Dear Olivia,

Honestly, I had always hoped that it would never come to this. But my freak sister - you remember Lily, I'm sure? Seventeen, loads of red hair, and barricades herself in her room with her pet bird? – well, she has taken me down with her.

If you are sitting, wide-eyed, on the edge of your bed, do please come to your senses. It's true. I am now resting, perched on a sofa in a lavishly decorated room, waiting for my sister and her scruffy boyfriend to get back from whatever they're doing. Planning to kill me, like.

I'm sure you're curious to know how this happened, Olivia, and I am certainly prepared to tell you. Perhaps it would be best for you to fetch a glass of ice water now, so as to be able to revive yourself upon passing out from the absurdity and lunacy of my adventure.

"Petunia, darling, Lily's leaving!" called my mother from the kitchen. I sullenly shuffled into the bright and cheery room. Its décor did nothing to enhance my mood.

"Lily's already packed up and standing at the fireplace, ready for you to go! Your father and I have loaded the car and we're leaving. You'll be staying at Lily's friend's house with her while we're in Nice. Alright?" my mother kindly explained, busying herself with grabbing a few last-minute necessities.

With a kiss on the cheek and a quick farewell, the last mildly sane people in the whole house had left me with my nutter of a sister. Taking a deep breath, I stepped over to where Lily was standing (impatiently, I was pleased to see…it's hard enough to torment her).

"Petty, we really must be going. James is expecting us now, and you haven't even got your Floo Powder ready!" Lily admonished.

How I hated the nickname 'Petty.'

Resisting the urge to pop her in the nose, right here, right now, I obediently pinched some of the horrid green, glittery mess and held it out in front of me. I swear it's poisonous.

"Throw it in, Petty, after me. Just make sure to say the exact address as I do, okay?" Lily instructed. Before I could open my mouth and defiantly stick my tongue out at her (even those of us who are of age get the urge to do this. I promise), she had thrown in some of the ghastly stuff, walked into the flames (I shuddered), and shouted '315 Cerulean Court, Westbridge!'.

I fought the insane nudge my mind gave me to laugh hysterically. Tightly gripping my luggage, I tossed the 'Floo Powder' into the fire (our lovely, normal, fireplace!), and called out the same address.

Ten dizzying, swirling, nauseating seconds later, I landed face first in a plush rug, moaning, "Oomph!"

I heard Lily and her boyfriend laughing good-naturedly.

"Yes, James, that's her, that's Petunia, or Petty, as I like to call her," she said in her melodious voice, greeting him with a warm hug.

"I have to admit, I don't see the family resemblance," James said, laughing, as Lily swatted him on the arm.

"Don't call me Petty!" I snarled. The two looked down, startled. "I hate that name."

"Okay, Petunia," Lily said again, stressing my name. James looked about ready to snort again. Instead, he walked up to me and held out his hand. How polite. How quaint.

But as much as I hate my sister and her type of people, I had to admit that he was exceedingly good-looking. Tall, messy hair, adorable eyes…so good-looking, in fact, that I blurted, "You're gay!"

"What?!" he said, utterly taken-aback. I looked back up at him, my eyes blazing. I was glaring at him as hard as I could. "Do you want proof, or something?" he stuttered.

I hadn't meant to say that at all. It was supposed to stay in its respective spot in the back of my head, in the vault where the little people scurry in and out of, keeping unbidden thoughts such as that locked away.

But the truth of the matter was, I had said it. And now I had to continue on with it, for fear of making myself a complete idiot.

"Yes, proof," I said brilliantly.

Shrugging, he glanced at my sister. Smirking, she walked up to him and smack! they were snogging. No self-respecting gay man would ever snog a girl like that.

Suddenly, more of those unbidden thoughts invaded my present mind. You know you wish you were the one snogging him.

"No!" I screamed, thinking that I could not possibly resist directions by my own voice. My sister and the boy broke apart, looking down at me once again.

"Is that not enough proof for you, Petty, darling?" Lily asked sweetly, "Because we'd be happy to show you again."

"Enough," I agreed shakily.

And so, Olivia, I was transported to my sister's boyfriend's house. (How could my parents' have agreed?) I was greeted as the laughingstock of the day, and thrown upon the floor while Lily and the boy started – eurgh – snogging. Right in front of me!

