Title: Okay

Disclaimer: Storing up tears for the last update.

Pairing/s: JohnKat

Summary: In which Karkat needs to learn to masturbate with the fucking door locked, you massive tit.

A/N: This is a very old story please do not laugh at me.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

Karkat bit his lip. Air hissed between his teeth. Okay, fuck. This sucked. This sucked worse than a vacuum powered by the fucking horrorterrors. This sucked like – this sucked like – okay, he was out of metaphors. But it sucked. A lot.

He pressed his hands to the floor and squeezed his eyes shut tight. He could feel his cock tight in his jeans, pressing up against the hem of his fly. Ugh. Uncomfortable was a word for the weak. Fucking miserable was more like it. Karkat was miserable, and irritated, and frustrated, and oddly angry for no rational reason. Because, really, it wasn't John's fault puberty had taken a liking to him. It wasn't John's fault he had eyes that reminded Karkat of summer rains, and it wasn't John's fault the scruff of facial hair he'd somehow acquired hung just so, and it wasn't John's fault his hands were warm and just a touch sweaty on Karkat's arms and –

Alright, fuck it, this was all John's fault and no one could convince Karkat otherwise.

But – ugh.

Don't you dare do it, Vantas, Karkat ordered himself strictly. Don't you fucking dare, you miserable son of a bitch.

His hands ghosted over his fly zipper, and Karkat inwardly smacked himself. STOP IT. Bad! John is your friend, remember? You don't have many of those things left, idiot!

Yeah, but – the other part of his brain whined. But –

Shut up!

Karkat physically smacked himself this time. Wow, this was even worse than interacting with all of his other selves combined. Yup, he'd figured it out; Present Karkat definitely sucked the most. He'd have to do something about that some other time when he wasn't busy keeping his hands out of his own pants.

But yeah, Egbert was hot.

Egbert was hot, and he'd known that. He'd known that from the first time he'd felt those little tendrils of kismesistude creeping around his belly. He'd known it from the instant he'd first seen the guy, actually seenhim, and felt that hand on his arm. He'd known it for years now, but after that first rejection the fact hadn't really bothered him all too much.

Except for now. He was pretty bothered now.

Karkat's fingers hitched around his jeans. No, better to do it like the lonely asshole you are, the sensible part of his brain told him. Do it like a horny acne-covered teenage boy, if you're going to do it anyway.

Karkat swallowed, then reached for his zipper. The metal creaked as it came apart in his hands. He pulled down his pants, but left his grey boxer briefs resting over his hips. And he felt – yeah, he felt like a lonely, miserable geek. Like a little kid. But it was better that way, wasn't it? That's what he was anyway, wasn't it?

Karkat hesitated. Then he was slipping his hands into his boxers, gripping his cock tight in his fingers. The sudden warmth sent a jet of pleasure down his shaft, and Karkat bit down on his lip again. Fuck, he was hard.Fuck.

He was sitting on the floor beside his bed, leaning on the frame. His jeans hung loosely around his knees. In his left hand he grasped John's windsock, which he'd wrapped around his hips. And he was alone. Of course he was alone; he was always alone these days. Rose and Kanaya off doing their thing, Jade and Dave and John having fun in some weird sort of humans-only club, Gamzee busy being kind of dead, and Terezi – who knew what was up with Terezi anymore?

And Karkat was alone. As usual.

He usually fantasized about Terezi. In fact, he remembered thinking these exact same things when he'd first took his dick in hand with her in his mind. He remembered feeling that shame, and anger, and frustration with himself. But he'd gotten over it, eventually.

He'd get over John, too, he figured. Eventually.

But John was different than Terezi. John was – was pure. And good, and brave, and so much better than Karkat it was ridiculous. Terezi had been… Well, no use denying it now. Karkat had loved her, deeply and wholly. She'd been everything. But she was too fast for him, too smart and now she was out of his reach, somewhere far away where he couldn't even see her anymore. Truth be told, she'd grown up and Karkat hadn't, and that was why he was currently sitting beside his human bed stroking his cock with his eyes closed.

