What Lies Ahead
Focus: Shimako and Noriko. Friendship.
Timeline: The end of Yumi's third year. March.
Summary: Graduation marks a new chapter in life. Noriko's determined to remain by Shimako's side regardless.
Disclaimer: I do not own Maria-sama ga Miteru or any of the recognizable characters in this fiction. Said characters belong to Konno Oyuki, Shueisha, and any other copyright owners.
It was the end of everything.
She would never meet her at the gates again, catch that whiff of incense on her clothes as she drifted over and greeted the brunette kindly. They would never again walk down that ginkgo-lined path with their fingers intertwined, falling into each other as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Their days of standing before the Virgin Mary as a pair were over; she would no longer be able to sneak side-glances to admire her Oneesama's expression of tranquility. She would not have her dear Oneesama by her side with whom to exchange smiles, to share knowing looks, in whose arms she would find most comfort. From now on, she would have to enter the Rose Mansion alone, fill only her cup with tea, and spend the remainder of her school days in solitude.
Nijou Noriko knew she was exaggerating the situation.
Come April, she would become the new Rosa Gigantea and her best friend would be right up there with her. The title "Rosa Chinensis en bouton" would most likely be filled by an underclassman Touko had gotten to know in the last few months of school. She confided that she would pass down her rosary when school started up again, being the type to prefer something new jump start her third and final year. Meanwhile Nana, Yoshino's petite soeur, would take over the duties of Rosa Foetida after proving herself invaluable to the Yamayurikai. So even with five vacancies—was that a record?—it was pretty obvious that the Rose Mansion would not be reserved for a single person.
And what was with her thinking on such melancholic tones? It wasn't as if she never met Shimako outside of school and would never see her again. Noriko knew where she lived, visited the Buddhist shrine quite often, and was on good terms with her father. The two girls had spent an entire summer going around looking at churches and temples once, and they've been on plenty of dates before; any further outings would not suddenly cease just because she was graduating. There were still so many places to go, so many things to see! Noriko wanted to take her everywhere and they would continue on together, enjoying themselves with their hands connected.
Really, it was unlike her to be moping over something so trivial.
The round of applause pulled her back to reality. Noriko watched the representative for the second years bow and make her way off the stage. Despite the prestige of being the petite soeurs of the current Roses, neither Noriko nor Touko were viable candidates for the position—their grades most likely the reason. Touko came close and was for days a grump when the announcement made no mention of her. Noriko's weren't horrible, per say, but they didn't particularly stick out either. She sighed internally. It was just as well she wasn't singled out to deliver the farewell speech; being burdened with that sort of responsibility was something she could do without.
It was time for the third years' representative to take the mike now and Noriko's eyes drifted to where her Oneesama sat, finding the familiar figure easily among all the monotony. As expected of a student of Lillian Academy for Maidens, Toudou Shimako kept a straight back, her hands still on her lap, and her attention on the speaker. She looked like any one of her peers yet there was a softness about her that Noriko could never quite place her finger on. Was she crying? she wondered suddenly when a nearby classmate wiped away a tear. She could also see Yumi sitting further up ahead, herself not better. Shimako especially was a gentle person, easily touched by meetings and farewells; it wouldn't be surprising if this ceremony proved too difficult for her. She wanted to be there for Shimako, support her as she had for the past two years. But the situation discouraged action and Noriko sat back with a sigh.
--
After having their pictures taken for the school paper, the White Rose sisters had parted ways with the rest of the Yamayurikai and made their way to the back of the school. Keeping their silence, they disregard their well-established reputations for a moment and seated themselves in the grass, their backs pressed against the only sakura tree. Noriko arched her neck back to watch the fluffy pink blossoms sway in the wind and laughed when she was not greeted with such a sight. 'Of course they wouldn't be blooming so early in the year. That's common knowledge.' Two years ago, the Virgin Mary stood here with her face upturned, her arms open to embrace the shower of cherry blossoms, and the sight had captivated Noriko. They had watched the shower together, sheltered in the garden of ginkgoes, and when the first-year had offered to free the wavy brown hair of petals, her heart skipped a beat. Noriko could easily recall how Shimako seemed to lean into her hand, her eyes closed to accept it in grace. Her lashes were long and dark against her pale skin and her lips were just slightly parted. Her very essence was mesmerizing and Noriko was certain she would remember the meeting for the rest of her life.
