caroline for helping her meet Tyler. Caroline sent them a wedding gift: a toaster and a packet of Cherry Twizzlers. Caroline's favourite candy.
-x-
Stefan Salvatore
Stefan performed another of the songs, 'Sorry', before finally sitting back down, his chest heaving. "A great album," he smiled. "I'll only give it back to you if you come and get it yourself," he quirked an eyebrow.
Caroline has since obtained a new Justin Bieber album. Signed by Mr. JB himself with a side note saying:
Caroline, half this CD was in tribute to you. You are and always will be my Purpose and are a constant reminder that Life Is Worth Living. Please give me another chance!
-JB
-x-
Klaus Mikaelson
His light eyes looked intensely down the lens, captivating half the crew members. "Bye, love."
Crrrrrrrrrrrrrck static.
-x-
Caroline still to this day runs rampant, leaving a trail of broken hearts in her wake.
Our executive producer included.