The Adventures of Chibi-Chi!
Ch1…
Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters. This fic just popped into my insane brain because I was suffering from too-much homework syndrome, and had one too many chocolate bars ^-^
~PG for some minor cussing, but it's mostly *beep*-ed away, so you should be quite safe if you wanna keep your brain cuss-free~
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient China, there was a hill…
~Hill appears on screen~
And on that hill was a hut…~Camera zooms in to tiny hut on the already tiny hill~
And in that hut on the hill lived a monk…
~Chichirii appears, complete with kasa, kesa, staff and fishing pole~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^
Chichirii: Daa! I don't see why I have to live on a hill…*grumpily sits down beside a river and begins fishing*
(How did a river get on the tiny hill, you ask? Well, I haven't the faintest idea, but it's there.)
Chichirii: *impatiently* Bite the hook no da! *jiggles pole around a bit* Look no da! A nice, shiny hook for you to munch on no da!
(A cricket chirps in the background. No further activity is seen)
Chichirii: *getting pissed* Daaa! Bite the shiny metal hook already!
(A cloud floats across the sky. A bird tweets)
Chichirii: *going slightly insane* DAAAAAA!!! BITE THE STUPID HOOK SO THAT I CAN GO BACK IN AND HAVE TEA NO DA!!!
(A bee buzzes around Chichirii, who makes the mistake of swiping at it with the pole)
Chichirii: TAKE THAT, EVIL DEMENTED INSECT WHO'S ULTIMATE PLAN IS TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!! *swings pole around madly* DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE NO DA!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Bee: BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! *begins buzzing all around Chichirii*
Chichirii: YEOWCH NO DA!!!! *swats at bee* Get away from me no da!!!!! *starts performing some very strange antics in an attempt to get rid of the bee* DAAAAAAAA!!!!!! GO AWAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!
-Meanwhile-
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient China, there was a forest…
~Forest appears on screen~
And in that forest were two people who were spying on kwaii lil Chichirii (naughty, naughty)…~Camera zooms in. Amiboshi and Suboshi appear~
And those two people were sent by Nakago The Self-Proclaimed General Who Is Really A Pig Farmer…
~Brief glimpse of Nakko in overalls, surrounded by a milling crowd of pigs~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^Amiboshi: *talking to squirrel* No, really? I had no idea that acorns tasted like chicken!
(Suboshi, now thoroughly bored with his twin's conservationist acts, just happens to pick up the binoculars at that precise moment in time. A strange sight meets his eyes)
Suboshi: *staring* What the *beep* is that?
(Chichirii is currently dancing around, desperately flailing his arms all over the place. To Suboshi, however, it looks like some weird new ritual performed only by Chichiriis and such people)
Suboshi: Maybe it's a war dance or something…*continues staring*
(Chichirii begins to swing the fishing pole around, knocking several branches and their occupants out of trees that so-happened to be in the way)
Suboshi: Maybe it's some sort of power-boosting alternative to Nakago-sama's method…*continues staring*
(Chichirii yanks off his shirt and begins waving that around too)
Suboshi: Maybe it's a strip show! *pauses for a moment* Eew! That's disgusting! *stops staring* Let's go, aniki! The Suzaku no Seshi are not safe to be around! *runs off with Amiboshi in tow*
Amibishi: But what about my new friend? *cries* Waaah! Mr. Fuzzy! Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!! *scream fades into distance*
-Meanwhile-
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient China, there was a cave…
~Cave appears on screen~
And in that cave was a hole…~Camera zooms in to cave entrance~
And in that hole in the cave lived a red-haired seshi with a fan
~Tasuki appears, complete with shiny Tessen, fangs and earrings~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^Tasuki: *yawns* I'm sooooooo bored…why doesn't anything *beeping* happen??!!
(Just then, Tamahome the local door-to-door seshi salesman appears)
Tama: Ohayo, Tasuki-san!
Tasuki: I take that back…
Tama: Take what back?
Tasuki: Never mind…whadaya want from me?? And if it has anything to do with my cash…
Tama: Why, Tasuki, I'm appalled! Whatever gives you that idea?
Tasuki: Well, it might have something to do with the fact that you've got giant dollar signs in your eyes.
Tama: Damn…are they that obvious?
Tasuki: Yep…
Tama: Darn…I've gotta get myself a pair of sunglasses or something…*plops down on sofa* So…whatcha been doing this past few days?
Tasuki: Sake, TV, sake, sake, sleeping, hangover, TV, eating, sake, TV, sake, sake, sake, TV, sleeping…did I mention sake?