She felt a weight fall on her and turned to see that same expression adorning her Oneesama's face once more. Shimako looked up with a smile and went to slip her hand through her petite soeur's, a natural motion that called for them to remain a while longer. Noriko was more than happy to oblige. How much time passed, she had no way of telling. She was only aware of the body leaning against her own and the softness of her Oneesama's strands as they blew into her face. The chill of late March nibbled at her skin and they simultaneously pulled into each other's warmth. Noriko thought back to the day of the Maria ceremony, when the Sachiko and Rei had charged Shimako with the possession of a juzu. She had been willing to lie then, to do anything as long as she could protect Shimako. Now, with Maria-sama lying against her so delicately, she felt this way again.
"...Noriko."
"Yes, Shimako-san?" And she thought back to before she became Rosa Gigantea en bouton, how she had gotten into an argument with Sachiko-sama about this very habit of tongue. School rules dictated that one address upperclassmen with the "-sama" honorific but Noriko disapproved of such a system anyway. It didn't make much sense for her to place someone to whom she felt so close on so high a pedestal. Especially if they were alone anyway.
"You know, I... Well..." Shimako trailed off and left the note hanging unaccompanied in the air. She had a faraway look in her eyes and Noriko could feel her hand shift in apprehension. They had gone through so much in their high school years, met so many kind people, made so many irreplaceable friends, yet nothing was enough to sway Shimako completely. Noriko respected her need to keep things to herself, but there were times when she overdid it and insisted hording everything.
It was a little frustrating. Hadn't she offered to help shoulder her burdens? The cool stone lying against her chest was proof of that rainy day. Thinking about it, Noriko remembered her promise and resolved to make the first move. She let go of Shimako's hand. The older girl turned to question but seeing her stand prompted Shimako to do the same. Her graduation certificate was abandoned in the grass as she attempted to brush clean her long pleated skirt.
Noriko couldn't help a laugh when she looked at herself. The 'cleanly pressed' skirts for which their school was famous seemed like a joke now; even her sailor collar had dislodged itself from its proper position. She spun around once and her dark skirt accompanied her, floating on the self-made breeze. "We're students from Lillian, right? And the first chance we get, we go and sit in some grass. We make such perfect role models, don't we?"
"Not even an hour has passed since the graduation ceremony," Shimako agreed with a smile. Satisfied with herself, she turned to her petite soeur and fixed her collar for her. Noriko accepted this common exchange between soeurs but shifted her gaze slightly to avoid having her embarrassment detected. "But no one else is around so this can be our little secret." The smile faded when she brushed against something and left her hand to linger on the curve of Noriko's neck. With each passing moment the second-year grew more conscious of the touch until the point where she couldn't take it anymore.
"Shimako-san?"
Shimako's pale gray eyes stared forward as she traced what Noriko quickly realized were the rosary beads underneath the fabric. She was reminded of the reason she had stood up in the first place but Shimako's silence stressed her own; she always had a way to immobilize her when she gazed like that. It seemed so cliché—paralysis with a single glance—and characteristic of those shoujo manga she held no fondness for. But here she was, marveling the older girl's beauty for... well, she didn't keep count. And Shimako continued unheeded down her neckline, each movement of her fingers demanding a deepening blush from its recipient, until she reached the cross that dangled at its end.
Her soft smile returned, as if she were reassured by its presence, and all Noriko could think about was how Shimako was most definitely aware of her pounding heartbeat. Rather inappropriately Maria-sama no Kokoro, Lillian's school song, wiggled its way into her thoughts. Unable to meet her senior's eyes, her dark orbs were satisfied to drift across Shimako's perfect skin to her upturned lips. They ended up staying there. That day, Noriko faintly recalled, standing under the sakura tree with her hand against her cheek, she had been tempted to take them in her own. It was the same whenever she was alone with Shimako. One would think that after two years of this, she should be used to it but time actually proved to have the opposite effect. In fact, she actually found herself thinking along these lines far too often.
