Obvious, Unnecessary Disclaimer: I don't own Eva. You know this. I know this. Everyone knows this.
A/N: Trying to keep characters in character (Rei especially). The main change I'm going to focus on is creating connection between Rei and Shinji that is much stronger than the original and then watch how it affects the rest of the story. Lots of intro-musings and exploring the characters' thoughts. The story gets better as it goes, though the writing style stays the same. Obvious eventual SxR pairing. This is my first fic, so I would REALLY appreciate any reviews and feedback you would leave for me, good or bad. I may go back and revise segments as this story continues. I plan for this to be a relatively long fic, so any support is appreciated.
Check my profile for information on future updates.
Prologue
A dull, constant roar permeated the air, even through the shabby walls that made Rei Ayanami's tattered apartment. Rain was a funny thing. A single raindrop would make a delicate splash as it landed, but in the torrential downpour that soaked Japan, the sound effectively shattered the silence of all but the most sheltered places.
But it is still... beautiful.
Soft lights shone through, distorted from the sky's tears, ineffectively trying to light up the darkness of night that had settled over a peaceful Tokyo-3. Water clung to the blurry glass that she stood in front of, still as a statue but for the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed and just as silent. It had been raining all day. Despite the maelstrom outside, she felt very much at ease.
Is this… contentment?
Rei, who had little to do outside her normal routine, had spent most of the day simply staring out the windows, watching the wind and rain twist and turn as it flooded the empty streets. The rain didn't bother her; in fact she mildly enjoyed watching the rain plummet from the sky, the crispness of the air, the smell of the rain meeting the dirty streets, and the constant sound that somehow seemed less empty than the usual silence or unrelenting clamber of construction crews. It brought in her an odd sense of what she supposed was peace, despite the ever-present emptiness that came with her isolation.
Alone.
Ever since she was very young, she had always been alone. Commander Ikari had thoroughly shaped the environment around her, molding her into the strange young girl she had become. She was a tool, for the sole purpose of initiating Third Impact and granting Commander Ikari's dream of being reunited with his lost wife, but she didn't mind it; she knew nothing else. To her, the brief flashes of emotion she had witnessed in him had anchored her, reaffirming her purpose.
Concern for another.
The only person to ever show care for her was the Commander. So she lived to fulfill the purpose laid out for her. The few bonds that she had with others, she cherished deeply.
It wasn't that she hadn't encountered other beings to interact with, but rather that her soft yet direct manner of communication didn't suit for conversation. With one outstanding exception, people simply ignored her, mildly disturbed by the emotionless tones with which she spoke and her expression that was so utterly devoid of emotion. They gave her space, and she saw no reason to seek otherwise. Even so, she wasn't without emotion (despite what her appearance and actions may have suggested), she was just very good at controlling and tempering her mind, will, and feelings (though she hadn't experienced many). She blocked out what wasn't needed, and focused what was useful.
Unnecessary.
Like her speech patterns and expressions, the rest of her life was made up of the necessities and nothing more. Comfort was essentially unnecessary. Isolation was the most efficient method of accomplishing what needed to be done, with no extra connections or bonds to get in the way. She ate instant meals that provided her the nutrition she required in a time-conserving manner, taste or variety being inconsequential. Cleaning her apartment beyond what basic functionality required was extraneous. She passed her time reading instructional manuals and textbooks, meditating, training herself, or simply staring into space.
Lightning split the sky, briefly illuminating the towering city and casting flickering black shadows into the disorderly living quarters behind her. The walls were plain, showing signs of deterioration and decay. The bed in the corner was unmade. Dirty dishes stacked high from the sink in the kitchen, which was otherwise nearly untouched and consequently coated in a thick layer of dirt and dust (much like the rest of the abode). But it didn't even occur to her to change the situation.
One… two… th— BOOOOOOOOM…. The contents and walls of the barely-stable complex shook as thunder rolled through them.
