and now my watch begins, a naruto fanfic

For sasusaku month

Prompt: Watching

Warning(s): Character death, mentions of rape.
Also, this is an AU set in the A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones world.

Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honour to the Night's Watch, for this night and all nights to come.

The horse climbed up the hill and Sasuke saw Castle Black emerging from beneath the snowy hill. Sakura's mare blended in with the snow on the ground. She does not belong here, he thought. She belongs in the green grass and spring, not dark clouds and snowy hills.

Blossom was not made for this, she was too pure, too delicate, too…Sakura. His stallion would have been a much better option, he was harder, stronger…but Blossom was Sakura's. Blossom was Sakura in everything she could not be anymore, Blossom was his last link to Sakura.

And so he kept her, Sakura's Blossom. Sakura's ridding mare who's biggest travel had been the near three week journey to the capital they had made three years ago. Blossom who was small and docile and a perfect fit for Sakura. Blossom who had nothing on his stallion who he had left behind. Blossom who was as white as the snow on the ground. Blossom who was as pure as Sakura.

Sasuke and Blossom arrived at Castle Black and after being allowed entrance at the gates, Sasuke dismounted the little mare and petted her.

"Good job, little one." He congratulated her, petting Blossom's mane affectionately.

Someone came to lead her to the stables and Sasuke didn't really care who it was, he stopped caring about everything after she died. He asked the boy (who could have, very well, been older than him but he was a boy to Sasuke) where the Lord Commander was and left.

Castle black was dark and grim. Fitting, he thought. He would certainly fit in well with the mood.

Sasuke knocked twice on the door the boy had said the Lord Commander was and entered when the man gave him permission.

"I assume you received the king's letter so you must have been expecting me." He told the man.

"Indeed I was."

They couldn't have talked for more than five minutes, Sasuke wasn't here to make friends and all he wanted to know was what he would be expected to do.

"You will train with the other boys for now and then we'll see where you will be placed." The old man told him. He was not a bad man, he understood him, understood what he had done and if things were different, Sasuke would have liked him. But Sasuke was far beyond the point of caring.

Sasuke nodded his understanding and left. He did not enjoy speaking anymore, he did not enjoy other people anymore, he did not enjoy anything anymore. Sasuke deposited the few possessions he brought with him in the room he would be staying in and quickly left it. It was the first time he had been in a bedroom ever since that night and just the sight of the bed, as different as it was, brought it all back, as if it was happening all over again.

Sasuke walked aimlessly through the castle and found himself at the stables where Blossom was being fed. Sasuke petted the horse and smiled, only Sakura would name a horse Blossom.

They were thirteen when Sakura's father gave her Blossom as a birthday present. He had been a ward of the Haruno's for about a year then, along with Naruto. Sasuke had been ecstatic when his father told him he would be squiring for the Haruno's as part of his training as knight. Sasuke wanted to be the best and Kakashi Haruno was the best fighter in the land, the best you could learn from.

He was thoroughly annoyed when he found that another boy would be squiring for Haruno too, he did not wish to have any distractions in his training and another boy would take Kakashi's time away from him. And he did not like Naruto. At all. He was a loud, he talked too much, he was annoying. Sasuke thought that there couldn't be a anyone more annoying than Naruto. He was wrong.

Kakashi introduced them to his daughter and annoying took a whole other meaning. Sometimes he thought she was worse than Naruto, she could be as loud as him when she wanted to be and she talked just as much but the worst part was she was clingy. She was always "Sasuke-kun this" "Sasuke-kun that" and she disrupted their training. Naruto, of course, was head over heels in love with her and Sasuke simply could not brush her off or he'd risk offending Kakashi and be kicked out.

She was a pretty girl, he gave her that. She had the most beautiful green eyes he had ever seen and a lovely smile. Her hair was a light shade of pink that strangely suited her, made her…unique and she had a very pretty face.

Then, one day, Sakura did not show up to see them train like she did every day. She did not show up for the lessons they had with their common tutor and she did not show up for dinner either. Naruto had asked Kakashi, at dinner, where Sakura was and he told them his daughter was sick. Then Lady Haruno showed up.

