A/N: I was in a fit of genius when I thought this up! Okay, I was actually lying on my bed too bored to function….but you still love me right?

Anywho!

Warning: This is going to be angsty! Lots of blood, some suicide action going on here; so if you no likey, you no readey. Capiche? I don't wanna get blamed for your weak stomach! And no, I don't like flames either. Those shall be laughed at and discarded.

Disclaimer: No, in fact I do not own Furuba. Natsuki Takaya does. If I owned them, there would be some major yaoi changes

So, without further adieu, your story…

Name: Heart's Despair, Knife's Repair

Rating: M

Author: Gaara's Whore

Sort: Two-shot

"Bye Tohru; Yuki, Kyo! I'll see you tomorrow!" The young blonde called to his departing companions, waving enthusiastically.

"Yes, see you tomorrow, Momiji!" Tohru replied.

He could hear in her voice: almost a mocking tone, like she didn't really want to see him tomorrow. He hated her, that bumbling bitch. He turned around, that big smile still plastered to his face. He walked through the Sohma estate gates, trudging straight to his house. He hated the silence that greeted him as he opened the front door.

"I'm home," he whispered to the empty building, smile vanished from his child-like face. He closed the door behind him and released his schoolbag, allowing it to hit the floor with a resounding thud. Slipping off his shoes, he made his way down the hall to his kitchen, and yanked the refrigerator open. He glanced around before pulling out a store-bought, Starbucks frappuccino. The fridge door slammed shut leaving him to move on, shaking his cold drink. Setting his bunny backpack down on his desk, he plopped in his chair, opening the laptop. He turned it on before opening his drink, when his cell phone rang.

"Hello?" he answered his phone, setting it to speaker.

"Hey, Momiji! It's Haru. The kids and I are gonna go over to sensei's house for dinner; Tohru invited us. Do you wanna come?"

The boy flinched at the mention of Tohru's name. "No, I think I'm just gong to eat here at home. But thanks for the offer!"

"Are you sure? There'll be plenty of food. And I know Tohru will be sad if you don't come."

Again! He had to bring that bitch's name up again! "Haru, I said no! I'm fine here, really. Listen, I'll talk to you later, okay? There's some stuff I need to do."

"Oh, okay. See you tomorrow then. Bye."

"Yeah, bye."

He snapped his phone shut, a scowl marring his features. "God, what's so special about her? Why will no one shut up about her?!" He screamed, throwing his drink at the wall. "Why are they all so goddamn fucking happy?!"

Seeing the broken shards strewn across his carpet, he falls to his knees, the glass cutting into them, and picks up a large, glistening fragment. He pulls up his sleeve and digs the sharp edge into his forearm and drags it down, straight to his wrist. Letting go of the glass, he stares mesmerized as the blood forms a seam at the cut, bubbles up, then begins slipping down his skin; dripping on the floor.

The enraptured boy suddenly snaps out of it, cursing as he grabs his bunny bag and runs to the bathroom. Jumping into the tub, he rids himself of his clothing and sits down; thin silvery-white scars, ranging in length and stages of healing, riddled his body like a piece of art. As he spread his knees apart, he watched in silent fascination as the warm, sticky liquid continued to run down his arm. Finally, he reached over and grabbed some toilet paper, placing it on his wound. Holding his arm against his torso, he reached over and unzipped his bag, pulling out an Exacto knife.

He pushed the blade up, examining the blood encrusted blade. "Why am I left all alone?" He whispered, "So alone. They're all so happy; why? Why can't I be happy too? Even that damned cat is happy! He doesn't deserve to be happy!"

He took the knife and sliced through the inside of his thigh, hissing in pain and satisfaction.

"Is this what they want?!" He cried. Tears welled up in his honey eyes, each drop of saltine water carving its own path down his skin. He let the blood run for a bit before applying pressure with some more toilet paper. As he held the wounds, he curled up into a ball and watched with growing relief as the blood ran across the floor of the tub and down the drain; flowing to god knows where.