John was here, was close and beautiful and – fuck!

It had started yesterday evening. The two-year anniversary of reaching the post-scratch universe. They'd thrown a party, and there'd been shouting, and dancing, and fireworks. Karkat was… a little grumpy, if he had to admit it. Because, seriously? Parties? Were not Karkat's thing. But then the fireworks had started going off, and John had come and dragged Karkat out of his little grumbling corner and pulled him onto the grassy hill where all the other humans were sitting. He'd taken him by the hand and mentioned that this was where all the cool red-bloods sat, and Karkat had had a little inward freak-out before he realized John was just making a joke to make him feel included.

A stupid joke, and kind of offensive, now that he thought about it. But somehow John had realized that Karkat felt kind of uncomfortable being surrounded by so many humans (especially with Terezi gone), and that little joke had struck a weird chord in Karkat.

And now – now, Karkat couldn't think about anything else but John's hand in his.

Well, okay, that was a lie; he could think about a lot of other things, too. He could think about John's tongue on his neck, and his fingers cupping his balls, and John's face flushing red with heat and sweat. He could think about that damn windsock tying him down while John sucked him off, laughing like a fucking two-year-old.

He could almost imagine how John would feel buried inside him.

"Ah," Karkat panted. "Ah – fuck!"

Of course, that would be the exact moment John's voice called, "Hey, Karkat, you in here?" and the door swung open.

Karkat froze.

John stared.

Took a few steps back.

Very, very carefully pulled the door closed.

And bolted down the hallway, his heavy steps echoing through the walls.

Shit, Karkat thought, blushing furiously Shitfuck, shitfuck, shit shit shit!

He looked down at his cock, and it windsock around his waist. They were suddenly about 100000000 times less fascinating to him. And – and throbbing, because ow. Sighing, Karkat pulled up his jeans and leaned his head back on the mattresses.

Yeah, so he was never going to be able to look John in the face ever again. No big deal. At least he'd never said anything to let John know he'd been jerking off to him.

Wait.

If John had squinted just a bit, he might have noticed – oh fuck no – the motherfucking wind sock oh fuck everything.

Yeah, he was frickin' screwed.

Karkat smacked his head for the third time in the past ten minutes. Okay, he had to be mature about this, right? What he should do was run down that hallway and apologize profusely. Then make a mutual agreement to never talk about this ever again. That was what mature adults did, right? Or at least eighteen-year-olds? Wait, no, that was an adult in human terms, never mind, maybe he should ask Rose about that or something and shut up, Karkat Vantas.

Shit, he was hyperventilating. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Swallowing hard, Karkat pulled out his phone. His real, honest wall phone that Dirk had bought him for Christmas last year. He found Jade's number on his list of contacts without thinking and dialled it in the pad.

Jade. Yeah, Jade would know what to do. Jade always knew what to do when awkward situations like this came up.

Click! His called connected.

Karkat slammed the phone down.

Alright, no, apparently he wouldn't be able to look anyone in the face now.

There was a pause, and then – ring, ring! – the phone was rattling on the hook. Shit. Of course Jade would call him back; that was basically how the girl operated, wasn't it?

Karkat cautiously picked up the phone.

"Hi, Karkat!" Jade's voice came cheerfully from the other end. Karkat winced a little. Sometimes he forgot just how loud Jade could be. Of course, that went for Terezi as well. And pretty much every other girl he knew, but he was stalling now.

"Jade," he replied. "Uh. Hi."

"What's up?"

Karkat cleared his throat. "I, uh. Kind of have this really big life-altering problem. But if you're busy that's one hundred percent okay, I'll just – "

"Karkat." Jade's voice was stern now. "Tell me what's wrong."