A small, black cellphone began to ring, conquering the roar of the rain as it danced across the desk against the wall. The azure-headed teen snapped her arm left to where it lay within arm's reach and answered it as she continued to gaze through the sliding glass door and into the storm
She waited.
"It's time."
"Yes," she replied softly to the Commander's cold voice on the other end, and with that she briskly walked out the door, stuffed full of unopened mail, and into the chaotic storm as she began the short trip to NERV. It was time to activate Unit 00.
]|[
Pain.
Intense, crippling, mind-shattering pain. Pain so strong that it blocked out everything else, tingeing her vision red and causing her ears to ring unpleasantly.
Rei was no stranger to pain. With all the experiments and accidents that occurred because of them, you might say she and pain were the best of friends. But even with her iron-will and steel-grip on her mind and body, even she could not keep from tensing her entire body and gripping the white satin sheets with all her might, a soft cry escaping her contorted mouth, as she surfaced from the dark pool of unconsciousness. Her eyes were squeezed shut. A single tear slid slowly down her pale cheek as she fought to gain a measure of control over her unwilling body and clung desperately to consciousness.
Slowly, her breathing began to stabilize as she methodically relaxed her entire body, simultaneously reducing the pain and discovering the worst of her injuries. The pain killers were beginning to kick in. She let her eyes crawl open, dim light creeping in and revealing a pristine white ceiling. Sound came to her next. People shuffling about and quietly communicating as they tried to keep her stable. The soft beep of a pulse monitor. The sickening drip of an IV, supplying a precious trickle of nutrients and pain killers.
…Why?
Memories trickled slowly through the disorienting pain killers swimming through her brain as she tried to recall what brought her to current… situation.
]|[
Rei Ayanami, the First Child, had been sitting quietly in the entry plug of the giant mecha, absently tuning out the various technicians' reports and commands as they began the test. Synchronizing with an EVA was an odd feeling, as the massive beings of destruction had a rather compelling mind of their own, held back only by many mental and physical restraints in the form of vibrantly colored armor. Standing taller than most small buildings, their distinctly humanoid figure and terrifying size invoked the appropriate amount of fear into those that worked near them. NERV was playing with fire, and they knew it.
Pain.
She gripped her head, breaking away from her reverie as a crippling pain split through her head. In the background technicians and scientists were shouting, though she only barely recognized their cries at the time.
"...the pulses are flowing backward!"
Unit 00 began thrashing and pulling free of its bindings.
"Berserker!"
"Disconnect the power!"
Rei felt her mind diverge completely from the furious, raging beast as it began to tear apart and smash the giant test chamber, aiming for the tinted window looking into the small command center. Commander Ikari stood motionless even as fists the size of large rooms pounded into the orange-colored window, denting and filling it with spider-web cracks, unable to break through. The beast roared in rage and ejected the rocket-propelled entry plug.
Were it not for the LCL dampening the barrage of impacts as the plug slammed around the chamber, the First Child would quickly have become no more, like a small animal shaken to death. The entire sequence played slowly for her, as she felt each impact shake her sleight frame, each bruise and cut form, each bone break from the cushioned impacts. The ten seconds that the plug bounced around the chamber felt like minutes.
Several extremely tense seconds after the plug touched down in the corner of the room, the giant Eva powered down, its fist resting in a crater it had created in the wall just moments earlier.
Chaos.
The command center was a hurricane of shouting technicians and scientists, but the Commander had an uncharacteristic concern coloring his features as he dashed into the test chamber, making his way to the super-heated entry plug resting at the far corner of the room.
"GYAAAHHHHH" Jumping back, Ikari released the emergency manual exit handles of the entry plug as they blistered through his pristine white gloves, searing his hands. He grit his teeth and tried again, shouting once more as he turned the handles and hoisted the small door open, his glasses falling to the LCL soaked ground at his feet, cracking the lenses.
Rei looked up slowly, nearly unconscious from pain, meeting the commanders cobalt eyes, reading the concern that shaped his features as they reshaped into relief. She passed out soon after.