The home, although luxurious, was not large in size, and I was soon led to a neat and tidy little guest room. Dare I say it was comfortable? For although I was not in my preferred company, the lodgings were suitable enough.

I must confide in you, Olivia. You know that I do not approve of my younger sister or the crowd that goes to her boarding school. But the boy was, yes, kill me now, very attractive. Honest. He was even taller than your Kevin, I'd bet, with the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen. But don't take me the wrong way. I would never consider such a boy. He is a freak – as my sister is – and therefore remains unsuitable and untouchable.

We dined on fine china and ate delicious meals every day – breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The boy's family had strange little servants (foreigners, no doubt, drat them) who spoke in the third person and referred to themselves most humbly. I should want them for myself (they demand no pay, what luck!) but they are shriveled and hideous.

About the fifth day after our arrival, the boy, who was an avid athlete, along with my sister, set off to play an odd sport which I dare not describe to you. But, imagine, when they dragged me, kicking and screaming, to join them!

"Morning, James," said Lily as she entered the kitchen, yawning, her hair mussed from sleep. "Morning Petunia."

I grunted in reply. She didn't deserve to so much as have me nod at her. No sir-ee.

But my thoughts were interrupted when James spun around from talking with a house-elf and hugged her in greeting.

"Morning, Lily," he said softly.

Why did they have to be such a perfect couple? My life sucks. The cutest guy I've ever dated in my life weighed no less than 250 pounds. Not including the mop of greasy hair that hung over his face. I can't help it – the poor, ugly, creepy ones are just inexplicably attracted to my thin features. So shoot me.

Damn them! They were sitting all cute and close-together like on a sofa in the breakfast room, sipping coffee, with my dear sister giggling at the boy's words. How I would kill to know what they were talking about…

And then they both rose and strode toward me, where I sat, hunched, at the wooden table, hiding my face deep within a very, very strange, moving newspaper.

"Petunia, we're going to be playing Quiddi-" but he stopped when Lily nudged him. "I mean, we're going to be playing a sport out back," he said stiffly.

Lily nudged him in the side again. "Oh, yeah," he added, glancing at Lily, "You're, er, coming with us." My sister squeezed his hand and he smiled.

Smirking, I taunted, "She's got you whipped, hasn't she? All this nudging nonsense."

I suddenly wished I hadn't said a thing. Lily was glaring daggers at me. It was the perfect time to coin the old cliché 'If looks could kill.'

"Yeah, sure," James said, bemused, "Lily's got me whipped. Yup."

And with that, they frog-marched me outside into the backyard. It was charming enough. Birds twittered in the ancient, towering trees, and flowers bloomed in carefully tended gardens. But, oh no, the two freaks didn't stop me there. They led me to a grubby little shack shrouded by a clump of trees. Then they pulled out three, ordinary brooms. Or not so ordinary…they each had silvery, shimmering lettering down the side.

"You can put the third one back," I said hotly, "Because there is no way in bloody hell I am sweeping out this hut with you."

The nerve of them! They doubled over, clutching their brooms for fear falling, both shaking with hysterical laughter.

"Sweep?" spluttered Lily, "We're playing Quiddi – "

But it was James' turn to clap a hand over her mouth.

"Right. We're playing a sport. And we can't tell you the name of it because you might go tell the Muggle authorities and get shipped to an institution or whatnot," finished Lily. But her tone was not entirely sincere.

"Well, I don't want to play," I spat, crossing my arms so to show them that I meant business.

"Fine," said Lily, shrugging. James looked aghast. "We'll do this instead,"

And she yanked on his tie, bringing him down for a good snog. Her eyes flickered towards me, taunting me, inspiring my wild jealousy…

Where did that unbidden thought come from? I really need to crack down on those little people who man the 'Forbidden Thoughts' vault in the back of my head…

They had stopped snogging. Lily pointed her wand at me, and I felt as if I were being levitated – which I probably was, I realized with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It really is truly amazing that one can experience a so-called 'sinking-feeling' while floating unnaturally in the air…

I really need to crack down on the little people who man the 'Completely Absurd Rants' vault in the back of my head, too.

Lily and her boyfriend were hovering around on their brooms, still laughing. I swear, you'd think that they were constantly on laughing gas with the way they react to seeing me. But does laughing gas encourage covert looks? Ah, probably not.