Karkat drew a breath. Well, there was no avoiding it now. "I-have-a-sort-of-crush-on-John-and-he-walked-in-o n-me-doing-uh-you-know-and-now-I-don't-know-what-t o-do," he blurted, then blushed. Again. Dammit, he really had to learn how to control that. How had his blood colour ever been a secret with him turning beet red all over the place?

"Whoa, Karkat, jeez," Jade laughed. "Slow down! What happened?"

"JOHN WALKED ON ME MASTURBATING," Karkat exploded, frustrated with the fact he had to admit it not once, but twice. "AND I HAVE FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR HIM AND NOW I CAN'T LOOK AT HIM EVER AGAIN AND THIS IS REALLY FUCKING HUMILIATING AH FUCK FUCK SHIT." He swiped at his forehead, which was sweating heavily now, thank you very much.

There was another long pause. Then Jade said very seriously, "Well. That certainly is a problem, Karkat."

"I know!" shouted Karkat. "What the fuck do I do about it?"

"Well, I'm not sure!" replied Jade. "I've never really, uh… had that problem before? But I guess… I don't know, I'd talk to him, you know?"

"Oh, I can see how that conversation would go now," Karkat snorted in his most sarcastic voice – the one he reserved for the evilest villains and sometimes Terezi. "Hey, Egbert, I know what just happened was really fucking awkward and I hate myself more than God hates Troll Hitler for it, but I'd just like you to know that it was you I was thinking about when I grabbed my wood and – "

"WHOA," shrieked Jade. "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, too far Karkat!"

"Oh," said Karkat. "Sorry."

"Yeah."

Karkat shifted. "But no, seriously, what do I do?"

"Well, for one thing, I wasn't saying 'talk to him about what happened' – that would be too weird," Jade sniffed.

"Well then what?"

"Tell him your feelings, dumbass!"

"What?" Karkat gaped. "I can't do that!"

"Sure you can!"

"Uh-uh. Fuck no. It's too awkward. Plus I kind of already did that once, and he rejected me, so no again."

"Wait, you already told him?"

"Yeah, uh, I… kind of thought he was my kismesis, back when we first met. And I told him. When we first met," Karkat added with a cringe. Wow, talk about coming on too strong. He could barely even think about that day without feeling a wave of intense embarrassment for his past self. Dammit.

"And what did he say?"

"He told me he was 'not a homosexual' and then I trolled him backwards through time and we never talked about it again, the end."

"That sounds unhealthy."

"Fuck you."

But Jade was laughing. "Hey, calm down, Karkat! Seriously, I think you will find that John has changed a lot in the past year! Just ask him, I promise it won't be like last time!"

Karkat gave the phone a suspicious glare. "I thought the 'homosexual' thing was kind of like the final boss – you know, impossible to beat or some shit."

"Oh, you can beat it," said Jade. "Sometimes, in special cases. John happens to be one of those cases."

"You're sure," Karkat said slowly. "You're not just trying to fuck with me?"

"Now why would I do that?"

"I don't know, I kind of just figured it was, you know, your permanent state of being," Karkat replied, glowering.

Jade laughed again, loud and high and sweet. "I guess you're right," she said. "But I promise I'm not lying! He really has changed, Karkat, you just gotta see it for yourself."

Karkat sighed, ran his fingers through his hair. "I guess I'll try it," he said, "But if I end up imploding out of humiliation, you'll bury me on the other end of the universe from John, right?"

"Right!" agreed Jade. "Go get 'em, Tiger!"

"What the fuck, Jade."

"Never mind. Just be brave, okay? And it'll be alright. Stay strong."

"Yeah, okay, I'm going now before your craziness is sucked in through my nostrils and infects me too," Karkat said with raised eyebrows.

"Bye Karkat!"

"Bye, Jade," Karkat replied, and hung up the phone. Drew a breath. Okay, now he had some idea of what he had to do, so he should go do it, right? Go talk to John. Tell him what was up. Yeah, do the whole dominant thing, if John's interactions with Vriska were any indication the guy was into that. Just go up and –

He wasn't going to do it, was he?