He simply lay there; a soft smile illuminating his youthful face, for over an hour. When he finally peeled himself off the bathtub floor, it was already dark: and his stomach, as if on cue, let out a loud rumble. Though no one was there, he blushed and hurriedly wrapped his wounds up and threw on his clothes. Trotting downstairs, in a much better mood than earlier, Momiji appeared back in the kitchen and began rummaging around his refrigerator. After a while, he realized that he really didn't have any food. Deciding that eating out would be a good idea, he went upstairs and grabbed his bunny backpack; locking the door behind him as he left to go find a restaurant to eat at.

After a half an hour of looking around for a restaurant, Momiji came to the decision that he would just show up at Gure-nii's house and see if they had any leftovers. It took him a little while to get there since he was practically on the other side of town when he made the decision to go. As he showed up, he could hear chattering and laughing, and suddenly he felt cold and lonely again. He felt as if all the happiness he had only moments ago had just flown away like birds at the sounds of their merrymaking…without him.

He knew he shouldn't feel this way; he had specifically told Haru that he didn't want to come. But still. Haru could have tried harder, couldn't he? He could've not taken 'no' for an answer and made Momiji go with them. Yes, he concluded, he had every right to feel lonely because Haru simply hadn't tried hard enough to include Momiji. As Momiji stood at the door, said object half way open, when he suddenly slammed the door shut and whipped around, sulking away into the night.

Unfortunately for him, someone had heard the door close, and opened it before he could get away.

"Momiji?" he heard a sickeningly cheerful voice call out to him. He turned around, only to have his horrid suspicion realized, as Tohru stood in the doorway.

"Momiji! It is you! What are you doing here?" She questioned. Stupid as always, he rolled his eyes.

"I finished what I had to do. So I thought I'd stop by!" He grinned at her, hating himself for treating her so nicely. If only everyone hadn't instantly assumed that he loved her. The only reason he was so nice to her in the first place was because he was positive that Akito was going to brainwash her! Why could no one figure that out! God, everyone was so ignorant it was almost unbearable.

"Oh! Well, hurry inside! We're having a great time!" She beamed back. It made him sick, seeing her so obviously faking her happiness. Why did no one realize how much she honestly didn't want to be with us? She didn't like us! We made her sick! We scared her! And yet they all love and adore precious Tohru. He had to stop thinking about it; he was actually gagging, and she was waiting for him.

As he jogged toward her, she stepped aside for him to come in.

"I'm pretty hungry, Tohru! I didn't get to eat anything! Is there any food left over?" He asked innocently.

"Oh, yes! I'll go warm some up for you!" She half wailed worried or something like that.

"Thank you, Tohru!!" He hollered after her. He let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. But of course, he always seemed to hold his breath when Tohru was around him. It must be because it helped him from yelling at her or something else awful like that.

He walked into the living room, and saw practically everyone in the Juunishi. Everyone except Kureno and Ritsu was there. But of course, Kureno didn't really count did he? Yes, Momiji already knew. He can be very quiet and sneaky when he wants to eavesdrop and the like. But anyway, pretty much everyone was there. He spotted Haru sitting in the corner and weaved his way over to him.

"Hey, Haru!" Momiji chirped.

"Hey, I thought you had stuff you were supposed to do," He pointed out monotonously.

"Well, yeah! But I finished it, so I came over!" He grinned, "Is that a bad thing?"

"No, just wondering." Haru really was rather boring when he was White, but no one really cared because they all thought it was better than Black Haru. Of course, not Momiji. He loved Black Haru! He could relate to Black, and it made him feel better to know that someone else was as tortured as he was. But of course, Black Haru hardly ever came out.

The honey eyed boy plopped down beside his long time companion. A peaceful, trained smile plastered to his young face; while inside, he was miffed. He simply could not understand how someone like Tohru could make these damned souls so happy and serene. It just didn't make a lick of sense.

As he was thinking this, said girl came walking in with a plate of food. She weaved her way through the people and gave Momiji the plate. Beaming, she exclaimed," Here you go, Momiji! I hope you like it!"

"Of course, Tohru!" The blonde replied, also beaming. "Anything you cook is good!"