'Maria-sama's found my heart.' And she almost died of embarrassment when that incredibly cheesy line properly registered. 'Get a hold of yourself, Noriko!' She forced herself out of the daze and jerked back abruptly, almost stumbling as she took the step back.
"Shimako-san, the rosary—"
"We did the ritual here, didn't we?" the question was posed suddenly, as if the movements from her soeur weren't surprising at all. She let her hand fall and looked up at a sun just past its high point. Above the branches, it shone brightly in the blue sky and stretched out to infinity with radiant arms. "Well, it was raining that day but your warmth was there for me to embrace. The sky's cleared, the weather's beautiful, and you're still standing with me underneath this tree. It must have been difficult for you."
"N-No, it wasn't a problem. More importantly..." Noriko decided to seize the opportunity before it slipped away again. She composed herself and carefully removed the rosary, sweeping the ends of her short black hair. The ornament was symbolic of the bond between soeurs; in fact, Lillian tradition dictated that a young woman pass it down to an underclassman she chose to guide through high school. Shimako had been reluctant about giving her the rosary, not wanting to be put in a situation where she'd have to choose between Noriko or the student council. In the end, Noriko had offered to carry it only with the intention of relieving Shimako of its emotional burden. To the younger girl the rosary stood a task to complete, and she held it out completed to her soeur.
"I'm not giving it back in that way," she clarified when Shimako fixed her with a quizzical look. "That'd be too cruel. I just don't like the idea that this rosary is the only proof of us, especially now that you're no longer attached to Lillian. In fact, thinking that we need something like this annoys me. I believe that our memories should be more than enough to serve that purpose, but clearly it's something that's still important to you and I accept that." Noriko took a breath, hoping that she didn't get the wrong message across. The last thing she wanted was for Shimako to think she was tired of holding her burden for her; an intention to break off all connections wasn't very high on the list either.
But Shimako seemed satisfied and accepted the rosary graciously. Her smile was faint as she held the cross to her chest. Having been the one to lend it, she was also the only one who would have understood the gesture. "Thank you. You're right as always; I'd like to think of us like that too, without something material to represent us. It's just that my weak little self refuses to let go of this precious item, and that makes it difficult to believe that I've grown at all."
Every time she looked like that, an unpleasant feeling always welled up in her stomach. Noriko wasn't one to just sit and let it gnaw at her. "No, you've changed since then," the younger girl insisted. "I wouldn't have given it back to you if you hadn't. I'm the one who's weird, not wanting a memento of these past two years. Well, feeling no need for it, but it's normal for people to reflect on the ones who've touched them. You can't say you're weak just because you don't want to let go of that important time. In fact, you're strong enough now that I know it won't be able to weigh you down. That's why you accepted the rosary just now, wasn't it? Because you've moved on from that moment of sadness?"
To her surprise, Shimako shook her head. She placed a hand on Noriko's shoulder and smiled. "While it's true that it no longer saddens me, the reason I accepted it is because you held onto it all this time. It doesn't just hold the memories of my Oneesama; within this rosary also lies your feelings. It won't be heavy anymore because I'll draw strength from the times you've supported me."
Noriko blushed. "Shimako-san, the things you say can be really embarrassing sometimes."
"Are they?" Her eyes twinkled and Noriko couldn't resist a laugh, cut short it was when a blur of hair filled her vision and pulled her close. The feeling of their chests against each other, her shoulders encircled within Shimako's reach, the sight of her slender neck against the cream-coloured collar; she'd experienced it all but there was something different about this particular embrace. It was something that Noriko accepted easily and she maneuvered her arms around the taller girl's waist.
"Thank you for looking after me up until now."
'Right. That was why...'
"I don't intend to stop either," Noriko reminded her.
"No, I wasn't expecting it of you."