Fuck.

Thankfully, fate happens to hate Karkat Vantas. A lot.

There was a timid knock on the door. Karkat quickly stuffed the windsock under the bed and stood. "Come in," he called.

The door swung open, and there stood John, flushed-face and lip squeezed firmly between his buckteeth. Karkat momentarily forgot how to breathe because fuck fuck fuck he wasn't ready for this, wait shit breathe you motherfucker you're going to die fuck everything –

Then John was pounding him on the back with an alarmed face, and Karkat was breathing again. "Ahhh!" he shouted once the gift of air was returned to him. "Ahhh! John, what the fuck are you doing here?"

John bit his lip again. "I, uh… I came to get my windsock," he said nervously. "But I can go, you know, if this is a bad time or something…"

"You want the windsock?" Karkat said blankly. John nodded.

"Mm! Yeah! I mean, if you're done using it and everything."

Karkat blushed, again. "I… yeah. Um. About. That."

But John shook his head. "No, it's okay! I don't really care if you use for… um, things, and stuff. I get it! 'Cos see, Dave's been trying to help me with kinks and all that, so I'm totally cool if you have a thing for the sock – I mean, it is pretty awesome," John finished a little proudly.

Karkat, for his part, could only stare. "Wait," he said. "What?"

"Kinks!" said John. "Like, I have one for… well, never mind. But anyway, I have one too, so I totally get it, because Dave's been helping out with it and it's really embarrassing and I bet you feel like that, too, so I'll give you some space if you want. Sorry for walking in earlier, I should've knocked," he added, scratching the back of his head with a sheepish laugh. "But I figure if we never talk about it again, like we did with the whole kismesis thing, the awkwardness will go away, right? Wait, oops, I just talked about it. Dammit," realized John with a frown.

Karkat kept staring for a full minute before he felt drool begin to drip down his chin and snapped his jaw shut.

"Wait," he said again, just to hear the amazing amount of incredulity his voice could produce. "You think I was," (jerking off) (shut up) "doing that for the fucking windsock?"

"Well, yeah," said John, sounding confused. "I mean, why else would you…"

("He's a total fucking idiot," Karkat remembered a drunken Rose telling him once. "Through the roof stupid, sometimes. Did you know that when I went Grimdark, he didn't even notice until he was already dead? I hadgrey skin for fuck's sake. No offense, I know all trolls have that naturally and everything, but for humans it's really quite weird. But he didn't even notice.")

Karkat let out a little laugh. John wasn't stupid, but he was really, really dense.

Karkat kissed him.

Aaaaand John shot back like a rocket.

"Whoa," said John. "Whoa, whoa, whoa."

"Yeah," said Karkat kind of breathlessly.

"You like me?"

"Yeah."

"Like like-like me?"

"Uh," said Karkat. "Sure, yeah, I guess."

"And the windsock…"

"…Is pretty damn awesome. But I like you better."

John frowned at him. "But I thought you hated me? And that was why you wanted to… um…"

"You're stupid," Karkat said. "But I don't have blackrom feelings for you anymore, if that's what you're asking."

"Oh." John seemed to think about it. "You know," he said after a moment, "I still don't really get the whole quadrant thing. I don't think any of us do, really, except maybe Rose. But I do know that we're all kind of weirded out by the kismesis part of it. Like, matesprits, we get. Pale relationships, we mostly get. Kismesis? Nada." John shrugged. "I guess humans just aren't geared for that sort of thing."

"So?"

"So what?"

"That's what I'm asking you, dumbass."

"So…" John sighed. "I wasn't okay when you did the kismesis thing. I wasn't okay with it because it was weird and I wasn't gay and I was thirteen years old. But now…"

"Now…?"