Tama: Only the last eight times…
Tasuki: Okay then…sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake. That makes twenty.
Tama: Fifteen…you really should try to improve on your counting skills, you know? I've got this really cool book that you could buy…only 100 ryou!
Tasuki: No.
Tama: Come on…it's on a special promotion! If you buy two volumes, you get a limited edition Miaka poster for free!
Tasuki: And why would I want a limited edition Miaka poster?
Tama: Because I know I would! ^-^
Tasuki: -_-;;;
Tama: So, are you buying?
Tasuki: Tama…
Tama: Yeah?
Tasuki: I've got two words for you…
Tama: "Sure thing"?
Tasuki: No…*whips out Tessen* LEKKA SHIENN!!!!!!!!!
(Tama is lying facedown on the floor, blackened and smoking slightly. Tasuki finally gets off the couch)
Tasuki: Well, now that obake-chan's done for, I might as well go visit ol' Chiri for a while…*walks out of door, heading in the direction of a certain tiny hill*
-Meanwhile-
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient China, there was a hill…
~Hill appears on screen~
And on that hill was a hut…~Camera zooms in to tiny hut on the already tiny hill~
And in that hut on the hill lived a monk…
~Chichirii appears, complete with kasa, kesa, staff and fishing pole~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^Chichirii: Forget fishing no da! I'm going inside, where it's SAFE no da! *enters hut and slams door behind him*
(Unfortunately, since this IS a hut, the roof sorta semi-collapses and bits of grass fall into his already messed-up hair)
Chichirii: DAAAAA!!! My hair! My beautiful, blue hair has been destroyed!!! Now I have to wash it, and shampoo it, and gel it AGAIN!!!!
(Anyway, as Chichirii goes to wash, shampoo and gel his hair again, Nuriko arrives)
Nuriko: Chichirii-san! Chichirii-san, are you in? *knocks on fragile wooden door* Chichi-whoops!
(The entire hut collapses like a house of cards, and Chichirii can be seen in a bathtub with a liberal amount of foam on his head. And NO, NOTHING ELSE CAN BE SEEN. The bubbles have very safely ensured that.)
Chichrii: Da? *blink blink* What happened?
Nuriko: *frozen in shock with hand at where the door once was* Er…*hides hand behind back * It wasn't me! It was already broken when I got here!
Chichirii: -_-;;; Nuriko…
Nuriko: Hai?
(Chivhirii suddenly teleports out of the bathtub and re-appears fully-clothed in front of Nuriko. Note: He HAS got his staff)
Chichirii: *begins whacking Nuriko on his purple head* HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO KNOCK SO HARD NO DA????!!!
Nuriko: *cowering* AIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! *tries to run away*
Chichirii: *chasing after Nuriko* MY HUT IS VERY FRAGILE NO DA!!!!! APOLOGIZE NO DA!!!!!!!!!!
Nuriko: *squealing* Gomennasaigomennasaigomennasaiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Nuriko bolts off the hill, leaving a massive trail of dust in his wake)
Chichirii: Che…*shoulders staff* Well, I'm sure not going to try and follow no da…*turns back to remnants of hut, which have been scattered by wind* Now let's see…*snaps fingers, and a book appears with the words "TAIITSUKUN'S BIG BOOK OF SPELLS" printed on the cover* Hmm…what to do when you're faced by ten thousand giant wild boars…what to do when Tasuki's drunk…what to do when Miaka's hungry…aha! Here it is! What to do when Nuriko destroys your house by knocking too hard on the door!
(Chichirii studies the contents for a while, then rolls up his sleeves)
Chichirii: Okie dokie no da…*dramatically* Chichirii the greatest magician in the world, commands that a new house appear right before his eyes no da!
(A frog croaks. Mr. Fuzzy squeaks. But no house appears)
Chichirii: Daaaaaa…what went wrong?? *turns back to book* Oh, I see! *tries again* Chichirii, the greatest magician in the world, next to Taiitsukun, commands that a new house appear right before his eyes no da!
(There is a flash of red light, and a huge, four-story mansion appears in a puff of smoke)
Chichirii: Iie! That's not my house no da!
Book: Well, you didn't ask for your house, did you? You asked for a new house.
Chichirii: -_-;; Fine no da… Chichirii, the greatest magician in the world, next to Taiitsukun, commands that his old house appear right before his eyes no da!
(Chichirii's hut appears with a "POOF". On top of the four-story mansion that he previously conjured, that is)
Chichirii: Ack! *facefaults* Chichirii, the greatest magician in the world, next to Taiitsukun, commands that the unwanted mansion disappear at once no da!