The girl blushed at the assumed compliment. Obviously, Momiji's compliment was a complete and utter falsity, but no one knew that. Everyone was so sure that he practically loved her. 'Those imbeciles', he couldn't help but think as he took a bite of food. It would have been good, but because that sad excuse for a woman made it, he couldn't help but taste something horribly disgusting about it.

He heard a laugh that was unfamiliar to him, and turned his head inquisitively. What he saw shocked him. Hatori was laughing. He hadn't taken two bites of food, and he felt bile rising in his stomach. It wasn't fair. He began trembling. He knew if he stayed here any longer, he would retch all over Haru. And then people would start asking questions. So, as calmly as he could, he stood up and made his way toward the bathroom.

All the while he walked; he could hear Hatori and Shigure laughing. How could someone like him be so happy? Why does he get to laugh so whole-heartedly?! It just wasn't fucking, goddamn fair!

He broke off at a run, afraid that he wasn't going to make it. Finally, bursting through the door, he flung himself to his knees and retched out everything that could have possibly been in his stomach the entire day. He couldn't help it; it just kept coming and coming! His throat was burning and his vision was all blurry; he couldn't see a damn thing. About 10 minutes later, he stopped retching, and flopped on the floor unable to hold himself upright. As he lay there panting, his mind was blissfully blank; free of any thought. Closing his eyes, he sighed, knowing that he couldn't lay there forever. So he pushed himself onto his elbow, blinking his eyes to clear them, and grabbed some toilet paper, wiping his mouth off. He got up and flushed the toilet, throwing the paper into the swirling water and bile, and it all vanished from site down the tube, all physical evidence of his hatred disappeared; never to be seen again.

After composing himself, he walked back to everyone, and announced that he had to go.

"What? But why? You just got here!" Tohru complained. And, as expected, everyone agreed. Just because it was Tohru who said it. It truly made his sick to his stomach how they hung on to her every word.

"Because I forgot that I had some more things to do! Please forgive me, Tohru? I don't want to, but I have to!" He mock-begged, sporting a convincing a pout; tears springing up into his eyes.

"Oh, okay," She consented," But, if I may ask, what are you going to do?"

"Uh-uhm," He faltered. He was not expecting this," Well, I-I have to um…meet my father! Yes, I have to meet my father!" He declared. That was the best he could come up with; he just hoped it wasn't too farfetched.

"Oh! Your father? How exciting! I hope you have a good time!"

She bought it. Stupid bitch. And thanks to her stupidity, everyone else waved him goodbye; without another thought. God, did they not realize that she had them all under some sort of twisted, horrible spell? How someone as stupid as she, could do something like that was beyond him, but she did. She had them all under her 'everything's fine and dandy' spell.

He left the house as quickly as he could without being conspicuous, and ran away from that horrid place as quickly as possible. Dashing from the forest, he came upon the adjacent street and swerved, running along the road instead. He couldn't take it! He could still feel her awful presence around him! He shuddered involuntarily at the thought of even touching him. He continued running; even as his eyes began stinging and he could hardly see, he kept running. Even though painful thoughts filled his mind to the brink and his heart pounded excruciatingly in his ears, he kept running. He kept running until he just couldn't run anymore. Finally he collapsed to the hard concrete sidewalk, skinning his hands, wrists, and face; unable to see, think, or hear properly. And then he just lay there, completely still except for the occasionally sob that forced itself from his throat, and through his open mouth which was panting and spitting out blood.

It was late. Few, if any, people were there on the street. He lay there trying to get himself together; just long enough to get home. That was all he needed: get home. Where it was safe. He had to hurry before Tori-nii and Haru and the others at Gure-nii's house drove by and found him. He got up, reveling in the burning feel of his wounds. Shaking his head, he attempted to clear his vision. The only thing that he succeeded in doing was making himself dizzy, and he fell back onto the concrete. He was just so tired, and the cool sidewalk felt so good on his heated skin. His eyes fluttered closed as his breathing steadied and it felt like his head was floating right off of his shoulders. 'No', he thought, 'I can't fall asleep. I have to get home.' But he was steadily losing consciousness, and there was nothing his exhausted body and mind could do about it. And eventually, after much fruitless struggling, he succumbed to the lull of sleep.