"Sakura will be bedridden all week." She had told her husband. "The maester says it's the common cold but it's weakened her system greatly."

And so the days passed and Sasuke noticed her absence. He didn't mean to but he did. He noticed when she wasn't there, cheering for him every time they sparred. He noticed that she wasn't there in the afternoons, bringing them fresh fruit that she had just picked from the gardens. She wasn't there anymore and he missed her. As annoying as she was, he had grown fond of her and she was always so happy, so kind that it was hard not to.

Sasuke didn't want to but by the end of the third day, he found himself in her room to see how she was doing. Her mother was inside with her when he was ushered in by the maester.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun, how kind of you to visit." Lady Haruno said, smiling.

"Hello, Sasuke-kun." He heard Sakura say and he blushed when he looked at her. He couldn't help but notice how pretty she looked with her cheeks red and her eyes bright. She looked pretty even when she was sick.

"Hello." He said. "How are you feeling?"

She had smiled at him then, her beautiful, brilliant smile. "I'm much better now that you're here." And her words were so sincere that made his heart skip a beat.

Now that he looks back at it, he thinks that was the moment when he started falling for her.

He couldn't sleep. He didn't want to sleep. His body was tired from the hard day of training and so was his mind but he did not, he could not sleep. Because if he did he would see them. He would see her, naked and bloody and dead. He would see him, lying on top of her dead body with her blood on his skin and his dead eyes looking straight at him.

Sasuke knew the dance well, he would close his eyes and the nightmares would come, every single night. Sometimes, in his nightmares, he would enter the room and they would be just like he had found them that night. Those were the better dreams. He always killed him in those dreams. Sometimes Sasuke was already inside the room, unable to move, and he would watch him rape her and kill her over and over again. He would watch as she screamed his name, as she screamed for help. He would always wake up to the echoes of her screams, "Help me, Sasuke-kun. Help me!" and the scream of her name stuck on his throat.

But he did not want to remember her like that, he did not wish to remember her as that bloody, lifeless body he had found that night so he forced himself to remember her as the lively, beautiful girl she was.

Sakura had been the light of his life, she had been his son and his moon. Sakura had been his everything and now he was left with nothing.

They shared their first kiss when they were fifteen years old. By that point, they had been together every single day for the last three years and Sasuke had positively fallen in love with the pink haired daughter of his teacher. Sakura was the kindest person he had ever met and she loved him. It amazed him how someone so kind could love someone so grumpy as him but she did love him, of that he was absolutely certain. It was one of the only certainties in his life. And he loved her too, how could he not? When she was so beautiful, so kind, so delicate, so perfect. So perfect for him. She was perfect for him. And she knew him, inside out, like no one else did and Sasuke knew she was the one he was going to marry.

After that day, they started a secret relationship (not so secret because Naruto knew and he was pretty sure Kakashi knew too, although he never said anything to either of them). They could not be seen together publicly unless they were engaged or it would ruin her reputation and Sasuke could not propose the match to her father yet, there was a pretty good chance that Kakashi would reject the offer. He was a nobody in society's eyes. Sure, he came from a prestigious and very rich family but all the lands and money would go to Itachi, not him. Sasuke, being a second son, would inherit nothing but the family name. Sasuke wanted to have a title lands of his own so that he could provide for Sakura but he was not even a knight yet, he had not finished his training. He would not propose the match, not yet but he would as soon as he had a title and lands of his own.

But it was enough, they had stolen kisses in between lessons when their tutor was not looking (Naruto always made faces at them but he never once denounced them), they had their afternoon walks in the gardens where they would just enjoy each other's company in between the flowers and where they would sit beneath the trees and Sakura would feed him the day's fruit that she had picked during the walk (Sakura had loved to do that, to feed him even if he could feed himself and he would let her because it made him feel cherished and loved), sometimes it would be a peach, others a strawberry or an apple. Every day was a different fruit from the day before. Sasuke loved those moments the best, he loved when he laid his head on her lap and she would play with his hair, he loved when she played with his hair.

"Are you nervous?" Sakura had asked him in one of those moments, her slender fingers combing through his hair.

"Why would I be nervous?" He asked, bringing his hand up to interlace with hers. Sakura bumped her nose against his softly, her forehead touching his lips.

