Soul Matters
It was a regular day, at least for them, when it happened. Ciel Phantomhive and his demon butler had just resolved yet another grungy affair and Sebastian was ready to take his Bocchan back to the manor when Ciel looked up at him and said:
"You can have it now." Sebastian frowned
"What can I have, Bocchan?"
"My soul. Take it."
The demon's eyes widened, he, whom was so composed at all times could not hide his shock. Ciel looked like he had made up his mind but Sebastian couldn't move, he stared at the Earl.
"I want you to take it now"
"Bocchan it's... No it's not the right time"
But this time, Ciel got mad.
"Enough with this "not the right time" thing Sebastian! I believe we made a contract, you would help me and then take my soul, here it is, now take it!"
"Bocchan, you should stop making haste decisions, you'll regret it" Ciel slapped his face violently, he looked at the Earl in shock.
"Like hell I'll regret it!" The earl was angrily crying , Sebastian had never seen him like this, he couldn't help staring.
"I want you to take it now! This is an or-" But Sebastian didn't let him finish, he muffled the Earl's mouth with his hand.
"No Bocchan, I will not." Ciel gripped his collar and shook him while looking at him through tear-filled eyes.
"Kill me!" The Earl cried out.
That's the moment when he realized. Ciel wanted to die. Not only he wanted to die but he desperately wanted to die.
He wanted the demon to take his soul and be done with it.
At this moment Sebastian truly realized he could never do it.
To be truthful he kind of did before, he thought about it sometimes but would never fully admit it to was delicious he had been waiting for his soul for years, he was looking forward to it until the day where he suddenly didn't.
Of course it would be the best dinner, a king's dinner but that didn't mean he would... eat it. Why? Because the demon had never been aware that there was a fail in his plan.
Something that normally smelled to him like tart did to humans... Love. He wasn't aware if it was normal for demons to love but the fact was that he did.
Sebastian should have been like poison to Ciel, devouring his heart, taking it little by little, like venomous blood but instead of that Ciel poisoned his, his demon heart was utterly Ciel's now there was only one place for him and one alone, he loved his Bocchan so much it actually hurt and it really did seeing him in this state of desperation, his whole body shaking, his breath labored, despair in his eyes.
His Bocchan wanted to die.
He felt like he gravely misjudged Ciel's mindset all these years and felt very repentant about it.
He had thought Ciel was aware that he would die first, thought maybe he would try to find his way out of it, not that he would have had a chance if Sebastian was still the demon he used to be before they met.
He thought he started to change when they met without realizing, little by little, he thought it was normal but it was not. Sebastian never did so much for his prey, he had never looked proudly at them, never had affection for any, never wanted to do everything for them, never bothered planting their favorite flowers for them.
He had never cared for people before, never had any feelings in him for people such as love, affection and even the annoyed kind of affection he had for their servitors.
Sebastian was someone completely new, like Ciel made him a different person, after baptizing him with a new name.
Sebastian would never kill Ciel and Ciel wanted to die. Sebastian felt guilty now, seeing all he never saw before, the teenager had endured really hardships, horrible, horrible things made his life dark.
He was depressed and now in hysterics, his hands were still gripping Sebastian's collar with almost no strength yet stubbornly. He was sobbing uncontrollably, his face a complete mess.
''T- take, take... it now..! You.. have to... take it-... it" He was now having trouble speaking because of his asthma.
For a moment, Sebastian felt very powerless, he didn't know what to do for him.
The boy he loved with everything was lost in the dark and desperate and he had no idea how to help. Only to hold him tight, he always enjoyed holding his Bocchan.
When Ciel needed saving, it was the first thing he did, necessary or not. Like a guilty pleasure he knew Ciel enjoyed it too. Even so, he sometimes got red and pretended to hate it.
So he did it, the demon wrapped his arms around his human and held him tight but very delicately at the same time, making sure that Ciel could breathe because the Earl was still having trouble with it. However he had no idea how to help with that, he hoped calming Ciel would relieve him of his asthma which was often triggered by stress and fear.
He felt Ciel thrash around, his hands struggling to fight him uselessly, Sebastian caressed his shoulders gently to help him calm down.
"Bocchan please calm yourself, it is alright now, please breathe calmly."
He heard Ciel proffer an insult at him but ignored it and continued massaging him, he knew the human's pressure points and used it shamelessly, and he could feel his bocchan relaxing.
When the Earl was totally motionless he dared to detach himself a bit to look at his face. Ciel's mismatched eyes looked at him like he was already dead inside and it killed Sebastian inside.
"Bocchan..." His hand gently wiped the tears off his face.
What could he do to help Ciel? He thought he should clarify something first.
"I'll never take your soul Bocchan, nor do I want you to die. In fact I want to see you live a happy life." Ciel's eyes were telling him to stop lying. Sebastian sighed.
"I would never lie to you. I want you to be happy"
"How could I be?" It was so low, maybe a human wouldn't have heard but Sebastian did.
"I know you have lived through many difficulties but you can look into the future and decide on doing something that will make you happy. You only looked at revenge and I agree on that but revenge would never makes you happy, you need something else. There's so many things you could do, you only need to find them."
"My future has been written for me demon... I am tired of it all."
"No future is written by other humans Bocchan. It is your life, you're old enough to choose what you want to do for yourself now."
He could see the earl was in thoughts now, he caressed his smooth cheek -with his naked hand- and chastised himself that he never did this before, and he was finally trying to help his love.
Ciel was still lost but he had left despair behind, he would make it his goal to make him snap out of depression and make him happy. Sebastian could see himself be happy beside the Earl.
"Why would you... do that? What are you doing it for?" Asked the earl with a calculating gaze.