"That's why I won't care if you enter a convent. I'll still be there for you." Shimako hummed in approval and Noriko closed her eyes, feeling the vibrations against her cheek. These were needless words and saying them made her feel conflicted, but she was never the type to hold her tongue. She breathed out and pulled back to look the other girl in the eyes, those beautiful eyes that always gazed so lovingly at her. No matter what the future had in store, Noriko was certain that the feeling would remain.
"Because you're an important person to me. And frankly," she added, "you look like you'll still need my help every now and then."
"You say it so matter-of-factly," teased Shimako. "Are you sure you're not just worried about yourself?"
"Oh, I always have my self-interests in mind," Noriko reassured her. "It's just that I'll have yours there too. I promise."
She laughed in that gentle way of hers and pulled back from the tangle of arms. "Is that all you have to say?" And when the brunette turned to move out of her grasp, Noriko had to fight down the urge to make her arms go rigid. She would have had no problem staying like that for a while longer. "Because in that case, we should get going now. It's not getting late, but would you like to stop by the city for a little date? I've already told my father that I would be spending a few hours with you."
"Yes! Of course!" Noriko replied eagerly, forgetting about the moment's disappointment. A date with one of the Roses was something most girls at Lillian could only dream about, and she always looked forward to spending one with Shimako. Then she caught sight of her dark sleeve. "Erm, in these clothes?" She indicated the fabric with an upturned wrist.
Shimako brought a hand to her chin in thought. "You're right, we'll have to change first or... Noriko, I was at your place for a sleepover last time, yes? Did I happen to leave a change of clothes then?"
'Last time was...' Noriko's attempts to keep at bay the mental images were a failure. She easily recalled the way the moonlight had illuminated the older girl's face, itself frozen in a sleeper's tranquility. It was a breath-taking picture that had her captured for a good five minutes. 'This is not the time to be thinking about that.' "Umm... I'm not sure at all, but I can easily lend you something."
A nod. Shimako knelt down to retrieve her graduation stroll, this time keeping in mind the state of her skirt. The black container was given a nice dusting off before she looped the rosary securely under its lid. "I hope I won't be intruding," she added, looking up apologetically. She worried quite a bit about impressions, even if they were far removed from the first. Noriko's interest in Buddhist statues had helped her get along with Shimako's father fairly quickly, but Shimako always insisted bringing over a gift every time she visited.
"Shimako-san..." Noriko sighed in a playfully exasperated way. She offered a hand and helped the other girl properly to her feet. "My Aunt's already said that you're welcome over any time, remember?"
"And I should be thankful that I have you to remind me." She smiled and the younger of the two was torn between returning it or blushing. She ended up doing both and Shimako stifled a laugh with her hand. "Shall we go? It may be a while before Maria-sama here hears my prayers so let's make it a good memory."
'Maria-sama?'
And as if she had forgotten something, Shimako's gray orbs drifted over to the tree with a small 'oh'. Noriko watched as she placed her hand gently on it and traced an invisible picture in its bark. Her eyes half-closed and the angelic smile touching her lips were products of reminiscence, and it filled Noriko's heart with joy to know that she could share the memory with her Oneesama. No, they didn't need something as trivial as the soeur system to keep them together—that was another thing. They didn't even need it to bring them together in the first place. They could reach out for each other while holding onto their memories, drawing strength from those precious days to come.
It wasn't difficult at all. They would make good memories.
And Noriko wasn't about to let this opportunity slip past her again.
Her hand clasped over the wrist against the tree and before Shimako had time to question what was happening, Noriko kissed her. It was nothing—if anything, an incredibly brief brush across her lips—but such knowledge did not help lessen the intense shades of red that dominated her features. Noriko pulled back quickly, waving her hands about as Shimako stared in stunned silence.
"N-No, you see, I... No, what I mean is... I-I'm sorry, I've always wanted to do that once—for some time now, actually. I didn't want to have any regrets about it." Her heart was hammering painfully and she was trying to look anywhere but directly at Shimako. An innocent kiss in a place that was so sacred to them; that was how she'd wanted it so she really shouldn't be feeling so embarrassed afterwards. No, it was normal for a girl to be embarrassed about kissing someone. Yes, hers was a perfectly normal reaction. Was it also normal, then, to feel this happy about it?