"Now I don't know. Because, I mean, like I said, I've been talking with Dave a lot. Because I kind of have this… problem, you know? Dave says it's a kink. And what I know about my sexuality… it's been mostly centred around that. Not around gender, or whatever. So I've been… you know, experimenting. Not in that way," John added hastily, putting up his hands. "Just. Um. Porn, and stuff. Seeing what I'm okay with, what I'm not okay with, that sort of thing."

"And you're okay with…" Karkat didn't finish. He didn't really want to finish. He was holding his breath as it was.

"I think…" John licked his lips. "I think I'd be okay with it. Um, okay with you, I mean. If we tried… but I'm not sure. Because I like you! Like, really like you. So maybe… maybe we should try it out. See if I really am okay with it. Are you okay with that?"

"…I'm okay with it," Karkat said finally. He looked at John, at that dumb blue shirt which he swore hadn't been changed in at least five years, at the dorky glasses, at the little fringe of facial hair under John's chin. And yeah, maybe it would be okay to try, he thought. Yeah, okay. "So, where do we start?"

"Um, well, I was thinking maybe you should kiss me again," John suggested. Karkat nodded, and moved to put his hands on the sides of John's face.

He pulled him upwards. Karkat was pretty short for a troll, but he was still just a little bit taller than John, and so the angle was just right. And then he was kissing him again, except it wasn't like before, when John had moved away so quickly. It was tentative at first, searching and unsure, and Karkat didn't really know where to put his hands or what to do. But then John swallowed, and put his hands over Karkat's ,and was deepening the kiss, nearly pushing Karkat down to the bed.

"Are you okay with this?" Karkat wondered when John drew back for air. John hesitated, nodded firmly.

"So far, yeah," he said.

Karkat let a small grin quirk his lips. "Then let's try a little more."

He'd only seen it in movies – the R-rated, really bad romance movies he wasn't supposed to have seen anyway. But giving a blow-job couldn't be that hard, right? It was just like sucking a lollipop, right?

Karkat slipped his fingers under John's shirt and slid it up over his head. Then he reached for the pants – but John stopped him there.

"Uh," said John, "Are you going to do what I think you're going to do?"

Karkat raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck do you think I'm going to do, Egbert?"

"I just – well, your teeth look really sharp, is all."

Karkat blinked, and ran a finger over the edge of his tooth. A spot of blood trickled down the tip. Okay, maybe that wasn't a good idea, after all. It never seemed to be a problem in Troll porno movies, but taking in account John's thin human skin, he was pretty sure it wouldn't end up good.

"But I might be… you know, I might be okay with doing it for you," John said suddenly Karkat frowned. John's eyes had dilated. Slowly, Karkat lowered his hand, and John added, "Are you okay with that?"

"Uh, I guess so," Karkat replied.

Yeah, he was so cool on the outside. But inside, all he could think of was John's tongue John's tongue John's tongue on my cock oh my God.

John nodded at him. "Take off your shirt," he ordered, but his voice quavered a bit. That was okay. Karkat was in a similar state.

Karkat obeyed without question, and then John pushed him gently onto the bed. "Lie down," he said. "I want to try something first."

Karkat tried to nod, but John kissed him again, his tongue pressing hesitantly at Karkat's lips. Karkat closed his eyes, his mouth yawning open, tongue reaching to touch the tip of John's. Then John was dragging his tongue down Karkat's jaw to the side of his neck and – oh! Oh wow, how the fuck could nipples be that sensitive?

John wrapped his mouth around Karkat's left nipple, lifting his hand to play with the right.

"Are you okay with this?" Karkat wondered between heavy breaths.

"Mm, yeah," mumbled John. The journey of his tongue continued to just beneath Karkat's navel, on the little hairs that swooped down beneath the hem of his jeans. John pressed his hand there, too. Karkat could feel something warm curl in his belly, and writhed involuntarily.

Slowly, John undid Karkat's jeans, letting his fingers trace down the zipper. Yeah, Karkat was definitely hard now, and he could feel his bulge straining against his boxer-briefs.