"It's a good thing we spent a few weeks last summer teaching me how to fly," Lily said, still laughing (give it a rest, will you!). "Otherwise, I wouldn't even be up here, about to play Quidditch!"

James eyes grew wide – as did Lily's – as they realized what she had just said.

Ha. They were in trouble now.

This event – the whole got-themselves-in-trouble thing – would have been entirely more satisfactory had they actually felt guilty about it. But, instead, they played that absurd 'Quiche' game, leaving me here to float like a freak, while they continued to – you guessed it – laugh. How I hated the sound of happiness.

Did I just say that? Correction. I hate the sound of happiness from freaks while I am stranded in the air unhappy. There.

Olivia, you never would have guessed this juicy gossip. You were there, remember, at dinner, when Lily suggested that our parents take a 'well deserved vacation'? And how they immediately agreed to her ready-made plan of going to 'a dear friend's house'? I have some dirt you will be eager to hear.

You know as well as I that mum and dad were wary of allowing Lily – a young and impressionable girl of seventeen – to stay for a few weeks at a boy's house. And how they were assured – repeatedly – that they were just friends and that she wouldn't have invited me if that weren't the case?

She lied. Perfect Lily lied. She and this boy are giggling and snogging constantly. They hug and that wishy-washy nonsense non-stop. And, as my duty as older-better-wiser sister, I, for lack of a better phrase, 'tattled.' And wait until you hear how shocked Lily was when Mum and Dad walked in on her and Mr.-Handsome-Charming-Boyfriend frolicking around like crazed college students. They're seventeen, for God's sake, Olivia, and secretly dating! They're not even of age in the un-freak world.

Yawning, my dear sister and her oh-so-gorgeous boyfriend (little people, big vault, back of head, remember) shuffled back into the house. I was still up on that God forsaken broom.

"Lily Evans! You will get me down here this instant!" I shrieked. James spun around, his eyes lit with amusement. The candlelight from inside the house flickered the shadows stretched across the lawn. Lily slowly turned toward me, flicking her insane wooden stick at me. I fell in a heap to the ground. Springing up, energized by fury at my inhumane humiliation, I chased after them, screaming maniacally.

They took off running, giggling as they did so. Yes, they were still laughing. Freaks. I sped up, raged at the thought of Lily making a complete fool of me using her freak skills.

"Merlin, Lily, speed must run in your family!" panted James as they flew about the house.

"James," she said, breathing between each word, "Why – are – we – still – running – if – we're – both – of - age?"

"Er…" But he was at a loss. Thinking quickly, he answered, "It's fun! See?"

And then he started chasing Lily around, completely forgetting about me. Outraged and abused (mentally, obviously, I mean, who else thinks about little men, big vaults, and gorgeous freaks?) I collapsed on the floor and watched the – although grudgingly do I admit it – entertaining and adorable scene that unfolded before me. It was a scene from the perfect romance movie. James was chasing after Lily. He caught her, and she giggled, they lingered, they snogged, blah, blah, everyone knows the story.

What killed me though, was that it was positively cute.

It was time to call Mummy.

I cleared my throat. The two looked up from their, oh, I don't know…and stared. Lily was still hanging from James' arms. Jealously nearly overwhelmed me. I swallowed, as if that would force it down along with lunch.

"Excuse me, do you have a telephone?" I inquired, utilizing my best 'polite' voice. James and Lily both raised their eyebrows skeptically.

"I have an owl, yes," said James airily.

"Must I dial long-distance?" I asked.

"Um, as long as he doesn't claw you, sure," said James, his tone as if talking to a toddler.

"How would a telephone claw me?" I said, confused and clueless.

"Merlin, Petty, write your letter and then tie it to the leg of the bird sitting on the perch in the foyer. Quill and parchment are in the kitchen," Lily intervened before I could get the full brunt of James' supposedly harmless teasing.

"But where are pen and paper?" I requested.

"Quill and parchment are in the kitchen," Lily repeated, scowling. I scurried away.

Thank goodness they didn't laugh. I would have committed suicide on the spot.

Twenty minutes later, I returned to the living room, where Lily and James were now resting on the sofa, Lily leaning up against the boy, his arms around her, holding a book for them both. They were reading it aloud. It was the most romantic scene I have ever seen in my life. Sighing wistfully, I went to bed.

