Teardrops on My Guitar
Richard and I had always been good friends, even though most people couldn't understand why a guy like him would hang out with a girl like me. I wasn't ever anyone's idea of 'popular' or 'fitting in' and I liked that just fine. Richard didn't care either. Of course, those were the kind of words people used to describe him. People would always give me weird looks in the hall and try to skirt Richard around me, but like the bitch I am I always insisted on talking to him. I think it made him laugh.
I was a certifiable Goth, Emo, outcast, loser… whatever you want to call it. I dressed in dark, unique clothes, painted my nails black, put on a ton of black eyeliner, you know the whole nine yards. My hair was black with a tint of purple to it and I wore purple colored contacts just to complete the picture. I usually sat by myself at lunch, ate little, and read a large old book. I claimed telekinesis and sorcery to get people to leave me alone. Because that's all I wanted; to be left alone. There were very few people I would put up with for long.
However, there was one part of me that was like half of the female population at our high school; I was in love with Richard. But I was just a friend to him, and it was made obvious by the fact that he was constantly talking about a girl named Kori. I'd never met this girl and hoped I would never have to. Especially not as Rich's girlfriend. I did know that Kori was rich beyond belief and had just moved here from some place in Europe with her father and older sister.
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
"Rachel," Richard said, sitting down at my lunch table.
"Well this is a pleasant surprise." I said with a touch of sarcasm. "What's up Rich, it's been awhile since we've talked."
"I know, I'm sorry." He replied, frowning over to his friends at the popular table. I didn't even bother asking Rich why he hung out with them this time. He could never give me a straight answer. "Anyway, Rae, I need your advice."
"I'm listening." I said, marking the page in my book with a silver, raven shaped bookmark.
"I think I'm in love with Kori." He told me in a rush. I raised an eyebrow at him. I gave him my best you've-got-to-be-kidding-me look and waited.
"C'mon Rae, don't be like that. I-"
"No Richard I reserve the right to 'be like that'." I retorted, a little harsher than I meant to.
"Are you maybe a little jealous?" He asked, smirking a little bit. Rich always liked to press my buttons because he was the only one who knew how to get away with it.
"Of course not." I answered, now in control of my voice. Richard shook his head.
"Could it be possible that the Ice Queen wants someone to love her too?" You have no idea I thought. But what I said was;
"You watch your step Mr. Popularity, I'm an easy person to cross and you're treading into dangerous waters."
"I like a little danger." He retorted.
"Not from me, you don't." I growled. We sat there staring each other down, and promptly broke out laughing at the same time.
"I'm serious though Rae, I like Kori a lot and I want to be with her. What do I do?"
"You mean the prince himself is asking a loser like me for help? God save us all."
"I'm not kidding Rachel. I need you. You are a girl after all and my best friend."
"How many times have I heard that? Don't bother sweet talking me Rich, I know your game but I'm gonna let you play it anyway. You're only my best friend when you need a favor." A hurt look crossed Richard's face for a brief moment, then it cleared, but not quickly enough for me to not feel bad for saying the things I had.
"I'm sorry," I amended quickly. "I didn't really mean that."
"I know you didn't." Rich replied, smiling to prove his point. I guessed he was used to my jibes and me saying things I didn't really mean. I did it a lot apparently. But I usually tried to contain myself around him. There was no point in making him suffer for things that were out of his hands. It's not like he knew I was in love with him, and he couldn't make himself love me back if he did know.
"Are you going to the game tomorrow night?" He asked me now. I rolled my eyes and let out a small laugh.
"Yeah right, since when do I go to football games?"
"You might have fun. You know, all those muscular guys wearing tights and tackling each other." I smiled.
"I think not. There's only one muscular guy I'd like to see wearing tights. Or better yet, a spandex superhero's sidekick uniform." Richard laughed.
"Really Rae, you have fantasies like the rest of us too? I'm surprised at you. I thought you were too in control for that."
"Well we can't all decide what we dream, Boy Wonder." I retorted, adopting the nickname I frequently used when addressing Rich.
"So who is this particular guy you'd like to see in a spandex sidekick's uniform?" Rich asked, like I knew he would. But I didn't skip a beat in my reply. I was far too careful to falter.
"No one of particular consequence."
