Czar Marko Ilyich Pedachenko sighed. The incredible task of ruling the
Russian empire was taking its toll upon his soul ("Hey!" he thought. "That
rhymes!"). The citizens of Moskva, Kyïv, Sankt-Peterburg, Sevastopol', and
even his hometown, Novozybkoy, were growing unruly. They felt that his rule
was far too harsh, and now Pedachenko lived in fear of a revolution like
the one that had brought him to power. Now that he thought of it, he hadn't
done much anyway; he'd done nothing but goof off in his short career as a
czar. Did he want to be remembered as the worthless ruler, who everyone
hated until his death? "I'm not ready to go yet!" he cried to the only one
who would listen- the wall.
Suddenly, there was a great crash outside. It sounded like someone had broken down the door! Before Marko Ilyich could move, a large horde of angry Russians gathered around, yelling in protest. "More rights to us! End this evil empire!" they yelled, brandishing sharp implements at the terrified monarch. Pedachenko was forced, at knifepoint, to sign a document giving Russian people the right to vote, elect leaders, and govern themselves. The throng agreed, rather grudgingly, to leave Pedachenko in control of the "nation" (it wasn't an "empire" anymore) for one year while the elections were organized. And with that, the crowd promptly left, now chattering eagerly and with anticipation.
Pedachenko slumped in his chair, dejection written upon his face. One year, he thought glumly. One year to make a name for myself, and then it's over, all over. "No more fooling around from now on," he resolved. "I'm going to do something, something so great that I'll be remembered forever. I know!" he exclaimed. "I know exactly what to do! I'll get the all-time highest score in Tetris!"
Eventually, after much persuading, Pedachenko's advisers managed to derail this idea, and Marko Ilyich decided that he would build a great Spaceship, and Russia would be the first nation to colonize Alpha Centauri. All the greatest scholars of the day told Pedachenko that Earth was the only planet that people could live on. "The Earth is the only heavenly mass suitable for habitation," they would say. Pedachenko, who wasn't all that bright, just stared with a dull look on his face until the scholars walked away, grumbling.
Russia was a very poor and technologically basic nation, so Pedachenko pleaded to friends of the beleaguered land for money and technology, sometimes even threatening war (despite the fact that Russia had no army at the time). Finally, the Spanish King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella agreed to give him three ships. Oh! Wait a minute, wrong story. Forget that last bit. The Aztec ruler Montezuma took pity upon the pathetic country and gave them what they needed to build a spaceship. When he had the necessary resources, the czar attempted to rally the ill-tempered municipalities to build a giant Spaceship, to be built by all the cities, but to be housed in the capital city of Moskva until launch. Remarkably, the ruler was successful, and all Russian cities abandoned their usual activities to work on the Spaceship.
To Be Continued At A Later Date (whenever I decide to stop playing Zelda)
Suddenly, there was a great crash outside. It sounded like someone had broken down the door! Before Marko Ilyich could move, a large horde of angry Russians gathered around, yelling in protest. "More rights to us! End this evil empire!" they yelled, brandishing sharp implements at the terrified monarch. Pedachenko was forced, at knifepoint, to sign a document giving Russian people the right to vote, elect leaders, and govern themselves. The throng agreed, rather grudgingly, to leave Pedachenko in control of the "nation" (it wasn't an "empire" anymore) for one year while the elections were organized. And with that, the crowd promptly left, now chattering eagerly and with anticipation.
Pedachenko slumped in his chair, dejection written upon his face. One year, he thought glumly. One year to make a name for myself, and then it's over, all over. "No more fooling around from now on," he resolved. "I'm going to do something, something so great that I'll be remembered forever. I know!" he exclaimed. "I know exactly what to do! I'll get the all-time highest score in Tetris!"
Eventually, after much persuading, Pedachenko's advisers managed to derail this idea, and Marko Ilyich decided that he would build a great Spaceship, and Russia would be the first nation to colonize Alpha Centauri. All the greatest scholars of the day told Pedachenko that Earth was the only planet that people could live on. "The Earth is the only heavenly mass suitable for habitation," they would say. Pedachenko, who wasn't all that bright, just stared with a dull look on his face until the scholars walked away, grumbling.
Russia was a very poor and technologically basic nation, so Pedachenko pleaded to friends of the beleaguered land for money and technology, sometimes even threatening war (despite the fact that Russia had no army at the time). Finally, the Spanish King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella agreed to give him three ships. Oh! Wait a minute, wrong story. Forget that last bit. The Aztec ruler Montezuma took pity upon the pathetic country and gave them what they needed to build a spaceship. When he had the necessary resources, the czar attempted to rally the ill-tempered municipalities to build a giant Spaceship, to be built by all the cities, but to be housed in the capital city of Moskva until launch. Remarkably, the ruler was successful, and all Russian cities abandoned their usual activities to work on the Spaceship.
To Be Continued At A Later Date (whenever I decide to stop playing Zelda)