And as I pulled the bedcovers tight around me, the satisfaction of revenge suddenly disappeared. Mum and Dad were coming – per my request – to put a stop to the sweetest thing I had ever witnessed. And it meant sacrificing my sister's – as well as my – happiness. Our happiness for my fleeting satisfaction.

The letter-carrying bird returned to me the next morning. In fact, it was after I awoke, the sun shining through the paned window, reflecting off the ornate mirror that hung off the wall.

Feeling entirely foolish, I rose from my comfortable bedding and let the flapping bird in. The owl – it was an owl, I saw – dropped the letter on the desk and soared through the open door. Reluctantly I unfolded the letter to read the response.

Dear Petunia,
We will be at 315 Cerulean Court, Westbridge, as you stated, today at noon. We are very regretful that we allowed such nonsense to occur under these apparently truthful circumstances. We profusely apologize, and per your request, we will forbid Lily's interaction with this boy. As you said, she is a young and impressionable girl, fresh graduated from school, and has no business being in a secret relationship.
See you in a few hours, sweety.
Mum

I felt awful. Absolutely terrible. And there was nothing I could do to stop Mum and Dad from coming. They wouldn't believe me if I sent another letter. I had to tell Lily…

Fearfully, I glanced at my watch. 11:45. Suddenly panicked, I flew down the staircase and into the kitchen. I collided with a large, furry, dark figure.

It growled and leapt off of me, scurrying away. I sat up and rubbed my eyes for a better view. The furry thing was now sitting peacefully on the countertop while Lily and James crooned over it.

"You know, Sirius, you should stay as a dog. It greatly improves your personality," Lily said, laughing. (Shocking, I know).

"Yeah, mate, she's right. I think I much prefer you this way," said James.

Without warning, the dog morphed into a man. I couldn't help it; I jumped up from the floor and shrieked.

"Who's the freak?" the dog-to-boy whispered to my sister.

"You're the freaks!" I spat. Mummy and Daddy could come if they wanted.

"Erm, well, that's Lily's older sister," said James solemnly. "She's staying with Lily and me for a bit. She's a bit of a spaz, honestly."

The doorbell rang. I knew who it was.

Sirius leapt up. "Erm, we'll get it," said James, pulling Lily along after him. He looped his arm around her shoulders and they pulled open the door.

Lily leapt away from James as though he were engulfed in flames.

"Mum. Dad," she spluttered.

"You lied to us," said her father, his tone sad and filled with utter disappointment in his most precocious and bright child.

"I'm here. With a friend. Me and Petunia are safe," Lily said in an innocent voice.

"We got a letter from Petunia, dear," said her mother quietly. "Is this the boy?"

"What? This is James, mother, the friend I'm staying with, the one that taught me to play the flying sport last summer while you were in Madrid?" Lily said, her voice with a frantic edge. I forced myself to be pleased, but remained silent.

"Petunia!" she said hoarsely, her voice raspy from fury, "What did you do?"

I motioned for them to ignore me. But my father slung his arm around me and said, "Don't worry, honey. Tell us what happened. We won't let any of these people," he stressed, eyeing Lily, James, and the Sirius boy, "hurt you with their…abilities. Promise. Now tell."

I gulped and gave Lily and James the most apologetic look I could muster. They were shaking in either sadness or fury. James had his arm 'round Lily's shoulders again.

"Erm, well, they were rather nice to me, to be completely honest," I started, trying to ease the anvil currently squashing my conscience. "It's just – Lily told you they were just friends, but they've been dating since last summer, when you let her stay over to learn that absurd sport." My voice strengthened with confidence; the weight was gone. I was telling nothing but the straight truth. "They haven't done anything; they're really sweet together. I just thought you should now, Mum, and Dad," I finished, looking down at my feet.

My father tightened his lips. My mother flashed her eyes.

"Lily. We'd forbidden you from seriously dating any one from your school. You know that – although we appreciate and marvel your talents, and supported you through school – we made you promise to come back home after graduation and marry a nice, normal fellow to settle down with. This is direct violation of your word, honey," my mother said fiercely.

No one standing in the pretty little foyer seemed to notice the raging battle taking place in my mind right then. It was my hatred and fear of the unnatural freaks versus my love for my sister and understanding of their darling relationship.