"Oh c'mon you can tell me. You know you can trust me with any secrets. I won't tell a soul who you have a crush on."
"Who says I have a crush on him?" No, more like full on, head-over-heels love. "I merely said I would enjoy seeing him in spandex."
I could sense, somewhere in the corner of my mind, that the people nearby were very confused. First of all, there was the fact that Richard was even sitting with me to begin with. Second, if they happened to overhear our conversation, they probably wouldn't believe that the most popular guy in school was sitting here talking to a loser about spandex uniforms. The fact actually amused me.
But then a silence fell and I knew what was coming next.
"God Rae, I just like her so much." Richard intoned quietly. "I don't want to screw this up."
"Of course you don't, I'm sure you've spent nights antagonizing over it. Only it didn't get you anywhere seeing as you've come to me for help." He nodded, and I couldn't help thinking about all the nights I'd lost sleep antagonizing over my situation with Rich. It was pretty pathetic, I'll admit it myself.
Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
And I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about a night
"Yeah, but I don't see you handing out advice on a silver platter yet." He grinned.
"If I was inclined to give you advice it wouldn't be on a silver platter anyway." I told him. "As it is I have no advice to give you, only for you to do what you think is right." Rich sighed. I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear, but I wasn't going to help the love of my life get with someone else.
"Alright, I suppose I'll go now. But maybe I'll see you at the game?" He said it like a question. I rolled my eyes once more.
"Perhaps." I replied. I might go to the game, just to remember our spandex conversation. Because that's really all I had of him; scattered remembered conversations and unfulfilled wishes. Damn, why could he make me act like a star-crossed lover? Oh wait, maybe because this whole thing I had with him was doomed from the beginning. I sighed as I watched Richard retreat to the popular table. Why do I do this to myself?
Cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishin' star
He's the song in the car, I keep singin' don't know why I do
The next day I was in a particularly sour mood. I had spent a sleepless night thinking about Rich. I even found myself drawing him in a sidekick costume. Those drawings would have to be hidden from human eyes forever. This whole love thing was getting to me more now that Boy Wonder had his own agenda. Before he was just unreachable because of his position and our friendship; now he was forbidden because he liked someone else now. I couldn't steal him away from what he wanted, no matter how much I liked him.
"Oh Ricky," female's voice cooed nearby. Sure enough I turned to see my Rich surrounded by a bunch of popular friends. Did I mention how much I hate it that they call him Ricky? The girl continued. "Are you really going to ask Kori out today?"
"That's the plan anyway. I think I can do it don't you Terra?" Rich replied, addressing a blonde-haired blue-eyed girl standing next to him. She was almost worse than the rest of them. But I'll spare you the details and give you the short version of my argument with Terra. Basically she was new last year and pretended to be my friend when she heard rumors that Richard spent a decent amount of time with me. She used me to climb up to his status, and that pissed me off. I have yet to pay her back, but I am still working on it believe you me.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding as Richard and his posse passed. His brilliant eyes flicked up to me as he walked. He gave me a small smile, to which I replied with a face and a stuck-out tongue. Rich snorted and his friends gave him confused looks. Richard just waved their questions aside and that made me feel special despite the circumstances. Well, at least we had one private moment, however childish.
I watched him walk away, admiring the toned back muscles I would never feel, the soft black hair I would never touch. He was definitely a perfect male specimen and I'm sure you'd agree with me too. That is if you're a girl, or perhaps you're not and you still think so anyway. That's cool; I'm not one to judge. But I am one to get off topic, as demonstrated here. I sighed as I thought of Rich asking Kori out. I knew it was coming. What did I expect? The only thing I could make damn sure was that she treated him right. If he complained one time, well that'd be all I needed to pounce on her.
Drew walks by me; can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly the kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause…
"I know what you're thinking." A voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked behind me, but not to see who had spoken. It was Garfield, I knew, one of the few people I enjoyed the company of. Well, to a point. Gar could get on my nerves but it wasn't really his fault, my nerves were pretty easy to access.
"What am I thinking?" I asked him, knowing he knew the answer.
"You're thinking it would be nice to get rid of Kori for awhile, and maybe Trent too for that matter." I smiled a bit.
"Why Trent?" I questioned, looking to the boy with blonde buzz cut hair and a nice smile.
