The Loss of a Mother
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
Characters: Barry
Plot: This is in reaction to the episode: "The Runaway Dinosaur."
Setting: This is set during "The Runaway Dinosaur".
A/N: This work was inspired by this quotes "How can someone ever be at peace with letting his mother die... Deciding that his life was more valuable than hers?" and the fact that this quote brought about memories of losing my own Mother.
What is it about losing a Mother? What is it like to move on after losing one? Does the emotional pain ever stop? These were the questions that had haunted Barry Allen since he was eleven years old and now by standing at his Mother's grave they were brought to the forefront of his mind. Despite everything that his life that he had, Barry missed his Mother more than anything. She was the one who listened to him; who picked him up when he was down and who supported him no matter what. That was what parents did Barry thought.
When Barry lost his Mother, it had torn him to shreds. It had made him wonder what the future would be like. It was scary trying to put the broken pieces back together – only to discover that he would never fully be able to. Because losing a parent, he came to discover meant losing a part of oneself you can never get back – even if you try to by time travel, which in turn means you essentially decide who lives. Playing God with his Mother that one time, was enough to make him feel like he'd never be whole again. It was enough to make him blame himself for what that moment had cost him, friends and a Mother all over again.
Next came the questions of how to move on and does the pain ever stop? One can move on with rest of their lives and put up a mask, Barry thought, but one does not simply move. The grief becomes a part of you and can sneak up on you. For instance, the memories you have, the ones you wish you'd be able to have in the future but never will. The missed conversations. The missed way a Mother just effortlessly knows her child. The pain of all of this, combined with guilt of playing God does not just go away. The reason is because it becomes a part of you and you feel the loss every day.
However, Barry thought just because you lose someone does not mean that the loss will consume you. Finally, after all this thought Barry realized that was what the Speed Force wanted him to understand. It wanted him to learn to let go and be happy with what he had. Because that is what his Mother would have wanted for him: To learn to accept her death , that it made him who he was and to go on living the best life he could.