Summery: Castiel returns to the bunker for help a couple weeks after Dean kicked him out and this time Dean doesn't have the guts to make him leave again. But will Dean be able to keep both Sam and Cas safe? Or has he bitten off more then he can chew?
It had been a whole two weeks since Dean had told Cas he couldn't stay at the bunker with him and Sam, and the whole two weeks he'd been beating himself up about it. He kept going over how he could have done things differently, but always arrived at the same conclusion; there had been no other option. He couldn't very well allow that dick angel to leave with his brother.
So there he sat, earlier morning sun probably just rising outside and Sam out running laps like a freak while he downed way too much coffee and brooded in his bad mood. Dean sighed, pushing his third cup away and turned back to the books in front of him. He really hated research but this time it was his brother's life on the line so he needed to know all he could about angels and their vessels.
He was about ready to flip the page when he heard a soft knock on the door.
"What the hell?" Dean muttered, wondering who on earth could be here at this time of day. They never got visitors and Sam wouldn't knock.
He climbed the stairs and cautiously opened the door; revealing a very pitiful, exhausted looking, and super dirty Cas.
Hearing the door open, Cas lifted his sagging head to meet the hunters gaze. Dean felt his heart break at the look of utter defeat in the ex-angel's eyes. Cas' hair appeared it hadn't seen a brush in at least a month, his face had bruises and dirt smudges everywhere, and his clothes were torn and filthy like he'd been in a fight.
Dean felt rooted in place with shock, managing to do little more than stare.
"Dean." Cas' voice was super deep and raspy and oh so pleading. "I need your help."
This snapped Dean out of his trance and without thinking he pulled his friend into a tight embrace, resting his chin on the soft messy hair and holding Cas' head tight to his chest with one hand while the other gently stroked his back. Cas tensed at first but soon melted against Dean like he'd never been hugged before and was craving it like the very air they breathed.
They held the contact longer then was probably normal for two platonic male friends and when Dean finally pulled away his heart was pounding so loud in his ear he feared Cas would hear it. But if the shorter man noticed he didn't say anything and he didn't seem to think anything was abnormal about their 'hug' either.
"What happened to you?" Dean questioned, stepping back and squeezing Cas' shoulder lightly, sadden by how skinny it felt beneath his fingers. Had he not been eating?
"I'm sorry, Dean. I know you made it clear you don't want me here and-"
"Whoa, whoa!" Dean cut him off. "I never said I didn't want you here, Cas." He looked down, guilt clutching at his insides. He pretty much had said that, but not because he didn't want Cas around, surely he knew that? "I mean, I know I said you couldn't stay but it wasn't because I don't want you around..." Dean trailed off, not sure how to continue. He chanced a glance back at the ex-angel.
Head slightly tilted, Cas regarded him with a blank expression, his breath seemed labored and the normally bright blue eyes were dull, really he appeared he might collapse at any second. Dean suddenly had the urge to cradle him like a scared child.
Instead he motioned for Cas to come in. "Come on, Cas. You look like you could use a shower and some food."
"Okay." Cas sounded surprised, relieved and way too eager all at the same time and again Dean felt guilt eating at him like a sickness. The way Cas perked up at the word food spoke volumes. He walked past Dean a little stiffly, swaying a little when he got to the top of the stairs. Dean instantly threw his hand out to steady his friend and Cas turned to him with uncertainty when Dean's hand gripped his upper arm, like he thought Dean had changed his mind.
"Just don't want you to fall." he explained quickly, wishing he didn't notice the hint of fear in Cas' eyes. The way someone looks when their last option had failed.
Cas nodded and relaxed his posture, allowing Dean to help him down the stairs and over to the table he'd been sitting at earlier. The hunter pushed the books to the other end and pulled a chair out which Cas gratefully slumped into with a groan.
"So, tell me what happened." Dean podded again.