And then I did something I had never done in my life: relented. I relaxed and allowed my thoughts to pour throughout my mind. And I pictured myself as Lily. I would have a really sweet, caring guy standing next to me and a spiteful, tattling sister behind me. My once supportive parents would be shaming me into leaving a long-standing relationship and come home. For good.

And strangest of all, my family love prevailed. It was extremely odd; a feeling suddenly gripped my body and invaded my mind. I must defend my sister.

"No! Mum! Dad!" I suddenly bellowed. My thin frame was shaking from the new rush of adrenaline that I had never experienced before. "How can you do this?"

The sad thing was, I had really thought that this attempt would have worked. Looking back, I see how terribly feeble it was.

"Be quiet, Petunia!" my father ordered tersely. I backed up into the Sirius boy.

"Sorry," I mumbled. With a derisive look, he sidestepped me and stood fast by James.

"Lily, come with us. Now!" he ordered mercilessly.

At that moment, an immense and new rush a pride filled my heart as my younger sister defiantly shook her head and put her arms around James. He had a small smile on his face and tightened his grip on her.

"We can no longer support your freakish abilities, Lily!" my mother said shrilly. I gasped. I thought it was only I who christened Lily's type as freaks.

"Then I'm taking your support and chucking it out a window, Mum," said Lily in a dangerous voice.

"Fine!" she said, her voice rising with anger, "But you will still come home and marry a nice, normal man!"

"No!" Lily hissed.

"Then who will you ever settle down with? It's not like you freaks have careers and can support yourself!" my mother continued, her face purpling, her eyes narrowed. I was truly frightened. I had never seen this amount of tension and intolerance in one room before.

It seemed that at that remark, Lily, James, and Sirius snapped. They all started shouting things at once, about suitable careers, outrageous prejudices, and finances.

"Mum!" screamed Lily, "How can you say that when you know I've already signed up to do undercover work at the Ministry? What did you think that was, a hobby?"

"Mrs. Evans, I'll have you know that between me and James here, we have enough gold to buy your entire neighborhood, pave it over, reconstruct, and build the houses out of diamond!" Sirius said loudly.

"Lily will get married to me, of course!" But it was James' comment that shook them all to the core and silenced the house.

"Erm, James, we haven't talked about that – " said Lily in a small voice.

Turning to her, he replied, "We'll get married. As Sirius said, we've got plenty of gold to support ourselves, buy a new house, whatever. You can pursue your career. And you can leave these people to their unfounded prejudices," he finished, turning to glare at my parents.

"Absolutely not! My daughter will not marry a freak!" my mother sobbed.

Lily was close to tears as well, and said to Mum, "You've never called me a freak before." She closed her eyes and turned into James, refusing to look at any of them.

He bent down and whispered in her ear, "So what do you say, Lily? Marry me?"

"Yes!" she cried, the tears breaking forth. Mum and Dad cowered against the wall uncertain of what to say.

Sirius was beaming at Lily and James. He walked up to James, and said proudly, "Knew it would happen, mate, always new it."

And with that, he promptly and rudely shoved my parents out the door. Lily and James looked frozen, rooted to the spot, unaware of anything.

Sirius turned to me. "You little wench. You could have wrecked this thing they have going. I'll have you know that James has been asking Lily out since he was twelve years old, and she only just said yes last school year. You break that up and I'll break you up," he snarled.

Whimpering, I ran out of the door after my parents, hoping never to return again. But wishes don't always come true - especially when you've left your designer clothes in the guest bedroom.

Don't say I didn't warn you, Olivia. But after my parents burst in on them, they started whining and crying and then – hold your breath – they ran off and got married, after Lily practically disowned herself from the family.

Mum and Dad have been rather sickly since that day; I'm afraid that such bitter disappointment after their daughter ran off with an unemployed scoundrel was rather unbearable. I'm sure you understand, dear?

Ah, yes. So. I am sitting on this rather comfortable sofa, writing you a letter. I am pleased to inform you that Mum and Dad are picking me up; Lily and the boy haven't returned since they ran out of the door. Perhaps they did something outrageous and impulsive and moved to Tahiti. One can only wish.

As planned, I shall see you on July 8th, whereupon we can set off on our journey to Luxumbourg.

Until then, darling,
Petunia