"He's been making moves on Terra." Gar replied. I nodded. Gar was a boundary line person; he wasn't popular but he wasn't a loser either. This was due to the fact that he had an odd relationship with Terra therefore the popular people couldn't completely scorn him. And then again, he was free to talk to people like me without having a hidden agenda. Gar pretty much had the best of both worlds, not to quote Hannah Montana or anything.
"One less popular person wouldn't make much of a difference." I reasoned. "There'd be another clone to fill the space." Gar laughed.
"Does that mean you'll help me get rid of Trent?"
"I suppose, but I can't have a hand in getting rid of Kori."
"Why?" Gar asked, being his usual oblivious self. I sighed.
"It would hurt Rich and even if it's only temporary I can't cause him pain. But I wish there was a way…" I trailed off, thinking hopelessly about what ifs.
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishin' star
He's the song in the car, I keep singin' don't know why I do
That day at lunch Rich came to talk to me again. He had a big smile on his face; I could only imagine what that meant. He sat down next to me and looked at me pointedly until I shut my book. Honestly, he need not. I knew he was coming before I even sat down at the table. But you know I have to keep up appearances. It would be dreadful if I looked like I was expecting him. It would be even worse if he thought so too.
"What's up?" I asked, knowing exactly what he was going to say.
"I asked Kori out."
"And?"
"She said yes." Duh, why else would he be so happy? Furthermore, why would she say no? "We're going to the game together tonight."
And suddenly I felt like a hard, icy hand had taken hold of my heart and started to squeeze. Why had he asked her to the game? He had asked me first! Not like it was a date or anything, but I had actually considered going and now he was blowing me off. But perhaps that was my own fault. Rich had asked me to do countless things like that with him, and up until now I had almost always refused.
"What's wrong Rae, you look upset." Richard noticed with concern.
"Nothing's wrong!" I said, adopting a pleased look. It was so fake, but I didn't want Richard to think I was selfish. "I'm sorry, I'm really happy for you Boy Wonder. I hope you guys have a good time." I stood up to go, dumping my bag lunch in a nearby trashcan.
"Rae wait! You're not coming then?" I threw him a completely bogus smile.
"No I think I'll stay home tonight, I wouldn't want to intervene on your guys' first date. Bye Richard." I hurried out of the cafeteria, only to run head long into Victor Stone, Richard's best guy friend.
Victor had always been accepting of me, and even liked me a little bit if I was reading him correctly. But Vic was just not the person I needed to deal with today.
"Hey Rachel, where are you going in such a hurry?"
"I need to be alone, sorry I can't talk Victor." I said, trying to push past him. Unfortunately Victor was one of those muscular football players Richard had talked about. It wasn't easy getting around him. To make things worse, Vic called after me;
"Did you hear Dick has asked Kori out?" Victor was probably the only person that called Richard Dick, but I knew exactly who he was talking about. I halted in the middle of the hall with Victor staring at me.
"Yes," I replied trying to keep my voice steady. It was easier because I wasn't facing him. "I heard that. Rich just got done telling me actually." And with that I fled from him. I didn't want to have this conversation with him. I didn't want to have to pretend I was happy that Richard probably had a girlfriend now. And I couldn't risk Victor finding out how I felt about Rich because Vic would surely tell him.
I made it through the rest of the day without seeing Richard. I did get a chance to talk to Gar about it all and that made me feel slightly better. As soon as the final bell rang I raced to my car and was one of the first people out of the parking lot. Sometimes I drove Rich home because we lived near each other, but I didn't ask him if he wanted a ride today. I wouldn't have given him one if he had anyway.
I drove around town for hours just driving to occupy my mind. I knew that if I went home and tried to forget everything I would just upset myself. In general, I have pretty good control over my emotions, but when it came to Rich I just couldn't contain myself. I tried to tell myself that I was being stupid. So what if my Boy Wonder had a girlfriend, we could still hang out sometimes… Right? Well that depended on Kori. Would she be ok having a boyfriend who's best friend happened to be a girl and in love with him? That would not be ok with me personally. Feeling as though my driving had become pointless because Rich had found his way into my mind, I gave up. I drove myself home. When I arrived I made as much noise as humanly possible coming inside. My cat, Metrion, used to my quiet manner, scampered out of the way. I kicked my shoes off and went straight to my room. I wasn't tired, but sleep would give me a release. As I had said to Richard the day before, I couldn't decide what I dreamed. I would be able to let go in my sleep, the way I wouldn't let myself now.