Cas sighed wearily and averted his gaze. "I got beat up by some homeless men who didn't take too kindly to me going through "their" dumpsters. And then I ran into an angel who almost killed me... but luckily I killed him first." Cas grinned proudly at the last part.
Heart sinking Dean bit the inside of his lip, already knowing the answer to the question he was about to ask. "Cas, why were you going through dumpsters?"
Rubbing the back of neck without looking up, Cas mumbled. "For food."
"Cas, man, I'm sorry, I-" he started, feeling like a complete ass of a friend for having kicked Cas out without so much as a fake credit card or some other means of obtaining food, but stopped when he caught sight of a dark red stain on Cas' shirt, trailing all the way down his right side, worry overcoming his senses he whispered. "Are you bleeding?"
Cas looked down at himself and frowned, as if he'd just noticed the blood. "I don't know." He admitted.
Dean shook his head, hoping it wasn't too bad if Cas hadn't even been aware of it until he'd pointed it out. "Well, as hungry as I'm sure you are, food is going to have to wait until I take a look at you."
Cas pouted but let Dean lead him to his bedroom. The hunter closed the door behind him before motioning for Cas to sit on the edge of his bed. The last thing he needed was Sam walking in on him with a half naked fallen angel in his room.
Studying the situation briefly, Dean opted to cut the ratty shirt off Cas instead of trying to get it over his head. When the other man gave him an anxious stare Dean patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, you can have one of mine."
"Thank you." Replied Cas, watching as Dean finished removing his shirt and threw it in a crumpled heap to the floor.
Choking back a gasp, Dean reached out and trailed his fingers down Cas' now bare chest. The poor guy have bruises covering the front of his body, some purple and blue and a few older ones that had turned a sickly yellow. The roughly three inch cut along his right rib had stopped bleeding some time ago but dried blood still caked the surrounding area. It looked painful enough but not life threatening thankfully.
Dean kept his contact well clear of the wound, not wanting to hurt Cas, as he continued his exploring touch down the other man's stomach. He wasn't as muscular as Dean but he was still well toned and proportioned and Dean found himself enticed by the soft flesh beneath his calloused hands. The fine hair felt different, weird, he was used to woman with their smooth, hairless bodies. Yet what he felt for Cas went beyond a physical desire for sex, which was the main reason he touched most women, this feeling ran deeper, purer somehow.
"Dean?" Cas' voice sounded a bit breathier than normal and when Dean looked up he saw Cas had his head tilted back slightly and was staring at him with barely open, yet intense blue eyes. The thought that Cas might actually be enjoying his touch made the hunter shiver involuntarily and jerk his hand away.
"Um, I think you'll be fine taking a shower by yourself... So um, I'll just be... Be here. Just be careful you don't, you know, open up the wound again... I'll bandaged you up when you're done, okay? Okay! So get going." Dean knew he was rattling but couldn't help it, and when Cas raised his eyebrow in that way he always did when human babble slightly escaped him, it was all Dean could do it stop himself from hugging him again. Men only hug when they haven't seen each other for a while or one of them had almost died, he reminded himself.
"Oh, okay." Cas finally muttered, and did he sound disappointed? Dean felt his pulse began to race even faster. "Guess I should get to it then." He gave a small smile before sliding carefully off the bed.
"Yeah, well, let me know if you need help, taking a real shower is a bit more involved than snapping your fingers and poofing everything clean." Dean laughed a little, he meant it as a joke but one look at Cas' crestfallen face told him his friend didn't find it funny.
"I know how to take a shower, Dean, I'm not an invalid." He scowled, turning his back and stalking off down the hall before Dean could respond.
Letting out a loud breath, Dean flopped backdown on his bed, letting his pounding heart return to a slower pace. He felt nervous, and that made him said stupid stuff. But, realizing Cas probably felt self conscious about losing his powers, Dean made a mental note not to tease him about it again. What he couldn't understand was why he felt so antsy? He'd never had feeling for the angel other than brotherly love before, but something about him being human, seeing him vulnerable, made Dean want to cuddle him close and run his fingers through that soft, dark hair and assure him everything would be okay. Those weren't normal feeling to have towards another guy.