(The mansion vanishes and the hut is sent crashing to the ground in a shower of splinters)
Chichirii: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!! *turns red* Chibichi, the greatest Taiitsukun in the world, commands that his old magician appears in the isles no da!!!!!!!!!!
(POOF)
-Meanwhile-
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient China, there was an island…
~Island appears on screen~
And on that island was a jungle…~Camera zooms in to patch of green on the otherwise brown island (And, lo and behold-that is exactly the island where Mitsukake had gone for some well-deserved relaxation)~
And next to that jungle on the island appeared a magician…
~Tomo appears in a puff of smoke, complete with feathers and trademark face paint~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^Tomo: *blinks* Huh? What the heck am I doing here?? *looks around* Well, since there's a sea nearby, I might as well go fish for some clams since that flea-bitten excuse for a Seiryuu seshi ate my Shin…
(Mitsukake walks out of the jungle wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts and huge green sunglasses)
Mits: Hey! What's that over there? Some sort of bird?? *removes specs* Oh no…wait…that's just Tomo…I wonder if I should tell him about the giant sea serpent that lives in the Ridiculously Shallow Water Near the Shore? *thinks* Nah…*disappears into undergrowth*
Tomo: *singing in high-pitched screechy voice* Oooooh my Shiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn, I love you soooooooooooooooooo…hey! I got a bite!
(Giant sea serpent rises out of the Ridiculously Shallow Water Near the Shore, grinning freakishly at Tomo)
Sea serpent: Hi! My name is George, and I'm going to eat you now!
Tomo: Eep!
(And so, let's just say that Tomo had a close-up view of the serpents internal digestive tract)
-Meanwhile-
Far, far away, in an isolated province of ancient China, there was a hill…
~Hill appears on screen~
And on that hill was a hut…~Camera zooms in to tiny hut on the already tiny hill~
And in that hut on the hill lived a monk…
~Chichirii appears, complete with kasa, kesa, staff and fishing pole~
Get the picture? Good! ^-^Chichirii: Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs around frantically* WhattodowhattodowhattoDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Tasuki appears)
Tasuki: Hey Chi-woah! What happened to YOU??
(Chichirii, in SD form, is tomato-faced, sweaty, and not at all happy)
Chichirii: I got the spell all mixed up and now I'm stuck like this! *sobs* Stupid book…
Book: Hey!
Tasuki: But that's okay…I mean, you're SD about 90% of the time anyway.
Chichirii: But I can't live this way no da! How am I supposed to survive at a height of two feet na no da?? I won't even be able to scrub behind my ears any more…da…..
Tasuki: Aw…cheer up, Chiri…I'm sure we'll be able to find a cure…
Chichirii: Really no da?
Tasuki: Sure!
Chichirii: *sniffle* Well, I guess it could be worse…I mean-at least I got my house back no da! *gestures towards old hut* Besides, I might have been transformed into Taiitsukun…*shudder* the horror…
Book: Actually, you couldn't have been transformed into Taiitsukun even if you wanted to; she has imposed a copyright law on herself to prevent anyone from illegally morphing into her.
Tasuki: Why would anybody wanna do that??
(A bright flash of light appears out of nowhere and zaps Tasuki)
Tasuki: X_X
Chichirii: She sure has good hearing no da…
Tasuki: No kidding…*leaps to feet and shouts into distance* STUPID OLD HAG!!!!!!!! C'mon, Chiri, let's get the *beep* outta here!
Chichirii: Tasuki no da…
Tasuki: What??
Chichirii: You have to give me a piggyback no da.
Tasuki: WHAT??!!!!!! WHY???
Chichirii: *sighs* Because, Tasuki-san, in this form, my legs are even shorter that Chiriko's no da, and it would take me a lot of effort to keep up with you na no da.
Tasuki: Good point. Alright fine…hop on before I *beeping* change my mind. *grumbles* *Beeping* came all the way here just to give a *beeping* pony ride to a *beeping* monk…
Chichirii: Yay! *hops on* Arigatou no da!!! ^-^
Tasuki: Yeah whatever…
(And so, our heroes ride off into the sunset. Or at least, one of them does…and they make their way off the tiny hill, humming to the tune of Jingle Bells, which I do not own)
The (temporary) End
A/N: The storyline seems familiar…if you've written a story about a certain blue-haired monk getting stuck in SD form n want me to change this um…story, pls tell me!!! My memory is really, horribly, terribly awful, so I may have taken your idea without even realizing it!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! The horror!!!!!!!!!!!! The horror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ideas, comments, suggestions? Juz click the lil blue button below ^-^