"You'll become a knight, officially." She said, her hot breath hitting his forehead. "And you'll be heading to the capital."

"That's no reason to be nervous."

Sakura said nothing, her hand moving in circles, massaging his scalp.

"I don't want you to go." She whispered hoarsely and when Sasuke opened his eyes, he saw that she was crying. Sasuke reached up and cleaned her tears.

"You could come with me." He whispered back.

"Come with you? To the capital? What would I do there?"

Sasuke sat up straight, facing her and took her face in his hands. "Be with me, what else?"

Sakura laughed and placed her hands upon his. "Do you think father would allow it? Me, alone with you in the capital?"

"We'll only know if you ask him." He said, "And it won't be just the two of us, Naruto is coming too."

"He is?" Sakura asked. "I thought he wanted to stay here."

Sasuke shrugged. "Your father convinced him otherwise."

"I'll ask father, then." She said. "Maybe he'll let me."

"Do that." He whispered and then proceeded to ravish her mouth with a very hot kiss.

Three days later, they left on their journey to the capital. Naruto and Sasuke were knighted, they were no longer squiring for Kakashi Haruno and therefore, no longer needed to be in his home. They were off to the world, to make names for themselves and Sakura came simply because she loved him. She loved him and she could not bear to be without him (nor him without her). That overwhelmed him a little, that she was willing to leave her home behind, her parents behind, her security behind to stay near him. She was willing to sacrifice all that and face the uncertainty of their circumstances on the capital just to stay near him. Sasuke knew she loved him, he has always know but it still surprised him how she could just do this kind of stuff for him and make it seem as if it was easy. Sakura was really the kindest, most selfless and beautiful woman in this world.

The three of them arrived to the capital nearly three weeks later and Sakura was completely enchanted with it.

"It's all so different from home." She had pointed out, giggling like a little girl. Her excitement had made him smile back then. The capital was full of colours, of culture and so full of people that he wondered how they could breathe. The streets were so small for such a amount of people.

Sakura loved it thought, she loved the market especially and she would drag him over the market with her. He always complained when she did that, he did not like the market, there were just too many people, the market was a huge mess but seeing her smile made it all worthy, she looked so happy while looking over the silks and linens that he found it impossible to deny her simple request.

And then, out of a sudden, Sasuke was working for the king. First it was little things that the king asked him to do, deliver a note to Lord somebody or call Lord other but the king seemed to have liked him and soon, Sasuke was working for the king's council. That left him little time for Sakura, of course but she understood and they still had their late afternoon walks where they would stroll through the harbour and watch the ships come and by with the sun setting behind them. They had their own spot in the harbour, a small, hidden, rocky beach where they would sit and just enjoy each other's company. Sakura loved to sit on his lap and so it became their routine in the late afternoons, Sakura would be witting for him outside the council chamber and they would leave to the port and stay there until the sun had set.

Sometimes, after they had returned to the castle, he would stay awhile with her in her bedchamber, just kissing her. He would always leave before things got out of hand though because, as much as he wanted her, he could not tarnish her reputation.

And then, one night he stayed.

They were one her bed, kissing as they usually did after their walks and Sasuke's hands slipped beneath her bodice to touch her breasts. Sakura had liked that she had moaned and pulled on his hair as she usually did when she wanted more and Sasuke felt himself lose control. I have to stop now, he had thought, or I won't be able to later. He reluctantly pulled away from his green eyed lover and gave her one last kiss before getting of the bed but her hand on his wrist stopped him.

"Stay." Sakura had said and she had looked so beautiful, eyes bright, cheeks flushed (just as he liked her) with her dress pulled halfway up to reveal her beautiful legs and her delicious looking breasts almost spilling out of her bodice.

"...Sakura..." He wanted to refuse her, he really did but he found himself unable to when she pulled his head down and joined their lips in the old, familiar dance of a kiss. He wanted to refuse her, he really did, it was her reputation in stake and he did not wish to harm her in any way shape or form but he found himself unable to when she wrapped her beautiful, creamy white legs around his hips. He found himself unable to when she kissed his neck, when her hands found his bare chest beneath his shirt. He found himself unable to when she took off his shirt, when her hands travelled down his back in a gentle caress and found his backside. He found himself unable to when her small, delicate hands slipped beneath his pants and cupped his bare backside. He found himself unable to when his clothed hardness rubbed upon her thigh, when his mouth found her breast and when he ripped her bodice so he could touch them freely. He found himself unable to when she was naked and beautiful before him and he was naked too and when their bodies joined together in that dance as old as time.