However, he had an even bigger problem to worry about, when Sam came back Ezekiel would find out about Cas and he probably wouldn't be happy. Dean couldn't let anything happen to Sam, not even for his best friend's sake. He really wanted his brother back, he missed not having to wonder what the third party was listening to and he hated the helplessness he'd been feeling more each day realizing the angel really had full control here. All he'd have to do was threaten Sam's safety and Dean would do anything he asked. Like telling Cas to beat it even when the ex angel's heartbroken look had nearly crushed him.
Rubbing his temples Dean got up and started pacing the room, this was bullshit! He had only two people in this crumb hole he cared about, why couldn't he have both of them safe, both with him? Life was never fair.
Still hearing the shower running, Dean went back to the main room and glanced around, suddenly having an idea he rushed into the kitchen and grabbed all the beer out of the refrigerator. Just as he was returning from stashing it all in his room under the bed, Sam opened the bunker door and walked down the stairs.
"Hey, Dean." He greeted his brother cheerfully.
"What's up?" Dean raised his eyebrows at the sweaty t-shirt Sam had on, wiggling his nose but didn't comment. "How you feelin'?"
"I feel pretty good." Sam told him in slight confusion. "Better than I have in months."
Grinning, Dean nodded, trying to act normal. "Well. You're a tough guy, no stupid little trials can keep my brother down for long, right?"
"I guess." Sam shrugged. "I'm going to go hit the showers, find another case for us yet?"
"Actually, I was just in the middle of cleaning the showers and came out here for a beer and we're out, so..." Dean looked pointedly at his brother. "I was hoping you could make a quick supply run and get some more."
Sam frowned. "Seriously? You drank all the beer already? It's not even seven in the morning."
"Must have drank it all last night without realizing."
Rolling his eyes, Sam walked in to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to see for himself, just like Dean knew he would. He stared into the empty container and shook his head. "We had like two cases left yesterday."
Dean shifted nervously. "Well, we don't now so you better get going."
"I stink, I need to at least take a shower first." Sam complained, giving his best bitch face.
"Sammy, I need beer." Dean snorted in an attempt to hold back a smart ass comment about how ridiculous running was because of that very reason.
"Fine." Sam grumbled, catching the keys the older Winchester tossed him.
"Pick up some more food too." Dean hollered at Sam's retreating form. He grunted and waved a hand in acknowledgement before closing the door behind him.
Dean let out a sigh of relief and sank into the nearest chair, obviously this wasn't a permanent solution but it would at last give him time get take care of Cas and get some food in him. He returned to his bedroom with a half empty bottle of whiskey, and bowl of water and the first aid kit. Setting the items on the corner of his bed, he rummaged through his clothes until he found a t shirt and flannel that fit tight on him, he figured they would fit Cas perfect since he was a little smaller.
Now Dean had nothing to do but sit and stress about his next course of action. Maybe it was partly for selfish reasons but he couldn't fathom the thought of kicking Cas out again.
"Well, what do you think?" Cas' inquiry broke through Dean's brooding and he blushed slightly went he looked up and saw his friend was standing in his doorway, naked, expect for a towel he had wrapped around his waist.
Dean let his eyes wander over Cas' body for a moment, taking in the fact that he had cleaned his hair and everything else, and the way his skin shown with stray water droplets... But damn, he sure had a lot of bruises and appeared to have lost a lot of weight, and the cut on his ribs had started oozing bright red blood.
"You're bleeding, I told you to be careful." Dean snapped, surprised by his own harshness.
"I was." Cas stated, all traces of playfully gone from his features.
