A/N:Important authors note at the bottom. Well enjoy this new comedy my Darlings.
She has lost her mind. Off her rocker. Lost her Marbles.
Literally.
Insane. For lack of better words.
...
...
...
This girl-no, women- has just finished k-
"Really. Forehead?" asked a certain blond with a straight face as she looked at her friend, who at the moment was having a full on panic attack,"So you keyed a car. Big whoop. From the way you sounded through the phone you made it seem like you committed murder and needed help burying the body."
"You don't understand Pig, I just keyed a car! I have never done something like this. That's considered vandalism. What If I get caught!? They'll take me to jail! Omg, Pig I'm not cut out for jail!" Cried a hysterical Pinkett while throwing herself all over her blonde friend. "Who will take care of the children!?"
...
"Sakura..."
Sakura looked up at her friend with big, teary eyes, "Yeah?"
"You don't have any children..."
...
"Oh. Yeah... I don't have children, hehe." Ino looked down at her hysterical friend and shook her off with the grace that only pigs possess, "Get off me baka!"
After a nice cup of hot chocolate and a couple of Pockies later, "Are you calm now?"
The women in question took a deep breath and nodded. "Good, so who's car did you key?" She could lie and say it was one of her ex's but Ino wouldn't believe that... Especially since she knows that Sakura hasn't had a boyfriend in two years. "Um, I don't know who's car it is." she whispered into her hot chocolate. Unfortunately the blonde heard her, "What!?"
"I-I don't know what came over me! I was just so mad, you know. I haven't been able to find a job, the bills are piling up on the counter, I have to pay back my student loan for Med school. Mom insists I move back in with her and Kota. Oh and the other day Kota gave me his piggy-bank." She placed the mug on the edge of the table and placed her head in her hands.
"So, how does this end with you keying someones car Forehead?"
After sighing she continued her story, "I was walking past this high class restaurant, you know the new one that opened across your favorite boutique? Well, all those fancy rich people were eating lobster and expensive food, wearing expensive clothes and I'm just there outside like, 'oh well I have to go eat Ramen now because I hardly have money to buy groceries, damn rich people.' And I Just got annoyed and angry... And then before I knew it I had the key in my hand a-and this nice M-Mercedes was in front of me. I felt relieved after I did it though..." she said, remembering the feeling.
"If you felt relieved then why were you freaking out?"
"BECAUSE I KEYED A CAR! AND NOW I'M GOING TO JAIL! WHAT WILL I DO NOW? WHAT IF YOU KNOW THE PERSON FINDS OUT WHO I AM AN-" The now hysterical Pinkett began to cry... again.
'I'll go make some more hot Chocolate." thought the non-hysterical female in the room while grabbing both mugs and heading toward the kitchen.
DAY 1: Paranoia
"Sakura..."
"Mmhm?"
"Get out from under the table people are starting to stare."
"Right... O-of course"
A moment later a waitress came over scaring a petite pink headed girl and asked if they were ready to order but was interrupted by a certain Pinkett-
"I DIDN'T DO IT! I'M TOO YOUNG FOR JAIL!" yelled a very scared women with both hands in the air, gaining everyone's attention in the little cafe.
...
"I'll have a cup of coffee, and please bring her some hot chocolate."
At the park:
"Ino...?"
Said blonde sighed, "Yes, Sakura?"
"I feel like I'm being watched. My Spider senses are tingling." whispered Sakura.
"It's all in your head Forehead." Ino didn't even spare her friend a look and kept on reading her magazine nonchalantly.
Sakura looked around the park. Something didn't feel right. She narrowed her eyes, it was quiet, too quiet. Despite the fact that dogs were barking, children were playing and laughing and couples were out having a picnic on this lovely day. Yes it was too quiet.
"I-Inoo?" asked Sakura, voice trembling.
"Shhhhhh, drink your hot chocolate Sakura, before it gets cold."
Later that night, at an ungodly hour (3:48 in the morning to be exact)
'Bzzzzzzz'
uhhhg.
'BZZZZZZ'
'BZZZ-
BZZZZZZZZZZZ'
An arm shot out from under the pale blue covers and blindly felt around for the thing causing those 'bzzzing' noises.
Once the momentary blindness of opening her cellphone receded, Ino began scrolling through her inbox.
From: Forehead^.^v
Piggy, I can't sleep. I might go to jail!