He wanted to refuse her but he did not and he could not regret what they had done. They loved each other and they had loved each other that night, they had been as one.

Still, he did not wish for her to get pregnant (not yet, when they were not even married, people would talk and he did not want that) so he made sure to pull out of her and spill on the bed instead of inside her.

And then Itachi arrived at court, a month or so after Sasuke was invited to be part of the king's council. Sasuke had not seen his family ever since he left for the capital, three years ago. They communicated, of course, by letter (especially his mother, she wrote to him every week without fail) but he had not laid eyes on his family members for three years and he was very happy to see his older brother. Itachi would not stay long, he had told him. Three, maybe four months but not more. He had duties, responsibilities back at home. And the good thing was, Itachi and Sakura liked each other.

"He's so your brother, Sasuke-kun." Sakura had told him that afternoon when they were sitting on their spot, watching the ships and the sunset. "You're so much like him."

Itachi had ruffled his hair, just like he used to when they were little, after he introduced him to Sakura. "She's good for you, little brother."

Sasuke had not told Itachi of his and Sakura's relationship but he figured his brother must have known, to say something like that. He must have.

And then the bodies started showing up. About a month and a half after Itachi first arrived to court, bodies of women who had been raped and killed started showing up on the capital's streets. Nobody paid much attention at first because they were just bodies of peasant women and whores. Peasants and whores showed up dead every day. But then it wasn't just peasant women and whores but also noblewomen, women of the court and it wasn't just on the streets but inside the castle too, in the gardens, bedchambers, everywhere. So the city was put on high alert and Sasuke forbade Sakura to walk anywhere alone, she was to be with him or Naruto or Itachi at all times, never alone.

"Lock the door when I leave." He told her one morning. He did that sometimes, spend the night in her chamber, he liked that, liked sleeping next to her, wrapped around her. "Do not open it for anyone you do not know."

Sakura nodded and they kissed goodbye. "I'll see you tonight."

He did not know, at the time, that this kiss would be the last kiss they would ever share.

That afternoon, he received a letter from Kakashi and could barely contain his joy. He had accepted. He and Sakura were officially engaged and soon to be married. He had not told Sakura that he had sent the letter to her father, asking permission for them to marry, he wanted to surprise her.

Sasuke already had land and a title of his own, given to him by the king as a thank you for the good work he had done in the king's council. Sasuke now had a castle where he and Sakura would live and raise their children, he had a title that gave him prestige, he had income from the lands that he now ruled over. He had now reached his goal and he and Sakura could start a family.

That afternoon he told the king he renounced his place in the council and he was going to leave the capital to live in his own lands and start a family. The king was sad to see him leave but he wished him the best of luck.

That afternoon he started preparing their travel. He had a plan, they would travel to the Haruno estate first and have the wedding there (he knew it's always been Sakura's dream to get married in the gardens of her home and he intended to give her the best wedding he possibly could) and after the wedding they would travel north to the lands Sasuke now owned and ruled over.

That afternoon he told Naruto the news and asked him if he'd like to come along with them and be there for the wedding. Naruto, of course, said yes. "Like I would miss the wedding of my two best friends."

That afternoon he sent the letters to his family, inviting them to the wedding (Kakashi promised he would take care of Sakura's side of the family and Lady Haruno said she would make the arrangements so that, when they arrived, they could get married right away).

That afternoon he managed to get everything ready and he could barely contain himself. That afternoon, Sasuke found himself just about to enter Sakura's bedchamber and tell her the good news but he did not wish to ruin the surprise he had for her (dinner just for the two of them on his solar, some musicians would be playing the songs he knew she liked and some dancing, he knew she liked to dance too, even though he didn't).

Now he wishes he had.