"Not careful enough." Before he could stop himself, he'd closed the gap between them to closer inspect the wound. "This is deeper than I thought, how is it possible you didn't notice this before?"
"I never said I didn't notice." Cas replied, even more annoyed. "I said I wasn't sure if I was still bleeding. It's been bleeding on and off the last couple days."
"Dammit, Cas, you need to wrap stuff like this!"
"I didn't exactly have anything to wrap it with." Retorted Cas, sounding defensive and down right pissed off.
"Okay, lose the attitude." Dean warned. "I'm just trying to help."
"By telling me how stupid I am?" Cas glared, like he was going to power up with glowing eyes and outstretched wings and smite Dean right then and there. If Dean didn't know Cas was human he'd be scared right now.
"Alright, calm down." Sighing, Dean walked back over to the bed and patted the spot next to him.
Cas looked for all the world like he wanted to fight, but after several moments he only sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat as he gave Dean a pleading look. The hunter wanted to apologize but his pride wouldn't let him.
"Can you fix it?" Cas asked softly, almost like he was afraid Dean would tell him no.
"'Course I can, I've stitched up way worse gashes on Sam before." He knew what Cas really meant. Will you fit it? He felt horrible that Cas seemed afraid to ask for his assistance, like the ex angel thought he didn't want to give it.
"Um, I need some pants too." Cas averted his gaze to the floor and Dean's heart fluttered in his chest. Why did Cas have to be so adorable? Wait, did he just think his friend was adorable?
"Oh, right." Dean got up and tried to shake his feelings by focusing on going through his clothes for the second time. He soon found a pair of pants he rarely wore and a bag of boxer briefs with a couple still in it he hadn't used yet. He grabbed both articles of clothing and placed them in the bed.
"Put those on and call me when you're... You know, wearing some pants."
Dean left the room and closed the door behind him, leaning against the wall and squeezing his eyes shut. A couple moments later his phone rang, startling him. Looking at the screen, releasing he'd left one of his phones on the nightstand, he rolled his eyes, the faintest of smiles gracing his lips.
"Dude, I'm right outside the door."
"You said to call." Came the gravely reply. "I'm wearing pants."
"Good to know."
Hanging up the phone with an amused huff, Dean reentered the room to find Cas wearing his jeans and sitting at the head of the bed, back leaning against the headboard. He had the towel pressed to his injured side and blood on his hands.
"How did you get that?" Dean questioned as he joined Cas with the first aid kit and whiskey.
"Angel blade." Cas said through gritted teeth, and Dean could tell he was probably in more pain than he'd been letting on.
Being as gentle as possible, Dean peeled back the bloody towel and dabbed at the wound to get rid of the extra blood. Cas watched him intently but remained quiet.
"This will probably suck." Dean told him as he opened the alcohol bottle and poured some on the cut. Cas jerked, a small hiss escaping his lips, but otherwise said nothing.
"This will probably suck too." Cleaning his hands with the alcohol and towel just be to safe, Dean motioned for Cas to move his arm to rest on the headboard so he could see what he was doing. He wetted a clean washcloth in the bowl he'd brought earlier and gently scrubbed at the cut to clean out any debris.
"Ow!" Cas gasped, gripping the back of Dean's shirt tightly in his right hand. "That hurts!"
"I know, buddy." Muttered Dean, trying to be soothing he placed his free hand on Cas' shoulder and rubbed it gently. Yet when Cas leaned into the touch Dean instantly felt self-conscious and smacked him roughly, breaking the contact. "But it needs to be done, so man up!"
His face flushing, from what Dean wasn't sure, Cas snapped his mouth shut and gritted through the rest, his death grip moving to the comforter underneath them. He wondered briefly if he'd hurt Cas' feelings but didn't comment because that would be even more awkward.
Finishing up, Dean moved on to the task of stitching the wound closed. Cas' breath hitched a couple times during the process, but otherwise he remained silent. Totally engrossed in doing a good job, Dean didn't have space left in his mind to dwell on the internal shivers touching Cas' soft skin gave him. He wrapped bandages a few times around Cas' middle to soak up any bleeding and nodded at his work with satisfaction.
"Alright, all done!" Dean announced with relief as he hurriedly put away the supplies, he wasn't sure how much longer he could be this close to Cas without doing something stupid that they both would regret. "I'm amazing."
"Thank you, Dean." Cas said sincerely, and Dean felt his heart melt into a big gooy puddle.
"Okay." He replied lamely.
Cas smiled sadly. "I didn't know if I should come here, but I wasn't sure what else to do."
Dammit! Dean found himself walking around the bed to sit beside Cas, looking him straight in the eyes. "I'm glad your did." He reached his arm up and ran his fingers down Cas' still very much naked back, applying firm pressure to the tense muscles, again not able to keep his body parts to himself.
"You okay?" Dean asked when he noticed Cas biting his lip. "Does that hurt?"
"No, I'm fine."
"Good." Dean repeated the action a couple times, the muscles twitched beneath his fingers. "You're too tense, man. You need to relax."
"I guess that's what happens when humans sleep on the ground." Cas stated matter of factly, letting his head slump forward slightly. His tone held no accusing edge but Dean still felt responsible for his friend's troubles. "I wasn't aware how many things lead to discomfort."
"Yeah, you get used to it I guess." Dean kneaded his thumb into Cas' shoulder blade to help loosen the knots.
"Mmm..." Cas sighed contently, his blue eyes fluttering shut. "That sure feels nice."
"Yeah?" Dean laughed nervously, the noises Cas made certainly did not make any part of him even a tiny bit hard. He switched hands and moved his left one up to tangle into the short, silky, hair at the nape of Cas' neck as he continued the back rub. The next thing Dean knew Cas had rested his head on his shoulder and was leaning against him heavily, like he was half asleep already.
Dean froze for a moment, eyes scanning the other man's face, mostly his lips, and thought about what kissing them might be like. Maybe he should try... Cas still had his eyes shut blissfully and looked half out of it. He leaned a bit closer, breath warm and heavy over Cas' face, fingers tightening their hold on Cas' hair, tilting his head back further. The ex angel groaned softly, barely, but Dean hard it loud and clear. Kissing him once wouldn't do any harm, right? Dean trailed his hand lower... and it brushed against the hair on Cas' lower back - he pulled back with a disgusted wiggle of his nose. He was touching another guy!
"Dude! Don't be gay!" Dean snorted crossly, slapping the back of Cas' head with enough force that Cas let out a startled yelp.
"What was that for?" Cas frowned, adjusting his position so he could support his own weight and rubbing his head, quite obviously upset this time.
"Why were you leaning on me?" Dean threw the problem back in Cas' lap, knowing full well he was being a total dick.
"I'm sorry..." Cas replied, looking somehow sad, confused and embarrassed all at the same time. "I thought... I mean you... I guess I'm just very tired."
"Well yeah, but guys don't cuddle no matter how "tired" they are, got it?" he needed to tell himself this before letting Cas get the wrong idea next time.
Shaking his head, eyes narrowed like he was trying to understand why he'd gotten in so much trouble, Cas studied Dean's face before turning away. "Maybe I should just leave."
"What?" Dean quickly jumped in, this was not going as he planned at all. But then, when did anything ever work out right? "You don't have to leave. Why don't you stay here and rest and I'll get you some food." Dean paused, wishing he could tell Cas what was really happening with him and Sam. "Don't leave this room, got it?"
"Dean." Cas sounded irritated.
Dean held up his finger. "Don't argue with me, just stay here. Please."
"Fine." Cas relented. "Anything for you."
Without another word, Dean left, closing the door behind him. Anything for you... That had definitely been sarcasm, right? Dean shook his head, Sam and Cas and all their drama were going to be the end of him.
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