Strange noises. He could hear strange noises. Attempting to open his eyes, Momiji slowly gained consciousness. His world was easing into clarity as his vision and hearing became less muffled. Squinting, he looked around realizing he was lying in a moving car. As he tried to sit up, a headache hit him like a brick wall.

"Ohhh," He groaned, clutching his head in his still throbbing hands. He could hear two men talking in the front, but they stopped when they noticed he was awake.

"Are you okay?" He recognized the voice belonging to Haru by his monotone.

"Ow," Was all he could muster through his clogged mental processes. "What happened?"

"We'd like to know the same thing. We found you lying on the sidewalk, passed out." That was Hari's voice, he knew it. But he was silently terrified that they had seen his arms and legs and chest.

"Well, I remember walking down the street, and then I felt really dizzy. After that, I don't know what happened," He lied. His heart was pounding in his ears again; he was so scared of what might happen if they knew.

"That's not good. Maybe I should do a check-up when we get home? Just to see if something is wrong," Hari mused.

"No, it's okay. I feel much better!" Momiji half begged. He knew that a check-up meant that he would have to take his clothes off. That was not an option. Period.

"But passing out for no reason…that's not good, and I'm not even a doctor," Haru agreed. Silently cursing Haru for his treason, Momiji tried his best to defend his position, saying he was fine, that he hadn't had much sleep lately because of this and that, and that must be the reason he passed out. Thank god, eventually they consented, and the matter was dropped.

"You're hurt," Hari stated matter-of-factly," I'll at least bandage you up."

"Alright, if it'll make you feel better, you can bandage me up. But I swear, I feel fine! There's nothing wrong with me!"

"Well, it will make me feel better."

"Okay then."

"Okay then."

"Alright."

Hari and Momiji both looked at Haru quizzically. "Huh?" They both uttered dumbly.

"What? I felt left out, thought I'd join it."

A few minutes passed by in complete silence, when finally all three burst out laughing. Pulling into the Sohma Estate, Hari drove to the Main House, to bandage Momiji, Haru deciding he'd come along for the ride. They got to Hatori's office and walked in, Momiji sitting in the chair with a sad smile on his face while Hatori pulled out the first aid kit, and Haru sat in the corner.

"Alright, Momiji, hold out your hands out for me," Hatori ordered. While Momiji complied, Hari held his hands and wiped them off emitting a hiss from the younger boy. Hari then wrapped his palms with bandages and moved on the disinfect Momiji's cheek, jaw, and forehead. The poor golden haired child became teary eyed from the pain. As he calmed himself down, the older male taped the bandage pads onto the wounds.

"There. Anywhere else that hurts?" Hari questioned, looking over his handiwork.

"Nope!" Momiji lied. His cuts from earlier that day were stinging, but like he would ever tell the doctor that.

"Alright, Tori-nii, if that's it, I'll walk Momichi to his house now," Haru offered, getting up off the floor and brushing himself off.

"Yes, that sounds like a good idea, Hatsuharu. I'll see you later, Momiji," Hatori said, quite blandly.

"Okay, bye-bye!" Said boy chirruped back, bounding off with Haru to his house. As they arrived, Haru asked if he could stay the night.

"Oh…okay!" Momiji beamed, "But, why?"

"We just haven't hung out as often as we used to, is all," He offered. It seemed reasonable enough, but Momiji simply could not shake the feeling that the real reason was that Haru didn't want Momiji staying home alone. They walked into the house and up to Momiji's room.

"What happened here?" Haru asked, surprised. 'Shit', Momiji mentally kicked himself. He had forgotten to clean the mess he made earlier today, and the bloody shard lay glistening there on the floor next to the stain of blood on his carpet.

"Um, well you see. I saw a bug and freaked out. I guess I forgot to clean it up! Hehe," He prayed Haru would buy that lame excuse. Thankfully his taller friend bought it. Truly he was an idiot for buying that!

"Why don't you go downstairs and watch T.V., while I clean this up?"

"Yeah, okay." Haru made his way downstairs. Momiji waited until he heard the T.V. come on until he started cleaning up.