I turned to my bedside table, depositing the various jewelry pieces I was wearing onto it. In the process I noticed the picture I had put on the table several years ago. It was during a simpler time. Rich was popular then, sure, but he wasn't pursuing other girls the way he was now. In short, when that picture was taken I had had Richard all to myself. I sighed and slammed the frame to the table, picture-side down.
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight
I slept that night, yes I did. But it wasn't good sleep. Richard kept trying to call for several hours. I was either woken up by the ringing of my house phone or otherwise the vibrating of my cell phone. He started calling around eight and didn't stop until well past midnight. I guess I should be happy that he was worried about me. To add to the phones, I kept waking up in the middle of the night with tears on my face. I had the same dream over and over again. You'd think I'd develop immunity to it, but I couldn't stop the tears that slid out of my eyes every time the dream ended.
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car, I keep singin' don't know why I do
In the dream I was standing on the roof of a huge building. But I wasn't there just because I wanted to be, Richard had told me to meet him there. It was still nice up there; the wind was blowing my hair, which was much longer than my real hair. It looked prettier too. I was wearing a flowing summer dress that was, uncharacteristically, white. I looked beautiful; it was obvious that my dream-self had been making preparations to meet dream-Richard all night. Then Richard entered my view and smiled at me. He came over to my dream-self and wrapped his arms around me. He whispered things that the real me couldn't understand, but the dream-me smiled and pressed his hand to her face.
And just like that, the peaceful, loving scene vanished. Lighting ripped through the sky and rain began to fall accompanied by booming thunder. Dream-Richard smiled at me maliciously, and gave me a shove. I started falling, falling through the air and off the building. Just before he was out of my sight, I saw Richard wrapping his arms around a scantily clad girl with long red hair.
I never saw myself die, but I must have died from a fall like that. Anyway, I always woke up right after dream-Richard started kissing the other girl from my dream. I assumed it was Kori, but dreams like to play tricks on you sometimes. I couldn't let myself hate Kori just because Rich liked her. It wasn't her fault, and I wouldn't be unfair to her.
I kept myself busy over the weekend. I worked a lot, I read, cooked, slept, played with Metrion, drew, cleaned, dreamed, and wrote. Some of those things I always did, but some others I did just to take my mind off things. I knew I was strong enough to get through the weekend without loosing my mind. It would all be ok by Monday. But Richard, the masochist that he is, had to come calling around noon on Sunday. The doorbell rang as I was finishing up lunch. I wasn't paying too much attention; otherwise I would have looked to see who was at the door. As it was, I opened it and looked at Richard in disbelief.
"Boy Wonder," I greeted as casually as possible.
"Rae, what's gotten into you?" He asked bluntly. "I called you like a million times Friday. I wanted to make sure you weren't sick or anything." I hated myself for it, but I couldn't help falling for his concerned friend behavior. I couldn't stop myself from staring too deeply into his blue eyes and getting lost in the sound of his voice.
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
I smiled as convincingly as I could.
"I'm fine Richard, just fine." I told him. "I just had some issues on Friday, I wasn't feeling very good."
"Oh, are you better now?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Peachy."
"That's good. Well, I guess I'll be seeing you then." Rich gave me a one-armed hug and headed back down the driveway. My smile disappeared with him. He would never be mine, but I didn't have to show him how much pain that caused me.
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
AN: I enjoyed writing this little fic; it's giving me practice with incorporating songs. I think I did a pretty good job with it. Also this is the first AU Titans fic I have written, and one of the few unrequited love stories I've come up with. Cause I'm just a hopeless romantic in the way that I want everything to work out between the characters. :) Anyway, disclaimer is below along with a small chart telling you who everyone is since I've used some real/made-up names for the characters in this AU. And as a side note, I don't like Hannah Montana, didn't know if the fic made that clear or not, lol.
Richard... Robin, but that was probably obvious
Rachel... Raven
Kori... Starfire
Terra... Terra
Garfield... Beast Boy
Trent... Speedy, just because I know someone named Trent who reminds me of him
Disclaimer: I don't own the song Teardrops on My Guitar by Taylor Swift or Teen Titans.