John slid the jeans down Karkat's his, down his legs, but didn't pull them off entirely, instead choosing to focus his attention on Karkat's boxers. "Haha," he said. "That sure looks uncomfortable, Karkat."

"Fuck you," Karkat managed. "Then do something about it, you asshole."

John nodded, giving a cheeky grin. "Only if you're okay with it."

"Oh come on," groaned Karkat. "I'm more than okay – ah! Ah!"

John's fingers had found Karkat's cock, and Karkat bit back a quiet moan. Oh. Oh, fuck, that felt good. The fabric rubbed over the sensitive skin, back and forth, back and forth, then in a circle, and – ah!

How could Karkat have ever thought John would be submissive? The guy put it on well, granted, but he was a leader, too. He was the leader of the humans, and the leader of the trolls, and just because he was nice and sweet did not mean he didn't want to be in control.

And Karkat – preferred it that way, to be honest.

John pressed his hands to Karkat's inner thighs, continuing the up and down motion. Then he –oh God oh God oh God – was pulling Karkat's boxers down, and a blast of cool air hit Karkat's hard cock. Impatient, Karkat kicked off the rest of the clothes, and then he was lying fully naked on the bed, John sliding out of his own pants to join him.

They looked at each other for a moment. Blue eyes against dark grey, and then John ducked his head again. Hands on the thighs, up and down, so close but never touching Karkat`s whining cock.

John leaned down, further, further, so close Karkat could feel the hair tickle his nook. But John still didn`t reach – didn`t touch – and Karkat let out a little moan of disappointment.

He was distracted, though, when John slid out his tongue and began to lick his thighs.

"Oh," Karkat choked. "Oh, fuck."

He could feel John's tongue just barely graze the underside of his balls, and oh – Oh. "More," he moaned. "Please, please John, I can't take this, you gotta – "

"We sure need to work on your patience, Karkat," John laughed, but Karkat could hear the raw edge in his voice. And that didn't make sense – Karkat hadn't done anything, had he? Unless… unless John was getting off just from Karkat's need? That was fucked up, kind of, but… he was okay with that, too, he realized.

"You teasing little shit," he gasped, feeling John's hand stroke his balls, slowly sliding up to grip Karkat's cock.

"I know," John chuckled. "But you like it!"

"Fuck you!"

"I plan to."

Ugh, thought Karkat. Then: "Ah! Jeez!"

Finally, those fingers around him, sliding up and down and fuck fuck fuck after all that teasing how was he supposed to do this? Karkat squirmed as John explored his cock, touching the tip, curling around the ridge. Then tongue, wet and hot and not enough, trailing along the bottom and tracing his tip in slow, lazy circles.

"John, I'm - !" Karkat shouted.

"Yeah, I know," groaned John roughly. Karkat managed to open his eyes to see that John was now thrusting into his hand as he sucked Karkat off, and fuck. Fuck that was hot, the lack of control, the – the…

Then John opened his mouth, and swallowed Karkat whole.

Karkat couldn't lie, he was shouting and moaning and nearly weeping as John took him in his mouth, and he couldn't hold back, because for a long moment his whole world was just thrust thrust thrust and John and he's beautiful, so beautiful. Finally, finally, he came with a cry, shoving his hips forward and back into John's hair. John came a few seconds later, his seed spilling over Karkat's legs, and they just lay there for a moment, breathing heavily.

After a long moment, Karkat found the words to speak.

"You came," he said, "From giving me a blow job."

John laughed. "Yeah," he said breathlessly. "I guess I really am okay with it after all."

Karkat couldn't help it, he grinned. "So, what was this kink you were telling me about, anyway?"

"Oh, yeah! Blood."

"What?"

"Mm! Yeah! But we can talk about that later, right? I mean, no biggie!"

"Egbert, what the fuck!"

"Ahahaha!"

fin