"God, what is my issue?" He growled out, picking up the shards of glass, "I can't do anything right."

He threw the fragments away and grabbed a damp towel to wash off his wall. As the adolescent wiped the wall clean, he began humming, lost in thought. In fact, he was so deep in his own world; he failed to notice his sleeve sliding up his arm to reveal his wound from earlier. Neither did he notice the T.V. turning off and the presence of Haru behind him. When he did turn around to throw the towel in the bathroom, he stopped dead in his tracks staring at the teen in his way.

"Oh, Haru! I didn't hear you come in!" The small boy chirped.

"What's wrong with your arm, Momiji?" Haru questioned calmly.

"W-what?! What are you talking about? There's nothing wrong with my arm!"

"Fine. Then let me see." Haru had such a cold look in his eyes it actually made Momiji afraid.

"Okay, then!" The adolescent pulled his sleeve up, "See? Nothing!"

"Other arm," That icy glare hardened.

"Uh, um…o-okay," Momiji stuttered and fumbled trying to think of something to tell him. As he pulled the other sleeve up to reveal the bandage, Black Haru emerged suddenly, smashing the side of his fist into the wall next to himself which made the younger boy jump in fear.

"What happened?" Black Haru growled, bangs obscuring his eyes.

"I-I accidentally got, um, cut," The fearful teen replied. Obviously that didn't sate Haru for he began shaking in anger. Then suddenly, he snapped,

"Will you STOP it?!" Haru shouted, "You and I both know that's not what happened! All I want to know is why the FUCK would you do something like cut yourself?!" By this time Momiji was quivering in fear and anguish.

"Please, Haru…stop yelling at me," The horror-struck teen whispered.

"Not until I get a goddamn ANSWER!"

"What am I supposed to say?!" Momiji yelled back, tears springing into his eyes," Do you want me to say something like, 'it's all a misunderstanding!' or 'I would never cut myself!'?! Well, guess what?! I DO! And I enjoy every FUCKING MINUTE OF IT!!" Tears began pouring down the child's face, "So just leave. Me. ALONE!" Haru faltered for a minute, not knowing how exactly to react to that. Finally, he pulled himself together and looked at Momiji, tears also carving twin paths down his skin,

"Why couldn't you at least tell me?" He pleaded pathetically," I could've helped. You didn't have to resort to this!"

"That's just it though! You wouldn't understand because you love that whore too! Everybody is so in love with Tohru- the wonder girl! The girl who solves everyone's problems! The girl who just happens to know how to make everyone feel loved and special! Well, you know what? FUCK HER! FUCK EVERYONE WHO EVER LIKED HER!!! I CAN'T STAND THAT BITCH!" Momiji was so angry he couldn't see straight. It was his turn to start shaking in fury, and seething hatred was evident in his eyes. Haru just stood there dumbfounded. He never knew that his companion felt this way. He had no clue that this innocent creature, sobbing in front of him, despised Tohru so much.

"Momiji…Momiji, I never knew. I never knew you felt like this. Why did you not tell me?"

"Because you love her so fucking much! Everyone loves her so much; I just couldn't say anything without pissing off her loyal fan club!" He was right. And Haru knew it. If he were to tell someone that he hated Tohru, Yuki and Kyo especially would despise Momiji.

"Why do you hate her so much, Momiji?" Haru finally inquired.

"Because she's making everyone so happy…while I'm getting lonelier and lonelier. Before, we used to be unhappy, sure; but we were together! No one could take that away from us! Then Tohru shows up. And she seems to be making everyone happy. But in reality, she's tearing us apart! We aren't not fighting because she's bringing us closer together; we aren't fighting because we're growing further apart! We used to be such good friends! But now, we couldn't care less." The blonde looked so defeated and broken, it hurt Haru; and he didn't know what to do.

A/N: Ha! Don't you just hate cliffhangers?! MUHAHA! But I love you, so I'll try to get the last part out as soon as I can.

I can't promise anything because I've been drowning in homework, but I'll try! For YOU! Yosh!

But yes, I hope you are satisfied with the first half of it. The rest will be out ASAP!

Ja Ne Minna-san!

Gaara's Whore