From: Forehead^.^v
WHAT WILL I DO ABOUT THE CHILDREN!? THEY CANT SURVIVE WITHOUT ME!
From: Forehead^.^v
Wait, disregard that last message...
From: Forehead^.^v
Omg! I THINK SOMEONE IS INSIDE THE APARTMENT! HELP! CALL 911!
From: Forehead^.^v
DONT CALL 911! THEYLL TAKE ME TO JAIL! I DONT WANT TO GO TO THE SLAMMER! I'M TOO SKINY AND WEAK!
From: Forehead^.^v
False alarm. It was just Koneko-chan.
From: Forehead^.^v
I should start writing my Will Piggy. Who knows how many days I have left now...
From: Forehead^.^v
Omg, what if they want revenge and they go and key my car?! T.T What will I do then?... Pffft, I dont have a car...
Unread messages:53
Unread messages From: Forehead^.^v
Unread messages From: Forehead^.^v
Unread messages From: Forehead^.^v
Unread messages From: Forehead^.^v
''Delete.' 'Are you sure you want to delete all messages?'
'Yes or No'
'Inbox Empty'
...
To: Forehead^.^v
Don't even think about texting me your Will. IF YOU KEEP MESSAGING AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR I WILL BE YOUR PERSONAL GRIM REAPER AND DELIVER SWEET BLISSFUL DEATH. Now go drink some hot chocolate and sleep. Goodnight.
DAY 2: Denial
"How are you holding up today Pinky?" A tired Ino asked as she entered her friend's apartment.
"What do you mean Pig?" enquired said friend.
"You know, after yesterday's 'Paranoia Fiasco'?"
"What are you talking about? I was in my apartment the whole day yesterday." Sakura scoffed and rolled her eyes,"You're losing your memory Piggy." She grabbed her mug of hot chocolate and began to drink.
"Uhuh, Sakura?"
"Yes?"
"Are you drinking hot chocolate?"
"No." Lies.
"Okay, do you own a kitten?"
"No." Lies...
"Really?" And not a moment too soon did little koneko-chan mewl and strut her way into the kitchen.
...
"Is you hair pink?"
"No." Poor Sakura-chan...
"Have you ever keyed a car or been paranoid?"
"Pffft, no. What's with all these questions? Finally thought about joining the force like your dad?"
Ino sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time today, it was only the first honestly, "Sakura? Are you in denial?"
Sakura froze mid-sip and with a peculiar look she asked, "What is this 'De-nile' you speak of?"
And from somewhere in the living room came a soft mewl from little koneko-chan.
Day 3: Over the hill
"You are so right Pig, I dont know why I overreacted."
"This is you we're talking about Sakura. You always overreact."
"I resent that, you know. I dont always overreact."
A knock resounded through the apartment.
"Ughh gotta go Blondie, someones at the door. Yeah okie... Tell Shika and Chouji I said hii!"
as she hung up Sakura crossed the living room to the front door in a span of four seconds. Another round of knocks were heard. "I'm coming!"
"Hello, may I-
"Are you Haruno Sakura?"
"May I ask who you are?"
"I'm the owner of the Mercedes that a 'Haruno Sakura' keyed. I was told she lives here-"
Sakura being the polite girl that she is, slammed the door in the guest's face and gracefully ran around packing random things into a backpack. Grabbed Koneko-chan and made her getaway through the fire escape ladder.
'Nope haha, cant go back there. EVER. AGAIN. Oh dear. I'm going to jail. I need a passport, a new name, dye my hair-
Sakura looked down at little Koneko-chan and as she spoke began to pet her silky, black fur. "Koneko-Chan, we're leaving the Country. Your new name will be Koneko-'Kun' okay?"
"Meow?"
Yeah, okay.
A/N: Hello, lovely readers. I'm back. Yes, I know it's been a year and you're are all thinking 'fuck off' or 'I thought you died T.T' Well im not dead. This past year was actually really life changing for me. I finished my Sophomore, I am now a Junior. Add to the fact that I was grounded for four months, no electronics, just a crappy cellphone. I got arrested, nothing serious don't worry. I was just at the wrong place with the wrong people at the wrong time. But i did do some time... I found myself spiritually and I am changing my lifestyle. I will update my other stories eventually I just have to get the feel for them again. That's all hope you don't hate me and continue to read my stories c: