A/N: Yo. Been awhile since I published anything Naruto, huh? I wrote this for Ssmonth15 on Tumblr two years ago, and thought I'd upload it here as well. The theme is "Trauma", just in case you're wondering about all the bolded words lol.
Feedback is always appreciated!
Disclaimer: Neji is dead. So yeah, I definitely don't own Naruto.
-x-
Walking through the academy doors is a grave mistake.
Sasuke understands compassion and empathy - he's a child, but he's not inept.
He also understands pity.
Keeping his eyes lowered, he stuffs his hands into his pockets, gritting his teeth. He can feel their stares burning holes into the back of his neck, can almost hear what they're saying to themselves.
"He's all alone now."
"His brother's a traitor... A murderer."
"Do you think he's okay?"
"My mom says he's going to snap... We should stay away from him."
He resents the whispers, the shifting eyes, the way they all keep their distance in fright - the way everyone pities him. Sasuke doesn't want pity. He wants revenge.
He wants his family back.
Isolating himself, he slumps against the wall outside, avoiding the other kids. Recess is proving to be just as difficult to deal with as class time - the problem here, however, is that there is no Iruka-Sensei to keep the whispers at bay.
He had imagined something like this would happen, but avoiding coming to classes more than he already has will only raise more unwanted eyebrows. So he sucked it up and convinced himself that he could do it, he could deal with the stares, with the whispers, with the pity.
Funny how things always have a way of working in theory only.
Because this is proving to be a lot more difficult than he had anticipated.
Resigned to feeling like a loser - like an outcast - like that annoying blond kid, Naruto, Sasuke sighs and glares at his sandalled feet.
A shadow interrupts his train of thought, but he refuses to look up and acknowledge whoever it is. He wants to be left alone - he thought he had conveyed that clearly enough. Apparently not.
"U-um... Sasuke-kun?" A timid, familiar voice calls out. Sasuke immediately associates it to Sakura Haruno, the smartest girl in his grade. She's a quiet, trembly thing, always hiding behind the shadow of her blonde friend.
"I brought you some rice balls and p-pickled tomatoes..." She says when he doesn't respond. "I know you like them... I-I mean, I've heard you do..." she trails off nervously. Sasuke finally lifts his tired, wondering gaze and directs it at her. She's standing in front of him holding a small bento box with trembling hands. Her eyes though, big and bright, are determined.
"Why?"
Sakura blinks before she allows a smile - a hesitant but genuine smile - to grace her features. "Because I want you to smile again."
She quietly leaves the bento box on the ground next to him, her smile still on her face, and walks away to find her friends.
Sasuke stares at the boxed lunch beside him for a few minutes, not sure what to do. There are no reasons for him to mistrust the young girl - on the contrary, Sakura has always been polite to him - to everyone.
When he finally reaches for it, the bell rings.
-x-
"S-Sasuke-kun!"
There it is again, that timid voice calling out his name. Sasuke continues walking as if he hasn't heard a thing.
"W-wait up, Sasuke-kun!" she calls out, and he hears the distinctive patter of feet against the dirt as she runs to catch up to him.
Glancing at her out of the corner of his dark eyes, he finally stops and faces her. "What do you want?"
His tone is cold, but not cutting. She sends him another smile and he wonders why she isn't repelled by his callousness.
"Wanna walk home together?"
He scoffs and looks away. He doesn't have time for this - for anyone. He needs to go home and continue with his training. He can't afford setbacks. "No thanks."
He doesn't see her face fall but rather hears it in her voice. "O-oh... Okay..."
Ignoring the twinge of guilt in his chest, he continues on his way, leaving Sakura, frowning sadly, behind.
-x-
As the years pass, people forget. He becomes old news, and once again, a routine is reinstated. The kids at the academy go back to normal several months after the entire ordeal - the girls go back to flocking him like bees to honey, and the boys to their rivalry with the prodigy. A part of Sasuke almost wishes they'd go back to the whispering and the staring and the avoiding. Almost.
He hasn't returned to the compound - the years have worn at the yellow tape still surrounding the doors, urging villagers to keep their distance, to stay away.
Walking by it every day is torture - but Sasuke, 11 years old now, is nothing if not a masochist. The closed off gate is a grim reminder - memories soaked in hate and blood and pain.
Reaching his apartment, he disregards his belongings and makes his way to his bathroom quietly, washing his hands before splashing cool, refreshing water over his face. He's tired - he's barely slept, alternating between training, the academy, and more training. This self-destructive, obsessive behaviour is just part of the routine now.
It might be the exhaustion then, or perhaps something else - something inherently wrong with his brain, something deep within him that makes him hallucinate, but when he reaches out to touch his haggard reflection in the mirror, the glass under his fingertips feels real enough.
His hand drops away as if burned when his dark eyes suddenly flash a vicious red.
-x-
"It's for you!"
Sasuke stares at the potted plant with his usual blank expression. Sakura is standing at his doorstep, holding the small bush in her hands, her smile bright. Now at 12, she's let her hair grow - it tumbles in soft, pink waves past her shoulder blades. Her eyes haven't lost that sparkle that is so her, it's annoying.
Instead of acknowledging the present in her arms, he questions, "How did you find out where I live?"
She blushes and mumbles something about asking around, and really, Sasuke should've known better.
She's one of them.
One of the fangirls. One of the bunch.
"-and anyway, since your birthday is tomorrow, I wanted to stop by and wish you a happy birthday, Sasuke-kun! I planted and harvested this bush myself-"
He looks down at the potted plant, at the round, ripe-looking tomatoes hanging in bunches from the branches, and feels something stir deep in his chest - something he can't describe - something completely different than anything he's felt for the past 5 years.
He doesn't know what to say.
"Well, go on then, take it!" Sakura says, and Sasuke, not knowing what to do with his hands, complies. "Take good care of it, all right?" she chirps, her blush still on her face as she wipes her hands on her clothes.
She doesn't wait for a sign of gratitude - she walks away with a simple wave and a twinkle in her green eyes.
-x-
The tomatoes are delicious, and it annoys him slightly - if they weren't, he could then perhaps justify disregarding the gift.
Slicing one of the ripest tomatoes later that afternoon, the raven-haired boy sighs as he looks at the small bush, sitting on the kitchen counter innocently.
And there it is again, that something in his chest at the thought of the pink-haired girl and her (begrudgingly, admittedly) thoughtful gift.
Pushing the thought away, he sprinkles salt and a little pepper over the slices and sits down at the table.
Whatever. No time for setbacks.
-x-
When Sasuke opens his eyes, it's to the intense pain of needles protruding from all over his body. He instantly wishes for unconsciousness, the pain escalating with each laboured breath.
He hears crying near him. He thinks he can feel an added weight on his chest, and when he looks down, making sure to avoid upsetting the needle he feels on his neck, he sees a flash of pink.
Is that...?
"S-Sakura?"
She looks up, startled, her eyes red-rimmed and tears flowing freely down her cheeks, and Sasuke wonders what happened. Before he can ask, he's being engulfed in a bear hug, and she's sobbing his name, thanking whatever entity watches over them for bringing him back.
"Sakura... That hurts..." He mumbles, attempting to sit up.
She immediately lets go and fusses over him, helping him get up before she calls for their teammate.
"Naruto! Look, Sasuke's awake! He's okay!"
The look of happiness in Sakura's eyes and Naruto's yelp of relief are two things he would never forget.
-x-
The Chunnin Exams are a step closer to his goal.
Ultimately, he realises, his team won't be enough. Ultimately, he will have to leave them.
"Come on, Naruto, Sasuke-kun!" that familiar voice calls out his name again, and there she is, flashing him a winsome smile as she grabs his hand and Naruto's and pulls them away.
For now, however, they will be enough. For now, they're his only chance at advancing.
"Don't pull me," he says at the girl, annoyed, but doesn't tug his arm away.
-x-
Red.
All he sees is red.
His eyes sting and his neck burns. He sees Sakura, bloody and battered, and something in him snaps.
Anger so deep - anger that is less anger and more pure, unadulterated hate lashes out from his neck, from his mark, and he sees flashes of red.
Flashes of him. Of his brother.
(The pangs in his chest aren't from overworking his body, he'll later realise.)
"Sakura. Who did this to you?"
His voice is unrecognisably smooth and calm - but it's him saying those words. It's him feeling that rage.
The left side of Sakura's face is swollen and Sasuke feels protectiveness bubble up in his throat, enhancing his loathing.
When one of the Sound ninja proudly lays claim to the damage, Sasuke feels murderous intent he's never felt before - not even for his brother.
Hearing the bones in the shinobi's arms crack and snap under him is incredibly satisfying.
He doesn't really register what he's doing, though, doesn't hear what's going on around them, until a trembling pair of arms hugs him from behind, attempting to restrain him with whatever strength she has left. How foolish. He could snap her own arms off if he so desired. He has the power-
"Don't do it!"
Something in her voice reaches him - the sane part of him - and Sasuke's breath catches in his throat inaudibly. He slowly turns to look at her, and his reflection in her terrified eyes makes him realise-
I look just like him.
Slowly, but surely, the dark flame-like marks recede back to his neck, and he feels a strong sense of dread in against his heart.
-x-
Waking up is always a relief - a release.
His eyes flash open, and for a moment, Sasuke had though he had been drowning. Drowning in the blood of his mother, his father and the rest of his fellow fallen clansmen.
And, if his goal is met and he is successful one day, the blood of his own brother.
A sea of red.
Blood and hate.
Because ultimately, the trauma will never go away, and neither will the hurt, or his insatiable desire to start the terrible cycle again.