Sebastian opened his mouth to talk but closed it, Ciel could see his vulnerability now. He stared at him in shock, why Sebastian was doing this face for?
The demon looked at the earl, staring, he wanted to say "Because I love you Bocchan" but he felt embarrassed by how cliché it sounded for him to say that.
He chose to act on it instead, without thinking the demon settled above him and approached his face, he saw Ciel's expression change as he got closer and closer, his eyes were accepting it but not what he thought it would be.
Sebastian kissed his Bocchan gently, he felt the surprised reaction, the Earl's mouth opening slightly and unable to resist the invitation, his tongue joined the Earl's and he kissed him more profoundly.
Ciel stayed motionless for few seconds before Sebastian felt him struggling against his torso, so he stopped and looked at the Earl's reddened face.
"What... what are you doing why are you…"
"I am kissing you Bocchan, because that's something I want to do, because I love you. If you do not wish for me to kiss you I shall stop immediately." He reassured the Earl feeling himself blush a little at the uncharacteristic declaration of love from a demon.
The Earl was even redder now and it was adorable, the demon knew Ciel always craved his touch he could feel it in the air around him and in his delicate blush.
He kissed the redness lightly, he could feel his blood flowing and his heart beating quickly. He felt a hand tugging at his hair.
He let the little Earl use it to get their eyes at the same level.
Ciel stared at him, trying to read him and Sebastian let him see everything even what he wasn't so proud of. He still didn't know how it happened, it wasn't really conscious of him, but unlike Grell's cinematic records Ciel saw most of Sebastian's life in his eyes, starting with something very dark but never as dark as others, the boyl saw that Sebastian was always something more than other demons, most demons found him lacking but when he met Ciel he started discovering something in him and accepted it day after day, embraced who he really was maybe.
When it stopped the earl was breathing calmly.
"Why?" He asked.
Sebastian blinked in surprise, why what?
"Why me?" The demon understood then. Why him? Why would he love him?
He smiled gently. "Your soul..."
He saw comprehension in Ciel's eyes but knew he was mistaken so he finished.
"Not like that Bocchan. I considered your soul to be a meal at first yes. But I was wrong, your soul is beautiful, it's not just in a way of feeding, it changed me, it communicated with me, I realized I wanted it with me but not like I thought I would, I don't want to feed on it to delectate in it once and be done with it. It would kill me, you would be gone forever and I don't want that. I want you to be happy I want you to enjoy life as much as you can. I want to see you happy and be with you. You make me happy Bocchan. I never thought about happiness for myself, I never longed for it. I was just a demon, alive and feeding myself. But you made me feel happy, you made me feel scared and worried and sad you make me feel and I never want to stop feeling because of you, I love you."
A tear left Ciel's eye and Sebastian kissed it gently.
"Sebastian?"
"Bocchan?"
"Kiss me again?" asked the Earl with a little smile.
Sebastian smiled warmly at him, more kindly that he ever had. "Yes my lord"
And he kissed him delicately but this time Ciel answered his kiss, inexperienced but with passion, the little hand in his hair tugging to get him to kiss him more profoundly.
Sebastian was trying to stay in control, he didn't want to go too fast for his innocent Earl, things the way they were, were not perfect yet. Sebastian knew depression was not to be taken lightly Ciel would need some time but they had it in their hands.
Ciel finally cracked and it was a good thing, it needed to happen for him to talk about the problem and resolve it. Now it was going to get better he was sure of it. Sebastian caressed his lover's hair gently and left a gentle kiss on his cute little lips.
"We should get you home now Bocchan, it will start raining."
"Sebastian?"
"Yes Bocchan?"
"Are you mine now?" It was asked with such innocence Sebastian could feel himself beginning to melt.
He smiled "Yes I will always be yours Bocchan"
"I will always be yours too then."
Sebastian just melted a second time, his heart was doing weird things to him and he could not resist it.
He kissed his beautiful Earl on the lips and then took him in his arms bridal style, this time the Earl didn't bother pretending he didn't like that.
He carried his lover and they talked on the way home, about how their life would change, what Ciel wanted to do.
When they arrived they passed the domestic in the stairs, Sebastian gave them their orders for the next day and at a point Ciel tugged at Sebastian's hair and kissed him in front of them all.
They all stared and Sebastian stayed still, Ciel smiled shyly at him and he remembered Ciel didn't want secrecy, not with close people like their domestic and his family. Ciel looked at them very composed.
"I don't think you'll be surprised to know that Sebastian and I are together." Most nodded except Bard who was mildly surprised but didn't care, all went their ways and that was it.
Ciel asked for a bath and Sebastian bathed him as always, letting the dirt of the day go away and when it was time to sleep Ciel asked him to stay, to just lay with him in bed for the night and Sebastian took it like the beautiful gift it was.
He saw Ciel fall asleep wrapped in his arms the little hands adorably holding and wrinkling the demon's shirt.
He kissed his brow and slept with him. It was a new life for both of them, it would take some time to get used to it, the Earl would have a difficult time ahead both mentally and also some technical problems dealing with his family and particularly break the engagement as they talked about it on the way home Ciel thinking it would be cruel to let Elizabeth believe he would marry her when he never would.
He should have done that before but thought it wasn't necessary because he thought he would die soon.
Sebastian was happy to see his lover making projects. He had said he wanted to travel, and would find more projects soon, he was sure.
It was going to be alright now, Sebastian would do everything to make his precious Earl happy.
Note: I hope you guys like it? It's my first Sebaciel fic, well actually it's not the first I written but the other one is not finished and longer that's why ^^
Thank you Aida for beta -ing, you really saved me ! *hug*