]|[
Peace.
Despite the incredible pain she was in, these memories brought her a certain level of contentment.
To be needed.
It was a pleasant notion. I am needed. Having purpose was comforting, a path in the forest of life to give you direction rather than just wandering, existing merely for the sake of existing. As her thoughts danced through these ideas, she drifted into a fitful sleep.
]|[
"Rei…. Rei!"
She stirred, still in a haze of pain. Only a few days had passed since the failed activation, most of which she'd spent sleeping; trying to gain what little relief she could from the constant discomfort.
The Commander. "Yes?" she replied softly.
"The backup turned out to be useless. Try again." Commander Gendo Ikari intoned emotionlessly through a small com system adjacent to the hospital bed.
"Yes sir." Obey orders. Always.
Her features contorted gently as she slowly slid out of the hospital bed, moving towards the plug suit across the room, half folded and hanging slightly over the edge of a small table. Determination. Each step felt like she was lifting lead, sharp stabs of pain assaulting her. Her gaze clouded and her ears began to ring as she slowly made her way to the plug suit. A nurse cursed and helped her across the room as she clung desperately to her consciousness, fighting back the pain that threatened to overtake her.
Her mind drifted into a stupor as she was undressed and then helped into her plug suit, then rolled on a gurney, each bump and rattle spiking her pain and pushing her will to its limits.
How long can I keep this up?
She focused on breathing and relaxing her body as she was wheeled to the EVA cages, battling pain the entire way. She would push the pain back, gaining more control of her body for a few moments only to have the pain spike at the next door threshold or quake from the attacking angel, nearly overcoming her will. The thirty second journey felt like it would never end.
Finally, Rei exclaimed softly in pain as she was wheeled across the connecting bridge leading to the entry plugs. Sounds blasted around her, incoherent through the fog of unconsciousness that she was desperately fighting back. As she passed a slight figure, shorter than the others and standing near the center of the bridge, she felt something. Time seemed to slow down as she took in his presence. He was a small framed boy, certainly not unattractive, with dark hair. Their eyes met, crimson and cobalt, and a jolt passed through her, neither pleasant nor distasteful, seeming to rise from her gut.A bond, she thought through her tenuous grasp on consciousness.
BOOOOOOOOOM. Technicians and staff scrambled as a giant quake shook the facility, sending anyone without something to grab onto tumbling to the floor, including Rei. If the trip here had challenged her pain tolerance, it was nothing as to now. The gurney crashed to the floor, overshadowed completely by the ear shattering thunder of the angel's attack, and her body landed hard on the metal walkway, several of her more serious wounds re-opening. The haze of pain flooded over her, blinding her senses, as she desperately tried to stay sane.
Touch. The boy picked her up, the strange feeling that jolted through her just moments before returning to the points of contact where their bodies met and spreading slightly, though the sensation was almost entirely overshadowed by the pain threatening to take her under at any second. Moments passed before she unclenched her eyes, finding the boy staring at her.
Unfamiliar emotion.
Something was different about his eyes. His features were arranged in a way that would almost indicate pain, but not quite. His eyes were filled with an emotion foreign to her, and had she been slightly more coherent she might have so uncharacteristically inquired to discover more, but she was at her limit.
"ALRIGHT! FINE!" the boy half-screamed, his voice breaking in despair. "I'll do it, I'll pilot the EVA!"
Gendo nodded from the observation room near the top, a cruel, thin, smile touching his features momentarily, gesturing to some of the staff.
The First Child finally lost her grip on the pain and slipped into unconsciousness.
]|[
To be continued...
A/N: Prologue to set the ground work. It's all pretty basic background information that anyone who has seen Eva probably knows, but still necessary in my opinion. I needed to drop a few hints and make a few changes to play off of for the next chapter. If you notice any grammatical errors or anything of the like, send me a pm or tell me in a review and I will correct them ASAP.
Last revision: 1/6/2012