Noriko really couldn't care either way.
She hurriedly grabbed her discarded book bag. "C'mon, Shimako-san. We still have the rest of the afternoon ahead of us." Keeping her eyes to the side, she took hold of Shimako's hand again and led her out of their little garden. She could still hear the blood rushing in her ears and Shimako was slightly dragging behind her. The fact that the older girl had yet to speak was unsettling but it was also the best way to deal with the situation. After all, what she just did was perhaps completely unorthodox to the Shimako who followed Catholicism. That said, it didn't seem like something that could jeopardize their relationship; it was more out of curiosity than anything, something to satisfy that part of her that had been so dumbstruck that day. And if Shimako had anything negative to say about it...
Still, it was the first of their new memories.
"Noriko."
The statue of the Virgin was far behind them when Shimako finally made the request to stop. Noriko tried to keep her calm as she faced the other girl and found her with her eyes angled downward, the corners of her mouth lifting in a small smile. She hung her bag in front of her, almost in a chaste sort of manner. Rosa Gigantea en bouton was usually pretty perceptive, but she wasn't sure this time what to make of that expression. Besides, she was too busy being conscious of the lingering taste on her lips, too distracted by how much like a doll the other girl looked in Lilian's old-fashioned uniform.
Kiss aside, this was really starting to become a troublesome habit of hers.
"Shimako-san?"
She was still clutching her scroll, the rosary, close to her chest. "I was trying to tell you earlier, but I wasn't sure if it was the right time to do so." Shimako looked up and that hesitant smile was gone now, replaced by one that shone from her heart. "I've decided not to enter a convent. It's something that I've already discussed with my father and the sisters here. They agreed with my decision."
"Eh?" Why was she suddenly telling her this? No, that had an obvious answer. Instead, she focused on the words 'right' and 'time'; neither of them made much sense and when she tried to make them fit, the result demanded red. 'No, not because of the kiss. That would be really petty. And, besides, she just said it's been discussed beforehand so it definitely wouldn't be the kiss.' "But, Shimako-san, what about your dream? It's something that you've wanted ever since you were young, right?"
"Dreams can change," she answered simply before pulling closer. She transferred the cylindrical container to her other hand and held onto Noriko's, threading their fingers together without a second thought. "There are some things that can't be sacrificed." She leaned into the smaller girl and whispered softly into her ear, "And I'm grateful to you for helping me see that."
Embarrassing it was, but at the same time Noriko couldn't keep from returning the smile.
Reflecting on those earlier thoughts made her feel like a kid. Last time they stood before the Virgin Mary? Last time they walked through the forest of ginkgoes? Shimako said so herself: It would be a while before they returned, but it wasn't as if Lillian was closed to them forever. High school was a period of unforgettable experiences and hers weren't even over yet. The pressure of entrance exams, her responsibilities as Rosa Gigantea, her friends, and her own petite soeur were waiting for her next month. She still had a long way to go, yet Noriko was confident that one day, years from now, she would meet Maria-sama once more underneath the cherry blossoms.
She squeezed Shimako's hand. There was really nothing more that needed to be said.
Note: This is the first fanfic I've published in nearly four years so forgive me if my style's a little rough. I was overcome with this sudden desire to just write and publish something a week ago and this ended up the result: a big jumbled mess. The tendency to over-explain things is a habit of mine whenever I dip into a new fandom, and I'm only familiar with the three anime series in this case. I have some knowledge as to what happens in the novels, but it's more of an overview than anything. Reviews are appreciated, even more so if they are on the side of constructive criticism, but that doesn't mean I won't accept flames complaining about how this story claws at everything and touches nothing. Gack. I comfort myself with a reminder that it's more an extract of their lives than anything. Comments about any possible OOC-ness are welcome too and might help if I try another Marimite fic.
Written: August 04 2008 - August 14 2008.