'Stupid thing! Work damn it!'
Sam pumped the kick starter on her classic 1974 Triumph Trident "Slippery Sam"
bike. It was her pride and joy. It also broke with irritating frequency.
'Maybe I should get a new one? Why won't you work? Damn it!'
Standing in the rain by the side of the road leading up to the Cheyenne Mountain Complex with a poncho over her head, Sam stared at her beloved bike as the rain sizzled off the engine cover like a hot iron.
What's wrong with you!
Sam lashed out at her bike with her foot and spent several minutes hopping round for her trouble
'Maybe I should have bought the Bonneville instead! Useless heap of junk! Why couldn't you make it up the hill? When I get you to base I'm gonna get Siler and we're gonna dismantle you piece by piece 'till I find out what's wrong! Ya' hear me? You're scrap!'
'Tut tut Sam. Talking to inanimate objects is the first sign of madness you know?'
Sam spun round. Daniel had pulled over behind her now sadly deceased bike and was walking towards her.
'And what's the second sign?'
'Hearing them reply of course.'
'Oh. Of course!'
'So what's up?'
'I don't know. It just jerked and then stopped. I don't know what happened. Bike's a pile of junk anyway.'
'Let me guess, you bought it for the name?'
'Yeah. How did you know what it's called?'
'You mean apart from the fact that it's got 'Slippery Sam' stenciled on the side?'
'Oh.'
'That and also, one of my foster mothers was a big fan of classic British motorbikes. She loved the Bonneville. Never had one of these though. I only ever saw pictures.'
'Really? Don't suppose you now how to fix it do you?.'
'What's wrong with it?'
'I have no idea!'
'Oh. Gimme a moment. I'll see what I can do.'
Sam waited as Daniel went over the points and plugs.
'I've already checked that you know?'
'Yeah but I know what's wrong.'
'You do?'
'Yep! You've had a seizure. Happens now and then with these old, air-cooled engines. The pistons have swollen. Let it cool down and run it at about 30 and you should be OK. You'll need to overhaul the engine ASAP. Dunno what caused it to get so hot in the first place though. Get Siler to help you look at it later.'
'Great! I'll see you at base.'
'Sure? I can stay while the engine cools down if you want.'
'Nah. It's OK. You go on.'
'OK.'
Sam arrived at Cheyenne Mountain 30 minutes later. The guards gave her a big grin as she arrived. Daniel must have blabbed that she couldn't fix her own bike. He was sooo gonna pay for that!
'Hi Colonel Carter!'
'Siler! Did Daniel tell you what happened?'
'Yep! Said you wanted some help working out what went wrong.'
'That would be great but right now I need to go have a little word with Daniel.
Siler, recognising the tone in Sam's voice, winced and wondered if he could warn Daniel to get the hell outta Dodge before Sam found him.
'Hi Daniel.'
'Sam! I was about to go looking for you. There's this book I think you should read.'
He held out a copy of 'Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance' by R. M. Pirsig.
'And this will help me how?'
'Just read it!'
'If you insist. Now, I need to talk to you...'
'Uh Sam? Why are you looking at me like that? Sam put that book down! Please Sam? What did I do? Help! Jack? Teal'c? Anybody?'
Later that day Jack walked out into the parking lot to see Sam sitting on the floor in front of her motorbike in the rain. He walked over to her.
'Sam? What are you doing?'
'I'm practicing Zen theology, go away.'
'Why are you sitting in the rain practicing Zen?'
'I'm trying to become one with my bike so that I can better understand it when it goes wrong. Now go away.'
'Sam does this have anything to do with the fact that Danny knew how to fix your bike and you didn't?'
'Maybe. Now either shut up or go away, you're ruining my focus.'
'Are you serious?'
'Deadly. It's quite relaxing actually. Want to try?'
'You're nuts.'
That said, Jack settled down onto the ground and sat with Sam staring at the bike as the rain continued to fall.
Airmen going home later that evening were amused to see both General O'Neill and Colonel Carter sitting in the mud watching a motorbike, completely oblivious to the rain that was soaking their clothes.
THE END