That night, after he made sure everything in his solar was ready, he headed for Sakura's bedchamber and turned the knob to enter. The door was locked like he had told her to do.

It was mere chance that made him take out they key he had in his pocket to her room (he could, just as well, have knocked on the door, like he did sometimes. He could have as well and it was mere chance that made him take out that key). He remembered that he was exited and a little bit nervous too (not that he had reason to, they loved each other to the ends of this earth but he supposed it was just how things worked, brides and grooms just got nervous).

He took out the key, he took out the key and opened the door. To say he was surprised by what he saw would be an understatement. Sasuke wasn't sure there were words that could describe what he felt when he saw Sakura, naked, bloody and dead on her bed with Itachi on top of her. He wasn't sure there were enough words to fit all that he felt in that moment, for his dead lover and for the beast who had killed her. Sasuke was blinded by rage, by anger, by hatred, yes but the bastard did not deserve to live, not after taking the light out of this world.

So he killed him. Sasuke killed the monster that was his brother. He did not remember how, he wasn't even carrying his sword with him at the time but he managed to get a sword, somehow, and that Sasuke remembers, he remembers the body on the floor and the bloody sword on his hands. He had killed him, he had killed his brother and he had felt nothing. Not for him at least.

He felt anger and pain and hatred, he felt grief but it was for Sakura, it was all Sakura. He was not sad or angry that his brother was dead, he felt nothing for him. He felt nothing but hatred.

And he grieved, he grieved Sakura who had been his light, his love. He grieved her death, so young, too young, when she still had so much to live. He grieved for the wedding that was not to be, for the children they would not have, for the grandchildren they would not hold.

He grieved for the mother she would not be (because she would have been a wonderful mother and she deserved to have children), he grieved for the smiles she would not give, he grieved for the kisses he would not receive, he grieved for the eyes (those wonderful, wonderful eyes of hers) that he would not see, for the walks they would not take, for the apples she would not pick, for the dances they would not dance, for the songs she would not sing. He grieved for the life she would not live.

The king had understood what he had done and had congratulated him on ridding the them all of this evil but Sasuke had still killed a man, killed his brother and kin slaying was a sin.

So the king had given him two choices, death or the night's watch. Sasuke's first thought was death, as was his second and his third and his forth. Why would he go on living with Sakura gone? His light was gone and he would rather join her than live in darkness without her but then Sakura's words came to mind, she wouldn't want him to go before his time, she had told him so, long ago in the flowery gardens of the Haruno estate, beneath the orange tree.

Sasuke was not sure he could go on without her, could he live in a world of darkness? Where the sun has set, never to rise again? But he chose the Night's Watch anyway, just to do something for Sakura, one last thing he did for her.

They would be taking their vows today. Sasuke had been chosen to be a ranger. Good, maybe a wildling will kill me.

Sasuke knelt on the cold, stone floor of the sept and said the words.

He could not help but wonder on the irony of the situation, he would take no wife and father no children because the only woman he had ever loved was dead, hold no lands because he was now a kin slayer. He had killed his brother because the bastard had been a sick maniac and so he was sent here, to serve the realm as best as he could. He would not live the life he once dreamed he would, he would not have the children he and Sakura talked about having,

"At least three, Sasuke-kun." She had said. "Two boys and a little girl."

He would not lie on their bed at night, wrapped around her even when it was burning hot, he would not eat with her in the mornings, he would not teach his sons in the afternoons, he would not tuck in his little girl, he would not cuddle with Sakura at night.

This was what he had now, black clothes and porridge, snow and weeping walls. This was all he was, all he could ever hope to be until his death. Forever a ranger of the Night's Watch.

He hoped she was in peace, he hope she was happy and waiting for him because that's all he ever wanted for her, happiness. She deserved happiness, she deserved everything. And he hoped he would be able to join her soon and maybe then they would both be happy.

Until then he would watch, he would be the watcher on the walls and serve the realm until his time on this earth was done, until the time where he would be allowed to join his love and he would wait for that time. He would live these moments for Sakura who was not allowed to live at all, who had died so young and with so much left to live. He would live, he would live for her and he would wait until his time came, until he the moment he joined her where he could start living again.

He looked upon the sky.

"And now my watch begins."